Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  Maria gave a little smile. “I’ll always be thankful for Matt.” As quickly as she’d given way to the smile tears crowded her eyes. “And you.”

  “If there’s anything I can do?”

  She couldn’t stand the thought of Jack being around for the next three days. “Can Matt hang with you guys tomorrow for a while? I want to try to catch some sales.”

  “Sure, hon, I was going to run out for a few things, but he can hang with Tim and the boys.”

  “Thanks. Do you think we could trade spouses?” She pursed her lips. “Oh, I guess not. How did you get so lucky?”

  Kathleen laughed. “It’s not luck, honey. You can’t imagine how many guys I went through to find him.”

  Maria thought back to how hard and fast she’d fallen in love with the charming Jackson West. The wedding, pregnancy and Matt had all happened so quickly. Too quickly. Every day she regretted having let the wedding part happen so fast. She also knew if it hadn’t happened, she wouldn’t have her son. The son she would give everything for. She’d never seen the handicap, as Jack did. She only ever saw that precious little boy they had placed in her arms.

  “As angered as I can get at Jack sometimes, I’m forever grateful he gave me Matt. No offense, Kat, I know he’s your brother, but—” She shrugged.

  “None taken. Believe me, sometimes I wonder if our parents didn’t turn over a rock and find him.” She laughed, which prompted a chuckle from Maria.

  * * *

  Maria dropped Matt off early, flying past every store on her way out of town. She knocked and waited. She tried the knob. It wasn’t locked so she entered the house.

  “Jo, are you here?” She checked the kitchen and called down the hall, “Jo?”

  Jo had to be home. Her truck was in the drive backed up to the barn. The thought of entering the barn alone terrified her, but she walked out anyway. As she rounded the corner of the house, Jake came running and nearly knocked her over. She knelt and rubbed his head.

  “Hey, buddy, where’s your master?” The dog tipped his head to the side. “Where’s Jo?” She stood. “Let’s go find Jo.” When he raced to the barn, she swallowed and muttered, “Great.”

  She saw Jake run through the barn and out to the pasture. But before she could reach the door he disappeared from sight. She stopped next to Jo’s truck and called out again. “Jo, are you in there?” She waited, then finally inched her way inside the big barn opening. She heard the sound of heavy horse hooves and when she looked to the opposite barn doors they were suddenly filled with Jo atop her big black stallion.

  Maria gasped and froze. The horse bellowed puffs of steam like a dragon breathing fire. But it was the sight of Jo that caused her breath to catch. She looked shocked at first. Then a smile spread across her face and made her eyes sparkle. Jo quickly climbed down and tied the horse’s reins so he couldn’t wander. She pulled off suede gloves and tucked them in her pocket as she approached.

  “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.” Her cheeks were rosy red and her words were accompanied by visible puffs of breath. Maria shivered. “Come on, there’s heat in the tack room.”

  She realized the shiver hadn’t been caused by the cold, but by the sight of Jo. Maria followed Jo like a pup after its mother. She was aware of the cold only after stepping into the warmth of the tack room.

  “I’ll be right back, I need to unsaddle Cobalt and brush him. Unless…” Jo grinned devilishly. “You want to take a ride on him.” Maria adamantly shook her head. “Be right back.”

  Out in the barn Jo dropped the saddle on a bale of hay and walked the horse to his stall. It startled her to hear Maria’s voice behind her.

  “Can I help?” she asked timidly.

  Jo looked around to see Maria standing in the opening to the stall with her arms wrapped around herself.

  Jo cocked her head. “He’s a far cry from Daisy Mae. You sure you want to get that close?” Maria gave a barely discernable nod and took a tentative step into the stall. “He’s pretty docile when he’s being brushed after a good run.”

  She slipped the brush off her hand and gave it to Maria. Once Maria moved next to her, Jo took Maria’s hand with the brush and raised it against Cobalt’s coat. She caught a whiff of Maria’s perfume and had to rein in her desire to lean a bit closer.

  “Brush from the top of his back down toward his belly.”

