All Things Considered

by Debbie Macomber

  Judd followed her into the house. “Have you got a pen?”

  “Don’t you want to read it first?”

  He shook his head. “I can’t see the point. Whatever you want is fine.”

  “But—“

  “I told you I’d sign them. Arguing over the finer points now isn’t going to change anything.”

  Reluctantly, Lanni handed him the ballpoint pen.

  Leaning over the desk, Judd flipped the pages until he located the necessary place for his signature. He signed his name on the dotted line. “There,” he said, handing her both the document and the pen. “What next?”

  “I…I don’t know,” Lanni admitted. “I’ll deal with it once we get back. Is that all right with you?”

  “Whatever you want.” He didn’t sound concerned either way. He’d kept his part of the bargain, just as she was keeping hers.

  Jenny wandered out from the hallway, her small hands fumbling with the buttons of her printed cotton coveralls. “I need help.”

  “I’ll get them,” Lanni offered, grateful for an excuse to move away from Judd and break the awkwardness of the moment.

  “I already had breakfast,” Jenny announced to her father. “Cap’n Crunch cereal is my favorite, but Mommy only lets me have that sometimes. I ate Cap’n Crunch today.”

  Judd grinned, his gaze skipping from Jenny to Lanni. “Dressed and already eaten breakfast. You always were well organized.”

  “I try to be,” she said, striving for a light tone.

  “Then let’s hit the road.” He lifted the two large suitcases from the living room floor.

  “I’ll lock up.”

  By the time she’d reached the SUV, Judd had taken Jenny’s car seat from Lanni’s car and positioned it in the backseat of his. Jenny had climbed aboard and was strapped into place. With the morning paper tucked under one arm, a thermos filled with coffee in the other, plus her purse and a small traveling bag, Lanni joined them.

  Judd sat in the front seat, his hands on the wheel. “Ready?”

  “Ready,” she concurred, snapping her seatbelt into place. As ready as she would ever be.

  Judd started the SUV and pulled onto the street. A road map rested on the seat between them. This trip wasn’t going to be easy, Lanni mused. Deafening silence filled the car. Jenny played quietly with Betsy, her doll, content for the moment.

  Lanni’s mind flirted with some way of starting a conversation. They couldn’t discuss the past. That was filled with too many regrets. They had no future. The divorce papers were signed, and as soon as they returned, she’d take the necessary steps to terminate their marriage. The only suitable topic for discussion was the present, and that, too, presented problems.

  “I told the office I wouldn’t be gone more than a couple of weeks.”

  “That should be more than enough time,” Judd said, concentrating on the freeway stretched out in front of him. They hadn’t been on the road ten minutes and already Lanni was making it sound like she couldn’t wait to get back. His mouth tightened with impatience. He hadn’t asked her about Steve Delaney, and he wondered how much her relationship with the other man had prompted her to press the issue of the divorce.

  Lanni saw the way Judd’s lips thinned and tried to explain. “I simply can’t stay any longer. As it is I’m having another agent fill in for me, which doubles her workload. I don’t like doing that and wouldn’t if it wasn’t necessary. I mean…” She paused, realizing she was rambling.

  “It’s all right, Lanni. I understand.”

  But she wondered if he really did.

  For the first hour Jenny’s excited chatter filled the silence. She asked a hundred questions, her curious mind working double time, Lanni was astonished at the patience Judd revealed. He answered each question thoroughly and in terms young Jenny could easily understand.

  Lanni gleaned information as well. The trip would take the better part of three days, which meant they’d spend two nights on the road. Sleeping arrangements would need to be discussed soon. Not a thrilling subject, but one they’d face at his father’s house as well. Surely Judd realized she had no intention of sharing his bed. Not for appearance’s sake, convenience, or any other reason. Her face grew warm at the realization that she feared her reactions to Judd, should he try to make love to her. Heaven knew they’d never had any problems in bed. If anything…She shook her head sharply, causing Judd to look at her.

  “Are you too warm?”

  “I’m fine, thanks.”

