All Things Considered

by Debbie Macomber

  “From the time he was in school, Judd and his father locked horns. The two seemed to grate against each other. If Stuart said one thing, Judd did the opposite just to rile his father. Heaven knew it worked often enough.”

  “They’re still at it.”

  “I hoped things would change,” Betty murmured softly. “They’re both so thickheaded that I sometimes feel it will be a miracle if they ever get along. Fools, the pair of them.”

  Lanni couldn’t agree more, but she didn’t know what she could do to help either of them.

  “And now Stuart’s trying to persuade Judd to stay on the ranch?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think he will?” Betty looked a bit uncomfortable to be asking.

  Lanni smiled into her coffee, remembering Judd’s promises. “Yes…It looks like we’ll all be staying.”

  “You and Jenny, too?” Betty looked both surprised and pleased.

  “Yes, Judd’s content here—happy. It’s beautiful country, and although there will be plenty of adjusting for Jenny and me, we’re willing. I know what you’re thinking,” Lanni said, watching Betty. “In some ways I may be a lot like Lydia, but I’m tougher than I look.”

  Betty shook her head. “You’re beautiful the way Lydia was, but you’re no orchid—not one bit. You’re the type of woman who will blossom where there’s plenty of love, and trust me, girl, Judd loves you. I saw it in his eyes when he mentioned you and Jenny were with him.” She paused and laughed lightly, shaking her head. “I wonder what it is about the Matthiessen men that attracts the good lookers. From the time Judd was little more than a lad, the girls were chasing him.”

  Propping her elbow up on the table, Lanni looked at the older woman. “Tell me some more about his youth. Did he have girlfriends?”

  Once again Betty laughed outright. “Lots of those. He was a real ladies’ man in high school. It used to drive Stuart crazy the way the girls would come around here, wanting to see Judd.”

  “He played football?”

  “Star quarterback. Jim and I attended every game. He was a real good player, the pride of his school. In those days Judd and his father argued constantly. Stuart didn’t want him playing football, said he could get hurt in that crazy sport. Judd ignored him and played anyway. Crazy part is, Stuart went to every game. Arrived late, thinking Judd wouldn’t know he was there. But he did. As he’d run on the field, I could see Judd looking into the stands for Stuart. The one time Stuart wasn’t there, Judd played terrible.”

  “He left home soon after graduation?” Lanni recalled Judd telling her that once.

  The sad light reentered the older woman’s eyes. “Two days later. By the time Judd was eighteen, he and his father were constantly at odds. They seemed to enjoy defying each other. Stuart wanted Judd in college—he had grand plans for the boy, but Judd wanted none of it. They battled night and day about the college issue. I don’t think extra schooling would have hurt the boy, but Judd was opposed to the idea of becoming some hotshot attorney to satisfy his father’s whims. After a while the fighting got to be something fierce. Jim and I sat down with Judd and pleaded with him to appease Stuart. It didn’t do any good.”

  “Jim suggested that the best thing Judd could do was join the service. So Judd enlisted with the Marines and was gone before Stuart could challenge it.”

  “But he kept in contact with his father.”

  “Stuart isn’t much for letter writing, but I know that Judd wrote. Not often, I suspect, but a word now and then so Stuart would know where he was. From what I understand, Judd did take plenty of college classes, but they were the ones that interested him and not his father.”

  “He’s been all over the world.”

  “I know.” Betty pinched her lips together. “For the first eighteen years of his life, he was stuck on these Montana plains. When he walked out the door, he didn’t look back. It’s as if he needed to prove something to Stuart or to himself. I don’t know which. He joined the Marines and never came back to the Circle M. Not until he showed up with you and Jenny.”

  “Stuart came to see us once.” Lanni spoke softly, remembering the miserable affair. “We’d been married less than a year.”

  “I remember. It was the first time either Jim or I could remember Stuart leaving the ranch for more than a few days. I suspect it was the first time he was on a plane.”

  “It…didn’t go well.”

  Betty grunted. “You don’t need to tell me that. It was obvious from the minute Stuart returned. He slammed around the ranch for days. There wasn’t a civil word for man or beast.”

  “Even then Stuart wanted Judd to go back to college and become a lawyer,” Lanni explained softly.

  “Stuart’s a strong-willed individual. He likes having his own way, especially when he believes he knows best. It’s taken all this time for him to accept the fact that Judd is his own self. The last couple of years have been hard on him; he’s feeling his age now.”

  “I don’t think it’s any problem figuring out why he sent for you and Jenny. He knew the time had come for him to swallow his pride. The pictures you sent him of Jenny helped. He sees Lydia in the little girl. It pained him at first, I know, but he kept her pictures by his bedstand and looked at them so often he nearly wore off the edges. He wanted Judd back, that’s true enough, but he wanted you and Jenny with Judd. In his mind, I believe, Stuart longs to find some of the happiness he lost when Lydia died. It’s too late for him now, but he wants it for Judd.”

  Judd belonged here. Within days, Lanni had witnessed an astonishing transformation in her husband. Judd was happy, truly happy here. This was his home, the one place in this world where he would be completely content.

