The GOD Box

by Melissa Horan

  With the sight of the book, his eyes widened. He’d been waiting for this. He lunged across the table to grab it from May. She tumbled to the floor and quickly scuffled up, while Jonathan was still fidgeting with his rough landing on the table.

  “That book will do you no good!” He yelled, and started after her again. Samson came up and blocked him. He heaved breaths through gritted teeth. “I knew it.” He said then, resentfully, backing up from Samson’s large figure, “We have to start over. You won’t understand. Put the book in the fire, we’ll do it all together, so you all can live… as long as you get rid of that book.”

  Ultimatums now meant that he was (1) certain about what he wanted, and (2) desperate to get it. Of course, they denied his request. That was why his attempt to have normal conversation a little over a week later was surprising. After that he plateaued. Two pills a day and a sleeping pill at night.

  One thing they learned about him that they particularly enjoyed was that he was a bad pick pocket. How many times he tried to get that book was unsure. Threats to start the world over again were frequent. But, the words were not all that threatening when he didn’t have what he needed to accomplish it.

  Honestly, they didn’t know what he was really capable of; maybe he had resources that they couldn’t see. Regardless, the intimidation factor which he used for so long was waning in effectiveness. Not until a month had passed did May feel like he had good enough control to be interested in helping them.

  “Jonathan.” She said casually one day, feeling like their relationship was doing pretty well. “Will you come help me understand this book?”

  He glared at her in response.

  She nodded, “Okay, maybe another day.”

  They had this same conversation at least twice a day for the next three days. May never had any intention of destroying this book. That was the worst of sins in her mind; to destroy a book. Perhaps she was addicted to learning. That wasn’t so bad of an addiction though, she decided.

  Over the last week May specifically went through her list of definitions and chose only ten words she thought would be valuable to discuss on a deeper level. Overwhelming him by asking for too much information would be a big mistake. Then again, this caution was not just for Jonathan’s sake, but for hers. Eighteen hours of sleep for one week was not enough. She was testy. Some of those nights were spent watching over the house from the roof, never assuming the opposition was finished.

  Dane took his turns on watch as well, which is why he was crashed on the couch at the moment. Since their little council/run-in with Darian, various people were coming around, poking around, peeping in windows where they could, creeping in the jungle if someone was out on watch. Sometimes people who never came over, started coming over with food, or strange reasons to visit.

  Again, this day, Jonathan didn’t respond to her plea to help. So May just kept talking, hoping that his compulsion and his desire to be cynical about everything they asked would encourage him.

  “I have ten words which I would like you to help me understand, then a few concerns about the book in general. Would you prefer I show you the whole list, or that we go one at a time?”

  “Show me the whole list.” He said briefly, sounding irritated.

  May hesitated.

  “Will you promise me an answer about each of them? I already went through a list of about one hundred to get it down to these few. I would really, truly be appreciative if you would promise to explain before I go crazy.”

  With a grumpy face he considered for a few moments.

  “… Why the hell not, I guess.” He replied drearily, then with a lazy but anxious wave of his hand, conducted her to turn over the paper.

  On the paper were these:

  Sinner/Sins

  Marriage

  God

  Obey

  Righteousness

  Commandment

  Repent

  Devil

  Christ

  Faith

  What did people in Jonathan’s and Gabe’s time think of this man Jesus? Was he someone worthy of emulating?

  Is this history?

  Scanning the list meticulously, Jonathan swore when he reached the bottom, put his fingers to his forehead and closed his eyes – a method to calm himself. Whispering softly he transformed from tension and haste to… well… somewhat less tension.

  “Do you have any idea what you’re asking?” he looked at her, then looked back down, shaking his head. Clearly she didn’t. Then something new happened: he started muttering angrily to himself as if he were having a conversation. All she could catch was “Why did Gabe… what the hell… purpose?”

  “Is this important?” May asked. “Controversial?”

  Jonathan nodded dramatically for the last word… then he sighed, grabbed his hair and said… “I don’t know… I don’t know.”

  “Don’t know if it’s important?”

  “No. I don’t. It’s not! He snapped. “I can’t even explain... agh! Influential would be a better word.” He stood and started pacing.

  May thought, but stayed silent. She continued to watch his reaction, but was losing patience. Suspicions rose up more firmly in May’s mind now than ever. It was complicated; it was controversial; and it may or may not be important to and old, psychotic, drug addicted scientist. Too bad… he was already giving it away…

  With a deep breath in and an attempt to speak calmly, May said, “Let’s start with something simple. Choose the easiest word; the one that’s least related to the problem.”

  “No. I told you no.”

  “So righteousness is like people choosing good? But what is good?”

  Jonathan growled, then fumed silently. He obviously didn’t want to answer, but was seeing there wasn’t really away out of it. He didn’t come back to the table, but stood in resistance, folding his arms and closing his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was giving in. Instead of answering the latter question, he droned regretfully, “Marriage.”

  Perhaps it was the first one he could manage, but May was grateful… and considering she didn’t know what she was learning, she was mostly unbiased. After waiting in his silence, wondering if he would speak, May finally prodded, “What is it?”

