From This Day Forward

by Victoria Thompson

  And then, mercifully, he felt the rage. The nameless, inchoate fury that rose up inside of him like a red tide until the roaring of it drowned out even the screaming of his own guilt.

  “Where you goin’?” Sudie cried in alarm, and only then did he realize he’d risen to his feet.

  “I’m going to kill him,” he replied, amazed to hear how calm he sounded when inside he was howling with pain and rage.

  “No, Massa, no!” she screamed, trying to grab him, but he shook off her hands. He threw open the door and went into the hall and somehow his feet carried him without any conscious direction from Adam, who could think of only one thing: avenging Lori.

  Vaguely, he heard Sudie screaming, but that was no longer important. All that was important was finding Eric.

  His bedroom door was closed. Adam flung it open. His gaze went immediately to the bed, where he expected to find his brother languishing. But the bed was empty, and when he looked up, he saw Eric was sitting in a chair beside the window, feet propped on the windowsill, fully clothed and obviously enjoying the autumn breeze.

  “Well, well, I was beginning to think you weren’t going to visit me at all, Brother,” Eric said, smiling up at Adam with a grin Adam suddenly realized he despised. “But then, guess that wife of yours keeps you pretty busy. As I remember, she can really wear a man out, can’t she?”

  Adam fell on him with a roar, smashing his fist into that awful grin in a desperate attempt to obliterate it completely. The chair fell over beneath them, tumbling them to the floor, but Adam hardly noticed. He was too busy pounding Eric, driving his fists into Eric’s solid flesh again and again, wanting to beat him until Eric simply ceased to exist.

  Eric threw up his arms instinctively to defend himself and scrambled and struggled to get away, while at the same time trying to strike back. Before either of them could succeed in their purposes, strong hands grabbed Adam from behind and hauled him up to his feet.

  “Stop it, Massa! Stop it!” Oscar’s voice cried as Oscar’s arms restrained him, pinning his arms to his sides and pulling him back. “He still your brother!”

  “He raped my wife!” Adam protested.

  “Is that what she claims?” Eric demanded, outraged “That lying little whore!”

  Adam kicked out with his good leg, catching Eric in the thigh and making him howl before Oscar dragged him farther back. For his part, Eric scooted in the opposite direction holding his injured leg.

  “You trying to cripple me?” Eric complained, filling Adam with fresh rage for old sins.

  But even this rage was no match for Oscar’s brute strength and after a few more minutes, he prevailed, and Adam went limp in surrender, unable to struggle any more.

  Still, Oscar did not release him, as if he didn’t trust him which was probably just as well. If Adam did kill Eric, he would have to explain why, and Lori had already suffered enough shame at their hands.

  “I want you out of this house. Today,” he told Eric.

  “Are you crazy? This is my house, too!”

  “I might have been crazy, but I’m perfectly sane now. And this was your house, but you lost all claim to it when you attacked my wife, and I won’t have you here another minute!”

  “I’m sick!” Eric complained. “I just got back from fighting a war!”

  “I don’t care if you’re dying!” Adam said brutally. “And if you’re still here by...” He glanced out the window to judge the time. “… by sundown, I will kill you, and this time nobody will stop me.”

  He gave Oscar a meaningful glare, and the big slave released him with obvious reluctance. Adam pulled himself up to his full height and straightened his clothes with a jerk. “Do I make myself clear?”

  But Eric wasn’t intimidated. “This place is half mine, don’t forget. You can’t send me away with nothing! I’ll get the law after you.”

  Of course, Eric would have his own interests at heart. But with the whole country in chaos from the war, Adam was fairly certain it would be quite a while before the law could deal with such a case. Still, he didn’t ever want anymore contact with Eric. This had to be a clean break.

  “I’ll buy you out then. I have about fifty dollars in gold that I’ve been saving until—”

  “Fifty dollars!” Eric scoffed, pushing himself to his feet with difficulty. Adam was gratified to see that he had hurt him, if only a little. “You’ve got a hundred thousand dollars worth of slaves out there, not even counting the land! I want half of everything!”

  “Maybe the slaves were worth that much before the war, but you’d be lucky to get fifty dollars in Confederate money for Oscar here, if you could find somebody willing to buy him. Face it, Eric. The slaves are worthless, and the land is, too, at least until this war is over.”

  “And then you’ll be rich again, and what will I have?”

  “And then the Yankees will own it all! ” Adam contradicted him. “You know that as well as I do!”

  “We whipped the Yankees!” Eric reminded him.

