From This Day Forward

by Victoria Thompson

  “Lori?” he said in surprise, peering at her through the dimness of the hall. “Lori McClintock, is that you?”

  That voice! She knew that voice! She’d heard it in a hundred nightmares! And this must be a nightmare, too. She hadn’t really awakened just now. She was still asleep and dreaming of the one man she feared most in the world. And now he was coming toward her, and just like in her nightmares, she couldn’t move, couldn’t run, couldn’t even scream!

  “Well, now, don’t you look fine,” he was saying, looking her over as he closed the distance between them with strange shuffling steps. “What a nice coming home present, to find you waiting right here for me, all fresh and sweet and good enough to eat.”

  Now she could see his face, his hideous face, half-covered with a filthy beard, and his eyes all rheumy and gleaming wildly and his awful hands, reaching for her, ready to put her down and—

  Someone was screaming, someone far away, and Lori was glad because it had stopped him. Whoever was screaming had stopped him in his tracks, and he was looking at her so strangely, and she remembered then that she was strong now and she didn’t have to be afraid of him, so of course he was looking at her strangely.

  Then she heard someone running. People were coming. Adam and the slaves would be coming. They would come and they would help her and they would take him away, far, far away, where she would never have to see him again.

  And just as they arrived, all shouting at once—“What’s going on?” “What is it?” “Who’s there?”—Eric fell, crumpling in a heap before her, like a rag doll that could no longer stand alone.

  “Oh, dear Lord, Missy!” Sudie cried, taking Lori in her arms as Oscar knelt to look at Eric. “Don’t be scared! Oscar, he take that fella out right now! He won’t hurt you none! He prob’ly just lookin’ for some food! Hush, now, hush!”

  Only when Sudie placed her hand over Lori’s mouth and the screaming stopped did Lori realize she was the one who had been screaming. She wasn’t powerless after all! She really was strong, and she’d screamed and they’d all come to help her.

  The rest of the maids were spilling out of other rooms and rushing in from the kitchen to see what the commotion was about. And then Adam was there, taking her from Sudie and enfolding her in his arms. “What on earth is going on?” he asked before he noticed the man lying on the floor.

  “Some tramp come in the house,” Sudie told him. “Done scared Miss Lori half to death!”

  Some tramp? Was that right? Could Lori have been mistaken?

  But Oscar had rolled the man over, and now he looked up at where they all stood above him.

  “This here’s Massa Eric,” he told them in amazement.

  Everyone gasped in surprise, and Adam’s arms tightened protectively around her, so she knew that he understood and that he would keep her safe.

  “Eric?” Sudie echoed in surprise. “My Eric? He come home!” With a cry of joy, she fell to her knees beside him.

  “We got to get him into bed! He burnin’ up with fever! Oscar, take him right now!”

  Oscar had no trouble at all lifting Eric onto his shoulder, and no one seemed to hear Lori’s cry of protest as Oscar carried him past her down the hall toward his bedroom.

  “Adam!” she cried in supplication, looking up at him, unable to believe he was going to let them bring Eric into the house!

  But Adam just looked down at her and said, “It’s all right, Lori. There’s nothing to be afraid of now. It’s just Eric.” That was the moment when Lori realized the beautiful life she’d thought she had was really as fragile as a bubble. It had seemed so perfect, but Adam had just destroyed it with a word.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Adam watched Oscar carrying Eric away, trailing Sudie in their wake. She was giving nearly-hysterical instructions to the other maids to fetch hot water and rags and other things she thought she might need to tend to Eric.

  Dear God, he hadn’t even recognized his own brother! Eric did indeed look like the tramp Lori had taken him for. No wonder she had been so terrified! She was still trembling in his arms. He looked down to find her staring up at him, her eyes still wide with horror.

  “You said you’d protect me!” she said. It sounded like an accusation.

  “I will,” he assured her, figuring she was even more upset than Sudie.

  “You said he wouldn’t come back!”

  What on earth was she talking about? “Who?”

