Faking Sweet

by J. C. Burke

  ‘Gee, Jess has …’ The words slipped from my mouth. ‘… the best teeth.’

  ‘They’re fake,’ Calypso snapped.

  ‘Fake?’

  ‘Yep, fake. Just like the rest of her, Hol.’

  ‘What? You mean there are other bits?’

  ‘Her teeth have been capped and bleached,’ Calypso told me. ‘Not one of them is real. That’s what you get when your daddy’s the top orthodontist on Sydney’s North Shore.’

  ‘My mum was looking for an orthodontist,’ I said. Or was it a podiatrist?

  ‘Don’t let your mum go near him,’ Calypso spat in a single breath. ‘No! No, don’t. He’s the most expensive orthodontist around and …’ Her voice dropped to a whisper, ‘my sister went to him and he ruined her teeth and charged five times as much as anyone else.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  ‘Is that why your sister has braces?’

  ‘They had to be done by another orthodontist when we got to Melbourne.’

  ‘That’s so slack.’

  ‘I know,’ Calypso replied. ‘We were really good about it though. Mum and Dad could’ve sued the pants off him. It would’ve ruined him!’

  ‘Sounds like the whole Flynn family’s given you trouble.’

  ‘You said it, Hol. That’s just another reason why Jess Flynn deserves to fall!’

  ‘With a thud!’ I added, grinning like an idiot, ’cause I was going to be the one to do it.

  ‘Say it for me, Hol.’

  ‘Jess Flynn is evil. Jess Flynn deserves to fall.’ I recited our mantra, the smile now stretching across my cheeks. ‘Jess Flynn is a liar. Jess Flynn deserves to fall. And who is going to bring her down? Who is going to make her fall? I, Holly Hankinson, am going to bring her down because I am Calypso’s best friend and she is mine and together we will make Jess fall.’

  On the other end of the phone Calypso was shrieking with laughter.

  My chant grew louder. ‘Jess Flynn is EVIL. JESS FLYNN DESERVES TO FALL.’

  Then together, we shouted ‘JESS FLYNN IS A LIAR! JESS FLYNN WILL FALL!’

  At 3.45 pm, Jess, Isabelle and Saskia walked through the automatic doors of West Plaza. Fourteen steps behind them was me. Calypso had calculated that I needed to be eight steps behind in order for them not to notice my presence. Either I was short-legged or slow-paced because I could not keep up with them. When they got off the bus I nearly lost them, and had to jog two blocks to catch up.

  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. If I counted the steps it helped with keeping up and calming my nerves. I had the worst case of butterflies. If I’d had time, a trip to the loo would’ve been good but I couldn’t risk losing them.

  It was like this was the day I’d been waiting to happen, and now it was happening and I wished it wasn’t. And this wasn’t even the big one. This was only pathetic Step number 3 – observation. If I felt like chucking and running away now, how was I going to pull off the big Step 5 at Lipstix?

  The mobile beeped in my pocket, like an alarm warning me to get it together or else.

  Where r u?

  Going up escalators.

  I typed back while trying to keep my eyes on the three swinging ponytails ahead.

  Walking past Music City and into Myer.

  The underwear sale was popular. There were young girls with their mums, teenagers in large packs, and grandmas lined up at the counter holding undies that at least three of me could fit into.

  ‘Yuck,’ I heard Jess whine, as the swinging ponytails headed towards the two-tiered rack of g-strings.

  ‘For the gym,’ Saskia explained. ‘Undie lines on tights are not a good look, Jess.’

  ‘I don’t care.’

  ‘So I noticed.’

  Jess folded her arms and looked the other way.

  From behind a bargain bin marked 42DD, I watched Saskia and Isabelle as their hands swiftly flicked through the assortment of g-strings.

  ‘She’s still pissed off,’ I heard Saskia say, with a quick check over her shoulder. They obviously didn’t want Jess to know what they were saying. I edged a little towards them.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ Isabelle muttered, inspecting a triangle of pink and black spots. ‘She’ll get over it.’

  ‘All I said was, “We all want a Scott in our life”. So what? We do!’ Saskia sighed louder than she spoke. ‘I mean, you must admit she was acting like a brat about him not getting her the phone. They cost about $400, you know!’

