Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  “You look great,” Veronica told me when she got in the car. “You really need to upgrade your vehicle, though.”

  “You know I’ve always been low-key.”

  “So where is this place?”

  “It’s a bit of a drive, but I think he gave me good directions.”

  “Well, I’m excited to see him play! You haven’t heard any of his music yet?”

  “No,” I answered with a big smile. I couldn’t wait to see him.

  “From what I remember you telling me the other night, after my mind got fuzzy from the drinks…I recall you telling me that you haven’t had sex with him yet. What are you waiting for?”

  I rolled my eyes. “We haven’t been seeing each other long. Besides, the timing hasn’t felt right.”

  “And it won’t be tonight either, with me tagging along.”

  “I wanted you to come with me!”

  “Well, just let me know if you want me to take a hike.”

  I shook my head and concentrated on my directions, but I couldn’t help considering her suggestion.

  When we arrived, I was impressed with the looks of the place. It was really cozy, with dim romantic lighting. The décor was not really modern, but the place certainly wasn’t shabby. The crowd looked pleasing as well. There were enough people, but not too many.

  The host greeted us with a warm smile. “Good evening, ladies,” he said.

  He looked a little eccentric and had slightly long hair pulled back in a pony tail, some of it falling forward, and a gold hoop earring in his left ear. However, he was impeccably dressed in a black suit, white shirt, and a skinny tie.

  “Table for two?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I answered.

  “A table close to the cellist, please,” Veronica intervened.

  “No, I don’t want to make him nervous,” I whispered to her.

  “I can seat you a few tables back,” said our host, obviously having overheard.

  “That would be great,” I told him.

  We followed him to the table, and he handed us our menus. “So, you know Dylan?” he asked.

  “She’s his girlfriend,” said Veronica, smiling at me. I admit that it had a nice ring to it, and I smiled and nodded at the host in agreement.

  “Lucky guy,” he said to me with a flirty smile. “Well, your waiter will be with you in a moment,” he continued, back to business. “Enjoy.”

  “So, where is he?” Veronica asked.

  I looked at my watch. “He should be about to start. I’m so nervous for some reason.” Suddenly I wished I hadn’t driven. I really wanted some wine.

  Within a few minutes, Veronica ordered a glass of Chardonnay while I settled on Ginger Ale, and we decided on seafood appetizers. As I began nibbling on my food, I saw Dylan walk onto the stage, not ready to perform, but to check things out and make sure his cello was ready to go. It took him a moment before he finally saw me, but he smiled when he did, and then walked slowly over to us.

  “Hey,” he said, before kissing me on the cheek.

  He was wearing black slacks and a black long-sleeved shirt, simple but classy. It looked good with his dark hair. He looked and smelled freshly shaven, and I was in love with his cologne. All I could do was smile at him for a moment, until I remembered Veronica.

  “Dylan, you remember Veronica?”

  He put out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Veronica, officially. Hopefully I won’t make a fool of myself like when you first saw me at Bamberger’s.”

  Veronica laughed. “It was a serendipitous moment, since you got to meet Sarah.”

  “I totally agree,” he said, grinning at me.

  “I know you’ll be great. Just pretend I’m not here,” I tried to convince him.

  “Can’t do that when you’re always on my mind,” he said with a wink. “Anyway, looks like we’re ready.” He nodded toward the piano, where his friend was now sitting, waiting to begin. He looked more serious than Dylan, with short blonde hair and glasses. “I hope you enjoy it,” he said to us.

  As I watched him walk on the little stage, Veronica leaned toward me and said jokingly, “He’s too damn good to be true.”

  “I know.”

  As Dylan began to play, it seemed to me that he couldn’t possibly be thinking of me at that moment. It was easy to see that his whole mind, body, and soul were completely in tune with the music he was playing. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

  I didn’t recognize the song, but it was not at all what I had in mind. It didn’t sound anything like the traditional classical music that I was expecting to hear. It was very soulful, almost haunting. It drew me in immediately, and I could tell that it had the same effect on Veronica and the other people in the audience. The music brought tears to my eyes, and I was no longer nervous for him. He was extremely talented.

  As we clapped after his first song, Veronica gave me a look of disbelief. “That was phenomenal.”

  “He’s amazing!”

  Dylan smiled at me as he took a sip of his water. He then thanked the audience. “This next one is a song I wrote years ago, but it’s always been my favorite,” he told them as he smiled softly.

  As he began to play, I was falling in love with his music, just as I was continuing to fall in love with him and want him more than ever. I watched him move his arm and hand in a perfect creation, feeling the rhythm with his body as the music of the piano accompanied his melody. It felt so good and comforting, like I was discovering a part of me that had been lost. Then it hit me.

  “Oh my God,” I said softly.

  “What?” Veronica asked, not hearing exactly what I said.

  I couldn’t answer her. I continued to listen intensely, not believing what I was hearing. It couldn’t be possible. There was no way he could have written the song he was playing.

  “You OK?” Veronica asked.

  I nodded, but didn’t answer her. As soon as the song ended, I got up quickly and grabbed my leopard print handbag, almost knocking over my chair as I rushed to go outside. Veronica followed right behind me.

