Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  “Yep.” Jo stared off in silence, but Kate needled her until she finally shared, “My parents are getting on in age so I moved back here to be closer. Our relationship is pretty strained…” Kate lent a sympathetic ear.

  Later, standing out front at the cruiser, and to Jo’s utter shock, Kate threw her arms around her and clasped her tight. Jo stiffened.

  “I’m sorry about the whole parent thing. If you need anything at all call me…anytime.”

  “Thanks,” Jo replied.

  Watching the taillights disappear down the drive, Jo hugged herself, deciding she’d made a mistake sharing something so personal with Kate. Won’t be doing that again.

  * * *

  Sunday evening Jo sat in her partly assembled office checking her email. With a smile she opened one from Cecile.

  “Hey, darlin’, I know they say no news is good news and absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I’m beginnin’ to think you left me for another. And the only reason I can think of for blowin’ off your friend is some hot lover! Could ya call or respond to let me know what’s up so I don’t have to drive up there and whoop it out of ya! Hum…whoopin’ a cowgirl sounds kind of hot! Please call or somethin’. Miss ya—Cecile.”

  Wandering out to sit on the fence where several of the horses were grazing, she dialed Cecile.

  “You are still alive.” Cecile huffed and puffed loudly.

  “You okay, Cil?” Jo heard music fade away in the background.

  “Oh yeah. Havin’ me some Saturday night leftovers.” She chuckled.

  Jo closed her eyes as if that would erase the image of Cecile stopping in the middle of sex to answer the phone. “God, Cil, why did you answer the phone?”

  Her voice was muffled. “Don’t move there, darlin,’ I’ll be right back.” To Jo, she said, “Cause I been worried ‘bout you. You don’t call, you don’t write. How am I supposed to know what’s goin’ on with you?”

  Her old friend’s soothing voice was a comfort. “There’s nothing going on you’d want to hear about. That’s why you haven’t heard from me.”

  “Well, I think I’d like to see that for myself, darlin’. Whatcha doin’ next weekend?”

  Jo sighed. “Cecile, I’m fine. You don’t have to come and check on me.”

  “What the heck is wrong with spendin’ some time with my friend? I’m visitin’ next weekend so clear your calendar and send me your address. I’m not takin’ no for an answer. I’ll get your address and find you anyway, so you might as well give it up. Like I said, I don’t want to have to whoop you.” She chuckled again.

  “Fine, I’ll send it to you. Can you at least let me know when to expect you?”

  “Sure thing, darlin’. Listen, I need to get back to my hot body before it cools down. See you soon.”

  “Yeah, have fun, Cil.”

  “It ain’t no good if it ain’t fun, darlin’. Remember that.”

  “Uh huh.”

  She clicked off and before going to bed emailed Cecile her address.

  Monday Jo commandeered Tucker’s help after they were done in the barn to set up the beds in her bedroom and the guest room.

  “I can still ask my mom to stop in and put your house together for you if you want,” Tucker joked while surveying the stacks of boxes that remained unmoved after two months. “Unless you’re not plannin’ on hangin’ around here, boss.” He cocked his head.

  Jo frowned. “I’ve unpacked what I need. I’ll get to it one of these days.”

  Tucker only smiled and shrugged.

  * * *

  Cecile was scheduled to arrive by dinner time. She told Jo she expected her to have a nice restaurant and a hot bar lined up for them. Jo had done her homework and was prepared. She wasn’t prepared, however, for Kate to show up unexpectedly in the early afternoon. When Kate asked her out for dinner, though, she had recovered enough to politely decline. She was happy to have a reason to do so, though she didn’t share with Kate what it was.

  Jo was sitting relaxing on the porch when Cecile’s little sports car raced up the drive hours later, kicking up dust and gravel in its wake.

  When the car halted, Cecile climbed out, waving her arms in the settling dust. Jo was shocked out of her chair when Callie emerged from the passenger’s side.

  Cecile bellowed as she strolled toward the house, “Look here, I brought you a nice little surprise.”

  Callie looked like a deer caught in headlights, and Jo suspected Cecile might not have been completely forthcoming with Callie about the invitation. Cecile grabbed her and squeezed her in a hug that forced the air from her lungs.

  “Well, darlin’, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes.” When she released her, Jo took a much needed breath.