  Like a machine he recited, “When two people express their love in a ‘ceremony’ by making ‘lifelong’ commitment to each other.” The quick air quotations around lifelong were frustratingly informative.

  From the couch came a tired grumble, “Kinda sounds like you’re thesis.” Dane shifted so that he was lying lopsided on the couch with one leg over the back of the couch and one leg over the arm of the couch.

  “Picked all that up while you were sleeping, eh?” Jonathan rattled.

  “I hardly sleep. Most of the time I’m just closing my eyes.” The sleepy voice instructed.

  It was like May’s thesis. That’s why she was so interested for more information on this subject than just her inferences. “Would people really make that much of a lifelong commitment?” May asked.

  “At one point in time they did… sort of… but eventually it became old fashioned. It was practically non-existent in my lifetime. You don’t know the word, because we hardly did.”

  “Why was that?”

  Jonathan shrugged. “The whole institution was redefined at one point, and then just became inessential. It’s my personal belief that we are supposed to be self-sufficient, and we were headed that way.”

  “That seems like the strangest thing to me.” Dane said from the couch. May wasn’t sure if he meant that being self-sufficient was weird, or lifelong commitment.

  “Wait…”Jonathan said slyly, like he had some secret plan, when, in reality, he just understood the problem. As untactful as always, he blurted out, “Wait, you’ve never even heard of the concept at all?”

  May shook her head slowly with a look of ‘no… duh’ in her eyes. Complete loyalty? That’d drive the public crazy. But for May to realize that it did once exist validated some dee
p belief she had. She found herself craving to know what had changed. She didn’t have time for that though, because Jonathan decided to open up. No patience for question and answer, he just went off.

  It amazed May how he could yet put up every figurative emotional wall with his arms crossed and the look that something stunk on his face.

  He sighed, “God is like a ‘man’ who built a box and put a man in the box and told the man that he could only come out of the box and be free if he followed certain rules. Reality is that man is already outside of the box, that there is no box unless man builds it. Man can put himself in a box, but God doesn’t exist so there’s no God box.”

  “Um…” May made a pinched expression and left her mouth hanging open in something of a wince… “huh?” her intellect was slightly offended. Dane was quiet for the moment, but May could imagine the same dumbfounded look on his face, still hanging off the couch. What did that have to do with marriage?

  “So… God is like the government?” Dane was speaking slowly because he was distracted by trying to answer his own question, trusting it would eventually make sense. Jonathan was frustrated that they didn’t understand.

  “Can you say that again?” Dane asked, but was so distracted that even if Jonathan had repeated himself, Dane probably wouldn’t have heard.

  Jonathan didn’t say anything.

  May was stuck in her own thoughts, trying to make sense of what Dane was guessing about it. But then… the government doesn’t exist?

  “Is God a what or a who?” May asked.

  “Depends who you ask. Not everybody believes that book is history.”

  “They have a choice?”

  “Agh, I said that wrong. It’s history, it’s just not true.”

  May’s expression hadn’t changed. “What?”

  “It’s true… it’s just biased. But… no, its…”

  “No, no, no,” Dane began, more awake and interested now, “You can’t go back on the first thing that makes sense.”

  Jonathan growled, “Fine, fine! Some people thought God existed, that he was a being in Heaven; in the sky; away from the earth; somewhere!” He was flailing his arms around searching for common words. “Like a man, but not, but he had power and people like to think his power could help them and that he could see everything that was going on in the world all at the same time, but he can’t, that’s impossible! That somehow he was the answer, but he wasn’t.” Assuming what was coming next Jonathan then said, “An answer for people’s problems, but his followers were so few when the world ended that you couldn’t even pretend it was true based on popular opinion, or any other opinion, and I DON’T KNOW WHY GABE HAD THAT BOOK!”

  Dane finally came up sitting so that the top of his baffled face was visible above the couch. “What are you freaking talking about?”

  “This is not my thing, okay!? Or, their minds; the way they think! I just do biology and physical science – that’s why Gabe was here, he knows all this shit!”

  “Well this Jesus in here must be a doctor or teacher of some kind.”

  “Ohh! He’s infamous! Doctor my ass.”

  This conversation went on for a week whenever they were around each other: Working in the field, walking through town (where Jonathan seemed to talk in code the whole time… which was just as well as his usual conversation so no one complained). They were arguing, not so much about what was possible, but about what the whole concept must have ultimately meant. May and Dane most of the time weren’t intending to argue, but Jonathan seemed to think everything they said was on the verge of verbal harassment and a witness to their doubt of his communication abilities.

  One day they were harvesting their peanuts and Jonathan hollered at an unnecessary volume from two rows over, “You know why it can’t work? Because people can’t be alive when they’re dead! I’ve died five times and there is no life after death!” Then without saying anything more he went back to his row.

  This was too much. Half of those that heard just started laughing, and Jonathan, who’d been consistently lost in thought for the whole week didn’t even react. Thomas leaned over to May and said, “Did that whole thing just sound like a contradiction to you?”

  “Oxymoron” Miek said when he passed behind them.