  ‘She’s hung up about his father having all the money.’

  ‘Well, her father shouldn’t have stuffed up.’

  It seemed Jess’s dad had been busy ruining more of Sydney’s teeth.

  ‘I don’t know why Scott puts up with her.’

  Saskia was on a roll. I concentrated on every word she was saying, or rather spitting. Calypso was going to love this!

  ‘One day, Scott’s going to wake up to himself and see that Jess treats him like a piece of dirt.’

  ‘Mmm.’ About six coat hangers of g-strings hung off Isabelle’s arm. ‘Scotty told me he owes her.’

  ‘Still?’

  ‘Yep,’ Isabelle nodded, ‘still.’

  ‘When’s he going to get over Calypso?’

  Calypso! For the first time I heard her name uttered by an ‘it’ girl. I stepped out from behind the 42DDs and edged towards the other side of the g-string rack.

  ‘He’s not ever going to get over her.’

  ‘But why not?’ Saskia asked.

  ‘Scott’s still sensitive about the whole Calypso thing. You know what a softie he is.’

  Softie? I was just about to spew.

  ‘Anyway,’ Isabelle said and took one last g-string off the rack, ‘I’m done here. Let’s check out the bras.’

  ‘Hey, where is Jess?’

  Jess! I’d completely forgotten about her.

  ‘I’d say she’s gone,’ Isabelle shrugged. ‘She wasn’t in a shopping mood.’

  Gone. Jess Flynn had left the building before I could make one observation, let alone navigate the whole list. This was a potential disaster.

  Being careful not to knock over the ten thousand females swarming the lingerie floor in a shopping frenzy, I scurried to the escalator and leapt on.

  Beep beep. It was Calypso wanting a Jess update.

  What’s happening? What’s she doing?

  What was I going to tell her? That I’d lost Jess? Even though the info I’d intercepted from the others was good, I wasn’t sure it’d be good enough in Calypso’s mind to act as a trade off.

  Idiot! I should’ve kept my mind on the job. But the Scott stuff was special. Surely Calypso’d want to hear that he’s not over her, and that it looks like he’s getting fed up with Jess? I mean, I would.

  Beep. Another message was coming through.

  Holly? What is going on??

  I’d have to fess up. I’d start with a positive. That’s what Dad does when he’s about to close down a business, and when he’s about to tell us we’re moving again. Actually come to think of it, Dad starts with two positives. ‘Isn’t Hobart a great city? You’ve all settled in so well.’ Then the clanger. ‘But unfortunately we have to leave.’

  That’s what I’d do. Two good bits, then slip in the fact that I lost Jess.

  Good news C. I got good goss. Bad news I think

  I chewed on my lip considering a third positive, when directly across from me, laughing and chatting with a group of boys, was Jess Flynn! I quickly changed my message.

  Good news C, I got juicy goss. Bad news …

  Jess wasn’t in the shop for long, I thought. In fact even Isabelle said she wasn’t in a shopping mood. Maybe she heard Saskia say she was pissed off so she left, and even if she didn’t it’s not like she could’ve got up to anything in those five or so minutes. I’ll just say she didn’t go shopping. It won’t make any difference.

  Bad news, Jess didn’t go shopping.

  Sent.

  I watched the
envelope spiral in and out of the screen, while I sighed long and slow. I’d found myself a second chance.

  Immediately, Calypso responded.

  So WHERE is she?

  Talking to boys.

  What colour are their ties?

  Did she think I had binoculars in my pocket? I squinted and typed back.

  Black and green.

  Calypso replied:

  Get home ASAP and email me.

  R u mad?

  Disappointed.

  That was all she said.

  I slumped onto one of the benches, feeling depressed and, worse than that, guilty. Not only had I flunked observation Step 3, I’d lied to Calypso about Jess not going shopping, and that was worse. Calypso had said herself: ‘With me, honesty is everything.’ Plus besties should NEVER EVER lie to each other. You’re a loser, Holly. A loser with a forehead that looks like pizza topping. You don’t deserve a best friend.

  From: holly_hank21@hotmail.com

  To: baby_cal666@hotmail.com

  Subject: Sorry sorry sorry

  I’m sorry I seriously stuffed up. If you never forgive me I wouldn’t blame you but I hope you do coz you know how much I want to get this revenge thing right.

