Boo Hiss

by Rene Gutteridge

  Willem looked genuinely relieved. “God’s never going to kill all the evil people again?”

  “Nope. In fact, He said that even though we have evil tendencies from childhood, He will never flood the earth again. And you can always believe God’s promises.” The reverend looked down. Oops. He’d forgotten to flip pages. He flipped to the end and pointed to a nice, color-fid drawing of Noah and all the animals standing by the boat with smiles on their faces and a rainbow over their heads. “There’s some puppets waiting downstairs for you in our new children’s area. Go on, now.”

  Willem hopped up, his eyes still wide. He started to walk off, then turned back around and said in a quiet voice, “That was really cool.” Then he walked down the aisle.

  The reverend cleared his throat, stood up and shut the book. “Now, how about some special music?”

  Ainsley worked quietly in the corner while observing Lois’s puppet show. Willem was there by himself, but then a little red-haired girl had joined him. Lois definitely had a gift for puppets, and was thoroughly entertaining the two children. Ainsley had rearranged the food table four times waiting for the crowd to arrive downstairs.

  Thumping down the stairs came Katelyn. “Ainsley, I don’t know what to do. Reverend Peck has gone way over his allotted time.” She looked at the table. “Oh no. See? The ice is melting in the tea. And look. The sandwich bites will get soggy.”

  “What’s the holdup?”

  “He’s just preaching and preaching and preaching. I mean, I’m all for letting God keep me strong while the world around me changes, but people are getting hungry and we have melting ice.”

  Ainsley hadn’t heard any of the sermon. She’d been downstairs preparing the food and drinks.

  Katelyn rushed to the table. “The fruit is getting too juicy. When fruit just sits, it turns to mush.”

  “Why don’t you see what you can do about all this? I’ll be right back.” Ainsley rushed upstairs and entered the sanctuary quietly, taking a seat in the back. The reverend looked like he was still going strong.

  “My friends, the world is always going to offer you a choice—several choices, in fact—of who you want to be. And the world is offering this town a choice of who we want to be. Changes may be coming all around us. It has been true throughout all of history. Things cannot stay as they are. But you are fearfully and wonderfully made, capable of embracing things you fear. After all, isn’t it change that causes us to reach high for answers and at the same time fall on our knees for help? If everything around us remains as it always has, we are never forced to grow.

  “When Noah came off the boat, hadn’t his entire life changed? Everything he knew to be true about life was now gone, and he was literally starting over, an entire new earth at his disposal. Yet God said to him, As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.’ It can seem in life that nothing is sacred. Friendships come and go. People die, people are born. There is health, and then there is sickness. Life is prosperous one moment, destitute the next. You are favored, and then you are scorned. But one thing never changes, and that is God. And His promises stand true. As long as the earth is spinning around, the seasons will come, reminding us that life changes. Just as it is true in the seasons, change has its purpose. We may not understand it now, but if we stand with the One who does not change, we will make it through any season in our life. And that is a promise as sure as the rainbow in the sky.”

  Reverend Peck took in a deep breath and stepped back from the podium, pulling off the gadget attached to his head. Suddenly the crowd erupted in applause. Ainsley’s throat swelled tight with emotion, and she wiped away grateful tears. She stared down at that stupid hemline she’d been obsessing about all morning and let out a laugh. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Wolfe stood above her. She rose and hugged him.

  “Yeah. I’m good. These are tears of relief, believe me. Can you herd the crowd downstairs for the refreshments? I want to go talk to the reverend.”

  “Sure.”

  Ainsley walked up an end aisle to avoid the crowd and try to catch the reverend, who was headed to his office. She hurried her steps. “Reverend. Reverend, wait.”

  He turned. “Ainsley.”

  “Reverend, I just wanted to thank you.”

  Ainsley noticed his hands were trembling as they held a picture book of Noah’s ark.

  “Are you okay, Reverend?”

  “A little shaken up. I’ve never done that before.” He looked at her. “At the last minute, I decided to change my sermon. As I was going up there. Right at the very moment I stepped behind the podium, I set my sermon aside. I’d intended to preach a sermon on …”

  “On what?”

  He smiled a little. “Something comfortable. Anyway, my dear, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “No, Reverend, you don’t understand. It wasn’t an enjoyable sermon.”

  “It wasn’t?”

  “What I mean is that it helped me. It was a hard thing to do to stand up there and say things that aren’t popular, but you did it, and because of it, I now know it’s okay to be me. I can be a part of change and still be myself, all at the same time.”

  The reverend smiled, and then looked behind Ainsley to find a line of people formed, waiting to talk to him. Ainsley noticed it too.

  “Now that’s quite a change,” he laughed.

  Wolfe was admiring the mural on the wall—although he had an entirely new view of the ark and all its various smells now—while enjoying one of Ainsley’s famous brownies. But even her perfect brownies couldn’t distract him from the burden that Butch had laid on him. Oliver had made it obvious he didn’t want to be near Wolfe by moving to the opposite side of the room. But if he could tell Oliver that the snake was not in his house, he might at least defuse some of the conflict.