  “Eric!” she cried, and he noticed with alarm that her face was ashen.

  “I said I didn’t think he’d be back,” he reminded her gently.

  “You can’t let him stay here! You promised!” she insisted.

  So that was it! Now everything made sense. And Adam was gratified to see how reluctant she was to share her home with his brother. If he’d thought she still harbored any tender feelings for Eric, her reaction at this moment would have allayed those fears. “Of course he won’t stay here. When he finds out we’re married, he won’t want to stay here!”

  “Then why did Oscar take him back to his room? I want him out of here, Adam!”

  Her eyes were too bright, her face too pale, and he was very much afraid she was going to faint. He tightened his grip on her arms just in case. “Lori,” he said, speaking slowly because she was obviously too upset to understand reason, “Eric is sick. He can’t go anywhere at the moment.”

  “He’s not that sick! You didn’t hear what he said to me! He thinks I’m here for him! Adam, you have to send him away! Please!” She was gripping the front of his shirt with both hands, nearly frantic, and he had no idea how to calm her.

  “You don’t have to be afraid of him anymore, Lori,” he reminded her. “You’re my wife. You’re completely safe!” But she shook her head, her eyes still terrible with a fear he now understood was completely irrational. Before he could reassure her further, however, they both heard the baby crying.

  With one last desperate look, she broke away from him and ran down the hall toward the sound. He noticed she swerved to give Eric’s door the widest possible berth, as if she was afraid he would come darting out to grab her, and then she continued to flee until she reached their bedroom door and disappeared inside.

  Good God, he thought, running a hand through his hair. He’d known Eric had hurt Lori, but that was months ago. She should have forgotten all about it by now. Certainly, she was entitled to be bitter because Eric had gotten her with child and left her destitute and alone in her disgrace. But that was in the past, and she wasn’t destitute or alone or disgraced any longer. She was his wife, for God’s sake. And what he had seen on her face just now had been far more than bitterness. She seemed to be actually afraid of Eric, and she also didn’t seem willing to take Adam’s word that she had nothing to be afraid of.

  But perhaps she was just reacting to the fright she’d gotten when she’d thought he was a stranger who had invaded their home. Yes, that must be it. What else could account for her panic? Nothing in Adam’s experience, surely.

  Sudie stuck her head out of Eric’s door. “Massa Adam, he askin’ for you!”

  Still shaking his head in confusion, Adam made his way to his brother’s room.

  Lori closed the door tightly behind her and wished desperately that it had a lock. She wouldn’t feel safe even then, but she did need a lock, at least. Casting about for something, anything, to serve the purpose, she settled on grabbing one of the ladder-backed chairs and wedging it under the doorknob.

  Only when she was satisfied that the door was secure did she turn her attention to the baby who was now screaming in his cradle.

  “There now, sweetheart, don’t cry,” she crooned, although she noticed her voice was still shaking and her hands, when she picked him up, were unsteady.

  The baby was wet, so Lori forced herself to change his diaper and his wrapper, crooning to him all the while, although he continued to scream with hunger through the entire operation. By the time she’d managed to re-dress him, she felt a litt
le calmer. She settled them both into the rocking chair and opened her bodice, although she couldn’t help a glance at the door, just to make sure it was still secure. The thought of Eric coming in and seeing her...

  But that was ridiculous. Eric was too ill to be going anywhere, wasn’t he? Matthew stiffened furiously in her arms, unable to understand why she wasn’t offering him her breast. Quickly, guiltily, she opened her bodice and silenced him in an instant.

  As the baby began to suckle, Lori’s gaze shifted back to the door. For an instant she imagined the knob began to turn, and her heart seemed to stop dead in her chest. But in the next instant she realized she was being an idiot. The knob hadn’t moved. The chair was secure. She was safe—for the moment.

  But the baby released her nipple and began to howl in protest again. What was wrong? Had Eric’s arrival soured her milk? But then she realized that her milk wasn’t flowing. She was too tense, too terrified.