  I lost track of Jess, but only for a second, coz I got caught up listening to some REALLY REALLY good goss that I knew you’d be SOOOOOOO dying to hear. Anyway Jess wasn’t in a shopping mood. I heard Isabelle say that, so it’s not like I would’ve missed anything. Observation Step 3 is on its way – I promise!

  So do you want the goss??? GUESS WHAT???? With my very own ears I heard Saskia and Isabelle talking about Scott and YOU! AND they said that he still wasn’t over you. In fact Isabelle said he’s never going to get over you!

  So maybe Jess stole Scott but you stole his heart.

  AND the other thing is that I got my new timetable this arvo and found out I’m in the same English class as Jess. That could be the time to drop your name? Maybe I should say something about you and Scott???? That’d really freak her out especially as Saskia said that any day now Scott will wake up and realise that Jess treats him like dirt. If Jess has any idea of this she’s probably starting to feel pretty insecure. I can feel a Step 2 coming on …

  Lotsaluv and missyaheaps

  Your best friend Hol xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  PS. Hopefully you’re on line so you can write straight back.

  PPS. Are you allowed back on MSN next week or has the crazy neighbour struck again?

  PPSS. I’m soooo sorry. I hope you’re not mad.

  Over and over I read my words before pressing ‘send’. It was a pretty good email. I’d come straight out with the truth, so that had to cancel out the lie before. I got to explain that Jess had hardly been in the shop anyway, so I didn’t know how Calypso could be mad with me. I couldn’t help that Jess wasn’t in a shopping mood.

  Then following up with more good news: being in the same English class as Jess, and best of all Isabelle’s line, ‘Scott will never get over her’. That had to be a winner.

  I would give anything to hear that Joe had never gotten over me. In a funny way it’d almost make the Miranda thing liveable. Surely that knowledge would be enough revenge for Calypso? It would be for me. I could almost feel my heart crack inside my chest.

  Gradually a different pain took over. It wasn’t really a bad pain, but I wouldn’t call it a good one either. It felt like a hand was inside me pressing down and making me sad ’cause Joe didn’t feel that way about me. But now Calypso knew for sure that no matter what, Scott and her had been real. For her I felt happy.

  From: baby_cal666@hotmail.com

  To: holly_hank21@hotmail.com

  Subject: RE: Sorry sorry sorry

  That’s a major stuff up, Hol. Ten minutes in the life of a shoplifter is a long time. Duh – she told them she wasn’t in a shopping mood coz she wanted to go off on her own and steal stuff!!! I told you Jess’s slippery. You can’t take your eyes off her. You missed the perfect opportunity to carry out Step 3. Who knows when you’ll get her on her own again. And why did you text me saying she wasn’t at the shops???? I don’t get what you were doing????

  I have to be able to trust you, Holly. Remember with me, honesty is everything. The only reason I believed you when you said she was talking to boys was coz you got the colours of their ties right.

  Next time you’re going to have to buy extra credit and call me so I can give you the directions over the phone. It’ll cost. I’m sorry but that’s the only way it’ll work.

  I’ll tell you the right time to say my name – please don’t try and change the plan. Using my name has to come at a time that ensures MAXIMUM IMPACT. Okay? And don’t under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES mention Scott to Jess or ANY of the girls. You must promise me that. I don’t want Jess to know I’m hurting. Like I know you wouldn’t want Miranda to know about your feelings. It’s a dignity thing.

  I know you thought you were doing the right thing listening to what the girls were saying about me and Scott but please concentrate on the plan.

  I have to move on from Scott. It hurts but it’s my survival like you need to move on from Joe. We have to be strong for each other.

  I’m sorry for sounding harsh. I’m just really disappointed for a few reasons. Last week I found out something really really awesome and I was waiting for you to do Step 3 before I told you. Now it doesn’t feel the same but I’ll tell you anyway coz I’ve been busting … I won a trip for 2 adults and 2 children to Daydream Island!! Coz Mum and Dad are working full on and I hate my sister I suggested that my grandparents could take me and A FRIEND!!

  Cxo

  A trip to Daydream Island, and Calypso wants to take me? I think? I’m sure that’s what she meant. OH MY GOD! I so don’t deserve it. What’ve I done for her? Absolutely nothing.