  Standing beside Cecile, Callie shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. Smiling, Jo stepped around Cecile, slipped her arm around Callie’s waist and kissed her on the cheek. For her, Callie was a sight for sore eyes. She leaned back with her arm still around Callie’s waist.

  “I’m glad you came.”

  “So you got our evenin’ planned, hon?” Cecile asked, arching her brows so they formed two mountain peaks. “Dinner, a little dancin’?” She made the peaks dance.

  Callie looked Jo over. “I feel a little overdressed.”

  Jo stepped back, looking her up and down. “You look perfect to me.” Callie blushed. Cecile cleared her throat. “You look perfectly lovely too, Cil.”

  Cecile slapped Jo on the back. “I don’t need compliments, darlin’, I’m starvin’. I need food.”

  Callie rode with Jo in her truck and Cecile followed. She took them to the fanciest restaurant in town. Over dinner Jo confessed she hadn’t actually been to the bar they were going to but had it on good authority from a deputy friend that it was the best place around. Cecile ribbed her about the “cop,” but Jo adamantly declared they were strictly friends who shared an occasional dinner and nothing more.

  “See, darlin’, I keep tellin’ ya, ya don’t get enough.” Cecile said a little too loudly for the quiet of the restaurant. She drew more than a few stares from a number of patrons. Callie flushed with embarrassment. Jo was accustomed to Cecile’s boisterous “say what you think” manner. Clearly, Ohioans were not.

  They pulled into the nearly full parking lot outside Whispers.

  “You didn’t say we had to cross state lines to get to this place,” Cecile complained as they walked to the door.

  Jo rolled her eyes. Cecile was used to cities like Lexington, not the small towns that dotted the countryside where she now lived.

  “Cil, it was only a half an hour drive.”

  “Yeah, but it was over half an hour to the restaurant so that makes us more than an hour from your place.”

  “Not quite. We backtracked a little from the restaurant. Are you afraid you’ll get lost driving home tonight?”

  Cecile stopped dead in her tracks and placed a hand on her meaty hip. “Darlin’, if I have to drive to your place tonight that would mean I struck out, and unless the women in this bar lack a pulse, I don’t see that happenin’.”

  “Right.” Jo nodded.

  She pulled the door open and they stepped into a blast of cool air and loud music. They had been sitting with their drinks for no more than fifteen minutes when Jo spotted Kate making her way toward their table. Jo stood to greet her.

  “When you wouldn’t go out to dinner with me tonight I sure didn’t think I’d be seeing you here,” Kate said in a sharp tone before Jo could open her mouth. Her eyes looked dark as coal.

  “These are my friends from Lexington. This is Cecile and Callie.” Jo motioned to both gals. Kate grumbled a curt greeting.

  “You could have told me. You don’t have to sneak around,” Kate said to Jo.

  Jo didn’t appreciate Kate’s accusatory tone, but she also didn’t want to make a scene in front of her friends.

  Cecile took that precise moment to stand up between Jo and Kate and take Kate’s hand. “I love women in uniforms. I underst
and you wear one.”

  “I wasn’t talking to you, big mama,” Kate snapped.

  Cecile didn’t flinch. “Ooh…a hot little fireplug.” Cecile kept Kate’s hand gripped in hers when she leaned a bit closer, “And I bet you scream real loud when you come. Jo wouldn’t know that, though, would she? Seein’s you haven’t got in her pants yet?” Cecile leaned back and met Kate’s fiery gaze. With her back still to Jo, she said, “She’s my really really good friend, so don’t you even think ‘bout hurtin’ her.” She cocked her head, waiting for Kate’s response.

  Kate jerked her hand away and said to Jo, “I’ll stop out sometime after I get off.”

  Cecile gave a snide smile as she murmured to Kate, “You keep on wishin’ there, darlin’.”

  “That sure was an interesting exchange,” Jo said after Kate stomped off.

  “Sure was.” Cecile chuckled. “She really didn’t like me telling her I know she hasn’t slept with you yet, darlin’.” Jo rolled her eyes and looked at Callie. They laughed in unison.

  Jo and Callie were ready to leave after another drink and several dances. Cecile wasn’t, though. She was convinced she was going to get lucky with a butch construction worker. Wishing her luck, they headed home.