  Drawing a deep breath, she forced herself to relax and guided Matthew’s mouth back to her nipple again. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back and began to rock, willing her milk to flow and her fears to subside. She couldn’t let Eric terrify her anymore. What had become of the strong Lori she had been these past few months? What had become of her courage?

  They were still there, she knew. She simply had to summon them again. She simply had to gird herself so she would be able to go out of this room and face whatever must be faced.

  Because surely Adam wasn’t going to allow him to stay. Perhaps a day or two, until he was able to travel. And then he would throw him out. She could stand this for a day or two, especially if it meant she would be sure, once and for all, that Eric Ross would never bother her again.

  As she rocked and rocked and cradled her child, she began to feel the terror and the tension drain out of her. She would be all right. Everything would be fine. Adam loved her. He would keep her safe.

  ***

  Adam looked down at his brother and shook his head. No wonder Lori had been so terrified at the sight of him. Adam wasn’t sure even he would have recognized Eric under the scraggly beard and the filth.

  Sudie had already stripped off his clothes, and one of the maids had taken them out to burn them. Still his unwashed body stank abominably, and Adam could actually see the lice in his hair and beard.

  “This is what a soldier looks like, brother,” Eric said. His voice was cracked and hoarse, and his eyes glittered from the fever that flushed his face.

  “Were you wounded?” Adam asked, although he’d seen no sign of bandages.

  “Not likely,” Eric said with a ghost of his usual grin. “Hardly ever got to fight. I got the fever. Half of the army’s got the fever, even Old Rip Ford himself.”

  “I can’t believe they sent you home, sick as you are!” Adam said. He’d been protecting Eric all his life, and the outrage he felt on his brother’s behalf was the same he had always felt.

  “Oh, they didn’t send me—I sent myself. If I’d stayed there, I would’ve died,” he added defensively at Adam’s frown of disapproval. Eric glanced at Sudie who was wringing out a cloth in a bucket of steaming water that one of the girls had just carried in. “I knew if I came home, though, Sudie’d save me, won’t you, Sudie?”

  Sudie looked up and smiled, a sad smile given only to reassure Eric and which did not reach the concern in her eyes. “I shore will, Massa Eric. You done the right thing comin’ home. This where you belong.” Using the rag, she began to bathe the dirt from Eric’s face.

  “Did you desert, Eric?” Adam pressed him.

  Eric winced at the baldness of the question—or perhaps he was just wincing from the heat of Sudie’s wash water. “I wouldn’t call it that. The Cavalry of the West isn’t the regular army, you know. I doubt anybody cares that I’m gone, if they even know that I am.”

  “Don’t they let soldiers take baths?” Sudie shook her head in disgust as she examined the rag she’d been using on Eric.

  “I’ve been sick for weeks,” Eric excused himself. His too bright gaze found Adam again. “Funny how this fever works. I keep thinking I see Lori McClintock. I thought I saw her just now, in the back hall.”

  Adam felt Sudie’s quick glance, but he ignored it. “You did,” he said.

  To his surprise, Eric grinned. “I asked her to wait for me, but I never figured she’d wait here. That was mighty nice of you, brother, to take her in for me. How’d she convince you?” He’d asked her to wait for him? Lori had never told him that! Adam felt the old jealousy scalding through him, raising all his old fears. If she hadn’t waited for Eric, why did Adam think she would be any more faithful to him? Of course, she’d been desperate when Eric had left her, and she’d had no other choice but to accept Adam’s offer. But she wasn’t desperate now. And Eric was back. Eric was the father of her child, and he still wanted her. And Eric wasn’t a cripple.

  But Eric wasn’t going to get her back. “Lori is my wife now, Eric.”

  Eric’s forehead creased as he tried to comprehend this outrageous statement. “What?”

  “Lori and I were married in April. She’s my wife. That’s why she lives here. She lives here with me.”

  He waited, not certain what to expect. He could feel Sudie’s gaze, but he continued to ignore it, keeping his gaze on his brother’s face. Would Sudie guess the truth now? But no, she still believed Matthew’s father was some stranger. She wouldn’t guess the truth. No one would, not now, not ever.

