by M Dauphin
“Motherfucker,” I growl, showing Deig the screen. Half the people I've dealt with are sending me texts like this, and I can't do anything about it at this time of night.
“Listen, it’s late and there’s nothing we can do right now. Go inside, clear out whatever shit you have left and in the morning we’ll call a lawyer.” Deig’s grip on the steering wheel is bright fucking white and I feel like my heart’s going to beat out of my chest.
We pull into the apartment complex and notice a police car pulling out of the lot slowly. That’s when it all hits home.
They’re coming for me. I can’t fucking go to jail, and I can’t let Nora and her business she’s worked so hard for be ruined because of me. Her reputation would be destroyed.
“Shit,” Deig huffs as I turn my head when we pass him, praying to God they weren't here for me, but knowing how chill this place is I can't imagine them being here for anyone else. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
“Get out. Go inside. Lock the doors,” he says, turning off the engine.
I nod silently, shoving the phone back in my pocket and getting out of his car.
For the first time since this has all started, I’m actually afraid for the future.
But not my future.
I’m so afraid I just ruined Nora’s future. There’s only one way to fix this and keep her safe.
“Yea, man. I’ll see ya in the morning.” I walk inside and when my door closes my phone dings again.
They’re going to throw you in jail, Maxwell Holzer. You better run, or everyone you love will be taken down with you.
The number is unknown and when I try to call it, it sends me directly to the police station. I hang up immediately and my hands start to tremble. What the hell is happening? I can’t go to jail, Deig can’t go to jail, and I can’t get Nora wrapped up in this.
As much as I love this town. As much as I love calling this place home. As much as I love Nora… I know what I have to do.
I spend ten minutes flushing whatever drugs I have left at the apartment, which isn’t much, and then I grab a bag and start packing. I can’t stay here. I can’t bring her down with me. I love her too much to ruin her.
Finding a piece of paper with nothing on it is a challenge, but when I do I scribble and scratch out about five different notes, ending on something simple.
I can’t put into words how sorry I am. I don’t want to ruin everything you've got going for you. Please don’t forget me. I’ll be back for you.
-Max
I write a simple note to Deig telling him I’ll let him know when I'm safe, and hop in my truck. The sound of the engine may wake him up, but I’ve smashed my phone and won’t be receiving any calls from here on out.
The drive across town is dark at this time of night. I kill the engine a block down from Nora’s and walk the distance so I don’t wake her up. After taping the note to her door, I drive away from the place I finally was able to call home and my heart completely shatters.
“Ava get up,” I groan, rolling over in bed and grabbing for my phone. My usual morning text from Max isn’t waiting for me and the longer I’m awake the more I remember everything that happened last night between us. Shit.
“It’s so cold, Nora,” she groans, pulling the blankets around her.
We fell asleep in bed last night watching sappy movies and definitely not talking about Max and Marcus. Both of the boys are in deep shit with us, but I have faith we can work it out. Like he said, love conquers all. I just need to decide about that whole trust thing.
“Up, Ava. We have a store to open in a few hours.”
“And coffee to chug,” she mumbles, wrapping my blanket around her and shuffling across the apartment to her room.
I hop in the shower to try to wake up; the warm water flowing down my body is doing nothing for my nerves. I could puke right now. I hate confrontation like this, I hate that the authorities are involved, and I hate that I kicked him out last night. Being away from him when we’re fighting isn’t something I enjoy. I want him here so we can figure this shit out and move on. Together. Maybe my dad can help somehow.
It takes me forever to get ready today. Am I going to see him? Is he ignoring me until I reach out? What are we, now, anyway? Shit!
“Come on, Nora, we’re going to be late!” Ava yells. “I’m heading out, you need to catch up.”
I roll my eyes and grab my bag. “Coming, Jesus,” I grumble. Walking to the door, she’s standing there with a piece of paper in her hands. “What’s that?”
She hands it over, the look on her face sober.
“What the fuck is this?” I say, staring at the words on the paper. “Please don’t forget me? What the hell does that mean?” I raise the paper and glare at Ave who looks scared. “I’ll be back for you? Did he fucking leave?!”
“I… I don’t know,” she whispers.
“Well… What the hell?!” I pull my phone from my purse and dial his number.
It goes straight to voicemail.
Growling, I hit send again and, again, I’m sent straight to voicemail.
“Ava, call Deig.” I march out of the house and towards the car.
“What the fuck does this note mean?!” I shriek the minute we pull out of the parking lot.
“I mean… it sounds like he’s gone, Nor.”
“He wouldn’t just leave, Ava. He was begging me not to break up with him last night. He was so sure nothing would come of it and…. Hell the man was almost in tears when I kicked him out!”
I growl and scrunch up the note, throwing it in the bottom of my purse. Taking my phone back out, I hit send again to try to call him, but no surprise, I’m sent to voicemail.
This time, though, I leave him one.
“Maxwell Holzer, Nora-no-last-name here. You know, the girl you left a fucking random-ass note for on her door last night? You need to call me. Now. This isn’t fucking funny.”
I hit end way too hard and Ava cringes.
