Trusted (Club Indigo Book 2)

by Karen Nappa

  Connor pushed his desk chair backward and crashed against the wall. Frustrated much ? he thought wryly. He scrubbed his hands over his face and was reminded he hadn't shaved since Suzie had told him to leave. Why did he leave? Shouldn't he have stayed and demanded they talk?

  He got up, again banging the chair against the wall. A chunk of plaster fell down. He didn't care about the damage to the wall. He cared about Suzie. The wall was easy to fix. He hadn't the slighted idea of how to fix things with Suzie. The sadist in him wanted to paddle her ass for throwing him out. The Dominant in him roared for him to go and demand she listen to him. The man in him, the part that used his brains, reasoned that when they talked, he needed to open up to her.

  Connor shut down his computer and went out to get supplies to mend the crack in the wall. It was easier than mending fences with Suzie. He wasn't ready for that.

  He intended to drive to Euston Hardware to get supplies but unconsciously steered to a familiar neighborhood, instead. He parked his car on the opposite side of the street and looked at the house. The grass needed cutting, but otherwise, it looked like they were managing fine without him.

  A man with a brown poodle on a yellow leash crossed the street, rounded the hood of his car and walked the sidewalk slowly. Connor had the feeling the man was watching him. Great, he was getting caught hanging around like some kind of perverted stalker. Although his grey hybrid car was non-descript, apparently, a man hanging around in a car in front of the home of a single mom raised suspicions. He approved of the neighborhood for Suzie's family, but it didn't help him now.

  Connor waited until the dog and owner had walked on and weren't watching him and his car anymore. He pressed the start button on his Prius and was thankful for the electric motor. He shifted into drive and slowly released the brake pedal, allowing the car to roll away from his parking spot.

  Connor drove home, the shopping forgotten.

  Suzie struggled to get out of bed. Her blanket felt like it weighed a ton. All she wanted to do was stay in bed and cry, but she couldn't. She couldn't let her children down; she couldn't let Sonja down. Connor would be disappointed if she did.

  Tears blurred filled her eyes. It didn't matter if Connor were disappointed; he wasn't part of her life anymore. She'd confronted him a week ago, and the pain hadn't lessened one bit. Why had he lied to her? She pressed the corner of the sheet to her eyes to soak up the tears. She pressed harder to prevent more tears from forming.

  Suzie wanted to scream. One moment, she was so sad, she just wanted to lie down and die. The next, she felt a raging anger and she wanted to scream and break things. Why hadn't he been honest with her? She kicked off her blankets and got up. She didn't have time to wallow in sorrow or rage in anger. She had a job to do and children to take care of.

  Although her heart was heavy in her chest, she made good time getting to the café. Normally, she liked the quiet in the morning, while she worked and the room filled with all kinds of delicious scents, both spicy and sweet. The café was doing very well. Sonja told her they'd made almost double the profit in the final months of last year in comparison to the year before. She had a great job, was doing the thing she loved, and she'd never made more money before, but she had never felt more miserable in her life.

  Suzie turned up the volume from her Spotify playlist and started to whisk up egg yolks to make custard. She halted her movement as the lyrics penetrated her thoughts.

  These wounds won't seem to heal.

  This pain is just too real.

  There's just too much that time cannot erase.

  Suzie wasn't aware the tears were streaming down her cheeks as she let go of the whisk. She pressed the repeat icon and turned up the volume.

  Sonja parked her three-year-old, fire engine red Mazda Miata in the employee parking lot behind The Savory Table and shut down her purring engine, a few minutes shy of 6:00 am. Her car was a little indulgence she allowed herself for her success. It wasn't a practical car, but it was fun to drive, and for a sports car, it got pretty good mileage.

  Sonja frowned as music drifted her way. Was that coming from inside? Sonja exited the car and approached the back door. The music became more distinct. She opened the door and a piano, violins, and a haunted female voice washed over her. The kitchen was overflowing with baked goods, ovens purring, and mixers spinning. The staff was standing along the wall transfixed at the sight. In the middle of the chaos, she found Suzie. She was crying and swaying to the music and beating the shit out of some batter. Sonja took one look at her business partner and retreated to make a call.