  I stepped out into the cold air and shivered as I reached into my purse, grabbing my stash of cigarettes and immediately lighting one up.

  “What is wrong with you?” Veronica said with frustration as she grabbed my arm. “And you’re smoking again?”

  I took a long drag and let it out slowly, looking at her for a moment before I could answer. “That song,” I said, shaking my head. “There’s no way he wrote that song.”

  “Why? You’ve heard it before?”

  “Yeah,” I said seriously, tearing up again. I suddenly remembered that I had my iPod in my handbag as well, and I knew exactly what track it was. I pulled it out and handed it to Veronica. “Listen.”

  She looked at me while she put the plugs in her ears and then closed her eyes to listen with more concentration. “Wow. You’re right. He’s singing the same melody that Dylan was playing. Who is it?”

  “It’s Ethan.”

  Veronica looked at me in shock. “I don’t understand. How?”

  “Ethan gave me a tape of him singing and playing his guitar. It was a demo tape, all original music that he had written. I later converted it onto my iPod.”

  “Well, it sounds really similar, but…”

  “It’s exactly the same, Veronica!” I yelled, getting angry. “Don’t blow this off or make excuses! I’ve listened to this song a hundred times! Ethan wrote this song. How can Dylan be up there playing it?”

  Veronica answered calmly, but hesitantly, “Maybe you’re not the only one who has a copy. Maybe it got passed around and then Dylan heard it and subconsciously copied it, or maybe…”

  “Maybe one or both of them are liars?”

  I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Dylan standing behind me.

  “Hey. Are you alright? I saw you rush out a few minutes ago.”

  I stared at him, trying to hide my emotion, but I couldn’t fake a smile. “I’m fine. Tha
nks.”

  He looked at my cigarette curiously. “So, what did you think?”

  Veronica tried to help me out. “We love your music. I’m…in awe. Your songs are beautiful, Dylan.”

  He smiled and then looked at me.

  “I had no idea you were this talented,” I told him, making myself smile again. I wanted some answers, but I decided that my questions could wait. Besides, I didn’t know where to begin. How could I explain to him where I heard the song before?

  “I’m glad you think so. You coming back in?”

  “Sorry, Dylan, but I need to go.”

  “What’s wrong? You said you were fine.”

  Veronica came to my rescue again. “It’s me actually. I forgot I have a super early appointment with a client in the morning. I feel terrible. I could take a taxi…”

  “Oh, no. Sarah should take you home,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment.

  “I’m sorry,” I told him with a look of regret.

  “That’s OK,” he said, forcing a smile. “I gotta get back in there. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He kissed me quickly on the lips, but I barely returned it, and I could tell that he noticed.

  “Bye, Dylan,” I told him.

  Veronica went back inside to take care of the check while I finished my cigarette, and then we left as quickly as possible. I don’t think I said one word on the drive back.

  39. Shot in the Dark

  I sat on the sofa in my apartment, sipping on a beer and trying to make sense of it all. Something was definitely wrong with Sarah. I was sure of that. After she rushed outside following my second song, she was different. She tried to hide it, but she couldn’t. I had never seen her smoke before or try to avoid my gaze. Veronica made up some excuse to leave, and then Sarah hardly returned my kiss. She left me baffled, wondering if I had done something wrong, though I had no idea what. It was either that or something else very disturbing that she wouldn’t share with me.

  I managed to get through the rest of my gig, but my heart wasn’t into it. I didn’t want to continue playing after she left. Since then, I tried calling and texting her numerous times, but she wouldn’t answer. Finally, I sent her a text to let her know I was coming over. She quickly responded and told me not to.

  I threw the phone down. What was her problem? Why wouldn’t she talk to me? I smiled to myself and rolled my eyes. Maybe she just hated my music. I didn’t really believe that, though.

  All I could do was try to get her off my mind, give her some space and let her sleep on it. Maybe she would talk to me in the morning, but I would try to let her make the first move. I didn’t want to be obsessive, even though I was. I had been obsessing over her since the first moment I saw her, and now she was tormenting me.

  I let out a deep breath and went to the fridge for another beer. I was glad that Jake was at his new girlfriend’s place. I didn’t want to deal with him or anybody else. I flipped through the TV stations, but my attention span was short. I finally gave up and went to bed.

  As I lay there drifting off to sleep, I saw another strange vision of Sarah. Many of the visions I had of her were reoccurring, but this one was new. I was looking down on her from up above. She was surrounded by trees, and she was looking around frantically like she was lost. It was how I imagined she would have been after her car accident.

  I climbed down to her, and she smiled at me. She then looked beyond me, fear returning to her face as I saw everything brighten. She covered her eyes a little to shield herself from the blinding light. I started to turn around to see what she was looking at, and she quickly grabbed my arm.

  “No!” she said, trying to pull me back, but I didn’t listen. I turned back around, and although I couldn’t see the light that was shining on her, something was drawing me into the woods behind me.

  I suddenly realized that I was carrying a rifle. It felt strange in my hands, yet natural, like I had shot it before, like I knew what I was doing. I walked as quietly as I could, slowly and with extreme caution, yet excitement. I moved the tree branches aside and tried not to make a sound with my boots. I noticed that I was in camouflage, and I hoped that my heart wasn’t beating as loudly as it seemed.