“Babe, we’ll figure this out.” She pats me on the shoulder awkwardly and I move away from her.
When we pull into the boys’ apartment complex I’m prepared to see Max’s truck in the lot. I’m prepared to storm into his apartment and demand to know why he left me a break-up note.
I’m not prepared to see an empty lot except for Deig’s car at the far end. My heart drops and my hands start to shake.
He wouldn’t just leave me like this.
“Marcus!” Ava yells, banging on the door. “Wake the fuck up, Marcus, I know you’re in there!” The banging continues, but I’m more focused on the door at the end of the complex. Max’s door.
I start to wander over to it while Ava makes a scene in front of Deig’s door. When I reach it I notice the blinds are open in the living room. Like a creeper, I peer in and don’t like what I see.
His already bare apartment is even barer. The stereo and TV are gone. The clutter cleared from the counters. I try the doorknob but it’s locked, of course.
“Nora get over here!” I hear Ava yell, waving me over. I jog across the lot to her and when I get there I see Marcus opening the door.
“What?” he grumbles, still half asleep.
“Give him the note, Nora,” Ava barks. I shuffle in my purse and smooth out the note, handing it over to him.
He rubs his eyes and peers at the paper. He reads the words over and over again, but not once does he say anything.
“What the fuck does that mean, Marcus?” Ava growls.
“Please don’t tell me he’s gone,” I manage.
Everything, however, is pointing to my Max being gone with no way to find him.
“Shit,” he finally says. “Come on in, girls.” He walks into his apartment and we follow. When we get to the kitchen I take a seat at his table and look around while he grabs his phone.
His apartment isn’t bare like Max’s, but it’s super clean and tidy. Not what I was expecting at all.
“He’s not answering his phone,” he says, laying it on
the table next to the note.
“Did it even ring for you?” I ask, picking up the note and sliding my fingertips across the letters scrawled on the torn paper.
“No.”
“Why would he do something like this?” Ava asks, hands on her hips.
“I don’t know,” he huffs, looking out the window. “Hang on a minute.” In a jolt, he runs outside and we see him running across the parking lot to his car. Ava and I are pinned to the window and watch his reaction as he pulls a note from his windshield.
My heart skips when he starts to read it.
Then he throws it and watches it flutter to the ground. When he picks it up I see the expression on his face and my stomach drops.
“He’s gone, Ava,” I whisper, the ball in my throat threatening to break the dam of tears I’ve been holding back.
“Let’s just wait and see. There has to be an explanation.”
We watch as Deig completely loses his shit on his car, kicking and screaming, then takes a breath before storming back inside. We’re silent as he drops the note on the table and heads to the coffee pot to make himself a cup.
With shaky hands, I pick up the note.
I can’t ruin her, Deig. I need to get away until all of this is over. Please take care of her for me.
The paper flutters from my hand and I run to the bathroom before I spill my breakfast all over Deig’s freshly-cleaned apartment.
Two Months Later
His note still hangs on my refrigerator.
I can’t put into words how sorry I am. I didn’t want to ruin you. Please don’t forget me. I’ll be back for you
-Max
The last time I saw Max I shoved him out of my apartment. Little did I know that was actually the last time he would kiss me. The last time his arms would be around me. Had I known, I wouldn’t have let him go. He did it to save me… to save my business. He did it to save his ass. I hate it, and I am falling apart not knowing what’s happening to him right now. I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if he’s okay. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m so fucking sad.
I’m also nauseous as hell.
“Oh God,” I groan and run to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Again.
“I have some tea on for you,” Ava sighs from the doorway.
“Anything over night from him?” I wipe my mouth and rinse with mouthwash after flushing the toilet.
“No. I’m sorry, Nora.”
I nod and walk to the kitchen to the warm cup of waiting tea. Decaf tea.
“I have an appointment today. The first ultrasound.” My hand rests on my abdomen and I smile.
He’s gone, and I don’t know if he’s coming back, but I’ll always have a piece of him.
“Are you going to try to tell him?”
“I don’t know. I mean, if he felt like he needed to be here with me he would be, somehow. I tried calling when we first found out he was gone, Ava. He never called back.” I roll my eyes. “I don’t get how he could stay away all this time without any contact. I get what he did. I get why he did it. I just don’t get how he could walk away so easily.”
“You don’t think it was easy for him, do you?”
“You don’t? He just left, Ava. That’s not okay.”
She sighs and nods. “You’re right, it’s not. But he loves you, Nora. Wherever he is, I know he still loves you.”
“Yea,” I sigh. “I have to go get ready.” I give her a strong smile even though I’m dying a little on the inside.
Every day without him, not knowing where he went, is another day a little piece of my heart breaks off and crumbles. I’d never be able to walk away from someone like he did. It just wouldn’t be possible. I’ve talked to Deig a few times, and other than the pity he has towards me, there’s nothing new. He knows Max is safe, but that’s it. He doesn’t know where he is and he doesn’t know if he’s coming back. I asked Ava not to tell Deig about the baby. I don’t want it getting back to Max. If he’s coming back, I need it to be because he wants to… not because he feels like he needs to. Especially if coming back means jail time.
Jesus this is so messed up.