  Jo moved around to hold his bridle while Maria brushed. Maria looked over at the precise moment that Jo looked lustfully at her. Jo quickly avoided Maria’s eyes, looking up at the horses.

  Perhaps thinking she might scare the horse, Maria said softly, “My heart is pounding so hard right now.”

  Jo’s heart was beating hard too, but for an entirely different reason. “I can imagine.” After a few minutes Cobalt snorted and took a step. Maria jumped back and raised her hand to her chest. Jo patted his neck. “Whoa, boy, it’s okay.” Maria looked paralyzed with fear. “It’s okay. He was letting you know how good it feels.” Maria nodded but stood motionless. Jo gently removed the brush from her hand. “Why don’t you wait in the tack room? I’ll be right in to make some coffee.”

  Jo removed Cobalt’s bridle and hung a feedbag of oats on the stall gate. She found Maria making the coffee when she returned to the tack room.

  “Well, I’m impressed.” Jo glanced over Maria’s shoulder before leaning on the desk.

  “With my coffee-making skills?”

  Jo chuckled. “No, you just stood next to and brushed my biggest horse without fainting, and it looks like your pants are still dry.”

  Maria laughed. “That’s very funny, Jo.” The coffee began to drip.

  “You never did say why you were here today instead of tomorrow. And where’s Matt?”

  “Matt’s with his cousins and I wanted to get it over with.”

  Jo studied her face for a moment. “And…”

  “And what?”

  Jo stepped in front of Maria. “And I sense something else.” Jo watched her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  Maria looked at the floor between them. “Jack’s home, and after his nasty mood yesterday I didn’t feel like spending the day with him.”

  “So it would be more torturous to spend the day with your husband than face your fear of sitting on a horse?” Jo was pleased, and when Maria only shrugged, Jo again got a sense there was something more.

  “I’ve mustered all the courage I have. Like I said, I want to do this and have it over.”

  The truth was that Maria wanted to spend the day in Jo’s company. She didn’t particularly care what they did. She was furious with Jack for saying the things he had about Jo yesterday, and after she’d gotten Matt to bed last night they’d fought about it. Jack had ended the argument by demanding Maria never allow that “freak of nature” to come around again. Maria called him a prick loud enough for him to hear, then sought shelter in Matt’s room. No matter how mad he got, she knew he’d never come after her in there. He hadn’t set foot in Matt’s room since they received the diagnosis.

  “Maria…” Jo stood holding a cup of coffee out to her. Maria wrapped both hands around the warmth. “I meant what I said yesterday. You don’t really have to do this today. Or any day for that matter.”

  Maria lowered the cup from her lips. “No, I want to.” She sipped again. “I want to be bigger than my fears.”

  “That’s a good philosophy. So what other fears do you have?”

  She stared off. “I’m not sure exactly, but I intend to figure them out and face them.”

  “Well, okay. If you need any help, you let me know.”

  “Let me finish this coffee and go to the bathroom so I don’t accidently wet myself, and we’re going to do this.”

  Jo laughed. “My saddle and horse thank you.”

  Ten minutes later, Maria placed her empty cup down.

  “If you don’t want to walk to the house, there’s a bathroom back there.” Jo pointed to a door in the corner. “But I have to warn you, i
t’s only a slight step up from those portable things you see at the construction sites.”

  Maria opened the door and peered in. “I’ve seen worse in homes where people actually live.” She slipped inside.

  Jo left the tack room with a bridle for Daisy Mae. She was waiting with the horse out in the barn when Maria came out, but then stopped and leaned against the doorframe.

  “Are you ready?”

  Maria nodded a “yes” so Jo walked Daisy Mae next to the hay bales. “It’ll be easier to mount her from here.” Jo patted the top bale. Holding the bridle with one hand, she raised the other to help Maria up and onto the saddle. Maria’s hand trembled and when Jo tried to release it, Maria squeezed tighter. Jo pulled harder, but she refused to let go.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Aren’t you going to get up here with me like you did with Matt?”

  Jo chuckled. “No offense, Maria, but you’re a little bigger than Matt. You and I won’t fit in that saddle together.”

