The Moment Everything Changed (Lucy's Life #1)
Page 10
“I’ve only been making Christmas cookies all my life.” I offer.
“So what’s the plan with Bobbie?” She asks putting her arm around me.
“I don’t know? I guess I’ll see what happens during my spare.”
“We’re meeting out front after school, right?” Octavia questions.
“Of course. I’ve got my overnight bag stashed in my locker ready to go.”
“I still can’t believe your mom’s letting you stay until Christmas Eve.”
“I can’t believe your parents are letting me stay until Christmas Eve.” I return.
“My mom loves it when you visit.” Octavia offers.
“Really?”
“Yeah. She says you’re like the daughter she’s always wanted.” Octavia does air quotes.
“You know she doesn’t mean it right?” I say turning to her.
“I know, she says she’s joking and I know she’s joking.” Octavia explains.
“It’s probably because when I’m over we do all the dinner dishes.” I smile nudging her.
“That’s the exact reason.” She laughs as our timer goes off. “Let’s see how these turned out.” Octavia says jumping down from the desk. I watch as she practically bounces to the oven. “Oh my God these turned out so good Lucy.” She practically yells pulling the tray from the oven.
“What did I tell you.” I smile coming to her side.
“Let’s see girls Mrs. Murray.” Says eyeing our cookie sheet. “Great work girls. I can’t wait to try one when they cool.” She winks at us.
“It was all Lucy. She’s like the baking whisperer or something.” Octavia adds.
“Hardly.” I smile a little flattered.
In my preverbal view, I see Bobbie smile. Was he proud of me…? Batch after batch all our cookies turn out. A few other groups manage to get a batch here and there but not every batch like our group. Since our group had way more than either of us could possibly carry we shared our batches with the entire class.
As the last batch sits on the cooling rack I sneak over and steal a cookie away for Bobbie. I’m waiting off to the side of our station while Mrs. Murray takes our cookies giving us a perfect score. I smile happy with the grade then slip out the door.
Silently making my way to the elevator I’m caught up in my thoughts. It seems like I’m always waiting for him…Waiting to find out how he feels about me. Waiting to see if he’ll finally ask me out, waiting to see what kind of mood he’ll be in…Waiting for someone else to come along and ruin things.
I can’t help feeling nervous when I see him walking towards me with his hands buried deep in his jean pockets. Why is it he always walks with his head down when he walks alone? Seeing him like that made me my heart go out to him even more. I let out a hurried sigh. I think this is what they mean by heartache. My hearts literally aching for him.
Bobbie approaches me. “How’d your cookies turn out?” I ask him smiling.
He laughs turning a light shade of red. “Not as good as yours apparently.”
“Did you get to try one?” I ask pushing myself off the wall.
“No.” He says regrettably.
I knew he’d be too shy to ask for a cookie. “Lucky for you I just happened to save you one.” I smile removing the cookie from my backpack.
“Seriously?” He practically beams.
“Yep.” I hand him my lunch container. “I washed the container in cooking class so it’s clean don’t worry.” I explain.
“I wouldn’t have cared either way.” He pops open the lid and removes the cookie. “It’s still warm even.” He says taking his first bite.
“Merry Christmas.” I smile at him. Taking the moment to let this view sink in.
“Merry Christmas.” He says taking another bite.
We ride the elevator down to the AR room while he munches on the cookie. “You’ve made these before, haven’t you?” He asks.
“Yeah. I bake Christmas cookies every year. Christmas is kind of one of my favorite holidays.” I brush a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “At least it use to be.” I barely whisper the last part.
“Why do you say that?” He questions me.
I hear the concern behind his question. “Things change, people grow up and Christmas just isn’t a big deal like it was before you know?” I shrug.
I was now remembering Midnight Mass with The Bernstein’s. I loved how everyone dressed in their best clothes to gather for mass. We’d light candles that everyone holds in their hands. I loved how the entire room was surrounded with people and the candle light. It made the church take on this peaceful and happy atmosphere. An atmosphere I sometimes wish I could go back too…
“Lucy?” Bobbie questions pulling me from my thoughts.
“Sorry what?” I snap out of it.
“Never mind.” He barely says.
“Sorry I’m just tired.” I lie.
“Good thing we’ve got two weeks of Christmas Break ahead huh?” He smiles.
“Good thing.” I fake a smile.
****
The spare flies by but I still haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask him out yet. I thought about asking him when we were sitting at the computers but I chickened out.
We were sitting at the computers so close our sweaters sleeves were practically touching each other but either one of said anything. It was nice to just be in the moment, calling attention to it would just ruin things.
Bobbie’s walking me out to the front but first we’ve got to stop at our lockers along the way. My locker is the closest so we stop there first. I’m so nervous that my hands are literally shaking. Calm down, I reassure myself.
Opening my locker, I start ditching books I didn’t need over the break. Once my backpack consisted of only the books I need for the break I reached for my second backpack, the one that has my clothes for the week.
“What’s with the second bag?” Bobbie questions.
“I’m staying at Octavia’s remember.” I look over at him.