  "Laura? It's Sonja," she greeted Suzie's sister and their fellow Club Indigo submissive. She explained how she had found Suzie seconds ago.

  "Oh my," Laura answered. "Does the song happens to be My Immortal by Evanescence?"

  "I don't know the song, but hold on a sec." Sonja pulled the phone from her ear, pressed the speaker button, and stepped closer to the kitchen. "Can you hear it?"

  "Yes." Laura's voice came over the speaker loud and clear. "It's Evanescence all right." She sighed audibly. "She played that song over and over after her husband died."

  Sonja heard some rumbling in the background. Apparently, she'd awakened James as well.

  Sure enough, the next moment, James' voice came over the speaker. "We'll be there in twenty. Keep an eye on her, but try to act normally and make sure you can open your business at 6:30 am as usual."

  "Yes, Sir, the front door will be open." Sonja's submissive side came to life at the strong command in his voice, and her anxiety for Suzie dialed back a notch. James would take care of it. "Thank you." But the line had already gone dead. Although polite, James didn't waste time.

  Sonja shooed everyone to their tasks and quickly went over the inventory and orders. Suzie had managed to bake over two days' worth of goods despite her state or perhaps because of it. Sonja didn't know, and she didn't care. She liked Suzie, and the one thing she wanted was for Suzie to be happy. She would have happily agreed to halve the food, if it meant Suzie was back to normal. As a matter of fact, no baked goods and a happy Suzie would have been her preference.

  About halfway into her morning routine and with more than half an hour before opening, Laura and James arrived. Amy Lee's mezzo soprano still belted from the music device. Laura rolled her eyes as she started for the kitchen.

  James halted her with a hand to her upper arm. "Let me."

  Laura nodded in agreement and she and Sonja watched James march into the kitchen. The next moment, the volume of the music went down to a reasonable level. Sonja sighed in relief. "You know," she said to Laura, "it's a lovely song and a great singer, but I'd rather never hear it again."

  This had Laura smiling, although her eyes stayed worried. "Yeah, I get what you're saying. I've come to dread hearing this song, beautiful as it is. Let me help you with your prep and let James sort things out with Suzie."

  Suzie turned around glaring and came face to face with James. She started and put her hand on her chest. "What are you doing here?"

  "Laura and I are taking you home."

  "What, why?" Suzie objected. "No, I can't, I have to finish these breads, make some meringues and—"

  "Suzie." James' voice got that edge to it.

  Suzie knew that tone. "Yes, Sir?" Was that squeaky sound her voice?

  "You've made more than enough to keep the café going for three days. Sonja and your employees can handle the business. You're going to get your coat and give Laura your car keys," James ordered.

  Suzie hesitated.

  "This is not a request." James low voice took on an arctic quality. "You can do as you're told, or you can get a spanking first and then do it."

  Before Suzie had time to think, she had done what James had told her and was on her way to his truck.

  She halted her steps. "Wait, where are we going?"

  "First, we're going to your house to leave your car there. After that, we're going to Longview Lake."

  "Wh
at the hell?" In what kind of alternate universe had she landed? "What about the children?"

  "Don't worry about them, Suzie. Dan and Mary will take care of your kids and Josh, too," James replied with a frustrating calm, like it was an everyday event.

  Suzie didn't know how long she had been sitting in the bow of the boat, hands gripping the railing. James had driven them to the Longview Marina and rented a boat with an outboard motor. He'd helped her and Laura into the boat, placed a basket at Laura's feet, and taken his place at the stern. The boat moved at a leisurely speed, and her muscles started to relax. Suzie became more interested in her environment. She wasn't ready to talk, but with beautiful nature and cute water birds around her, she couldn't stay numb.

  Suzie risked a peek over her shoulder at her sister. Laura was leaning back on her elbows, eyes closed and face upward, enjoying the sun. More tension left Suzie, and she was able to relax her shoulders and move them away from her ears. She had been expecting a big sister lecture, but Laura had been silent, for the most part. Suzie let her eyes wander further and met James' gaze. He cocked his head at her but just kept steering the boat without saying anything.