  Maria’s grip tightened around Jo’s hand. “Well, don’t you have a bigger saddle?” Jo shook her head. “I can’t do this by myself. I thought you would be sitting here with me.” She panicked. “Please…get me down.”

  “I have an idea.” Jo tried again to pull her hand free.

  “Please, Jo, get me down.” She was on the verge of tears. Jo quickly helped her off the horse.

  “I’m not sure you’re ready for this.”

  Maria was standing beside Jo, holding her hand like a schoolgirl. She liked the feeling—more, she knew, than she should. Reluctantly, she let go, even though she was still trembling.

  “No. You said you had an idea?”

  “Yep.” Jo hopped down and walked Daisy Mae a few feet away. Unbuckling the saddle, pulling it off and setting it aside, she walked the horse back to the stacked bales and climbed up. “Now I can sit with you.”

  Maria worried at her lip. “But…but, there’s nothing to hold on to now.”

  Jo flashed a charming smile. “That’s what I’m there for. Hop back on.”

  “Hop?”

  Jo was starting to feel uneasy about the whole adventure. What if Maria fell off and got hurt? Who would take care of Matt?

  “I think maybe we should put this off for another time.”

  Maria’s expression softened. “I really want to do this. I want to face this fear and get past it.”

  Jo relented and helped Maria back on before throwing her leg over and sitting behind her. Maria instantly grabbed hold of Jo’s arm when she leaned forward to pick up the reins from Daisy Mae’s neck, and Jo inhaled the fresh scent of Maria’s hair and her perfume. For the briefest moment, her breasts pressed into Maria’s shoulders, making her feel a tiny bit lightheaded. Maria quickly grabbed her other arm when Jo reached around her. Maria had a death grip on both arms now.

  “Relax, Maria.”

  “I…I can’t…I feel like I’m going to fall off.” Daisy Mae shifted under their weight, and while Jo didn’t think it possible, Maria’s grip got even tighter. “Sorry,” she said, but she didn’t loosen her grip.

  Against her better judgment, Jo inched closer until her thighs touched Maria’s backside. Maria leaned back and finally relaxed her grip on Jo’s arms a bit. Jo’s heart raced—pounded so hard she was sure Maria could feel it.

  She leaned over Maria’s shoulder. “You okay?” Maria’s head bobbed. “All right, I want you to take the reins from my hands.”

  “I’m afraid…I’m going to fall.” Maria’s breaths came rapidly.

  “Maria, stop breathing so hard. Relax. I’ve got you. You’re not going anywhere.”

  Maria eased her hands down Jo’s arms as Jo pulled them back, then gulped and took the leather straps. Her hands were cold and still trembling, so Jo placed her hands over Maria’s and she pressed more firmly back against Jo.

  It was Jo’s turn to gulp. “You’re doing fine. Steering a horse is like driving a car.” Maria relaxed a little more against her.

  “That’s funny. I’m sure I never felt like I could fall out of my car.”

  Jo suppressed a laugh. “Okay, if you want her to go to the right, give the rein a gentle pull like this.” She pulled lightly on Maria’s right hand until Daisy Mae moved her head to the right. The horse shifted but didn’t go anywhere. “If you want her to stop, pull back on both reins together and say ‘whoa.’ If you want her to back up—”

  “Unless you’re going to make me parallel park her, I don’t see any need to go backwards.”

  Jo couldn’t contain a chuckle. “Okay, you ready for a little stroll?” When Maria tried to turn and look at her, she slipped to one side. Jo tightened her arms under Maria’s and righted her. “I’ve got you and I promise I won’t let you fall.”

  “Oh, God…” Maria whispered.

  “All right now, it’s kind of like riding a bike. You’ve got to balance yourself side to side. If you were sitting in a saddle it would be easier, I can assure you. You ready?” Maria remained perfectly still, giving only a slight nod. Jo pushed her hands forward. “All right, just relax the reins, give her a soft heel and make a click sound. Come on, girl, let’s go.”

  Daisy walked slowly toward the barn doors with Maria pressed as hard as she could be against Jo. The feel of Maria between her thighs was almost more than Jo could stand. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Matt or one of Kathleen’s boys sitting there, but Maria’s scent made that impossible. She hoped she was only up for a short ride.