  Butch’s warning seemed completely stupid, and Wolfe was growing tired of these antics. His family still apparently wanted to buy into all these tall tales. But what good was that doing Butch? Somebody needed to tell him to be himself, that he didn’t need to create these lies to make himself look better, no matter what level of elusive talents he had.

  He turned to find Oliver across the room. He was standing by Melb eating a plateful of food. Sure, the last time he’d gotten Oliver involved, things had turned south, despite Butch’s warning to keep it confidential. But that had really been out of his control.

  He needed to tell Oliver. Just for everyone’s sanity. He would ask Oliver to keep it quiet, and no harm would be done.

  “Where you going?”

  Wolfe turned to find Leonard Tarffeski standing behind him holding a cup of punch. He smiled like they were old buddies. Tarffeski turned his attention toward Oliver, across the room. “You’ve been staring at that guy like he was somebody important. Is he?”

  “Just a friend.”

  “We haven’t been formally introduced.” Tarffeski said. He held out his hand. “Call me Leonard.” Wolfe shook it quickly. “And you’re Wolfe Boone. I’m not a big reader, but everybody knows who you are.” He sipped his punch. “So I haven’t caught that snake yet.”

  “Is that so?”

  “I wouldn’t still be hanging around if I had.”

  “Any leads?”

  “A couple.” He looked across the room at Oliver again. “I think some people are hiding some things.”

  “Why would anybody hide anything? Everyone wants this snake caught.”

  “Maybe a few people have found out it’s value. Maybe you have.”

  “No amount of money is going to make that snake adorable, let me assure you,” Wolfe said. “This town just wants it back in the hands of it’s owner.”

  “Dustin.”

  “Yes.”

  “The true ownership of that snake may be up for dispute, but I won’t go into that now. However, if you know anything at all about it’s whereabouts, you should tell me. This snake
has been aggravated and taken out of it’s element. I’m sure it’s unhappy, and unhappy snakes are not fun to be around. Especially when they have two heads.”

  “I find it hard to believe that you would come all the way from New Zealand just to hunt a snake.”

  “Then you don’t know much about snakes.” He finished off his punch. “Nice church service. My grandmother used to read me stories from the Bible. I don’t remember them quite like that, but nevertheless, it was a nice service.” Crunching his cup he said, “Tell your brother-in-law that he can sneak around all he wants. But he’s no match for a professional snake hunter. Now I have to go.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To get another one of those unbelievable brownies.”

  CHAPTER 26

  MARTIN CHECKED HIS WATCH. It was almost time to go to Monday night rehearsal. His stomach was a mess of acid and indigestion. Lois, in a strange turn of events, had started to pay more attention to him. It made his heart swirl and turned his mind to mush. He’d been going over his lines all day, just so he wouldn’t drop one when she looked his way. She’d even walked him out after practice Saturday night, and said hello to him three times at the church. He’d brought her some punch in the basement as she stood at the end of the rainbow mural.

  But other things required his attention as well. Like the fact that the mayor had not come in to work and was still nowhere to be found. People were calling all day, worried about the fate of Skary, Indiana. For the most part, through the years, he’d managed to keep the trials of the town fairly quiet. But people could see the change coming. Some embraced it, happy to have the luxuries of the outside world right at their fingertips. Others grew more and more fearful with every new arrival.

  Martin wasn’t sure where he stood on the matter. For him, the town had always revolved around numbers, so if the numbers were good, he was happy. If the numbers were bad, he wasn’t happy. This, however, evoked more complicated emotions. Whether numbers were good or bad, Skary was always Skary. Now Skary was becoming something else. What that was, nobody knew yet.

  Martin looked at the clock and decided to gather his stuff together. He was finding favor with Lois, so the last thing he wanted to do was be late for rehearsal. She’d stressed how important it was to act in a professional manner, and take the show seriously. He closed his briefcase and snapped it shut.

  “Martin, glad you’re still here.”

  Martin whirled around to find Mayor Wullisworth stepping into his office. He fell onto the couch and pulled out his pipe. “I’ve been doing some thinking.”

  “Sir, I have to—”

  “And I came to a profound conclusion, Martin. This was nearly life altering. But I think it’s a good analogy.”

  Martin swallowed. He hoped it wasn’t a long analogy. He tried to make the glance at his watch obvious, but the mayor was tamping his pipe in double-time.

  “Martin, a town is like a woman.” He paused, his gaze thoughtfully cast to the ceiling. “You pamper her, give her what she needs, make her feel special. Maybe put a sign up that tells the entire world how proud you are of her.”

  The Pride in Skary sign had fallen down years ago, but Martin kept quiet.

  “You buy her things. Nice things. You invite people to come look at her beauty, even when you know good and well she isn’t the prettiest that ever lived. But still, you love her beauty, the beauty others don’t see. And you remain loyal to her. Marry her, even. Yet you always run the risk of something, Martin.”

  “Getting your heart broken?”

  “Becoming outclassed by her.”

  Martin blinked. He wasn’t sure if they were still talking about the town or not. The mayor puffed on his pipe. “We’ve got a long night ahead of us, Martin. We’re going to have to come up with a game plan to get this town back in order. Gather up some notepads. It’s time to do some heavy-duty brainstorming.”