  Finally I saw her, a doe. I had hoped it would be a buck, but a big doe was good. I raised my rifle with ease. I couldn’t believe how close I was. Surely she would run away any second. I had her in my scope, and I was ready to pull the trigger, but then she looked straight at me. Her big, beautiful eyes mesmerized me, and I couldn’t stop looking at them. I moved my finger away from the trigger and gently lowered my rifle.

  I wanted to get near her, touch her if I could, just like you want to pet a dog, if it would even be possible. I moved in closer, amazed that she was letting me. I took one more step, while the next moment seemed to happen in slow motion. All at once, I heard the deafening sound and felt the excruciating pain that was indescribable. It knocked the wind out of me and made me gasp as I grabbed my chest. Everything went black and then quickly bright again as I opened my eyes wide, still holding my chest and breathing heavily.

  I looked around me, remembering again where I was, in my apartment with the sounds of the TV still blaring from the living room. I sat up on my bed, covered in sweat. After collecting my thoughts, I felt entirely relieved and grateful. I could remember everything. Finally, it all made sense.

  40. Revelation

  I arrived at the gallery bright and early. I cleaned, rearranged, did paperwork, answered e-mails, and everything else I could think of to occupy my mind. I was so confused and frustrated that I didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. I barely acknowledged Patrick and Jessica when they showed up, and I wouldn’t answer my phone when Dylan tried to call me again. I felt guilty for ignoring him, but I didn’t know what to say.

  “You OK?” Patrick finally asked as I continued to clean the floor that wasn’t even dirty.

  “I’m fine,” I said, without bothering to look up at him.

  “You don’t seem fine.”

  I continued to clean, not answering him. He gently grabbed the broom handle, making me stop.

  “Spill.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t even know where to begin, Patrick.”

  “Guy trouble?”

  “You could say that. Sorry, but I don’t want to talk about it, or think about it.”

  “Well, you need to do something besides useless cleaning. Take a break.”

  I exhaled and walked behind the counter to grab my purse. “You’re right. I need to get out of here. I need some time to myself.”

  “We can hold down the fort,” he assured me as Jessica smiled in agreement from across the room.

  I finally gave him a slight smile. “Thanks. Call me if you need me.”

  “No. You should turn off your phone. Forget about everything for a while.”

  I gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. I then waved goodbye to Jessica before I was out the door. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to be distracted. I got in my car and just started driving, and then realized that it wouldn’t hurt to do some shopping. I didn’t like to shop often, so I had a long list.

  I decided to go to the heart of the city and walk around. Maybe I would even discover an extremely talented, starving artist painting beautiful pictures while sitting on the sidewalk. Anything was possible.

  After finally finding a parking space downtown, I looked at my phone again. I was tempted to call Dylan, but I still hesitated. I turned it off and put it in the glove box. Grateful that I hadn’t yet changed out of my jeans and walking shoes, I set out on my day journey. I just wanted to be anonymous and pretend to be a tourist. Everything and everyone else could wait.

  By the early evening, I was wiped out. I had been walking all day. I managed to find some of the clothes and items for the gallery and my apartment that I had been looking for, but I didn’t discover any spectacular artists yet. Mostly I just wandered around, trying to occupy my mind with all the stimuli that I could, but
I didn’t succeed. I still couldn’t stop thinking about Dylan and Ethan, my life now and my life back then, what I wanted and what I had. It all just kept going around in circles in my head.

  I felt silly for running out during Dylan’s performance, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how he could have gotten a hold of that song, along with all the other ‘coincidences’ and strange connections. I needed some answers. I couldn’t keep running away.

  When I got back in my van, I retrieved my phone to check my messages. There were several more missed calls from Dylan and one message. I held my breath as I listened.

  “Sarah,” he said, pausing before he continued. His voice sounded desperate. “I have to see you. I know why you left last night. I can explain everything. Call me…please.” Another pause. “I love you.”

  I sat there flabbergasted as I felt tears in my eyes. He loved me? It seemed strange for him to say those words to me for the first time in a voice message, but they made me feel warm inside.

  I really wanted to call him, but I felt that we needed to see each other. I remembered him telling me that he had to work, so I decided to drive straight to Bamberger’s.

  The place was packed again, with it being Saturday night. I wondered if we would be able to talk if he was this busy, but maybe he could take a break. I didn’t want to wait until he got off, not just because I wanted some answers, but because I couldn’t wait to see him. I loved him too.

  I told the hostess I only wanted to sit at the bar, and then I rushed to the first empty seat I saw. I looked all around, but I didn’t see him. Maybe he was in the back?

  “Hi,” said a cute guy with dark hair and a friendly grin. “You looking for Dylan?”

  “Yes, I am.” I wondered how he knew who I was.

  He put out his hand. “I’m Jake, Dylan’s roommate. I never forget a pretty face.”

  I smiled a little, but I wasn’t in the mood for chitchat. “Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “You too,” he said, continuing to smile at me. “He’s not here, though. He called in sick,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Left me here short-handed.”