“Right. Let me carry that one for you. You’ve got so many bags I’m afraid you’ll fall over.” He smiles taking my backpack full of clothes.
I can’t help but smile at the gesture. “What do you have in here?” He questions.
“A little of everything.” I smile. He’s eyeing me suspiciously. “It’s just clothes.” I assure him.
“How long are you going away again?” He questions.
“Just shy of a week.” I offer.
“Alright....” He smiles as we start walking to his locker.
“What are your, plans this week?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He stops in front of his locker. “I’m going to just sit back and relax this entire week.” He smiles.
I smile picturing him lounging around. “That sounds good.” I add.
“Sure does.” Bobbie opens his locker to drop off his family studies book then retrieves his coat. Slipping my second back pack off his shoulders he sits my bag in his locker then proceeds to slip into his coat.
“You could have just put it on the floor or passed it back to me.” I say motioning towards my bag in his locker.
“I don’t mind. Besides do you know how dirty this floor is?” He asks turning towards me.
“I’d rather not find out.” I chuckle. “I can only imagine. After all the stinky gym is right down the hall.” I play along.
“Exactly.” He plays along.
It’s sweet he’s concerned about my things. I’m sure if it had been any other guy he wouldn’t have cared so much about tossing my backpack on the floor. Bobbie seemed like he had more respect.
Once Bobbie closes his locker were walking towards the main doors. I’m completely tongue tied and I can’t seem to get the words out of my mouth. My brains telling me to speak but I just can’t seem to speak up.
Stepping outside Bobbie and I walk towards the square planter. I see Octavia’s mom sitting in the van off to the side but I know I still have time before the bell rings.
“Well I guess this it.” He scratches the back of his neck nervously. “Enjoy your week.” He winks at me setting my second backpack on the planter in front of us.
“Thanks I will…and thanks for carrying that for me.” I gesture towards my backpack.
Why did this suddenly get weird? It’s like that awkward moment you see on TV or in the movies where they’re standing on the front step after a date waiting for what happens next but either one of them know how to make the first move. Just thinking about it makes my cheeks feel warm.
“Of course…” He looks down at his boots nervously. “Merry Christmas Lucy.”
“Merry Christmas Bobbie.” I smile as I watch him walk away. I see Octavia’s mom get out of the van a moment later.
“I wanted to wait until he left just in-case.” Brenda winks approaching me.
“Thanks.” I smile.
“So is that the boy you’re always talking about?” She questions.
“That would be the one.” I brush some hair out of my face.
“I can see why you like him.” She returns.
“You can?” I question. Moving towards the van.
“Yeah, he’s cute.” She smiles at me.
“I think so.” I blush just thinking about him.
“You two a thing now?” Octavia’s mom questions.
It was funny to hear Octavia’s mom talk like this but at least she tries. Not like our mom. “No. I think I’m missing something?” I watch him again.
“Missing something?” She questions.
“Yeah, one moment everything’s fine between us, we’re laughing and talking then the next he’s all moody and distant.” I explain
“Give him time.” She rests her hand on my shoulder. It reminds me of the way Octavia comforts me. “He seems like the shy type.” Brenda offers.
“Yeah your probably right.” But I can’t help but feel like I’m setting myself up to get hurt…Either way I think I’ll be hurt in the end…For now I’m just going to enjoy whatever time I can spend with him. Whatever happens, happens.
“You all set for this week?” Brenda asks me opening the trunk so I can get rid of my backpacks.
“I’m so ready.”
Chapter Eight
It’s Christmas Eve morning so I’m packing up to go back home. The entire week Octavia was spent listening to music, talking about school and the guys we were currently missing.
Outside in the garage Octavia and I are waiting for her mom. “I can’t believe the week is over already.” Octavia says passing me the smoke.
“I can’t either.” I return taking a drag.
“You going to quit again when you get back home?” Octavia smiles taking the smoke.
“I don’t know?” I hand her the smoke back. “I don’t even know why I started again, it kind of just happened.” I shrug.
“That because you’ve been spending so much time here with me.” She smiles.
“That and all this stress.”
“You should have just asked Bobbie before Christmas Break.” She says looking back at me.
“I don’t think he’s into me like that though.” I offer standing up from the step.
Asking him out now will only ruin things. Right now, just being around him was enough for the time being. Making my feelings for him known right now might push him away completely…I wanted to hold onto the feeling of us for a little longer…I’d cross that line sooner or later.
Arriving back at my complex I get that sick feeling back. I think I’m starting to see how much I hate living here.
Octavia seems to pick up on my discomfort. “You okay?” She asks.
“I’m fine.” I lie pasting on a smile.
Brenda drops me off by unit sixteen so I only have a short distance to walk. Octavia’s questioning whether she should walk me back but I reassure her I’m fine.
After some convincing I make my way around the corner waving Octavia off. Turning back, I catch glimpse of Max walking down our walkway.
What’s he doing here? The panic is rising in my chest. Are they just coming back from his place now? I duck behind a tree and some snow. I watch him walk to the parking lot. Let’s hope he’s leaving.