  With his briefcase hanging at his side, and each breath barely able to fill his lungs, Martin said, “I can’t do that, sir.”

  “Come again? Didn’t hear you.”

  Martin cleared his throat. “I can’t do that. Not right now. I have to be somewhere.”

  Mayor Wullisworth’s eyes narrowed behind the white stream of smoke that created a haze in front of his face. “You have something more important to do than deal with a town in crisis?”

  “Yes. Sir.”

  The mayor leaned forward. “You’re going to that play practice.”

  “Yes.”

  His nostrils flared, blowing the smoke away from his pipe. “Of all things to abandon a town for …”

  Martin couldn’t help but smile. “A woman is the most worth it.”

  Lois found herself trembling from head to toe, and with every thought of her came another round of shivers. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the girl. She was perfectly fine when unattached to clever lines and unforgettable men. But Mariée was just not pulling it off. No matter how many seductive looks she threw from one side of the stage to the other, she still had not created a character worthy of the attentions of either of these men.

  They’d come to intermission, and Lois was beside herself. The entire play hinged on the character of Lotus. If she wasn’t believable, nothing else would be either. She’d considered the fact that she might indeed be somewhat hormonal. The news that the sheriff was seeing someone else had been a tremendous blow to her self-esteem, though she thought she’d handled it in a pretty mature way. She’d done what any half-insane lovesick playwright would do.

  “I’ve rewritten the script,” she announced as everyone regrouped for Act 2. Why couldn’t she evoke those kinds of expressions out of them during rehearsal? That wide-eyed, stunned look was just the thing she’d needed from both Bart and Lotus in two separate scenes!”

  “What do you mean you’ve rewritten the script?” asked Wolfe. Always critical of other writers.

  “It’s the last scene,” she said, and everyone scrambled for their scripts and started flipping pages. “It’s a simple change. It doesn’t affect most of you. If you’ll turn to page sixty-four, I’ll give you the new line.”

  Everyone was ready.

  “Okay, we have Lotus coming onstage carrying her suitcase. Everybody following?” The crowd nodded. “She runs into Bart on the street. And Bart thinks she’s leaving town because she’s carrying her suitcase. Now, let’s read the lines. Start with Bart’s line.”

  “Lotus, you’re leaving? Why now? I thought we loved each other. I thought we were meant to be.”

  “We are meant to be, Bart. Than what I’ve been trying to tell you. “ Mariée pretended to hold up her suitcase like she would onstage. “I’m coming back to you.”

  “You are?”

  “Okay, stop, stop right there. That’s where we’re changing the lines.”

  Wolfe said, “Good thinking, Lois. Those lines were a little canned.”

  “The new line will be after Bart says, ‘I thought we were meant to be.’ Everyone have a pencil ready?”

  Everyone nodded.

  “Lotus replies, ‘We aren’t meant to be, Bart. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m going to marry Gibb.’”

  Stunned silence was broken only by pencils falling to the ground.

  “What?” several asked at the same time.

  “I’ll repeat it one more time. ‘We aren’t meant to be. Ban. Than what I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m going to marry Gibb.’”

  “Are you saying that the entire play ends with Lotus marrying Gibb instead of Bart?” the sheriff asked.

  “Thats what I’m saying.” She smiled.

  “But Lois,” Wolfe interjected, “you have built the entire play around the idea that the audience is going to want Lotus to end up with Bart. They are meant to be. If Lotus ends up with Gibb, the audience will feel let down. You can’t just change it like this in the last hour.”

  “Why not? I’m the playwright.” She folded her arms and stared down Wolfe.
>
  “What’s the motivation?” Wolfe asked. “Why would she suddenly want to be with Gibb?”

  “I don’t know,” Lois said, swinging her foot back and forth like a schoolgirl. “Maybe Gibb’s the better man for her. Maybe Gibb is more interested in her. Maybe Gibb isn’t seeing other women behind her back.”

  Everyone glanced at one another, but Lois stared right at the sheriff. His perplexed look didn’t deter her.

  “So,” she said, “that’s how it’s going to end. Bart will skulk offstage like a whipped puppy, and Gibb will come onstage. They’ll run toward each other. Lotus will drop her suitcase and jump into his arms. The lights will go down.”

  Wolfe threw up his hands. “That makes no sense. Besides that, it’s the night before the show.”

  “Love rarely makes sense, does it, Wolfe?” she said. “Now, places, everyone. Let’s run Act 2 with the kind of zeal and zest that you showed me in Act 1.” Everyone dropped their scripts and walked backstage.

  Lois uncrossed her arms and sat down in the front row. Now she had the tedious task of giving Mariée such severe stage fright that come tomorrow night, she would hardly be able to stand.

  There was only one woman with enough hormonal energy to play this love maven, and it wasn’t going to be a bottled blonde.

  “Katelyn,” Ainsley said as she opened the door.

  “Hi Ainsley. Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” Ainsley opened the door wider and let her through, “Is everything okay? Were you pleased with how the event went yesterday?”

  She nodded. “You did an exceptional job. Everyone had a great time, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah. And I think people are excited about the children’s area too.”