Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  “Shit!” Mark yelled, confused.

  “What happened?” asked Heather from the kitchen.

  “I don’t know. The VCR just shut off for some reason.”

  “That’s weird. It’s a pretty new VCR,” she said as she walked back in to examine it herself.

  I went into the kitchen and saw the popcorn cooking in the microwave. I hit ‘stop’ and put it back in for 10 minutes. How would you like some burnt popcorn, Heather? I tried to think of some better ideas as I heard Heather shriek. I ran back into the living room.

  She was standing in front of a broken vase on the floor. I could tell that it was Ethan’s doing by the mischievous look on his face. I couldn’t help laughing.

  “Damn it, Mark! That was in our family for generations! My mom’s going to kill me! Be more careful!” Heather yelled.

  “I wasn’t even near it!” he said.

  “Whatever. I’ll go get a broom.”

  I followed her back through the kitchen and to the garage. Once she was inside, I quietly turned out the light then shut and locked the door. Enough of the silly pranks. It was time to really scare her.

  As I turned around and waited, I noticed a picture of a couple on the kitchen hutch. Once I took a closer look, I noticed it was a prom picture of her and Ethan. All I could do was stare at it. It felt so strange to see a picture of Ethan alive, smiling and with his arms around Heather. I felt so envious of her because she got to be with Ethan in the real world, the living world. My thoughts were soon interrupted by the sounds of Heather trying to open the door.

  “Mark! Mark, let me in! I’m not in the mood for games right now!”

  Mark took his time coming to her rescue while Ethan followed behind him. Heather became more and more frantic until Mark finally opened the door.

  “Why did you do that?” she yelled, tears forming in her eyes. Ethan looked concerned.

  “I didn’t do anything,” he said as he put his arms around her.

  Ethan walked over to me. “I think that’s enough, Sarah.”

  “I know. I shouldn’t have done that. She’s really upset…although she does deserve it. By the way, she still has your prom picture out.”

  He stared at it for a moment, and then he smiled. “I’m ready to go. She really hurt me, but I realize more than ever that I’m over her. Only I want to say goodbye somehow.”

  “Is something burning?” Mark asked.

  “The popcorn!” Heather yelled, panicking.

  As they walked over to the microwave, Ethan picked up the prom picture. He walked into the living room and placed the picture in the middle of the loveseat before Heather and Mark headed back in as well.

  “You want me to make some more popcorn?” Mark asked.

  “No, I’m not really hungry now. No more scary movies tonight either,” she said, still dabbing her eyes.

  As they came close to the loveseat, Heather froze. She stared at Mark in disbelief.

  “Where did that come from?” Mark asked.

  Heather was silent for a moment and then started breathing heavily. “It’s him.”

  “What? You mean Ethan?” Mark asked.

  “Yes!”

  Mark’s face went pale while he stared at the picture. “Well, I can understand why he’d be pissed.”

  Heather looked guilty. “Ethan, are you here?”

  Mark rolled his eyes.

  Heather continued, “Give me another sign if you are really here.”

  I could tell she was scared, but she wanted to know. I looked at Ethan, anxiously wondering what he would do, but he didn’t move.

  “He’s not answering,” Mark interrupted.

  “Be quiet, Mark!” Heather scolded. She sat down on the loveseat and picked up their picture.

  “Ethan…if you are here, I need to tell you something.” She started to cry again. “I need to tell you that I’m sorry.”

  Tears were forming in Ethan’s eyes as he stared at her. I held my breath as he slowly walked over to her. He leaned down, gently pushed her hair aside, and kissed her on her forehead. Heather felt it and she gasped. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she let out a short laugh of relief.

  “What happened?” Mark asked.

  “I think he forgave me,” she answered.

  I was tearing up too. I couldn’t help it. Ethan was content, though. He walked back to me and took my hand. “Let’s go,” he said.

  We closed our eyes and imagined ourselves out of the house, but we didn’t know where to go next. I needed to relax, and I was ready to get away from people for a while. Ethan seemed to read my mind.

  “I know a cool place you would enjoy,” he said.

  I looked at him suspiciously then closed my eyes and let him lead the way.

  I was surprised at where we ended up. “An old Hollywood hotel?” I asked.

  “There’s a lot of history here,” he said, “and a lot of famous spirits.”

  I smiled. “Interesting, but what are we going to do here?”

  He winked at me. “Get a room.”

  I was suddenly nervous. I halted as Ethan tried to pull on my hand to walk with him.

  “Don’t worry,” he laughed. “I just thought we could find a room to relax in, but we might run into Marilyn Monroe in the hallway.”

  “Well…it would be nice to meet Marilyn.” I played along, although I was still nervous.

  I followed him through the beautiful lobby, which I could tell had been recently renovated. Ethan was right. I could feel spiritual activity all around me. It helped us feel less alone.

  We managed to find a vacant room with a view of the city. Ethan was about to turn on the lights, but I stopped him. I just wanted to stand by the window and take in the view. I needed some darkness. I needed time to reflect on everything that had been happening.

  Ethan stood behind me and put his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. I sighed and looked at him.

