All Things Considered

by Debbie Macomber

  “Agreed. But you’re not making sense. Why are you so mad at him—you already said it wasn’t the bracelet.”

  Judd toyed with the thought of telling her about Steve’s phone calls and rejected the idea. He couldn’t risk having her suspect that pride alone had driven him to her bed. It was far from the truth, and if she started to think that was his motive, she’d turn away from him. In reality, Judd had come to understand that if he were to lose Lanni now, life would have no meaning for him.

  “I’m not angry,” he said, forcing a smile. “Why don’t you go fix me something to eat and I’ll finish up here?”

  “Judd…?” In her heart, Lanni knew something wasn’t right, but this newfound peace was fragile and she didn’t want to test it with something as flimsy as conjecture.

  “You go into the house. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

  Bewildered, Lanni left the barn, not knowing what to think. Something was troubling Judd, but he obviously preferred to keep it to himself.

  Judd exhaled slowly, watching Lanni turn and walk away. He was going to have a heart-to-heart talk with his father, and soon.

  * * *

  —

  His dinner was on the table when Judd came into the house. He ate it silently as Lanni worked around the kitchen. They were both quiet, neither speaking. When he’d finished, Judd delivered his plate to the kitchen sink. “Lanni,” he said. He took a step toward her, hesitated, and frowned. “Is there a possibility you could get pregnant from last night?”

  He looked so serious, so concerned, that Lanni’s heart melted. “I don’t think so.”

  “I’d like another baby. Would you mind?” Gently he lifted a thick strand of her hair from her face, twisting it around his finger. His eyes softened as he studied her. Somehow. Somewhere. A long time ago, he must have done something very right to deserve a woman as good as Lanni. “I love you so much,” he whispered.

  “I want another baby,” she answered, and nodded emphatically. “Anytime you say, cowboy.”

  Mindless of his dirty, sweaty clothes, Judd brought her into the loving circle of his arms and kissed her hungrily. Lanni slid her arms over his chest and linked them at the back of his neck. Her soft curves molded to his hardness and Judd deepened the kiss until their mouths forged. Lanni sighed, swaying against him, weak and clinging. Reluctantly, he broke off the kiss but continued to hold her, smiling tenderly down on her. “I’m a filthy mess.”

  Sighing with contentment, Lanni shook her head. “It didn’t bother me in the barn; it doesn’t bother me now.”

  She looked up at him and her eyes held such a lambent glow that it took all his restraint not to kiss her again. “Where’s Stuart?”

  “Asleep.”

  “I need to talk to him.”

  Lanni wasn’t certain what Judd wanted to say, but she thought it would be best to clear the air. “He mentioned something to Jenny that you might want to ask him about as well.”

  “What’s that?”

  “He told her that since Jim and Betty Peterman are back, he’s going to build us a house.”

  Judd could feel the frustration build in him. “We may have a battle on our hands, keeping our lives private; I’ll say something to him about that while I’m at it. Any house building will be decided by you and me—not my father.”

  “I agree,” Lanni said, studying Judd. He looked tired. “Are you sure you don’t want to save this talk until morning?”

  “I’m sure.” There were more than a few items he needed to discuss with his father—some were about the ranch and others about Lanni and Jenny. He could make the decisions regarding the Circle M easily enough, but he sought Stuart’s input. The ranch was one area on which they were in complete agreement. They both loved the Circle M. It was as much a part of their lives as the blood that channeled through their veins. And while he was with Stuart, he would tell his father exactly what he thought of him buying Lanni gifts and filling their daughter with tales of a new house. If they were going to live on the Circle M, Stuart was going to have to learn to keep his nose out of Judd’s marriage and his family.

  “It’s going to take a lot of commitment to get this ranch operating properly,” Judd told Lanni as she finished putting the leftovers back into the refrigerator. Commitment and funds. It would nearly wipe out eighteen years of savings and be the financial gamble of Judd’s life.