  * * *

  —

  They stopped for a break on the top of Snoqualmie Pass. Jenny claimed she was hungry again, and since Judd hadn’t eaten breakfast, they found a restaurant. Lanni rarely ate anything in the morning, but Judd talked her into tasting something. Rather than argue, she ordered eggs, convinced it was a waste of good food. But to her surprise, she was hungry and cleaned her plate.

  Judd noticed and shared a warm smile with her. “Jade thinks a strong wind is going to blow you away.”

  “Did she suggest you fatten me up?” That sounded like something Jade would say.

  “As a matter of fact, she did.” One side of his mouth twitched upward. “But not with food.”

  Lanni’s cheeks filled with hot color. She had never realized what an interfering troublemaker her younger sister could be. She still couldn’t believe the gall of such a remark. “When did you two talk?” After she’d learned about Jade and Judd’s communications, little would surprise her.

  “Last night. I took her to dinner.”

  A tiny pain pricked her heart. Jealous over her own sister. Ridiculous. Insane. Childish.

  “She wanted to talk to me about Steve,” Judd explained.

  “Steve Delaney is none of your business,” Lanni returned tartly, furious with Jade and even more so with Judd.

  “We’re married; I’d say your relationship with him concerns me.”

  “Were married,” Lanni whispered fiercely. “Those divorce papers are signed.”

  “Signed, yes, but not filed.”

  “They will be the minute I get back to Seattle.”

  “Then so be it, but until they are, you’d do well to remember you’re my wife and Jenny will always be my daughter.”

  With trembling fingers, Lanni wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin and reached for her coffee, lowering her gaze. She’d promised herself that she would do anything to avoid arguing with Judd, yet here they were, not fifty miles from home and already going for each other’s throats. “I imagine Steve wasn’t the only thing my sister wanted to discuss,” she said, striving for a lighter tone.

  Judd hesitated, but figured Lanni knew her sister as well as he did. “She thinks we should get back together again.” His eyes studied her, watching for a sign, anything that would tell him her feelings. Years ago Lanni’s eyes had been as readable as a first-grade primer. No longer. She’d learned to school her emotions well. He found her expression blank, and experienced a sense of regret. Her eyes weren’t the only thing that had changed. The picture he’d carried in his mind did her little justice. Maturity had perfected her beauty. It astonished him that it had taken another man this long to discover her. On the tail end of that thought came another: Lanni wouldn’t have encouraged a relationship. He was convinced she’d shunned male interest; Jade had confirmed that. Not because Lanni carried any great hope he’d be back, Judd realized, but because she wasn’t free to do so. He believed her when she claimed Steve was the first man she’d dated in two years.

  “A reconciliation isn’t what either of us wants,” she said, raising the coffee cup to her lips.

  “Right,” he agreed. “It didn’t work once. It won’t work again.” No one knew this better than Judd. But being with Lanni and Jenny was seductive. He’d spent less than half a day in their company and already his mind was devisi
ng methods of remaining close to them. He loved his daughter—she was a delight.

  Just being with Jenny made him realize how much he was missing. The thought produced another: He couldn’t be close to Jenny without being near Lanni. Seeing her with Steve was something he’d never be able to tolerate. Lanni deserved her freedom and the right to find happiness. When this business with Stuart was over, he’d head back to Mexico or Alaska or maybe the Middle East again. The farther away he was, the better it would be for everyone involved.

  Jenny slept after breakfast, long enough not to require her usual nap. But by the middle of the afternoon, she was whiny and bored. Lanni did her best to keep the little girl occupied, reading to her and inventing games. Judd did what he could by making frequent stops, granting the child the opportunity to stretch her legs. By dinnertime all three were exhausted.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever realized what a handful one little girl could be,” Judd commented, pulling into a parking spot in front of a restaurant outside of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. It was only midafternoon, but they were all exhausted and ready to call it a day.

  “I’ve tried not to spoil her,” Lanni said, somewhat defensively.