  With the insight came the realization that her place was at his side. He’d asked her to live on the Circle M and she’d agreed. Naturally there would be adjustments, major ones. But Lanni was willing to do everything within her power to be with Judd and build a good life for Jenny and any other children they might have.

  When she was younger, newly married, she’d had trouble coming to terms with the thought of leaving Seattle. Judd seemed to want to travel and drag Lanni and Jenny in his wake. Lanni couldn’t deal with that and longed for a reassurance Judd couldn’t provide. How little they had known each other two years ago—Lanni thanked God they’d been given a second chance to make their marriage work. Now, if something were to happen and she did return to Seattle, her existence would be even more empty and alone than it had been before coming to Montana.

  “Grandpa’s going to build us a house,” Jenny announced casually. She’d rolled around bits of blue dough into perfectly shaped cookies and lined them neatly along the edge of the counter.

  “What was that, honey?” Betty asked.

  “Grandpa said now that you and Jim are back, he’s going to build me, Mommy, and Daddy a brand-new house.”

  Lanni’s and Betty’s eyes met and Betty slowly shook her head. “There he goes again, taking matters into his own hands.”

  * * *

  —

  When Lanni left Betty’s house, she discovered that the main house was empty. Stuart hadn’t let her know where he was going, but he often vanished without a word to her. Lanni accepted his absences without comment. He’d lived most his life without having to let anyone know where he was going. It wasn’t her right to insist he start accounting for his whereabouts now.

  Jenny went in for her nap without question. Lanni tucked her into the single bed with Betsy, and the little girl soon fell asleep. Feeling at loose ends, Lanni started straightening the mess in the living room. There were plenty of projects to occupy her if she’d felt comfortable doing them, but this was Stuart’s house and he would rightly object to any redecorating.

  Neat stacks of magazines lined the coffee table when Stuart came into the house.

  Lanni
glanced up from her dusting and greeted him with a shy grin, thinking he might object to her housecleaning the same way Judd did.

  Stuart stood awkwardly in the doorway leading from the kitchen to the cozy living room. A small bag was clenched in his hand. “I was in town.”

  Lanni watched him expectantly, not knowing what to say.

  “There’s this jewelry shop there. A new place that opened up for business about five years ago.”

  Lanni successfully disguised a smile. A five-year-old business could hardly be considered new.

  “Anyway…I saw this pretty bracelet there and I know how women are always wanting pretty things so I bought it for you.” He walked across the room and gruffly shoved the sack toward her.

  Lanni was too stunned to react and stared at the bag, not knowing what to do.

  “It’s gold,” he said tersely. “Take it.”

  “But, Stuart, why?”

  Ill-at-ease, the older man set the brightly colored sack on the tallest pile of ranching magazines. He stuffed his hands into his pant pockets. “As I said, women like having pretty things.”

  Lanni picked up the small package and found a long, narrow box inside. She flipped open the lid and caught her breath at the sight of the intricately woven gold bracelet.

  “I wish you hadn’t,” she said gently, closing the lid. This was no ordinary piece of jewelry, but one that must have cost a lot of money. “Stuart, this is very expensive.”

  “You’re darn tootin’ it is, but I wanted you to have the best.”

  “But…”

  “You deserve something pretty.”

  “Thank you, but…”

  “Judd was humming this morning and you had a sheepish look as well. That’s good, real good.” For the first time since Lanni had met Stuart Matthiessen, he smiled.

  Ten

  As it set, the sun bathed the rolling hills of the Circle M in the richest of hues. The sweet scent of prairie grass and apple blossoms mingled with the breeze, drifting where it would, enticing the senses. Lanni sat on the front porch swing with Jenny on her lap, reading the tales of Mother Goose to her sleepy-eyed daughter.

  The scene was tranquil, gentle. Lanni’s heart was equally at peace. The beauty of what she’d shared with Judd had lingered through the day and into the evening. She longed for him to arrive home so she could tell him how important she felt saving their marriage was to her.

  Jenny pressed her head against Lanni’s breast and closed her eyes. The gentle swaying motion of the swing had lulled the preschooler to sleep. Gradually, Lanni’s voice trailed to a mere whisper until she’d finished the story. She closed the book and set it aside. Her eyes searched the hills, seeking Judd. Her stomach churned at the thought of how close they had come to destroying their lives. Already she knew what her husband would say, and he was right. She had suffocated him with her fears and lack of self-confidence. When they’d gotten married, she’d been immature and unsophisticated.

  He’d been right, too, about her family. She had relied heavily upon them for emotional support. More than she should. Her greatest fear had always been that she would lose Judd, and yet she had done the very things that had driven him from her.

  Lanni sighed and rose from the swing. She carried Jenny upstairs and put her to bed, then moved to glance out the window. Jenny had been asleep only a matter of minutes when Lanni heard voices drifting in from the yard. From her position by the upstairs bedroom window, she overheard Judd tell Jim that he’d take care of the horses. Without argument, Jim murmured his thanks and limped toward his house. It looked as if the older man had twisted his ankle, and it was apparent he was in pain.

  Looking tired but otherwise fit, Judd led the two horses toward the barn.