  “This is our home now.” A wealth of understanding went into Lanni’s statement.

  “It is home,” Judd concurred. He felt it all the way through his soul. Montana. The Circle M. He loved it here. It was where he was meant to be. All these years he’d been searching for the elusive feeling that had returned the minute he’d pulled into the driveway leading to this beaten-down house.

  “No more trips to Alaska?”

  “Too cold!”

  Lanni grinned, remembering Stuart telling her that it had registered forty below at the ranch only last winter.

  “Saudi Arabia?”

  “Too hot,” Judd admitted with a chuckle.

  Again Lanni tried to disguise a smile. Stuart had warned her that the summers could be as hot as a desert, with temperatures ranging in the low hundreds.

  “I’d better go have that talk with Stuart,” Judd said reluctantly; he wasn’t looking forward to this.

  “I’ll wait for you upstairs, then.” This evening was turning out so differently than what Lanni had hoped. In her mind she’d pictured a loving husband carrying her up the stairs. She tried to hold back her disappointment. “Do you want me to wait up for you?”

  Without turning to face her, Judd shook his head. “It may be a while. I’ll wake you.”

  With a heavy heart, Lanni trudged up the stairs. Pacing the inside of her room, she felt the urge to stamp her feet in a childish display of temper. They were both trying so hard to make everything between them work that they had become their own worst enemies. Judd wanted to clear the air with his father and all Lanni wanted was her husband at her side.

  She sat on the edge of the bed for what seemed like hours. Lethargy took hold and, feeling depressed, she lazily moved down the hall to shower. A half hour later, she listlessly climbed into bed.

  Sleep didn’t come easily. The last time she looked at the clock on the nightstand beside the bed, it was nearly midnight. Judd still hadn’t come upstairs.

  The next thing Lanni heard was a soft whimper. The sound activated a maternal instinct she couldn’t question and she woke up.

  Throwing back the covers, she climbed out of bed and hurried down the hall, not stopping for either her slippers or her bathrobe. Jenny was quietly weeping in Judd’s arms.

  He glanced at her and whispered, “She had a bad dream.”

  “Poor sweetheart,” Lanni whispered, lowering herself onto the bed beside Jenny and Judd. Gently she patted the little girl’s back until she’d calmed down and stopped sniffing. A few minutes later Jenny’s even breathing assured Lanni her daughter had returned to sleep.

  “How’d it go with Stuart?” Lanni asked.

  “Not good.” It was like he was eighteen all over again. Judd couldn’t make his father understand that he didn’t want the old man interfering again. What happened between Judd and Lanni was none of Stuart’s business. Stuart had told Judd that he should thank God he’d been around that morning. Steve had phoned again and had demanded to speak to Lanni. He’d been able to put the other man off, but he doubted if he could another time.

  “Did you argue?” Lanni asked next.

  “Not exactly. He refused to listen to me.”

  “He has his pride.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Judd concurred.

  Gently he placed Jenny back in the bed and led Lanni into the hallway. “I’m surprised you heard her. She barely made a sound.”

  “I have mother’s ear
s.” She paused in front of her door. He looked unbearably weary. His hair was rumpled as if he’d stroked his fingers through it countless times.

  Judd hesitated at her side, trying not to stare at her upturned face. She was so incredibly lovely in the moonlight that he felt his body tense just standing beside her. “More than anything, I wanted to be with you.” He didn’t move. His feet felt rooted to the spot and his tongue was thick and uncooperative. He wanted her to sleep with him, tonight and for the rest of their lives. They were good together, and not only in bed. There was so much they could give each other.

  Lanni watched the weariness evaporate from his eyes. Now they were keen and sharp, commanding her to come to him.

  Slowly, as if sleepwalking, Lanni moved to him and, without a word, her arms crept up his solid chest to encircle his neck and urge his mouth down to hers. As his head descended, she arched closer. Their lips met in a fiery union of unleashed passion. The kiss continued until Lanni was both dizzy and weak. They broke apart, panting and breathless.