  Back at the farm, Jo showed Callie to the master bedroom, complete with, well, just the queen-size bed. Callie realized then she’d left her bag in Cecile’s trunk, so Jo rounded up a freshly laundered T-shirt for her to sleep in, bid her sweet dreams and went to sleep on her comfy couch. If Cecile unexpectedly ended up coming back during the night, Jo didn’t want her crawling in with her in the guest room bed.

  * * *

  Sunday marked three weeks since Maria had been out to Jo’s with Matt and three weeks that she’d been struggling daily with the emotion that had swept over her as she watched the easygoing cowgirl with her son. Matt’s own father wouldn’t give him so much as a minute of his time, and yet a virtual stranger had opened her home to him—to them. A few days following their trip to Jo’s, Matt’s teacher reported to Maria that his vocabulary had increased by another sound. Instead of only uttering “ma,” which they knew to be Matt’s sound for Mom, he was now saying “ja,” which Maria was assured was for either Jo or Jake. Either way, she knew it meant that Jo had somehow managed to make a connection to Matt, even if it was through her dog.

  She had made a connection with the cowgirl too, she had to admit. Emotions that she’d never felt before, frightening ones, had been swirling around inside her. Not knowing what to do with them, she had decided to avoid Jo altogether. Except even that wasn’t working. She knew she had to quit hiding.

  * * *

  Jo had told her mom she wouldn’t be coming for Sunday dinner because of her company, but Cecile returned at ten the following morning, earlier than expected, and sped off shortly thereafter with Callie. Now she didn’t have an excuse to stay away.

  Her dad was in a particularly foul mood, more so than usual, so as soon as she helped her mom to clean up after dinner Jo left. Back at the farm, overwhelmed with sadness, she was in the barn about to saddle up for a ride when she heard a car.

  Steeling herself for a tense conversation with Kate, she was more than pleasantly surprised when she stepped outside to instead see a familiar black station wagon. Maria stopped the car at the edge of the drive, where Jo met her, bridle in hand.

  “I’m sorry. I should have called first. I’m interrupting.” Maria didn’t meet Jo’s eyes, looking instead at the bridle Jo held.

  “No, you’re not—interrupting, that is. I told you to stop by anytime.” Jo raised her hand. “Let me put this away.” She rushed into the barn, tossed the bridle on her saddle in the tack room and stopped only a moment to rub Cobalt’s nose. “Sorry, buddy, maybe later.” The horse snorted his dissatisfaction.

  Maria was standing by the fence outside the barn when Jo returned. “Why do you suppose I’m afraid of horses? I’ve never been hurt by one.”

  Jo cocked her head and regarded Maria closely. She seemed sad today, kind of like Jo had been feeling herself. “Some people are afraid of heights, others, the dark. I don’t know, but I think we all have fears.”

  Maria fixed her eyes on Jo’s. “And what does Jo Marchal fear?”

  The intensity in Maria’s eyes seemed to reach into Jo’s soul. She averted her eyes and looked out over the pasture. She shrugged, knowing the answer to Maria’s question all too well, then masked the hollowness she felt by flashing a smile at Maria. “Would you like to get over your fear?”

  “Exactly what are you suggesting?”

  “Let me introduce you to Daisy Mae.” Maria’s eyes widened. “She is the gentlest horse I’ve ever been around in my life. And I’ve been around a lot of horses.” Maria remained wide-eyed and motionless. Jo continued to smile and tipped her head toward the barn. “Come on. I promise you that you’ll be safe.”

  Maria nodded slowly, but she didn’t move. After Jo placed her hand lightly on her back, she finally took a tentative step toward the barn opening.

  “Your farm is named for her?” Maria’s voice was timid. “You said there was a story you’d tell me.” Maria stopped dead in the barn doorway and no gentle urging got her to move.

  Jo stepped in front of her and took her hand. “I promise I won’t let you get hurt. Do you trust me?”

  Eyes still wide, Maria nodded again, but she still didn’t move. Jo pulled gently on her hand and started her story. “Daisy Mae is the reason I got my horse farm in Kentucky. One of her colts was a Triple Crown champion seven years ago.” Jo stepped backwards, slowly pulling Maria along with her. “She’s the most laid-back, easygoing horse I’ve ever known. That’s where the ‘lazy’ part of the farm name comes from.” Jo stopped in front of Daisy’s stall. When the horse dropped her head over the gate, Maria sucked in a startled breath.