  After an hour or maybe an hour and a half, James maneuvered to a secluded spot and shut down the engine. Certainly, they would grill her now? All James and Laura did was pull out two thermos bottles and poured coffee and hot water for tea.

  "Um, guys, when are you going to tell me I have so much to live for and so many people who love me?" Suzie asked tentatively. She caught the way James looked at Laura and bristled. "Why are you smirking at Laura?"

  James' gaze clashed with hers, and after a battle of wills, Suzie had to lower her gaze.

  "Why would we tell you things you already know?" came the oh-so-reasonable reaction. Damn him!

  Before Suzie could challenge him, Laura's soft voice interjected, "The smug bastard— Yes, Sir, I know I'll get punished for that later." She grinned unrepentantly at James. "—told me you just needed some space to realize what you were doing."

  Suzie looked over at James again and narrowed her eyes. How had he known?

  She opened her mouth and shut it again. He was right, of course, what had she been thinking? She'd heard the song and had been thrown back in time. She had felt the grief of losing Richard all over again, and it had been amplified by the loss of Connor. Connor had hurt her by not being honest. Why hadn't he been truthful with her? Why should she love twice when God could take them from her?

  "I can see on your face, you're having a revelation," James remarked.

  She nodded. She had. God hadn't taken Connor from her. She had driven him away, because she'd assumed the worst.

  "How can I trust Connor with my body, but not with my heart and soul?" Suzie startled—had she said out loud?

  James answered her. "That's the real question, Suzie. A question only you can answer."

  Connor stared in frustration at the damaged wall behind his desk.

  Twice, he'd been on his way to get the spackling compound, primer, and paint to make the repairs. Both times, he had ended up at Suzie's house. The second time, he hadn't driven his car up to the street where she lived. He'd parked a few blocks away and walked over, his head covered by the hoodie he was wearing. He had been standing behind a few trees and had watched Suzie in the kitchen. He saw Abby skipping rope with some of her friends at the end of the road. He couldn't decide if he yearned more to go over to the little girl and let her cheerful chatter help him smile or if he preferred to go to Suzie and taste what she was cooking. He hadn't done either. He had retreated without glancing back and went home again to his cold and empty house, with the hole in the wall and the bigger hole in his heart.

  Chapter 18

  S uzie looked around the living room. Everything was ready for the tenth birthday of her little girl tomorrow. Well, not so little anymore. Ten years old already, and Tim would be turning thirteen next month. Suzie stared in the distance. A lot had happened in the last two years. Her sister Laura was collared, living with James and engaged. Suzie smiled and blinked her eyes several times to contain the moisture. She was happy for her sister. Laura was thriving in her D/s relationship. Suzie couldn't suppress a small stab of envy. She had thought she had something good with Connor. She wiped the bottom of her sleeve over her eyes in an angry gesture. She wasn't going to cry, dammit!

  With a few shuddering breaths, she had her emotions under control. She checked all the preparations. Laura and Mary had helped her transform the living room into Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They would start with a Sorting Hat ceremony to divide the children over the houses, just like in Harry Potter. Mary had made reversible capes that would designate each child's house—either Gryffindor or Slytherin. They had come up with several games which would give the children the opportunity to collect points, both individual and group, for the house cup. Suzie adjusted a red and gold banner she had made out of crepe paper before she turned out the last light and went to bed.

  "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy."

  Suzie groaned and had a hard time opening her eyes. She had been tossing and turning for most of the night and caught herself searching for that reassuring warm, hard, male body twice. She mustered a smile for her daughter. "Happy Birthday, Abigail."

  "Mo-om," Abby whined at the use of her full name, and Suzie chuckled despite her gritty eyes and groggy head.

  "Teasing, Abby." Suzie stroked her daughter's soft hair, "Just teasing."

  Abby jumped from the bed and tried to pull Suzie out, too. "Let's go, Mommy. It's already a quarter to seven and my friends are coming."