  Smiling, she took Judd by the hand and led him into the room. “I can’t believe it took you this long,” she whispered.

  He brought her into his arms and nuzzled her throat. “All day I’ve been crazy to get home to you, and it seemed like everything stood in our way.” With infinite patience, he unfastened the top button of her bodice to slip the material free. Her arms stretched over her head as Judd pulled the gown free. Every part of her body throbbed with need for him. They were man and wife. Lovers. Friends.

  “Judd,” she pleaded.

  Just when her knees were about to give out on her and she was going to collapse onto the bed, he raised his head and gently laid her down on the mattress. In seconds he was free of his clothes.

  Lanni had waited all evening for him and wouldn’t be denied any longer. As they made love their hearts sang out in joyful celebration. Their cries echoed each other’s. The pleasure went on and on until Lanni was convinced it was endless.

  Judd wrapped her in his arms, kissing the tears of joy from her face. “Oh my love,” he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. “Was it always this good?”

  “Always,” she murmured, not remembering anything ever being less exciting between them. Together they were magic. During the long, lonely months of their separation, Lanni had been only half alive. She recognized that now more than ever. Her life with Jenny had been clouded with a constant sense of expectation, waiting. An unconscious part of her had been seeking a reconciliation with Judd; without him she was incomplete—spiritually handicapped. She was destined to belong to him and only him.

  “Don’t leave me,” she pleaded, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck.

  “No,” he promised. “Never again.” Love for her flowed through him like floodwaters after a heavy spring rain. She was all that was important to him. The ranch could fall down at his feet tomorrow and he’d survive. He could lose all his personal possessions and never notice their loss. But he wouldn’t last another minute without Lanni.

  The tension fled from her limbs and Lanni relaxed, cuddling him. He reached for the sheets and covered them. Within minutes they were both asleep.

  * * *

  —

  Judd woke first. Even in their sleep they’d continued to hold each other—neither seemed willing to release the other. He smiled gently and stared at the ceiling. It was later than he’d slept since arriving on the ranch. But he didn’t care—Lanni was his and he was whole again.

  He closed his mind to the unpleasant scene he’d faced with Stuart before climbing the stairs to bed. He didn’t want to argue with his father; he’d hoped they’d come to an understanding, but apparently Judd was wrong. He’d told Stuart if Steve phoned again that he should give Lanni the phone. She would be angry when she learned they’d been hiding the calls from her, but they’d deal with that at the time.

  Lanni stirred, content, satisfied. Judd’s arms were securely wrapped around her. “Morning,” she whispered, stretching. “What time is it?”

  Judd kissed the crown of her head and moved his wrist up so he could read his watch. “Later than it should be.”

  “I feel wonderful,” Lanni announced, turning to kiss the hollow of his throat.

  “So do I,” Judd answered. “It felt so good holding you that I couldn’t slip out of bed. Now I’ll have to face Jim’s wrath for being lazy and sleeping in.”

  “I’m pleased you didn’t leave,” Lanni whispered, remembering how disappointed she’d been the day before.

  “Mommy.” Jenny knocked softly against the closed door, her sweet voice meek and timid.

  Lanni jumped up from the bed, and after pulling on her robe, she opened the door. Jenny was standing there, her doll clenched to her chest. Lanni noted that the little girl looked unnaturally pale.

  “What’s the matter, Cupcake? Aren’t you feeling well?” Judd asked. Before Lanni had opened the door, he’d pulled on his jeans.

  “I’m not sick,” Jenny answered.

  “Do you want breakfast?” Lanni inquired.

  The little girl adamantly shook her head. “Nope.”

  “Aren’t you hungry?” Breakfast was Jenny’s favorite meal, especially when there was Cap’n Crunch cereal around.

  “Grandpa was mean to me. He told me to go away.”

  Judd felt anger shoot through him. “I don’t think he meant that.”

