Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  Maria broke the silence. “I feel like there’s something weighing on you, Jo. I wish you felt comfortable enough to talk to me.”

  Jo glanced over at her. Maria’s face showed the tender caring she showed with her son. “It’s nothing really.” She attempted a smile.

  “I’m not sure I believe you, but you hardly know me, so I understand your reluctance to talk.”

  Maria’s dark eyes threatened to melt Jo’s resolve. She hadn’t told anyone about her dad. She’d only shared with Tom and Cecile that he was sick. But recalling now at how upset she’d been when driving home earlier brought tears to her eyes. She turned away. Maria was silent.

  A single tear escaped and dropped in her lap. Jo swallowed the lump burning in her throat. “My dad is dying.” She exhaled a deep breath. “And the stubborn old fool is determined to go to his grave hating his only child.”

  Maria looked over at Jo, her heart aching as she watched a steady trickle of tears run down her cheeks. This big strong woman had all the heart she had guessed from that first introduction to her son. She wanted to put her arms around her and hold her the way she did with Matt. To offer the comfort of a consoling embrace. Instead she simply reached over and grasped Jo’s hand where it hung off the arm of her chair.

  “I’m so sorry, Jo.” She squeezed gently, holding on a moment longer. “I mean it, Jo, if you ever need to talk, I’m only a phone call away.”

  Jo glanced over at her. “Thanks.”

  Maria stood. “I should be going. Kathleen will be back with the boys anytime now.”

  Jo rubbed her arm across her cheeks and stood too. “I’ll walk you out.”

  Maria knew if she were to stay, she would wrap Jo in her arms, and the thought scared her. Holding Jo’s hand just now and earlier in the barn had stirred something inside her she hadn’t experienced with any friends she’d ever known. It was terrifying and exciting at the same time. Although she didn’t understand the attraction between same sexes, she wasn’t bothered that Jo Marchal was a…lesbian. She was a kind soul, who had offered up her place as a sort of therapy for Maria and her son. The least she could do in return was to be a shoulder to lean on or cry on if Jo needed one.

  Well, she’d made the offer. The rest was up to Jo. She would be quite surprised, though, if the cowgirl let down her guard enough to accept. Jo seemed very much the loner.

  Chapter Nine

  On the Saturday following Labor Day Maria and Matt visited the farm again. As they stood at the fence and Matt stroked Daisy Mae’s head, Jo touched Matt’s shoulder.

  “Hey, cowboy, would you like to take a ride on the horse?” Jo looked at Maria. “I’ll sit him in the saddle with me. He’ll be perfectly safe.” Maria looked apprehensive.

  “Would you like to ride on the horse, Matt?” In response he scampered down from the fence and grabbed his mother’s hand. “You have to ride with Jo. You can’t go alone. Do you understand, sweetie?” He tugged her hand.

  “He’ll be fine, I promise.”

  Matt danced at Maria’s side as Jo saddled Daisy Mae. Once she was seated on the horse, Tucker lifted Matt up to her. He automatically gripped the saddle horn.

  “That’s right, cowboy, you hold on tight while we ride.” Jo gazed down at Maria’s look of panic. “I’d invite you to join us, but this saddle is only big enough for two.” Maria attempted a smile.

  They started along the fence, Jo talking intermittently about horses, nervous with the young charge nestled in her saddle. She made sure not to lose sight of Maria as they walked the horse around the perimeter of the pasture. Reaching the crest of a small ridge, she turned Daisy Mae back toward the barn.

  “Would you like to go faster, Matt?” He responded by rocking back and forth against her. “All right, buddy, hold on tight.” Jo clicked and gave the horse a soft heel. Daisy trotted back to the barn where Maria waited with Tucker.

  He appeared disappointed to end the ride so Jo called and whistled until Jake came running from behind the house. Matt stayed occupied with a juice and Jake while she and Maria sat on the porch. Maria declined the offer of a beer.