  Adam saw the anger flicker over Eric’s face, but to his surprise, he controlled it, and to his amazement, Eric actually grinned. “You married that little whore?”

  “Watch your mouth, Eric,” Adam warned him furiously “Lori is my wife!”

  “Then you’re a fool! You didn’t have to marry her—she spread her legs for me without a wedding ring on her finger!”

  Adam had never felt such rage, and he’d actually made a move toward Eric when Sudie stopped him with a cry. Only then did he realize his hands were curled into fists, ready to pound the life out of his brother to silence his filthy mouth.

  But he couldn’t hit a man as sick as Eric, not a man who might be on his death bed, and certainly not his own brother, no matter what the provocation. “Stop it, Eric!”

  But Eric laughed, a terrible, hollow sound that raised the hairs on Adam’s arms.

  “And just how long do you think she’ll stay with you, big brother?” he scoffed. “Now that the real men are coming back home? She promised she’d wait for me, and you see how long that lasted! Well, don’t worry, I wouldn’t have her now, not if you paid me to take her off your hands. Unlike you, I’m not willing to take another man’s leavings!”

  Adam lunged for him then, and he didn’t know what he might have done if Sudie hadn’t thrown herself between them, grabbing Adam and holding him back.

  “It the fever talkin’!” she insisted, clinging to his shirt when he would have thrown her aside. “He don’t know what he sayin’!”

  If only Adam could have believed that! But he knew if he stayed in this room another moment, he would murder Eric where he lay, so he fled, tearing out of the bedroom and down the hall.

  He was out of the house before he knew where he was going, and then he realized he needed to be with Lori. She’d said she loved him, and she’d made love with him only a few hours ago. Surely, that wasn’t a lie. No matter what had happened before, she belonged to him now, didn’t she?

  He had to find out.

  For a long time after the baby had finished nursing, Lori continued to rock him, unwilling to be parted from him, needing to feel his warm little body in her arms. He lay quietly, watching her face as if he found it as fascinating as she found his. Did he look like Eric? She was sure he didn’t. His pale blue eyes were already darkening, as Sudie had predicted they would, but Lori was sure they would remain blue like hers and not turn brown like Eric’s. And his face looked like hers. Everyone said so, although how they could tell, she had no idea. He just looked l
ike himself to her, like a fat little baby. The most beautiful baby in the world.

  A noise startled her, and she realized with instant terror that someone was trying to open the door.

  “Who’s there!” she called in alarm, half rising from the rocking chair, although she wasn’t certain if she intended to fight or flee.

  “Lori? What’s wrong with the door? Why won’t it open?” Adam called out in irritation.

  Lori gasped out her relief. “Just a minute!” She carried Matthew over to his cradle and laid him down, then hurried to open the door, fastening her bodice up as she went.

  When she had pulled the chair out from under the knob, she opened the door to find Adam standing there, frowning in consternation.

  Lori spared him only a glance before instinctively looking past him for any sign of Eric. But the hallway behind him was empty, and Eric’s bedroom door was closed. Sighing with a second wave of relief, she stood aside for Adam to enter.

  “Did you have something pushed against the door?” he asked her.

  “The chair,” she said, gesturing vaguely at it while she closed the door carefully behind him and wondered if she should put it back in place again, just in case. But no, Adam was here. She was safe, at least for the moment.

  “Why did you barricade the door if you were just going to let me in?” he demanded.

  Did he think she’d barricaded it against him? “To keep your brother out!”

  He didn’t look as if he believed her, but he said, “Eric isn’t going anywhere for a while, so you won’t be needing that chair again. And he assured me that he won’t be bothering you at all, in any case.”

  “He talked to you about me?” Lori asked, horrified. The mere thought of Eric mentioning her name made her feel somehow violated.

  “Yes,” Adam said, and he looked as if the admission pained him. “He thought... he thought you were waiting here for him to get home.”