  Judd’s hand compressed around the steering wheel. “I didn’t mean to suggest that.”

  “Judd, listen—”

  “Lanni—”

  They spoke simultaneously, paused, then laughed thinly.

  “I think we’re as tired as Jenny. I’ve been up since before five,” Lanni admitted.

  “Me, too.” A gentle smile tugged at his mouth. “Let’s get something to eat and find a motel.”

  “That sounds like an excellent idea.”

  Lanni felt much better after a meal, although they’d made three stops previously for munchies. She took Jenny into the ladies’ room while Judd paid the bill, joining him at the SUV.

  “The cashier suggested a motel a couple of miles from here.” Her eyes avoided his as he opened her car door. Doubts grew in Lanni’s mind as Judd placed Jenny in her car seat, then joined her in the front of the SUV before starting the engine. She should say something about their sleeping arrangements, but she didn’t want to seem like a prude. Nor did she wish to make an issue over the subject. Judd wasn’t dense. He knew the score.

  Lakeside Motel was situated on the sandy shores of Lake Coeur d’Alene and, as the cashier had said, was only a few miles from the restaurant. A paved walkway led down to the water’s edge. Lanni got Jenny out of the SUV and walked down to the lake while Judd was in the motel office, booking their room. He joined her a few minutes later.

  “I got us a room with two double beds?” He made the statement into a question.

  “That’ll be fine. I’ll sleep with Jenny.” Lanni wanted to bite back the words the minute they’d slid from her mouth. Naturally she’d sleep with Jenny. To cover her embarrassment, she stood and followed Judd back to the motel.

  Instantly, Jenny spied the crystal-clear waters of the motel pool. “Can we go swimming?”

  “We’ll see,” Lanni told her daughter. The comment was a mother’s standby.

  The room was clean and cool. Two freshly made double beds dominated the interior. Judd carried in their luggage, and Jenny automatically dug through hers, searching for her swimsuit. Lanni felt as if she had less energy than a rag doll, but she helped Jenny change clothes.

  “I’ll take her to the pool,” Judd offered. “You look like you’re about to collapse.”

  “We’ll both go,” Lanni compromised. “I can lounge on one of the chairs. All I ask is that you wear her out, otherwise no one’s going to get any sleep tonight.” From past experience, Lanni knew that once Jenny became this hyperactive, she wouldn’t fall asleep easily. All afternoon, the little girl had been acting like a coiled spring. Now she was beyond the stage of being tired.

  Father and daughter splashed gleefully in the cool water of the kidney-shaped pool. Jenny swam like a fish. She’d taken lessons since she was two years old and had no fear of water. Judd was amazed at her ability and, encouraged by his enthusiasm, Jenny outdid herself, diving from the side of the pool into his arms and swimming underwater like a miniature dolphin.

  The sun was setting by the time the two finished romping in the water. The evening was glorious, the limitless pink sky filled with the promise of another glorious day. A gentle, sweet-smelling breeze blew off the lake.

  “I’ll want to get an early start in the morning,” Judd said, drying his face with the thick towel. Lanni purposely avoided looking at his lean, muscular body.

  She nodded her agreement. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m tired enough to sleep now.”

  “I don’t want to go to bed,” Jenny said, yawning.

  Judd picked her up and carried her back to their room. “You’re so tired now you can barely keep your eyes open,” he told her softly.

  “I’m not sleepy,” Jenny argued.

  “But your mommy is, so can you lie still and be real quiet for her?”

  Reluctantly, Jenny nodded.

  Lanni gave Jenny a bath, and tucked her into the bed, lying beside her on top of the bedspread until she was convinced the little girl was asleep. It took only a matter of minutes. Relieved, she momentarily closed her eyes. Judd was using the bathroom. She’d have a turn when he was finished. But the next thing she knew he was shaking her gently awake, suggesting she climb under the covers.

  Bolting upright, Lanni was shocked to find that it was hours later. “Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked him lightly. He sat in the middle of the other bed, leaning against the headboard. His long legs were crossed at the ankles. It took her a moment to realize he wore pajama bottoms; the top half of his torso was bare. Pajamas were a concession on his part, and one for which she was grateful.

