Dawn to Dark

by Halston James

  Hearing the door slam shut and footsteps entering the dorm, I tried to stifle my sniffles before Destiney heard me blubbering once again. I knew she was getting fed up with my sorrow, but I didn’t know how to control it.

  Royce has been my everything, as cliché as that sounded. He was the first boy to show compassion toward me. Opening my heart to him had been one of the single hardest things I had done since leaving my home. To know that it had started as a bet, essentially saying I was a game, hurt. It more than hurt, it crushed me.

  How could I take that chance again? Open myself to that kind of pain again.

  What happened between us wasn’t even the icing on the cake.

  To have my sisters, my evil stepsisters, be the bearer of my humiliation was far worse than anything the fraternity could have done to me. It was foolish of me to make such a simple mistake. Being outed by a simple piece of paper was devastating. I thought I had covered my tracks so well.

  I never considered the college would send paperwork back home. When my name appeared on an envelope, it was posted within the post office for someone to claim. My sister saw it and immediately alerted my mother, hence their journey to California. They had been here to take me back, at least that was the consensus Destiney and I gathered from murmurs around school. While they knew what college I attended, they didn’t know where I lived, or at least didn’t ask around enough to figure it out. Mother couldn’t ask administration for my dorm number without causing a scene, thus they left. Which was for the best.

  Destiney poked her head around the corner, something I saw out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t want her to see me, much less lecture me about my current state. Hoping she would assume I’m sleeping, I lay as still as possible, barely allowing my chest to expel the air from my lungs. Unfortunately, I had no such luck. She sat down beside me and shifted the cover back to look at my face.

  As she gazed at me with an understanding expression, one she hadn’t shown lately, I stared back at her, waiting for whatever words of wisdom she would soon spout.

  “Are you doing okay, sweetie?” Her tone was soft and filled with concern.

  Not wanting to open my mouth in fear of more sobs slipping free, I wobbled my head from side-to-side. I didn’t want to lie to her, she didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve that. My emotions were allowed to be shown, even if they were getting tiresome by now, but everyone grieved at their own rate. There was no universal timeline for how long someone was allowed to feel sad.

  “What can I do to help you feel better?”

  I wish I knew. I wanted to give her an answer. Something that would perk me right up, but I didn’t know if such a thing existed. Unable to give her anything, I shrugged my shoulders, a feat that was difficult with the way I was lying.

  “I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up.” When she looked away, I knew what she had been about to say would hurt. For her hard exterior, Destiney was fiercely loyal. We may have had our differences, but she would always be on my side.

  “Go ahead,” I croaked out, my throat dry and parched from dehydration. I needed to hydrate myself, but I was too lazy to get up and search for a water bottle.

  “Do you know what day it is?”

  The question caught me off guard, unsure where she could have been going with it. Sitting up slightly, causing my mountain of tissues to fall into Dee’s lap, I sought out my wall calendar. It took a few moments for me to find the exact date, and once I spotted, I knew with blaring clarity why she was asking.

  The winter formal was fast approaching. Two days in fact. My heart clenched and tears formed in my eyes once again. I had been looking forward to the dance so much. Destiney had planned to spend the day pampering me by doing my hair, makeup, and nails. I had spent a good chunk of change on a dress that would now go to waste.

  “I’m going to share with you one of my favorite quotes from an amazing band.” When I looked at her with wide, red-rimmed eyes, she continued. “When all you got to keep is strong. Move along, move along like I know you do. And even when your hope is gone, move along.”

  Silence spread between us before giggles erupted from my lips. They were so accurate, yet so silly in that moment, that I couldn’t hold back my mirth. Without warning, I threw my arms around Destiney and squeezed as hard as I could. Every ounce of love and gratitude went into that hug. She wasn’t done with her advice though. Oh no, she was just beginning.

  Easing me back and holding me at arm’s length, she looked into my eyes, assessing me for some reason.

  “What I’m about to say is going to hurt you, and for that, I’m sorry, but I think you deserve to know.”

  Steeling myself for whatever she was about to say, I took in a deep breath and held it for several counts before slowly letting it out. Repeating this several times, I nodded to let her know I was prepared for whatever was about to happen.

  “Royce is a legend on campus. Guys want to be him and girls want to be his arm candy. Yet, no one really knew him. They just had this idea about what he was like, and as long as he was scoring winning goals for the team, they didn’t care to know more than the surface.”

  She looked away before continuing. “I admit when you first got together, I didn’t think it would go anywhere. Actually, I kind of thought it was prank. It’s why I was so against you continuing to see him. I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”

  Tears form in her eyes, but she pushed through. “The longer he was with you, the more of a change I saw. I honestly believe you saw the real him. A side of himself he didn’t show many people, if any. The fraternity puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on its members. Being the president, you would assume he would have some leniency, but it’s the opposite. Constant demands are placed on his shoulders, from his members, pledges, and board members. I think…” she trailed off for a moment to gather her thoughts. “I think he would have told you the truth eventually. I think maybe he was just enjoying the time you had together and was afraid to lose that. To lose you, even if he still did. I have to believe that everything spiraled out of control before he was able to be honest with you.”