  “Are you trying to seduce me?” I asked. All of a sudden I realized, “Wait a minute. Is that even possible?” I asked him.

  He started laughing. If I could see him well enough in the darkness, I’d bet he was also blushing.

  “It’s more spiritual than physical, because that’s what we are now,” he explained.

  I turned around to face him. “I’m still trying to comprehend all of this. I still have so many questions. Half of them I’ve been afraid to ask.”

  “You’ll ask when you’re ready,” he assured me.

  I walked over to the bed and sat down cross-legged. I looked at Ethan in the pale light that shined in from the window. I was determined not to be afraid. I was ready for some answers.

  “I’m ready now,” I told him.

  He sat down across from me and waited.

  “What’s going to happen to me, Ethan?”

  He paused as if he didn’t want to tell me, and then he looked at me very seriously. “Pretty soon you will be…invited.” I could tell this thought upset him.

  “Invited?” I asked.

  “In your case, I’m sure you’ll be invited by the light and not…the darkness.”

  I shuddered at that thought.

  “I’m not completely innocent,” I confessed.

  “You don’t have to be. Nobody is. But I know good from evil, and so do you. You know you’re not evil, Sarah.”

  “What about you? Haven’t you been invited yet?”

  “Yes, many times, but I chose not to go yet.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just knew that it wasn’t time for me yet. I could feel it. Or maybe I was just being stubborn.”

  I decided at that moment that I would not go either, not without Ethan, not even if my sister were on the other side. Would she be there?

  “Do you think my sister’s spirit might be roaming like us?” I asked him.

  “I can’t answer that. Most of us don’t continue to hang around. We might hold on for a while, but eventually realize that we need to m
ove on, rather than remaining caught between two worlds.”

  I lay down on the bed and tried to make sense of it all.

  Ethan lay down beside me and held my hand. “Are you OK?” he asked.

  “OK? I’m far from OK, Ethan. I’m dead.”

  I started to cry again as Ethan squeezed my hand.

  “What I do know for sure, though, is that I’m staying with you,” I told him.

  “Sarah…”

  I could tell he was about to try to talk me out of it for my own good. I wasn’t going to let him. I repeated firmly, “I’m staying with you, Ethan.”

  7. The Unexpected

  She wanted to stay with me. Why was this a dilemma? I wanted her to stay. I was in love with her. That I knew for sure. But where would we go from here? I didn’t want her to refuse the light like I had, so I’d have to convince her to go, and I would go with her.

  I held her in my arms while she rested on the bed. I never really understood before why I couldn’t go into the light, why I chose to remain a wandering spirit. Finally, I understood.

  I whispered in her ear, “I was waiting for you.”

  She turned around to face me and looked me in the eyes. She didn’t speak, but she didn’t have to. We both felt it. We both understood. Nothing would keep us apart now.

  “You don’t have to stay here with me, Sarah. I’m going with you when you go into the light.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “What if I’m not?”

  “Then we’ll wait until you are. This is no kind of existence, though. You have to understand that.”

  “Will I be able to see people like we do now?”

  “I don’t think so, but I believe you will be able to remember them. You’ll be able to take all the good memories and love with you. I felt that when the light was inviting me.”

  “What will it be like for us?”

  “I don’t know, but it will be like heaven,” I added with a chuckle.

  “I like how we are now.”

  “You don’t want to stay like this, Sarah. We would always feel like outsiders, who are lost and unfulfilled. I’ve been like this for a year, and it sucks.” I had to be blunt with her. She needed to understand.

  She was in deep thought for a few minutes and then said, “I want to see my parents tomorrow. I know it will be hard, but I need to see them.”

  “OK. You know I’ll be there with you.”

  We close our eyes until dawn.

  When I awoke, Sarah was leaning against the wall and staring out the window.

  “I couldn’t rest,” she told me. “Too much anxiety.”

  I nodded with understanding.

  “Look down there at the pool, Ethan. There’s a lady there who has been walking around for hours. She’s one of us, isn’t she?”

  I looked out the window. There was a spirit wandering around the pool. She was blonde and voluptuous, wearing a 1950’s style dress and a shawl. She was carrying her heels in her hand. She looked very beautiful and very sad.

  “Just like I was telling you, Sarah. It’s a sad existence. You always feel alone.”

  “But I have you,” she said as she wrapped her arms around me and smiled. “So do you think she’s someone famous?”

  “Yep. That’s Marilyn.”

  Sarah’s house was just as I had imagined it. Sweet, unpretentious, comfortable, and inviting, just like Sarah. Her parents weren’t home, but her dog was thrilled to see her.

  “Blondie!” She kneeled down to pet and kiss her. I had never seen a dog so happy to see a spirit.

  Sarah started to cry. “This is going to be harder than I thought.”

  “Are you sure you want to see them right now? Seeing the pain they are going through will be horrible.”

  “I know, but I need to see them.”

  She led me upstairs. There were pictures of her and her family all over the wall. They were such a happy family. I couldn’t imagine how her parents could deal with losing both their daughters.