  Jo took a swallow of hers. “You looked scared to death when Matt mounted the horse.” Maria gazed down at Matt petting Jake’s head. “You know I’d never let anything happen to him.” Maria’s eyes met hers. “You trust me, don’t you?”

  She gave a little smile and nodded. When Jo offered her beer to Maria, she took it and a small sip and handed it back.

  Maria faced her. “How’s your father doing, Jo?”

  Jo took a gulp. “He’s been having more trouble getting around and talking, but so far it’s been infrequent.” She knew his silence with her during the last visit wasn’t because he was having trouble talking. He’d chosen not to talk to her. She looked down at the bottle in her hand. “Within the month I’d say we’ll have to bring someone into the house to help care for him or put him in a facility.”

  “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” Maria placed her hand on Jo’s arm.

  Jo nodded and they sat in silence. It was obviously painful for Jo. Not only her father’s illness, but the strained relationship between her and her parents. Maria knew something about strained relationships.

  “He wants to remain at home,” Jo finally said. “I don’t see how she’ll be able to live in that house if he dies there.”

  “I’m sure she’s doing what’s best for both of them.”

  Jo shook her head as she watched Matt and Jake.

  “Jo…” Jo turned her gaze to Maria. “Have you ever thought of introducing them to your life?”

  “My parents? You’re kidding, right?”

  “No. You should have them come out here and see what it is that you love to do so much and how you live.”

  “I don’t think they would even consider the idea.”

  “Have you ever asked?” Jo shook her head. “Maybe you should then.”

  * * *

  And so the following day during their regular Sunday dinner Jo did ask. Her mom seemed interested in seeing Jo’s farm. Her dad, on the other hand, didn’t have anything to say about it at all. Eileen walked out with Jo when she left.

  “Would you talk to him, please? It would mean so much to me if you would both come see my place.”

  Eileen took her daughter’s hand and squeezed. “I promise I will, honey. I think it would be good for the both of us.”

  A lump grew in Jo’s throat. Finally after twenty-something years she had a glimmer of hope. Hope that maybe before it was too late, things could change between them. She choked back tears as she hugged her mom. “I love you both, you know.”

  Eileen leaned back and touched Jo’s cheek. “I know, dear, and I’m sure he does too. I’ll talk to him about coming for a visit.”

  Jo climbed in her truck. “Call me if you need anything at all,” she called through the open window. Eileen waved.

  For the first time Jo made the drive home feeling hopeful rather than depressed. And she had Maria to thank for this possible turn of events. But it really didn’t come as a surprise that Maria would possess good instincts when it came to parent/child relationships.

  * * *

  Monday evening brought a surprise call from her mom. Eileen had spoken with her husband about visiting the farm and his only excuse for not making the trip was his inability to drive them there.

  “How have you been grocery shopping?” Jo asked, wondering too if her mom would be open to learning to drive at some point.

  “Someone from the church takes me. They’ve been very helpful through all of this.”

  Jo knew having someone from their church drive them to visit their lesbian daughter was not an option. “If I arrange for you to get here and back, will you come?”

  “Well, what are you going to arrange? Your father was very clear that he didn’t want you driving us back and forth.”

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll take care of it. Will you make sure he’ll agree to come?”


  “I’ll do my best, dear.”

  Jo contacted a medical transport company in Campbell that transported residents at area nursing facilities. She scheduled them for the last Saturday of the month. Unable to contain her excitement, she called her mom and then Maria. She owed Maria a thank you, and if she was honest with herself, she wanted to hear her voice.

  Maria wasn’t sure why she had bothered to carry her phone into the bathroom, but she was glad not to have missed Jo’s call. Monday’s were always the hardest day of the week. After two days away from his regimented school routine, Matt always seemed a little extra difficult, and by day’s end Maria was worn out. With Jack holed up in his home office, she’d taken the opportunity to soak in the tub and relax with a cup of tea before bedtime. The sound of Jo’s voice was relaxing too. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was about her that made her anxious to see or talk to her in spite of the discomfort she sometimes felt in Jo’s presence.

