The Moment Everything Changed (Lucy's Life #1)

by Michelle Heron

  “I hear you.” I offer and she smiles shyly.

  By the time lunch comes around my head hurts from all the numbers. I wave goodbye to Tori and make my way to the elevator. I wonder if Bobbie will be in the AR room for lunch?

  My heart skips a little faster. I make my way down stairs but once I get to my locker I realize in my haste to get out of the house early this morning I forgot to pack an extra sandwich for Bobbie.

  I look down the hall to see he’s standing at his locker sorting through books. Maybe I’ll just wait for him here.

  I wait a few minutes before he finally walks by holding a smoke in his hand. In not so many words he’s telling me he’s headed out for a smoke first. I smile but inside I’m a little disappointed. He’s barely said a word to me all day. I’m curious to find out what’s going on?

  Slipping my headphones on for comfort I watch him walk away. Why do I keep putting myself through this? I start towards the AR room when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

  I pretty much jump out of my skin. “Sorry to startle you.” Cliff says chuckling.

  “Sorry.” I return slipping the headphones off. “I didn’t see you.”

  “No problem.” He looks at my headphones. “Is that the Pumpkins you’re listening to?” He questions.

  “Umm, yeah. Why?” People are staring at us. We move to the side so were not standing in the middle of the hallway.

  “Never pegged you for a fan.” He smiles.

  “Really? Do you not know me at all?” I shove him.

  “I thought I did?” He says eyeing me.

  “What do you mean?” I ask looking away.

  “What’s going on with you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” But I don’t meet his eyes.

  “I don’t know, you seem different again. Darker somehow.”

  He can see all that? “Come on I.” I smile. “I’ve always been pretty mysterious remember, that’s what you liked about me remember?” I tease. But maybe he’s right. I’m not hiding my pain like I used to.

  “Liked about you?” He teases shoving me playfully.

  I wish it was this easy with Bobbie. Maybe it was easier to be myself when I knew it wouldn’t go any further then being friends.

  “Funny.” I laugh. “Don’t worry about me.” I reassure him. “Did you get to see your sister over the break?” I ask.

  “Yeah.” He looks away nervously.

  “And, how is she?” I continue.

  “She’s barely hanging in there.” He leans back against the wall.

  “What do you mean?” I turn to him blocking out everyone around us.

  “It’s hard on her own. She can barely make ends meet.” He continues.

  “I’m sorry.” I offer.

  “Thanks.” He looks away. “I told her we we’re in class together.” He says smiling at me now.

  “I bet she had a good laugh.” I smile.

  “A bit…” He smiles. “She asked about you.” He continues.

  “Really? What did she say?” I question.

  “She just asked how you were? What you were like now? You know?” He shrugs.

  “And what did you tell her?” I ask looking back over my shoulder.

  “At first I told her you were good but she wanted to know more. So I thought about how you are now and then I thought about what you were like back then and that’s when I realized you were different.” I focus my attention back to him.

  We’re looking at each other and for that split second it’s almost like he’s seeing everything. Everything I’m desperately hiding.

  “I told her you seemed sadder…” He’s being serious. “Then she laughed and said you were probably sadder because she’s no longer around.”

  He slowly smiles but I can see he’s covering, he’s turning a serious moment into something lighter, something easier to talk about.

  “She would say that.” I laugh turning away.

  Cliff had a way of seeing me like a brother would. He always seemed to know when something was bothering me, even though we were practically kids back then he was always serious with me.

  Tonya always thought it was cute how he looked out for me. She teased that if Cliff wasn’t such a “ladies man” that we’d be perfect for each other.

  “So how are you really?” He turns serious again.

  “Fine…I’m hanging in there you know?” I smile.

  Cliff doesn’t know exact details about my life but he knows my home life is difficult. Somewhat like his home life.

  “Alright.” He pulls away from the wall as Bobbie returns walking right past us. “You know where to find me if you need anything. Remember that.” He pats my arm, then walks away.