I should have known falling for the bad boy wouldn’t be easy.
I make it to the doctor’s office without anyone from town recognizing me, thank God. It’s a decent-sized town, but I know too many people that shop at the boutique that would just love watching me walk into a pregnancy center. Not many people knew about Max and I… not many people would understand.
The doctor calls me back almost immediately and I sigh in relief.
“So, Ms. Avondale. Any questions for me before we begin?” She smiles at me.
“Not really.” I shrug.
“Okay then, let’s take a look. If you could lift your shirt and push the top of your pants down just a bit,” she says, helping me adjust on the table.
When the cold gel hits my skin I cringe, but then she starts the ultra sound and I’m completely in shock.
The tiny little figure, shaped more like a lima bean than anything else, is jumping around the screen.
“Holy shit,” I whisper, reaching out and touching the little guy.
“And there’s the heartbeat,” the tech says, smiling. She turns up the machine so I can hear it and I lose it.
I thought I was strong enough to do this all without him… but I’m not. How the hell can I raise a baby on my own?
“Do you want a print out of it?” she asks, taking different shots of it and printing out pictures for the files.
“Yea, please,” I sniffle, trying to stop the tears.
“Here you go, honey,” she says quietly. I look up at her and she’s holding out a box of tissues. Smiling, I take one and blow my nose with it.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Your first?”
“Yea.” I smile, taking the picture of my baby from her.
“It’s a beautiful thing. You’re about to become a beautiful mother.” She wipes the gel off my stomach and pats me on the shoulder. “All done, sweetheart. Congratulations.”
I thank her and stare at the small black and white image, in awe that this small little bean is currently inside me and making me sick as a dog.
I take my time getting to the shop. I know Ava has control over it and I’m an emotional basket case. I can’t seem to stop crying at the drop of a hat, and Max not being here to share this with me hurts. It hurts, and I’m angry with him for not sticking around.
So fucking angry.
“Nora!” I hear from behind me as I get out of the car at the coffee shop. Coffee isn’t an addiction I’m willing to break anytime soon, but now I have to go to the dark side; decaf.
I spin to see Nick walking towards me and glare at him. I know Nick didn’t really do anything wrong, but I still hold some of this against him. Prick.
“Hey, Nick,” I say, turning and walking into the café as he follows me.
“How you doing? I haven’t seen you in a few months.”
“Yea, just living the dream.” I approach the counter, completely ignoring him and order. “Grande Decaf Mocha please,” I say.
“Decaf?” Nick blurts from behind me. I paste on my ‘sweet as sin’ smile and spin to glare at him.
“Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”
He grins at me and chuckles.
“No. Not at all.”
“Thank you,” I spin back around and wait for my order.
“If you don’t want people knowing, though, I’d stop resting your hand on your stomach. Gives mother’s-to-be away every time.”
I gasp and spin, pointing at him harshly.
“You need to learn to mind your own fucking business, Nicholas Grendom,” I growl. “Whatever I’m going through is none of your goddamned worry.”
He shrugs and smiles “I’m sure you and Maxwell will make a great parenting team.”
I grit my teeth and inhale through my nose sharply.
“Max is gone,”
I growl, spinning to take my coffee. I push past him and don’t stop moving until I get to my car and Nick yells after me.
“It’s for the better, Nora! You should know that! Call me if you need help with anything!”
“Fuck off, Nick,” I growl, getting into my car. He passes by and waves with a cocky grin on his face.
It’s been three weeks since my first doctor’s appointment. Every day I walk by my fridge, blow a kiss to the picture of my tiny bean and glare at the note from Max. I know it sounds weird, but I know he’ll be back and when he does I want him to hurt for how much he’s missed.
Tonight I have to go out to dinner with Marcus and Ava, even though I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. It’s like bringing a third wheel on purpose or something.
“You ready?” Ava says from my doorway.
“This dress is getting too tight,” I grumble, turning around and pouting. “I think I should stay home.”
“No. You’re beautiful, Nora. You’re carrying a fucking baby in there, flaunt the beautiful figure!”
“I’d rather not,” I grumble.
“Whatever. I think you’re beautiful. It’s going to be fun!”
I roll my eyes at her, but follow her out anyway when Deig gets here. It’s starting to hurt less hanging out with him. At first I hated him for having some type of contact with Max. I hated everyone. Lately the only hatred I feel is towards one, Maxwell Holzer. I just don’t understand anything with him anymore. I hate he was dealing, I hate he’s in hiding, and I fucking hate I still want him.
It’s his fault this is all happening. No one else’s.
“Nora, how are you?” Deig asks as I shut the car door.
“Fat and grumpy,” I grumble, buckling the seatbelt.
Ava laughs nervously and I roll my eyes.
“I won’t ruin tonight. I promise. I’ll be good.”
“I’m just happy you came out with us, Nora. It’s been too long.” Deig says, smiling back at me.
Yes, it has been too long since your best friend up and left me high and dry about a week before I found out I was pregnant. Way too fucking long since I’ve cared what my plans were, or how I looked, or anything. Max leaving ruined me, and somehow I have to pick up the pieces on my own and build a stable home for this baby.