  “Hi, it’s Jo. Hope this isn’t a bad time to be calling.”

  “Not at all. Matt’s down for the night and I was unwinding.”

  “I don’t want to cut into your down time. I just called to thank you,” Jo said.

  Maria took a sip of tea and settled back in the hot, scented bath, careful not to dunk her phone. “You’re welcome. May I ask for what?”

  “I took your advice. My parents will be coming to the farm at the end of the month. Providing my dad still can.”

  “That’s so wonderful, Jo! With the weather change and the leaves starting to turn, it will be perfect. Your place will look pretty as a painting. I’m sure your parents will love it.” She really wanted for Jo to feel the love that only a parent can have for their child.

  Jo toed off her boots, leaned her head back and gazed up at the night sky. “Well, you were right about inviting them. I hope you’re right about that too.” A long silence ensued and she realized the courage she’d summoned to make the call was fading. “I was wondering what you’re going to be doing the last Saturday of the month.”

  “That’s nearly three weeks away. What do you need, Jo?”

  “I’m, uh…lord, I’m a nervous wreck about this. I thought…well, maybe…if you and Matt might want to visit with me when they come. I don’t know, provide a little buffer, you know.”

  “I’d love to meet your parents, Jo, but are you sure about having Matt there?”

  “Absolutely, my folks love kids. Heck, they loved me ‘til I grew up.”

  “Jo!” Maria admonished. “I’m sure your parents still love you.”

  Jo sighed. “I guess I’ll be finding out. Will you come though and protect me, just in case?”

  Maria laughed. “I’m sure we can probably help you out. Why don’t we plan a picnic?”

  “That’s an excellent idea. I’ll call around and find a caterer.”

  “Not if I’m joining your party,” Maria said firmly. “I’ll take care of the food.”

  “Absolutely not. You’re helping me out by being here. That’s enough.”

  “No, I insist, and besides Matt has a special diet. I’ll take care of the food and you take care of getting your parents there. Agreed?”

  “You sure?”

  “Positively.”

  Jo stayed out on the deck another hour, enjoying the peaceful night and relishing the positive turn her life might finally be taking. After years of feeling isolated from her folks, she was getting the opportunity to mend fences with them. At least she hoped so. And the best part was that her two new favorite people would be there to help get her through it all.

  Maria dropped her phone in the pocket of the robe hanging next to the tub and slid back in water, sighing as it rose up to her neck. She couldn’t explain it, but Jo made her love life more than she had in years. She closed her eyes and pictured the cowgirl in her mind. A cowboy hat and boots, a T-shirt stretched taut over a hard, muscled torso and then tucked into faded blue jeans. And, of course, those blue-gray eyes that seemed to literally see into her soul every time she looked into them looking back at her. Jo Marchal made her feel things she’d never known before.

  A loud rap on the door startled her.

  Jack poked his head in. “Maria, Matt’s banging something in his room and I’m trying to work.”

  She jumped from the tub and pulled on her robe. Her greatest fear always was that the thing Matt might be banging would be his head against something. She couldn’t fathom why Jack wouldn’t at least look in on his own son, but those were things, it became clear early on, he refused to deal with. He caught her arm as she tried to squeeze past him through the door. His eyes were on her partially exposed cleavage.

  “Maybe after you settle him down we can have some time to ourselves.”

  Maria’s skin crawled. His son could very well be harming himself and Jack’s mind was on his own needs. Heartless bastard!

  She rushed into Matt’s room and found him rocking his bed, which banged the headboard against the wall. She touched him gently before slipping onto the bed to hold him and rock him in her arms. She hummed softly the lullaby that she had sung to him as a baby. In little more than ten minutes he was dozing, but she didn’t intend to go to her bed tonight. Spending the night with Matt seemed a better idea. Once she was sure he was sleeping soundly, she pulled out her phone and called Kathleen.