  I turn to watch Cliff pass by Bobbie. Cliff nods at him but I can tell the smile Bobbie’s just pasted on is fake.

  Instead of waiting for Bobbie to join me I go into the AR room first. Just as I’m sitting down Bobbie walks in. Sitting across from me I pass him my sandwich.

  “Where’s yours?” He asks.

  “I’m not hungry.” I shrug. He takes the sandwich and opens his pop. “So how was your break?” I ask him.

  “It was alright, how was yours?” He questions looking up at me.

  I tuck some hair behind my ear as I look over at him. “Alright I guess.” He blushes as I smile up at him. “So did you get to see your Dad?” I’m curious to know if he asked his Dad about our Dads.

  “Yeah he made it back for Christmas morning.” He returns.

  I’m hit with a remembrance of my Christmas morning…but I shove the thoughts aside and force a smile.

  “And did you ask him about my Dad?” I ask picking at my backpack trying not to seem too invested.

  “I did.” He finally takes the time to look at me.

  I’m looking up at him almost breathlessly waiting for the answer. “And?” I press.

  “He doesn’t recognize the name…sorry.” He says letting me down rather softly.

  Maybe that’s why he’s been acting weird. “Hey it’s alright. Who knows, my Dad might use like a code name on the road or something.” I offer hoping to keep my hopes up.

  “Maybe.” He returns. “So I take it you didn’t see your Dad then?” He adds.

  “No. Ray and Britney went as planned.” I offer.

  “Really? I’m sorry.” He says softly.

  It’s nice to hear his gentler side. The side I was desperately attracted too. “Thanks…I guess I kind of knew I wouldn’t get the chance to see him.” I shrug looking away.

  It really, did affect me though. I’d always wonder what I did to ward my parents off. Most days I felt like I wasn’t wanted anywhere…

  “It’s still not right though.” He offers taking the time to look at me.

  I can see kindness in his eyes. Could he see that I’m hurting? I search his eyes like they’ll give me the answers. “I know. All I can do is hope that maybe one day in the future I’ll get my chance to know him.” I say brushing a fallen piece of hair behind my ear.

  “I’m sure that’s true.” He returns. “Anyways I need a smoke.” He pushes his chair back.

  “Can I join you?” I ask.

  “Yeah if you want.” Bobbie shrugs.

  We walk the hall in awkward silence. “So this is the other smoking section huh?” I say once we get outside.

  It’s freezing out here but we walk a little further. I’ve never been in this smoking section before. Looking around it almost seems like this is where all the guy’s come to smoke.

  “You don’t have to be out here if your cold you know?” He says looking over at me.

  It wasn’t until now that I realized the guys were staring at us. I can’t stomach all these guys looking at me.

  “I think your right. I’ll catch you back inside.” I say walking backwards. I’m about to approach the side door as someone comes rushing out.

  “Sorry my bad.” He calls as he rushes past me.

  It’s the same guy from befor
e and yet again I can’t make out who he is, he’s got his hoodie up covering most of his face.

  “No worries.” I say softly moving aside.

  Catching the door before it closes I head inside. Instead of standing around I sit down on the steps and try warming my hands. I’m caught up in my thoughts when the door opens a moment later. Shielding my eyes from the sun the door slams and its Bobbie I see standing in front of me.

  “Done already?” I question standing up.

  “It’s frigging cold out there.” He laughs blowing on his hands.

  “I told ya.” I smile as we walk back through the hall. “So how’s your canvas bag coming along?” I question twirling my lock combo.

  “Good enough I guess.” He shrug’s as I pull open my locker. “I’ve got a few thing’s on it.” He leans against the locker beside mine. “How’s yours?” He asks.

  “I’m done but my drawing sucks.” I pull my art bag out. “Here check it out.” I pass it over to him.

  He’s looking admiring it curiously. “Who’s SP?” He questions pointing to the initials surrounded by a heart.