  “He said it real, real mean.”

  “Maybe Grandpa isn’t feeling well today,” Lanni suggested, surprised that Stuart would do or say anything to upset Jenny.

  “And you know what else he said?”

  “What?” Judd brushed the curls from her cheek and kissed her gently to ease the hurt feelings.

  “He said I shouldn’t ever answer the phone again.”

  “He has this thing about the phone,” Lanni said, shaking her head in wonder at Judd’s father’s actions. “It rang yesterday and you would have thought the FBI was on the other end. He nearly wrestled me to the ground to stop me from answering. Then he raced into the other room to get it.”

  Judd stiffened. “I’m sure there’s some explanation.”

  “You know what, Mommy?”

  “What, honey?”

  “I know who was on the phone.”

  “Who was that?” Lanni asked, unconcerned.

  “Mr. Delaney, and he was real mad, too. He said that he wants to talk to you and that Daddy didn’t have the right to keep you from talking on the phone.”

  Eleven

  “Judd,” Lanni murmured, her voice betraying her shock. “Is that true?”

  “Jenny, do I hear your doll crying? Maybe you should let her take a nap.” Judd turned to his daughter, ignoring Lanni’s question. The last thing he needed was to deal with this Steve issue now. One look told him how furious Lanni was.

  “Betsy’s not crying, Daddy.”

  “Yes, she is,” Lanni said sternly.

  Jenny’s lower lip began to tremble as she battled back ready tears. “Nobody wants Jenny this morning,” she said, her voice wobbling. She paused and glanced from her mother to her father.

  “Now look what you’ve done,” Lanni whispered between clenched teeth, reaching for her daughter. She wrapped her arms around the four-year-old. “We’re sorry, honey.”

  “I don’t want you and Daddy to fight.”

  “We won’t argue, will we, Mommy?” Judd challenged, raising his eyes to Lanni.

  Jenny broke free of Lanni’s arms. “But Mommy looks that way when she gets mad at Aunt Jade. Her face scrunches up and her eyes get small. Like now.”

  “I think she has something there,” Judd commented lightly.

  Lanni reached for her clothes, cursing under her breath. “Now I understand why Stuart didn’t want me answering the phone. How many times has Ste
ve called?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “I’ll just bet you don’t.”

  “Mommy.”

  “Not now, Jenny. This is serious business.”

  Jenny sighed expressively. “Business, business, business, that’s all you talk about. When are you going to be a mommy again?”

  Lanni stared openmouthed at her daughter. “That’s unfair, Jennifer Lydia Matthiessen. I’ve always been your mother.” Lanni did her best to ignore an attack of guilt for all the times Jade had picked up Jenny from the day-care center and just as many occasions that Jenny had been left with Jade or her parents because Lanni had to work late for a hundred different reasons.

  “All you did was business, business, business, until Daddy came. I don’t want you to talk to Mr. Delaney. He sounded mad just like you and Grandpa.”

  “She’s smarter than you give her credit for,” Judd tossed in, and was almost seared by Lanni’s scalding glower.

  “I’m calling Steve to find out what’s been going on around here.”

  Judd crossed his arms. “Be my guest.” Although he strove to appear as nonchalant as possible, he was worried.

  Lanni stormed out of the bedroom and got dressed in the bathroom. Two minutes later, she raced downstairs. Judd followed her.

  Stuart met him at the foot of the stairway. “You got to stop her, boy.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s going to contact that city slicker.”

  “Judd, do something,” Lanni cried, her patience long since gone. “Your father’s disconnected the phone.”

  “Dad. It’s fine.”

  “Did you think to inform him that Steve could be contacting me for business reasons?” Lanni flared, her hands placed defiantly on her hips.

  “No.” Judd’s own self-control was weakening. “You and I both know what Steve wants.”

  “You’re jealous!”

  “You’re darn right I am. I don’t like having that milquetoast anywhere near you.”

  “You tell her, son,” Stuart shouted.