  “Hey, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

  “God, you know me too well.”

  “Well, it is almost eleven and—”

  “I’m sorry, Kat, I didn’t realize the time. I’ll let you go.”

  “Maria, honey, you know you can call me anytime. So what did he do now?”

  Maria sighed. “You know, Jack just being Jack.”

  “Is Matt okay?”

  She gently smoothed his dark curls. “A perfect angel.”

  “Would you like me to come over and smack some sense into my little brother for you?”

  Maria laughed. “Not that it would fix him, but knowing that you would makes me feel better.” Maria knew that all the smacking in the world wouldn’t bring Jack around to anything resembling parental behavior when it came to their son.

  “Do we need a girls’ day out or night…or both?”

  Maria sighed again. “That sounds wonderful. I might have an idea for something we could do that might be relaxing, even if we take the kids along.”

  Kathleen chuckled. “That sounds interesting. I can’t imagine my three boys and relaxation in the same sentence, let alone in the same place together.”

  Maria laughed again. “I’ll check into it and get back to you this weekend.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll be anxiously waiting. In the meantime, if you need anything or any help, call me.”

  “Thanks, Kat. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  * * *

  Jo got out of the shower Saturday evening to find she had missed a call from Maria. She listened with a smile to the voicemail she’d left.

  “Jo, hi! I know we talked Monday and you’re probably out having a good time with a lady friend, but could you give me a call tomorrow when you have a few minutes.”

  Jo couldn’t imagine why Maria seemed to think she had lady friends. A light rain tapping on the roof sent her to the front porch to return the call.

  She answered promptly. “You didn’t have to call me back this evening. I’m sure you have better things to do on a Saturday night.”

  Little do you know. “Well, this Saturday night you’re in luck. I have absolutely nothing going on. So, what’s up? You coming out for a midnight ride?” She thrilled at the melodious sound of Maria’s laughter.

  “That’s a good one. I’m terrified of horses in the daylight. It would be a cold day in you know where before I’d think about getting within a hundreds yards of one in the dark.”

  “Someday you might.”

  “My clone maybe, but not this warm-blooded woman you’re talking to.”

  “So?” Jo asked.

  “Oh, you got me off track wit
h all the horse talk.” Jo laughed. “I called to ask a favor.”

  “Okay, I will.”

  Maria giggled like a teenager. Jo loved the sound of it. “You might want some details before you agree.”

  “Okay.”

  “I was wondering…” Maria hesitated. “I wondered if you’d consider letting me bring Kathleen, my sister-in-law who you met, out to the farm sometime with her boys.”

  “Sure, fine, bring ‘em on out whenever you want.”

  “Are you sure, because with Matt that’s a lot of little boys?”

  “Seriously, are any of them like the devil incarnate?”

  Maria giggled again. “I don’t believe so.”

  “Okay, no problem. I think I can handle it.” Jo had spent most of her adult life around more males than females. She felt confident she could handle a bunch of small boys. “When can I expect this adventure?”

  “You’re being very optimistic calling this an adventure. Since Matty and I are coming out in two weeks, how about a few weeks after that?”

  “Sounds great. Maybe we can do another picnic.”

  “We’ll see.”

  Jo was more than excited about the family gatherings that were about to take place at her farm. This was all she’d ever wanted—family. She’d been sure that she and Claire would start a family. Of course Claire had shattered that dream and Jo’s heart in a heartbeat…

  “I have a better idea,” Jo said.

  “Should I be afraid?”

  It was Jo’s turn to laugh. “No. I was only going to suggest a cookout instead of a picnic. You know hot dogs, hamburgers and all that.”

  “That’s a perfect plan.” Jo could tell she was smiling on the other end. “We need to pick a date.”

  * * *