  “Agh!” May was just exasperated. She threw her one empty hand in the air, thinking that it had to mean something, but getting to that explanation was like getting water from a well that soaked up every time you put a bucket down. You bring the bucket up with a residue of mud, but no water.

  Jonathan came around again, “Humans are like computer systems, okay, they work with order. They’re only a product of what you put into them. Everything you do, you were destined to do because of everything you’ve done before. You can’t change. Your theory of choice? Stupid.”

  By now, Samson, the anger-management case, was so convinced of Jonathan’s stupidity he just scoffed and moved on. Strange, though it was, Dane was very clearly getting frustrated. After this last comment, he broke his usual calm and approached Jonathan with genuinely intimidating fury,

  “You are pissing me off! Jonathan! Shut up!” Dane paused, then repeat, quieter this time, “shut up.” His voice sounded more like a growl.

  Eventually they stopped bringing up the book. They weren’t getting anywhere more than the bias which Jonathan had apparently known his whole life. Convincing, though a few of his arguments were, Dane and May knew enough about philosophy and even history to know there’s always more than one side to a story. Not only that, but the most bias they picked up on was in his tone and attitude toward the whole thing, because half the time, they didn’t even get what he was talking about, because they didn’t know how anything originally was.

  That night, to veer the random Jesus comments before they started, Dane asked Jonathan this question, “So we know you were a scientist, that you learned to come back to life… my question is how? Can you explain the science behind it?”

  “Well that’s an easy topic. See, you fuse a somatic cell and an egg and then put in through the birthing process. But that is the easiest part. What I did was speed up the process, make it so that you don’t have to have a live creature to give birth, included memory, and created a machine to do it all.”

  “Are you going to hate us if we say we don’t understand?” Miek said while playing a high fiving game with Janey.

  “Seriously?” Jonathan whined then added, uselessly, “Oh, and then, I was able to transfer it to the cave where it’s closer to freezing so it would preserve the necessary cells. Course, we had to make some adjustments, so the whole thing is like a giant refrigerator.”

  Maybe he thought he was ‘dumbing it down’ enough… but who knew what a refrigerator was. The easiest thing Dane could think to do was see the process himself. For five years before he left with the political party he studied the human body with a renowned doctor. Much of what he learned was now forgotten, but he figured it might all come back in time. Since it seemed that Jonathan was particularly excited about the subject and at times had brought up going back to the cave to bring Gabe back, perhaps Dane thought it just might work to ask what he asked next,

  “Wanna go to the cave, and you can show me?” Dane asked stiffly, his whole demeanor changing.

  May looked again at Dane, trying to guess what was going on in his mind. Jonathan saw her face and likely decided that since she didn’t know anything about the request, it might have relatively innocent prospects. Dane caught her eyes for about five seconds, assuring her motionlessly.

  She understood and felt a sense of confidence and gratitude for Dane. Great timing and great ideas, used at just the right moment. Good job Dane. May thought. They both looked back at Jonathan, waiting for his response. Miek looked like he was waiting for Jonathan to say he was pregnant.

  “I guess we could do that.” He replied, grumpy that he was agreeing. Miek’s eyes brightened.

  “’kay. Let’s leave in three days?” Dane said, now seeming
irritated for some unreadable reason.

  Having thought about it now for a second longer, Jonathan looked skeptical. He asked May for a sleeping pill. She pulled it out and handed it to him saying, “You only have three of these left.”

  Three and three… Dane and May talked about it the night before. By saying three days he was also putting himself in a very vulnerable position. Jonathan realized this silently, took his pill and retreated by himself to the other side of the room. Dane got up and didn’t know what to do with himself. He was standing in between a lot of bodies who were sitting on the living room floor, and listening to the same conversation or talking amongst themselves. A few were even asleep by now. Wandering in circles for a minute, deciding how to get out, Dane seemed a little fidgety. Tiptoeing away, he sat with May at the table, touched her hand and asked if she’d like to go for a walk.

  “Thomas, will you be on watch tonight?” Dane asked.

  “Yeah, sure. Ya’ll aren’t coming back in time?”

  Dane guided May gently through the door with fingers on the small of her back, then closed the door behind him without saying anything else. Too much was occupying his mind to care about niceties. Out of the house they both shoved their hands in their pockets and started wandering at the edge of the peanut field. Heads were down as if the immensity of thought was affected by gravity. Repeatedly, they bumped into each other with the lopsidedness of their walk.

  They walked for about an hour, talking here and there. What would he be learning while with Jonathan? What should May do while they were gone? They’d been having troubles of people coming to the house at night, snooping, watching, and listening, but never entering or wanting to be seen.

  Even people who were not involved with any of the recent happenings seemed to be stopping by to visit more often. Such things made all of them somewhat uneasy. On the walk, they listed the people who were trying to come by the house and decipher what was going on. They couldn’t really blame them either, they supposed. He asked if she was learning anything more from the book. May admitted she was, but was still piecing together exactly what it meant. Dane invited her to share what she was thinking so that maybe they could figure it out together. The passion with which May expressed her knowledge was surprising almost to her even. First comparing points in the text, then how they could contradict, how something that Jonathan said was irking her.