  His face is red. I get the impression he thinks it’s a name of someone I like. “It’s off the Smashing Pumpkins CD. I take it you’re not a fan of their music?” I question closing my locker. “I’ll take that from you if your done looking at it.” I smile slipping my backpack back on.

  He passes it back. “Ya I don’t really listen to them.” He returns pushing himself off the locker beside mine. We turn to walk towards his locker next. I watch as he slips his hands into his pockets nervously.

  Aware of the immediate silence I’m searching for something to say. “What bands do you like?” I ask brushing the hair out of my eyes.

  “I don’t know off the top of my head.” He shrugs. “I kind of just listen to whatever.” He adds grabbing his things from his locker.

  I can’t help but feel like I’ve upset him somehow. Was it something I did? Nervously I brush a hair behind my ear. “I get that. I listen to pretty much everything.” I try to lighten the mood but it still feels tense between us for some reason. “Are you alright?” I barely whisper.

  “I’m just tired, sorry.” He returns.

  “Alright.”

  We walk to art class without saying a word to each other. I can’t shake this weird feeling. Looking over at him I can tell he’s feeling uncomfortable around me. But why?

  “Um I’ll see ya inside okay?”

  “Sure.” I return.

  Once he’s a few steps ahead of me I let out a deep sigh. What’s going on with him? I watch him weave through the crowds.

  What’s going on with me? I don’t usually feel this strongly. I feel like he’s walking away with my heart but it’s crazy because we’re not even dating. Those walls I’ve built up slowly seem to be crumbling down around me but I’m not sure I know how to deal with everything.

  A tear rolls down my cheek and I swipe at before I walk into class.

  Chapter Ten

  January flies by and the school is suddenly in a buzz over Valentine’s Day. At least most of the girls in our classes anyway. Both Kira and Octavia have this little contest going on, they want to see who ends up with the most Valentines. While I on the other hand would be happy with just one.

  I glance across the room at Bobbie. A Valentine from him would mean the world to me but the smarter part of me knows it’ll never happen. He’s just to shy.

  Later that afternoon we’re in art class when we over hear Megan and Audrey talking about their Valentine’s day plans.

  “I’m probably going to get Valentine’s from all the guys in grade nine.” Megan says. Bobbie snickers.

  “What?” I question looking his way.

  “What’s with you girls and Valentine’s Day?” He asks playfully.

  I didn’t want him to think I was one of those sappy girls. I honestly didn’t think I was one of those types until I met Bobbie. “It’s for suckers that’s for sure.” I chuckle watching to see his expression.

  “You mean you don’t have a Valentine?” He teases.

  But the way he says it I’m not sure whether he’s asking me if I have a Valentine or if he’s just making conversation? Bobbie’s very hard to read.

  “Um no.” I say sharping my pencil crayon.

  “I thought you and blonde over there were a thing?” He motions towards Cliff’s table.

  “You mean me and Cliff?” I question a little stunned.

  “He flirts with you enough.” He says focusing his attention back on his sketch.

  I can’t help but smile. Is that jealously I’m hearing in his voice? “That’s just for fun, Cliff’s like my brother or something.” I look over at Bobbie. “You weren’t worried we were, together were you?” I question hoping he’ll give me some kind of indication about his feelings.

  “It doesn’t really matter to me.” He says matter-of-factly.

  What does that mean…? Does that mean he doesn’t like me…? I look over at Tori who hasn’t said a word. She hasn’t even looked up from her sketch pad this entire conversation. Maybe there is still something going on between them. My heart feels completely crushed. Is there something I should be aware of?

  “Okay.”

  I can’t manage much more. I’m too tongue tied. I wish Octavia was here. She’d know what he meant instead Tori I’ve got to sit here wondering what’s going on.

  Both Tori and I sit here working or our sketch assignments quietly. It wasn’t unusual for us not to talk the entire time but this felt different somehow. Once again I feel like an outsider. Did these two have some, kind of history? His comment was a little cryptic. I sneak a look over at Bobbie again who seems content on his assignment to notice my concern.