  Without words to express how I felt about her word vomit, I sat and thought about it.

  Did he really care? Maybe it started as a bet, but it turned into something more. Something neither one of us were prepared for. Could that be the case? Even if it was, it was too late now. Wasn’t it?

  “Let’s say that’s true,” I started, “what would happen now? I don’t know if I’m ready to put my heart out there again, much less with Royce again. How could I face him?”

  My bottom lip trembled with my confession, my words getting quieter with each syllable.

  Taking my hand within both of hers, Destiney drew my attention to her once more.

  “Are you willing to lose him over this? If you can tell me right now, honestly, that you can go forward with your life without any regrets, I will drop all this. We will go out of town this weekend, or do something else to get your mind off what will be taking place. But I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you could be happy without him.”

  What kind of stupid question was that?! Of course, I could be happy! My happiness shouldn’t rest on the shoulders of someone else. I was the conductor of my own happy train. But that little voice in the back of my head poked and prodded, whispering what ifs and what could have beens. I wanted to shut it away, to brush it aside and scoff at its ridiculousness, but I couldn’t.

  Because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Royce would always hold a piece of my heart, the way only a first love could.

  She didn’t need me to verbalize my answer, she knew by the look on my face.

  “This is what we are going to do…”

  15

  Royce

  The night had finally arrived.

  I had wanted this night to be special. I was going to confess my true feelings to Arabella and tell her what had been going on. Instead of the debacle Cody had wanted the night to be.

/>   That blew up in my face.

  Wishing for a different outcome and analyzing my every decision had become my everyday routine. If I had just told her sooner. I wish I had told her sooner. If I had told the guys I wanted out of the bet. I wish I had never gone to that party. Those were the things I constantly had running through my head.

  I knew it wouldn’t change anything, and I couldn’t blame Arabella for her feelings, but I wished she would talk to me. Seek me out for an explanation. As it was, I was too scared to face her myself. Terrified of what she would do, or say, if I showed up in her dormitory.

  Tonight was going to suck.

  Girls practically begged for me to take them to the Winter Formal once they heard what happened between Arabella and me. Some coming up within minutes of the incident. It was disgusting and vile. I wanted to rage out my anger on them for everything, but I had an image to uphold. One that I was becoming to hate with every fiber in my body.

  These people were sheep in wolves’ skin. Each of them following the head honcho on what they thought was appropriate behavior. It would be nice if just one person asked how I really felt. Asked about something other than the next party or who we would be playing next. The superficial façade I had placed upon myself was getting harder to maintain every day. Soon it would crumble, and I was beginning to think that wasn’t such a bad idea.

  Once I left this place, I would probably never see these people again. They didn’t mean anything to me. I wasn’t looking for life long relationships with them. I was only here to further myself in what I wanted to do, play professional soccer. Why was I placing such high regard on something I didn’t deem important?

  Why did I place them above Arabella?

  It was amazing how clear things became once you’d lost something important. How everything came into perspective when it was too late. Or was it? Could I still have a chance?

  My thoughts were interrupted by the doorman asking for my invitation. I carried both tickets I’d bought in my pocket, hating that I hadn’t thought to give Arabella hers in advance. Something I wished I could have done, looking back on it now. Maybe if I had, she would show up and I could fix this.

  I remembered the day she told me about dress shopping. She had been so ecstatic to have found a dress that not only fit the winter theme, but also worked well with her complexion. Watching her face light up with childlike wonder had been mesmerizing. I knew she didn’t have anything like that growing up and being the one to celebrate such a moment with her had meant the world to me. Until I screwed it up. Now she had wasted that money for nothing. Who knew when she would have another occasion to where such a dress?

  Walking into the country club, the decorations were muted by my lack of enthusiasm. The sorority girls spent weeks planning this thing. Getting sponsors, donations, organizing bands and caterers. Even my frat brothers chipped in a bit and went around town asking for help.

  Winter wonderland was always the theme, but each year it varied slightly. Never really considering the labor that went into such an affair, I looked around to take in what I’d denied Arabella the ability to be a part of.

  Every inch of the building was covered in shades of blue, white, and silver, though there was almost a lilac hue to the atmosphere. Lining the walls were bare trees coated with fake snow and draped with twinkle lights. Each table was covered with tablecloths and snowflake pieces haphazardly tossed upon them. A chandelier made of icicles hung above them. Centerpieces decorated the middles, each unique in its own right, but with the same general idea. Tall vases, white flowers, and twinkle branches. Some even had snow covered pine cones or candied treats within the vases. Also hanging from the ceiling were strings of paper snowflakes coated with some type of shimmering substance that when the light hit it just right, sent designs dancing across the floor.