  “It’s okay…see.” Jo rubbed under the horse’s chin, but Maria refused to move. “I bet you liked to wear pretty dresses when you were a young girl, didn’t you?” Maria’s nod was almost imperceptible. “Did you ever have one of those fancy dresses made of velvet?” Maria answered with another tiny nod. Jo rubbed her thumb over Maria’s hand. “Close your eyes.” Maria’s eyes grew huge again. “It’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Jo placed her other hand over her heart. “I promised, remember?”

  Maria swallowed and closed her eyes while Jo continued to stroke her hand. “Remember how soft that dress felt to your touch?” Jo touched Maria’s fingers to Daisy Mae’s nose. “So soft you couldn’t keep from rubbing your fingers over it.” Jo felt Maria’s arm relax as she moved her fingers over the horse’s nose. Jo smiled. “See, she’s as harmless as that little dress you had years ago.”

  Maria opened her eyes, jerking her hand away when she realized what she was touching. When she tried to step back, Jo caught her arm. “Maria, she won’t hurt you. Look…”

  Jo grasped Maria’s hand lightly and raised it, feeling it go rigid when Daisy pushed her nose beneath their joined hands. “She likes this soft part rubbed.” Jo stroked the fingers of her other hand over Daisy’s nose. Maria tentatively touched her fingers to Daisy Mae’s nose. The horse pressed against Maria’s fingers and snorted. Maria jumped back so abruptly she nearly fell. Jo caught her arm to balance her. “She really likes that. She was saying ‘thanks’.”

  Daisy Mae rubbed her neck on the gate so Jo stepped back over to scratch her. “Good girl,” she cooed. She looked at Maria. “She’d never hurt a soul. She doesn’t even spook.”

  Maria stood back, watching. For as tough and strong as Jo Marchal appeared, she’d just witnessed how tender she truly was. That seemed only to further complicate what she was feeling when she was around her.

  Jo faced her. “I’m sure this isn’t what you drove out here for today.”

  Maria crossed her arms tightly over herself. “No, but it’s all right.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Maria tried to make her smile convincing.r />
  Jo stepped over to her and touched her elbow. “Let’s get something cold to drink.”

  Maria didn’t uncross her arms until she stepped from the barn into the afternoon sun. In the kitchen and seated at the island, beer in hand, Maria noticed the gift basket, which still contained the bottle of wine.

  “Haven’t found a lady friend to share the wine with yet?” The question was nosy, but she had an unstoppable desire to know if Jo was seeing someone. Why? She couldn’t answer definitively. She only knew that she did.

  Jo looked at the basket. “I’ve been a little busy.” She shrugged. “Preoccupied with other things.”

  Maria took a sip of beer and glanced around. “Obviously not with your living quarters…no offense.” She smiled.

  Jo responded with a mock smile. “Obviously.”

  “I could help you unpack and organize your things.” And get a better sense of who you are, Jo Marchal.

  “That’s very generous, but I’ll manage it one of these days.”

  “Hum…one might wonder if you’re planning on sticking around.”

  “Oh no, I can’t leave. I have to…” Jo stopped.

  Maria didn’t miss the color shift in Jo’s eyes. “Everything okay?”

  “Couldn’t be better.” Jo’s smile was forced.

  She reached across the counter that separated them, touching her hand. “If you ever need to talk, Jo, I’d be happy to lend an ear.” As the words left her mouth, Maria hoped that Jo wouldn’t ever have a need to talk about any of her female relationships. She wasn’t sure she could listen to her talk about the women in her life without feeling—what—jealous? She couldn’t imagine for the life of her why she would feel jealous.

  Jo nodded and picked up her beer. “Let’s sit out back. The deck is still shaded now.”

  The day was warm, but a steady breeze blew out of the west. It was soothing looking out over the pastures and farm fields that gave way to the woods of the reserve. Jo sat silently, trying to focus on happier thoughts, like the way Maria’s hand had felt in her own out in the barn. But her dad’s mood and his harsh words earlier, to not only her but her mother, kept pushing everything else out of her mind. It dawned on her that she and Maria’s son had more in common than their love of animals. Both of them had a father who was absent in too many important ways. She wanted to let it all out, have a good cry and be done with it. But even thinking about doing so made her feel so vulnerable.