  Suzie had to laugh. "They won't be here until eleven o'clock. There's no rush." But she slipped into her bathrobe and stepped into her slippers. Tucking the belt around her middle, she followed her daughter as she mentally prepared for the day to come.

  "Please keep your voice down until we're downstairs," Suzie said as they stepped into the hall. Tim was fast asleep. Normally, he wouldn't show his face before noon, but Suzie suspected he would be up earlier today, with the party going on.

  When they reached the kitchen, Abby squealed at the sight of her presents. Abby didn't have the patience for embroidery, but she liked making her own jewelry and Suzie had bought a big box with charms and beads and a book with new designs and patterns. Abby hugged her mother close. "Thank you so much. I'll make you and Aunt Laura bracelets." Abby stopped moving and pursed her lips. "Do you think Grandmother Mary would like one, too?"

  "I'm sure she would love one if you make it," Suzie reassured Abby with a smile as she switched on the coffee machine. She would need it. Shaking her head at her daughter's energy, she gave up the idea of having a quiet breakfast together. Suzie had been planning on making biscuits with scrambled eggs, but now she settled for toast with the eggs. While cooking, Suzie remembered the time Tim celebrated his tenth birthday. Suzie had wanted to throw him a big party, but her son had declined. He'd preferred going to the movies with his best friend, Josh. Suzie smiled to herself. Her two children couldn't have been more different if they had come from different parents. The eggs only needed a minute or so more, and then she had to coax her rambunctious daughter to eat. Suzie shook her head and fetched butter and jam for the toast.

  Eight girls and two boys were running around the yard dressed in capes. Suzie was happy that Laura, James, Dan, and Mary had all been available to help. A pang of longing shot through her as her mind wandered to Connor. There was no use thinking about what-if's, she told herself sternly. She needed to focus on the party.

  "Boys and girls," Suzie called, "let's have a snack and then it will be on to Care of Magical Creatures!" On the table, stood two plates with colorful fruits cut into snack-sized pieces and arranged artfully by Laura and Mary. Before the glasses of lemonade were even half empty, the fruit had vanished.

  "The children probably didn't realize they had something healthy," James remarked, and Suzie nodded.

  "Probably not." Suzie grinned. "As long as it t
astes sweet and is colorful, children like it. If you give them a whole apple, they'll scoff at it, but cut it up and it's a different matter."

  James chuckled.

  After washing their hands, it was on to the next activity. Mary, who had a keen eye for drawing, had created a beautiful unicorn and a dragon on big sheets of newsprint for coloring. Each house went to work with colored pencils, markers and paint. Suzie didn't expect them to stay at the task for long. Children at that age tended to have short attention spans and she expected the boys would need to burn off some of their energy soon. She had underestimated them, for this group liked a challenge and were quite competitive. To Suzie's astonishment, they spent over thirty minutes coloring and painting, and the animals came alive. The dragon was red with gold and green accents in a deep blue sea. The colors were stark and powerful. The unicorn had been transformed with a mane the colors of the rainbow and a light blue body and golden hoofs and horn. Suzie had to smile as she recognized the colors from Rainbow Dash, Abby's favorite stuffed animal. The sky in this picture was turned into different shades of pink and white, and although not lifelike, the effect was stunning.

  Mary clapped her hands. "You all did a wonderful job. I absolutely love both pictures." She half turned to Suzie. "Did you know how difficult it would be to judge, when you asked me to do it?" The children laughed and beamed proudly. Mary stood first in front of the unicorn. She praised the evenness of the strokes and the way the colors combined. She then turned to the dragon. Here, she pointed out the dramatic effect from the sea and the stark contrast between the red body and the golden and green accents. "All right," she said, "I've reached my conclusion. The unicorn is awarded 98 points." The house of Gryffindor erupted in cheers and jumped up and down. Mary waited until they'd settled down and smiled at the small group. "Yes, yes, wonderfully done." She turned to the house of Slytherin. "Your dragon is awarded 100 points." Which, of course, led to more cheers and jumping around. As one of the children almost tipped over a vase, James stepped in.