I continue to stand here almost frozen in fear. I hear the sound of his Surban bolt past me so I know he’s gone. At least for right now. Good riddance. I pick up my bag and continue to walk towards my house.
Inside the boys are yelling about something and mom’s yelling at them both. I remove my jacket and kick off boots before anyone’s even noticed I’ve just walked in.
“Lucy.” Jayden runs to me. “I missed you.” He says smiling up at me.
“I missed you too buddy.” I pat his head.
“I’m going up to my room.” I call out heading upstairs.
I get halfway down the hall when I notice my bedroom door is open. Who the fuck’s been in my room? I pick up speed and rush into my room. Tossing my backpack in my comfy chair I begin to look around my room.
It smells like Max’s cologne in here. Yuck. I start flipping through my drawers. I can tell items have been moved around like he’s been looking for something. Looking for my diary huh? Think I’d leave something like that behind for you to find again? I’ve learned my lesson since the last time he got a hold of my diary.
Creeped out I slam my dresser drawer closed. Why does Mom keep bringing him around? I don’t buy the whole it’s the boy’s father act. If she cared about her kids seeing their Dad’s, then I’d be seeing my dad, wouldn’t I?
Reaching up on my shelf I pull the bottle of body spray down. I’ve got to get the smell of him out of my room. I spray the body spray in the air letting my ceiling fan carry the smell of vanilla throughout the room.
That’s better. My room smells like me again. Reaching into my backpack I retrieve my newly recorded tapes. Wanting to be alone for a while I slip into the space between my bed and dresser where all my old stuff animals are piled. Burying myself under the animals I slip on my headphones and escape into the music.
****
A few hours later Matt comes into my room and pulls a stuff animal off me. He’s the only one who knows I hide in here.
“It’s dinner.” He says pulling on my headphone. He’s about to bolt from the room.
Sitting up I yell. “Is Britney here yet?” I call after him.
“Yeah.” He calls not stopping.
Slipping my headphones off I climb out of the pile of animals. Dinner smells really good from up here. Let’s hope it goes as good as this dinner smells.
I’m half way down the stairs when I hear my sister’s voice. She’s talking to our brothers but for once she sounds happy for a change. I hear my mom’s voice next but instead of yelling at someone like I’m used to she’s talking calmly for a change.
Am I still sleeping? It almost feels like this is a dream. I make it to the landing and my mom acts all friendly with me. “You know your sister’s been quiet the popular girl this year.” My mom says grabbing my shoulders and smiling at me.
“Oh yeah?” Octavia questions. “How so?” She stops playing with Jayden.
“She’s been staying at her friends a lot of the time.” Mom offers.
“Has she?” Britney says standing up from the couch.
I hadn’t told Britney I was hanging out with Octavia after school especially since she warned me not to hang out with her. Britney often treated me like I was a kid.
“Which friend is this Lucy?” Britney questions lifting an eyebrow at me like she already knows.
“Octavia.” I say matter-of-factly.
“The one from Geography?” She asks eyeing me still.
“Oh you know her?” Mom asks.
“Oh I know her.” Britney offers still eyeing me.
“Yeah so. I like hanging out with her. Just because you guy
s don’t like each other doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with her.” I shrug out of my mom’s grip annoyed. Don’t start acknowledging me now, it’s too late and I won’t play this game with you. The one where you both put me in the middle.
I pull out my chair at the dining room table and sit down. Both mom and Britney just look at me without saying a word. “Are we going to eat or what?” Matt asks.
“Yeah, we’re going to eat.” Britney says messing up his hair.
I barely look at either one of them. I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m one of the younger kids. Fuck Britney’s only a year and three months older than me. We’re in the same fucking grade so…Britney looks across at me but I pretend not to notice while I scoop food onto my plate.
The rest of dinner goes pretty much the same way. Everyone’s taking little shots at each other and by the end of dinner Britney’s threatening to leave. Mom’s crying, Britney and Ray are arguing, Matt and Jayden are acting out in their own little way too.
Why did I come back for this? If I was still living with The Bernstein’s we’d probably be singing church song’s or eating Christmas cookies with Grammy and Pop right about now. A tear rolls down my check but I quickly swipe it away before anyone notices. “I’m going to my room.” I call out walking away but no one seems to notice, either that or they just don’t care. I’m the odd one out yet again.
Slipping into my room I crawl back into my little corner to cry. If Britney’s already threatening to leave and the boys are acting up I can almost guarantee Max will be over soon. There goes my happy Christmas…Why did I think this year would be any different? When will this all end?
I fall asleep and wake up to the front door slamming shut. Tossing my headphones off I hear Max’s voice. Fear shutters through me. She did call him…Maybe I’ll be safe though…Mom can’t go to bingo on Christmas Eve. Can she?
Not wanting Max to know about my hiding spot I get up and turn on my light. How long had I been sleeping? It’s dark in here now.
Max’s presence in the house is unsettling. I can’t seem to relax. I needed something to distract myself, I needed to keep my thoughts off the bad things I knew were waiting for me tonight. I just couldn’t go there mentally right now. Living in constant fear was exhausting.