  In one corner, a photo booth had been set up with an arch made of white lights, paper snowflakes, balloons, and other things I couldn’t see from this distance. It looked over the top but was getting used by several couples, as well as the sorority houses.

  The dance floor was situated in the center of all the tables, allowing the patrons to easily see those dancing. It was a simple wooden floor which granted dancers to glide comfortably across its surface.

  The more I took in, the more my gut tightened with queasiness. Arabella should have been here with me, enjoying everything this night had to offer. My stupid pride, attitude, pushed the one thing I cared for in this world away.

  Planning to sulk the night away, I found my assigned seat, ordered an alcoholic beverage from a passing waiter, and sat to waste the evening.

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it had been a considerate amount, when the most glorious sight caught my eye. Arabella floated into the country club and stood beneath the twinkling lights, looking like a vision from every guy’s dream.

  Her dress was a dark shade of blue and reached the floor. It was strapless and accentuated her collarbones and pale skin. Her long, flowing blonde hair was curled and framing her face, bringing out features I spent months analyzing.

  Questions of how she was here and why spun wildly within my head, but I didn’t care. I wanted her with me, in my arms, forever, if I could have my way. It seemed like a crazy notion, spending forever with a girl I’d only spent a few months with, but something about Arabella called to me. I knew we would have several things to talk about, but I was willing to take the leap if she was. Now if I could only get her over here.

  Turned out, I didn’t have to convince her. Instead, she waltzed her way through the crowd, seeming as if she was gliding across the floor. My eyes were focused solely on her, ignoring the people I could feel gathering around me. A scene was sure to happen, but I was done. In that moment, I made a promise. No more games. No more secrecy. No more caring how others viewed me. The only person who mattered was currently walking toward me, and I would do everything in my power to get her back.

  A hand wrapped itself around my arm like an octopus tentacle. Gently trying to pry it off, the fingers seemed to tighten further the harder I tried. I was about to turn to the girl when Arabella finally stopped within inches of me.

  Up close, I could see her makeup. Her long eyelashes were coated with mascara, making them look impossibly longer. Blush highlighted her cheeks and an interesting choice in eyeshadow brought out the blue in her eyes. She was breathtaking, literally. I was finding it hard to inhale, feeling myself going dizzy in her presence. Only the shrill voice of the president of one of the sororities brought me from my enamored daze.

  “How did you even get in? This is an invitation only event for Greek row houses.”

  Silence followed Brittany’s announcement, everyone suddenly taking an interest in the showdown.

  Arabella ignored her words, keeping her eyes locked on mine and speaking directly to me.

  “Care for a dance?” With those words, she extended her hand and waited for my response.

  I didn’t have to think twice, I placed my hand within hers and followed her onto the dance floor. Not once did I look back to acknowledge the murmurs of the other partygoers or my fraternity brothers. They didn’t understand the gut-wrenching pain I’d felt when I watched Arabella walk away from me in the quad. Those excruciating moments would forever haunt me.

  As we stepped onto the floor, a slow song began to play. Curling one arm around her waist, I took the other up and placed it on my chest, right above my heart, and covered it with my other hand. Her head rested beside our hands as we swayed to the beat of the music.

  The moment was surreal, but I couldn’t help but be overcome with guilt and grief. Needing to clear the air, I pulled back to look into her eyes, wanting her to know how much I meant the words I was about to say.

  “Mi Bella…” but before any other words could be uttered, she said.

  “Shut up and dance.”

  Epilogue

  Royce

  The night of the winter formal ended in emotional turmoi
l. Arabella and I both dissolved into tears with tracks down our cheeks as we discussed a relationship between us and what the future could hold. I thought my tears and begging on my knees really endeared Arabella to me. She saw how much this had hurt me as well, and what I was willing to do to make up for the pain I had caused her.

  The future would hold several challenging aspects for a relationship between us, but we took it one day at a time. However, in the back of my mind, I always knew May would hold the biggest obstacle for us. I was a senior, while Arabella was just starting her college career. Our lives would be heading in different directions, but I didn’t want to lose her.

  The months came and went. The situation with her stepmother seemed resolved. Unable to take control of Arabella without involving the authorities, her stepmother backed off and we hadn’t heard from her since—which was just fine with the both of us. Each week brought me more happiness than I’d ever deemed possible for myself. Having Arabella by my side made everything a thousand times better. When May rolled around, anxiety began to eat away at my insides.

  We had briefly discussed options for what we would do, but nothing concrete.

  At times, I felt like my man card should have been revoked because I was more worried about our relationship than Arabella.

  She would just smile at me and tell me “What happens will happen. There’s no need to force it,” then went about whatever she was doing.

  How could Arabella not have a single concern over me leaving? This was an obvious path for my life, but she was so calm about the whole thing.

  Scouts had been at every game lately and several of them would pull me aside and ask me question upon question concerning my future. My dream was to be signed to a major league soccer team, something I’d wanted since I was a young boy. But what about Arabella? Most of the professional teams were located on a completely different continent.