  Sarah looked so cute in the pictures. One of the frames showed a display of her school picture from every year, so you could see her progression from a pig-tailed little girl, to a young teenager with braces, and then the young lady she was now. There were two empty spots for her last two years of high school. It crushed me to realize the remaining spots would never be filled.

  Once we were upstairs, Sarah showed me where Alexis’ room was.

  “I would move to a new house if I were them,” Sarah said. She tried not to cry again. “I mean, what are they going to do now? Close up both rooms and continue to walk by them every day?”

  “This is my room,” she said as she led me in. “I already feel like it was someone else who lived here.”

  I took it all in. I loved everything about her. I smiled at the posters on her wall, dirty clothes thrown around, pictures and mementos attached to her mirror. I wished so badly we could have known each other while we were alive.

  She attempted to lighten the mood. “So, you want to haunt any of my ex-boyfriends?”

  “Well, I’ve never been the jealous type, but I’m envious that they got to be with you in the land of the living.”

  “But I never felt like this about them,” she said softly as she moved closer to me.

  She kissed me softly on the lips. I kissed her back more passionately, but our moment was stopped short.

  “Blondie?” a woman yelled from downstairs. “Blondie, where are you?”

  Blondie ran out of the room to go greet her while Sarah suddenly looked panicked. “It’s my mom.”

  I touched her cheek. “You’ll be OK. I’m right here with you.”

  “What if she can see me?”

  “That would be a good thing then, right?”

  “I guess. Either she’ll be happy to see me, scared to death, or think she’s going crazy.”

  I waited patiently. This had to be Sarah’s choice.

  “Let’s go,” she said.

  It was clear that her mom couldn’t see us, but it seemed like she could somehow sense our presence. Occasionally she would glance over her shoulder as if she knew we were there.

  All Sarah could do was silently watch her, with tears rolling down her cheek. She missed her mother terribly. She watched her go through the mail, feed the dog, and put a few groceries away.

  “Life goes on without us, doesn’t it?” Sarah asked me, but I didn’t need to answer. “I wonder if they’ve had my funeral yet.”

  “Are you saying you would want to go?” I asked. I didn’t know how she would be able to take that. I wished I hadn’t gone to mine.

  “No, absolutely not,” she answered.

  We were startled by her father coming home as well. He put down his briefcase before walking over to her mother and kissing her on the cheek.

  “How are you doing, honey?” he asked her.

  “As good as I can be, I guess. I’ll be ready to go in a few minutes,” she told him. “I just want to change clothes first.”

  I liked her parents immediately. I could tell they were good people, and they obviously raised Sarah well. They sure as hell didn’t deserve this.

  They headed upstairs while we waited. I put my arm around Sarah and rubbed her shoulder. We could still hear them once they were upstairs. Her mom asked, “Hey sweetie, were you in Sarah’s room this morning?”

  “Shit! I left the door open!” Sarah said in a panic.

  “No. Why?” her father asked.

  “The door is open,” her mother explained.

  “That’s strange,” he said.

  We continued to wait. I wondered how long Sarah would want to visit them. It was bittersweet to watch. I was happy that she could spend time with them, even in a warped way, but I felt her pain, knowing that she could never really be with them again.

  Soon they descended down the stairs. They were dressed more comfortably.

  “I wonder where they’re going?” a
sked Sarah. “Let’s follow them. I mean, we’ll go with them.”

  I reluctantly followed her out to their car, and we climbed into the backseat. It felt so strange, like I was intruding on her parents’ privacy as they conversed with each other, having no idea we were with them.

  “Still no change?” her father asked.

  She shook her head. “No,” she said as I noticed her eyes beginning to water. He put his hand on her knee.

  Sarah looked at me, confused.

  “I’m not going in to work tomorrow. Wall Street can manage without me,” her father said.

  Her mother put her hand on his. They spoke no more until we arrived at a hospital.

  “This is the hospital where my mom works. She’s a nurse,” Sarah explained. She shrugged her shoulders. “They’re making a stop here for some reason.”

  “You want to wait here?” I asked.

  She thought for a moment. “No, let’s follow them in. I knew my mom’s co-workers pretty well, so it would be cool to see them.”

  “OK, but remember there’s a lot of spiritual activity in hospitals. It can be pretty emotional,” I warned her.

  “I think I can handle it at this point,” she said with a wink.

  We followed Sarah’s parents through the hospital. Most of the staff knew them, whose names I learned were Mitchell and Melinda. Sarah said she liked to call them ‘M&M’.

  Everyone greeted them sympathetically. They obviously knew about Sarah. Nobody noticed us, except for some of the patients. They were the ones who were close to the end, more open to our presence. The spirits, however, were everywhere.

  “You were right, Ethan. If only my mom knew how many spirits surrounded her every day,” said Sarah.

  We followed M&M down several halls, then onto the elevator. We shared the elevator with a very elderly woman in a wheel chair, who was accompanied by her nurse. She definitely knew we were there. We could tell by the way she continued to stare at us. She startled us both when she spoke.

  “That’s a beautiful blouse, dear,” the woman said as she looked directly at Sarah. She was a sweet woman with very kind eyes. I wondered who she was, how many people loved and appreciated her, and what kind of life she had.