  Right, Holly! I slapped myself on the cheek a few times and thumped my fists on the desk. You have got to pull yourself together and stop fluffing around. It’s time to get this revenge plan into action. You owe it to Calypso.

  Calypso, me and Daydream Island. I had never in my life contemplated anything so exciting. It was like finally my life was coming together. I was someone with friends. Hey, I was even someone who went on holidays with friends.

  The urge to email back was strangling me. So many questions, like: when are we going? How many pools? I scribbled a list of everything I had to know. How many days are we away? Will we have our own room? What’s the beach like? They were just the things I could think of now. Hopefully the holiday would be after I was back in Melbourne so my skin had time to clear up.

  But it was time for self control. What a spoilt brat I’d seem if straight away I came back with all that stuff. I had to earn it first. I had to show Calypso that she was right in choosing me.

  Friday morning was my first English class with Jess. I liked English; it was my best subject. At times it’d even been my substitute friend. But no more. Last night, while fantasising about Calypso and me lying by a pool on Daydream Island, I decided English would become an opportunity to show Calypso what a good friend I was.

  Compare and contrast the many evils of Jess Flynn with that of the normal girl, like me or Calypso! That was my assignment.

  Maybe I’d start a notebook documenting all the hideous stuff Jess did in class. Then back in Melbourne I’d present it to Calypso like a souvenir. We could read it together on the days we needed a good laugh.

  Yep, Calypso would love me for it. Instead of studying the plays of Shakespeare, I’d study the real play in the classroom. The play of ‘Jess Flynn the impostor’. I found myself clapping my hands like crazy.

  It was a win-win. Shakespeare was my least favourite part of English, even though my last teacher had said I had ‘a superior understanding for a girl of [my] age’. But honestly, his stuff never made sense. Studying a person who hadn’t been dead for five hundred years and spoke in normal English was going to be heaps more fun and heaps more revealing.

  When I arrived at class
Jess was helping the teacher hand out a book to each desk. So she was a teacher’s pet too? Point number one for my book.

  The teacher greeted me. ‘Hi, you must be Holly?’

  I nodded.

  The big smile and outstretched hand told me she was going to be one of those passionate English teachers. ‘I’m Mrs Gideon.’

  Sorry, I’m here in body only, Mrs Gideon. You won’t be teaching me Billy Shakespeare. Jess Flynn is the only thing I’m studying, unless of course you have her on the curriculum.

  Of course I didn’t say that. I just fake smiled her and said, ‘Hi, Mrs Gideon.’

  ‘I hear you’re a brilliant English student, Holly.’

  My forehead sizzled. Shame she wasn’t going to see that brilliance.

  ‘Now, you haven’t studied Much Ado About Nothing?’

  ‘No,’ I replied. ‘We did Macbeth last term.’

  ‘Great, great. That’s what I thought,’ she replied. ‘You’ll love Much Ado. It’s very different to Macbeth.’

  Like I care.

  I looked for the desk closest to Jess. But of course they’d all been taken. Everyone wanted to be close to Jess.

  Mrs Gideon took the remaining books and said, ‘Everyone say thanks to Jess for handing out the plays.’

  ‘Thanks Jess,’ echoed around the classroom.

  I kept my mouth firmly shut, and that wasn’t just to stop the chuck projectiling out of my mouth. These lessons were going to be even more interesting than I’d already thought. It looked like Jess had the whole class wrapped around her little finger.

  I ripped a bit of paper out of my folder and waited to document my next discovery.

  ‘Okay girls, we’re going to do something different with this play,’ Mrs Gideon said as she sat on a desk, her long skinny legs swinging in and out. ‘We’re going to have a go at relating Shakespeare’s Much Ado about Nothing to our own lives.’

  Jess was nodding with every word.

  ‘Just the title suggests what it’s about,’ explained Mrs Gideon. ‘Number one: nothing, just a lot of hot air. Number two: the word “noting” sounded the same as “nothing” in Shakespeare’s day. There’s a lot of “noting” in the play, which means the characters observing and noticing each other. You’ll see too that very often they get it wrong. It’s a great play to do in an all-girls’ school. We all know how the rumours love to fly around here.’