  Lanni crept down the stairs to discover Stuart asleep in front of the television. She walked out the back door and to the barn.

  The light was dim in the interior of the huge structure when Lanni cracked open the massive doors. Judd threw a glance over his shoulder at the unexpected sound and casually straightened when he recognized Lanni.

  “Hello there, cowpoke,” she greeted warmly.

  “Hello there, wife of a cowpoke.” He walked toward her, but stopped abruptly and glanced down over his mud-caked jeans. “I’m filthy.”

  Lanni slipped her arms around his neck and shook her head. “I couldn’t care less,” she said, smiling up at him. “I’ve been waiting all day for you and I won’t be cheated out of a warm welcome.”

  Chuckling, Judd bent his head low to capture her mouth. Their lips clung. Judd couldn’t be denied her love and warmth another minute. All day he’d thought about her waiting back at the ranch house, and he’d experienced such a rush of pleasure that it had been almost painful. The minute after he was home and had a chance to shower, he was taking her to bed and making slow, leisurely love to her.

  “I thought it was all a dream,” Lanni whispered. “I can’t believe I’m in your arms like this.”

  “If this is a dream, I’ll kill the one who wakes me,” Judd said and groaned. He kissed her then with a wildness that stirred Lanni’s heart. “Oh, Lanni, love, I thought I’d die before I got home to you today. No day has ever been longer. I’ve been a horror to work with—just ask Jim. All I wanted was to get back to you.”

  Their mouths fused again and hot sensation swirled through her. When he released her mouth, Judd held her to him and breathed several deep, even breaths.

  “Let me take care of the horses,” he whispered.

  Lanni moved provocatively against him. “Take care of me first,” she said, nipping at his bottom lip with her teeth.

  “Lanni…” He buried his face in her neck. She was cradled against him in a way that left little doubt as to his needs. “Not here.”

  “Yes here.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Judd kissed her again, his tongue outlining her bottom lip first and then her top lip. Lanni was so weakened by the sensuous attack that she thought she might faint.

  With their mouths still fused, Judd lifted her into his arms. Without thought or direction he moved into a clean stall and laid her on the fresh bed of hay. Lying half on top of her, Judd kissed her again and again.

  The loud snort from one of the horses brought up Judd’s head. He released a broken, frustrated sigh. “Lanni.”

  “Hmm?” Her arms were stretched out around his neck, her wrists crossed.

  Judd looked over his shoulder and groaned.

  “The horses?” she asked.

  “The horses,” he repeated.

  “All right,” she murmured, and smiled leisurely. “I suppose that as the wife of an old cowhand, I best get used to playing second fiddle to a horse.”

  Grinning, Judd got to his feet and helped her up, gently brushing the hay from her back. “Give me fifteen minutes to shower and shave and we’ll see how second fiddle you feel.” He patted the stallion on the flank, moved around to unfasten the cinch from the massive beast, and then lifted the heavy saddle from the animal.

  “Can I help?” Lanni wanted to know.

  “If you’d like.” He nodded to his right. “The pitchfork’s over there. Go ahead and deliver some hay to these hungry boys.”

  Eager to help, Lanni did as he requested. “Aren’t you going to ask me about my day?”

  “Sure. Did anything exciting happen?”

  “You mean other than Stuart going to town and buying me a thousand-dollar gold bracelet?” She didn’t know what he’d paid for the piece of jewelry, but hoped to capture Judd’s undivided attention.

  “What!”

  She had it now. “You heard me right.”

  “Why would he do something like that?”

  “I’m not exactly sure,” Lanni replied. “But from what I understand, although he was careful not t
o say as much, the bracelet is a gift because I’ve fallen so nicely into his schemes.”

  Judd scowled. “How’d he know?”

  Lanni laughed and shook her head. “Didn’t you talk to him this morning?”

  “Not more than a couple of minutes. I told him where Jim and I were headed and what needed to be done. That was about it.”

  “Apparently, that was enough.”

  “Enough for what?”

  “Enough,” Lanni said patiently, “for Stuart to know exactly what happened between us last night.” To her amazement, Judd’s eyes narrowed with disapproval. “You’re angry?” she asked him, puzzled by his attitude.

  “No,” he denied, leading the horse by the reins into his stall.

  “But you look furious. Is it because he gave me the bracelet?”

  For a minute Judd didn’t answer her. “Not exactly. However, I’m going to let my father know that if any man gives you gifts, it’s going to be me.” He returned to the second horse, his movements jerky, angry. So Stuart had been so confident that their little talk had reaped its rewards that he’d gone out and gotten Lanni that fancy bracelet. He was furious with the old man, and equally upset with himself for falling so readily into Stuart’s schemes.

  “Judd,” Lanni said, placing her hand on his forearm to stop him. “Are you sorry about last night?”

  “No.”

  “All of a sudden you’re closing yourself off from me and I don’t know why.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “I’m your wife,” she cried, impatient now. “We were separated for two long, miserable years because we never talked to each other. I don’t want to make the same mistakes we did before. For heaven’s sake, tell me why you’re upset!”

  “Stuart has no business involving himself in our affairs.”