  “You’ll note that I did wake you.”

  “Right.” She paused to rub the sleep from her eyes. “I think I’ll take a bath,” she said to no one in particular.

  Judd had assumed, after his shower, that he’d fall directly asleep just as Lanni and Jenny had done. He’d been quiet when he came back into the room and smiled gently at the two sleeping figures. He’d even covered Lanni with a blanket. But he hadn’t slept. He couldn’t. Just watching the two of them had occupied his eyes and his mind. For the first time in years, he’d experienced a craving for a cigarette. He’d quit smoking five years ago.

  Lanni slept on her side, the folds of her blouse edging up and revealing a patch of her smooth stomach. The pulling buttons left a gap open in the front of her blouse so that he could see the edges of her bra. He diverted his gaze to the blank television screen. Until Jenny was born, she’d worried that her breasts were too small. Then she’d nursed the baby and had been thrilled with their increased size. Judd had never been overly concerned. Her breasts were simply a part of this woman he loved. A wonderful, erotic part of her. Now he’d caught a glimpse of her bra and discovered it had the power to arouse him. It was a shock. If this was the way he was going to react, then it was a good thing she hadn’t gone swimming. Heaven only knew what would happen when he caught sight of her in a bathing suit.

  Expelling his breath, he bunched up the pillow and slammed his head against it. He’d ignore her and go to sleep. Instead, a vision of Lanni sitting in the tub of warm water formed in his mind. His throat grew dry as he remembered how readily she responded to his touch. Judd groaned inwardly. Drums pounded in his head. He was a disciplined man. All he needed to do was find something else on which to center his thoughts. The dryness in his throat extended to his mouth and his lips.

  “Judd,” Lanni called softly.

  He bolted upright. “Yes?”

  “I can’t seem to find a towel.”

  Five

  “No towel,” Judd repeated. The drums in his head pounded stronger and louder.

  “It was silly of me not
to have noticed.” Lanni had stood for several minutes assessing her situation before saying anything, and now she was shivering with cold.

  Judd paused, glancing around him. “There’s probably something around here.” For a panicked second, he actually considered ripping the bedspread off the bed and handing her that. Anything that would keep that scrumptious body of hers from his gaze. He was having enough trouble taming his imagination as it was. When his frantic thoughts finally jelled, he patiently searched the room and discovered a fresh supply of towels on the vanity outside the bathroom.

  The door opened a crack. “Any luck?”

  Judd’s gaze was everywhere but on Lanni. “Here.” He stretched out his arm and gave her the towel.

  Gratefully, Lanni accepted it. “Thank you.”

  “In the future, think,” he snapped. Being with her the next couple of weeks was going to be bad enough without her creating situations like this. He stalked into the other room and reached for his pants. He had to get out of the motel room. Already the need for a cigarette had multiplied a hundredfold. There were only so many temptations a man could be expected to handle at one time. Lanni, dressed in a nightgown, was one more than he had the strength to deal with now.

  He’d just finished tucking his shirt inside his waistband when she appeared.

  “Are…Are you going someplace?” she asked in a small voice. She made busywork of stroking the brush through her hair, unable to disguise her surprised dismay.

  “What does it look like?” He deliberately refused to turn around and face her. “I’ll be back in a while. Don’t wait up for me.”

  Feigning a complete lack of concern, Lanni pulled back the bedspread and climbed between the clean sheets. “Don’t worry, I won’t,” she murmured testily, furious at her inability to cloak her disheartenment. “I wouldn’t dream of wasting my time on such a futile effort.”

  An argument was brewing. Judd could feel the static electricity in the air. The sooner he left, the better it would be for both of them. He opened the door and stalked outside. The night air felt cool against his heated face. He slipped his hands inside the pockets of his weather-worn jeans, walking purposely forward, unsure of his destination. His only thought was that he had to get away from Lanni before he did something they’d both regret.