  The movement of Maria between her legs with each step Daisy Mae took was pure agony. Jo could feel herself growing wet. She hoped Maria couldn’t. She tried reminding herself that Maria was her friend, but dear lord, she couldn’t deny the powerful attraction she felt for her. This was a slow kind of torture. When she could endure no more, Jo had Maria walk Daisy Mae back to the barn. Once the horse was back in her stall, they returned to the tack room for another cup of coffee to warm themselves. Not that Jo needed any additional warming. She was thankful when Maria left after her coffee. She was having a hard time looking Maria in the eyes after their little close encounter.

  “Can I expect to see you back tomorrow with Matt?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ll let you know.”

  Maria hadn’t wanted to leave. A part of her wanted to spend the entire day with Jo, but after feeling what she’d felt sitting so close to Jo on the horse, she was afraid. Her breathing had been rapid the entire ride and it wasn’t from fear or anxiety. It was the feel of Jo’s strong thighs pressed against her and Jo’s arms beneath hers alternately touching her sides each time the horse stepped. The more steps the horse took, the more comfortable she felt leaning back in Jo’s arms. Her heart had pounded so fiercely that at one point she thought she might faint. But…the ache she felt between her own thighs as her backside rubbed against Jo’s muscled legs scared the hell out of her. Remembering that sensation now as she headed down the road brought back the same ache.

  “Get a grip,” she chided herself. “Jo Marchal is your friend, and…and you’re a married woman with a child. Getting involved with her would be insane, irresponsible, and not to mention ruin our friendship. And now I’ve resorted to talking to myself. I am insane.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Maria stayed away on Saturday. And for weeks afterward, as a matter of fact, not even calling to chat or check how “her friend” was coping with her father’s death. She knew it was cowardly on her part, but before she saw her again she needed to be sure the unexpected physical attraction she had felt for Jo wouldn’t lead her to do or say something to ruin their friendship. If Jo needed to talk to her, she surely would call.

  Jo had not seen or talked to Maria in weeks, and the exchange she’d overheard between Maria and her husband on Thanksgiving Day kept niggling at her. Had Maria capitulated to his ultimatum? Surely not, but…

  She could call her. After all they were friends, and friends checked in on each other from time to time, didn’t they? Then again,
taking a break was a better idea. She was having difficulty getting out of her head the overpowering physical attraction she’d felt when they’d taken their ride. She was feeling things she shouldn’t for the very straight, married Maria West. Maria was her friend and there couldn’t be anything more than friendship between them.

  * * *

  With Christmas arriving on a Wednesday, Jo arranged for Tucker to work through Christmas Eve and take off until after New Year’s. She’d run the farm by herself. Doing so would be a welcome distraction after spending a couple of days with her mom remembering Christmases past. She waited until the Sunday before Christmas to call Maria.

  “Jo, hi! I’ve been meaning to call you. Things have been a little hectic.”

  “Oh, uh, I figured you were really busy with family and the holidays and all.” Jo felt strangely uncomfortable.

  “So, is everything okay with you?” Maria sounded distracted.

  “Sure, yeah, fine as frog’s hair.”

  “What?”

  Oh God, I sound adolescent. That was more like something Tucker would say. “Never mind. So how’ve you been?”

  “You know, busy with the holidays coming, shopping and trying to get prepared.”

  It was as if they were practically two strangers again. Before Jo could stop herself, she said, “I miss you guys.” She lowered her voice. “Miss seeing you.” Well, she said it and there was no taking it back.

  Maria seemed less distracted when she replied. “We miss you too, Jo.” She sighed.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Yes. I’ve been running around a lot and it’s been so chilly I didn’t think Matt should be riding.”

  “You could bring him out to visit with Jake in the house. I do have heat, you know.”

  Maria laughed. “Of course you do, but I don’t want to invade your home.”

  “You wouldn’t, and besides, Jake hasn’t had a good kiss in a while.”

  Maria laughed again. “Yes, well, I suppose the same could be said for Matt.”