  I’m grateful art is my last period of the day, I’m not sure how much longer I can sit in the same room with Bobbie after that remark. My thoughts are spinning out of control. Bobbie’s comment suddenly has me rethinking this entire year. Was it all just wishful thinking? Was I wasting my time falling for a guy who felt nothing for me?

  My breathing picks up and I’m getting sharp pains in my chest. I lean with my back against a wall as the room begins to spin. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was having a heart attack.

  I write Octavia a note and slip it into her locker on my way to my bus. Downstairs I rush to my locker quickly switching out books I don’t need. Grabbing my coat, I toss it over my shoulder and slam my locker closed. Looking down at my watch I see the bells about to ring in a minute. Rushing down the hallway I get to the front doors as the bell sounds above me. I’m out of here. I push the doors open and step outside.

  “What are you doing girl you’re going to catch cold.” Gloria says as I walk towards the bus.

  “I hadn’t noticed.” I explain out of breath as I slip past her. As I’m walking to my seat I happen to catch sight of Bobbie coming out of the school.

  Looking at him my heart practically catches in my chest. He walks by and it feels like everything is moving in slow motion…or am I about to pass out?

  “Everything okay?” Gloria asks eyeing me from the front.

  I don’t even try to hide my disappointment. “Yeah.” I return.

  “What’s going on?” Gloria questions almost like a girlfriend would.

  “Nothing.” I slump down into my seat. “I honestly don’t want to talk about it right now if that’s okay?” I don’t look up at her. I’m just not in the mood.

  “Alright.” Gloria says closing the door. Moments later we’re on the road.

  Everything is going by in a blur as I’m caught up in my thoughts. I continue to replay all my moments with Bobbie. All the times we had lunch together, all the earlier mornings we’d meet up at each other’s lockers…All the hidden looks between us. Was it all for nothing? Is this what breaking up feels like? There’s not even an us to break up but somehow I feel like everything’s changing.

  “Lucy?” Gloria calls looking back at me.

&n
bsp; Shit I was home already. “Sorry.” I collect my things frantically taking a moment to slip on my jacket before I exit the bus.

  The cool air whips at the exposed skin on my face and my hands immediately. Burr.

  Entering the house, I hear my mom on the phone. Octavia wouldn’t even be home yet. So if mom was quick I wouldn’t miss her call.

  Not in the mood to socialize with anyone I go straight upstairs to my room. Upon entering my room, I look at my surroundings. This is the last place I want to be. My room is nothing but a constant reminder of bad things.

  I drop my backpack on the floor then sit down in my comfy chair. I can’t get Bobbie’s words out of my head. “It doesn’t really matter to me.” I hear him say again. Air escapes my lungs and I silently break down. I cry for a good five minutes but that’s all he gets. I’m not going to shatter because of this. Of all the thing’s to finally break me Bobbie won’t be one of them.

  Not wanting to dwell any longer I head to the shower to get refreshed. Maybe I’m just reading too much into this?

  Twenty-minutes later I hop out of the shower. Making my way down the hall I hear. “Octavia called for you.” My mom calls from downstairs.

  I can only assume she’s still sitting on the couch. “Alright I’m going to call her back in your room okay?” I call down.

  “Fine.” She returns.

  Max isn’t here so I go into my mom’s room still wearing my towel. I pick up the phone then dial Octavia’s number. It ring’s three times before she finally answers.

  “So what’s this boy trouble?” Octavia asks referring to the note I left in her locker.

  “Can I just come over?” I ask. “I don’t really want my mom over hearing.” I explain.

  “Yeah I’ll get my mom to come get you.” I hear movement in the background and then Octavia calls out to her mom saying they need to come pick me up. A moment later she comes back to the phone. “K, we’ll be there in like fifteen minutes.” Octavia says.

  “Thank you. See you soon.” I disconnect.

  Moving into my room I get dressed quickly then make my way back downstairs. “I’m headed to Octavia’s for a bit.” I call out slipping into my boots.