  “In Texas, maybe, but no place else. The South can’t hold out much longer, and when they finally give it up, our slaves’ll be free, and we’ll be no better off than the McClintocks were!” Beside him, he could feel Oscar stiffen in reaction, but he didn’t have time to worry about that now. “I’m offering you gold, Eric. You can go anyplace with that. Make a new start. It’s your only chance, because if you stay here, I’ll kill you. I swear it on my mother’s grave.”

  “Our mother’s grave!” Eric reminded him brutally.

  But Eric thought of Lori and felt no guilt at all. He glanced around and saw Sudie hovering in the doorway, her face ashen.

  “I’ll give Sudie the money to bring to you, and she can help you pack. I’m going to fetch Lori home now. When I get back, you’ll be gone, because if you’re not...”

  He let the implied threat hang between them for a moment, and when Eric made no reply, Adam turned and left, forcing Sudie to step aside and let him pass. His bad leg ached, but he welcomed the pain. It cleared his mind and reminded him he was still alive, and that he still had a life worth living.

  But only if he could get Lori back. Please God, he prayed as he hurried down the hall to his office safe. He’d only need a minute to get the money out and give it to Sudie. Then he would get the buggy and go to her and beg her to forgive him. He’d go down on his knees if he had to. No humiliation was too great to atone for what he had done to her—if only she would come home.

  ***

  Eric counted out the gold coins one more time. Forty-seven dollars. How in the hell had Adam managed to accumulate so much? Although he’d pretended to scoff, he’d secretly been shocked to find out Adam had any gold at all. He’d known, of course, that Adam had managed to sell some cotton in Mexico every year since the war had begun, but business had never interested him much. So long as he had spending money, he didn’t much care how they were doing, otherwise.

  As he pulled the drawstring pouch shut over the coins, another thought occurred to him. Would Adam have offered him all the money he had? Of course not! He’d keep some for himself. Which meant there was probably at least this much or more still in the safe.

  He glanced up at Sudie who was busy stuffing his few remaining belongings into his saddle bags. “Do you know the combination to the safe?” he asked her. Hell, she knew everything else around here, didn’t she?

  She froze, and when she turned slowly to face him, he saw with surprise that she was crying. “He give you every penny he gots. Won’t do you no good to go lookin’ through his safe.”

  Eric felt a quick flash of anger. He should have known she’d take up for Adam. She always had. “You expect me to believe this is all the money he has in the world?”

  “Believe it or not, it the truth.” She turned back to her task, pausing only to dash the tears from her cheeks.

  What in the hell did she have to cry about? He was the one being thrown out of his own house. And all because that little tart, Lori McClintoc
k, couldn’t keep her legs together. Suddenly, Eric remembered something Adam had said. He’d said he was going to fetch Lori, but where had she gone and why?

  He glanced at Sudie again and considered his next question carefully. “Uh, where did Adam go? I need to know how much time I’ve got before he gets back,” he added at Sudie’s suspicious glance. “He did threaten to kill me, you’ll remember.” Not that Eric believed for a moment that Adam would have the guts to do so.

  “He went down to the McClintock place,” Sudie said with obvious reluctance.

  “Oh, that’s right,” Eric said, pretending to remember. “He was going to fetch Lori. But what’s she doing down there instead of being here with her loving husband?”

  Color suddenly came to Sudie’s face, as if she’d just gotten mad or something, although she gave no other sign of it. ‘When you come home, she took the baby and left,” she said, as if she was accusing him of something. “Didn’t want to be in the same house as you.”

  But Eric didn’t hear the last part, only the first. “Baby? What baby?”

  Sudie’s eyes grew wide with alarm, but she quickly turned away and resumed her packing. “Does she have a baby already?” he asked in amazement, only vaguely aware of Sudie’s odd reaction. His brother hadn’t wasted any time, had he? When had he said they’d gotten married? April, he thought, although he might’ve been mistaken. Let’s see, that was only ... six months ago! Not enough time for a baby, at least not unless it got started a lot earlier. Which would, he realized, explain why Adam had married her in the first place. That little whore must’ve gone after his brother as soon as he’d left! Not one to waste time either, was she?

  He counted back to see just how little she had wasted, just for curiosity, and almost ran out of months.

  “Your things is all packed,” Sudie said with forced brightness, holding up his bags. “You’d best be going. Oscar gots a horse saddled for you. I told him to pick the best one we got so—”

  Eric didn’t move. “How old is Lori’s baby, Sudie?”

  He could see the fear in her eyes and felt the glow of satisfaction. “I... don’t rightly know,” she claimed.

  “You do know, don’t you? You know exactly, and that’s why you won’t tell me, because you know that I know exactly when that baby got in her belly. Because I’m the one who put it there.”

  “No! He Massa Adam’s chile! He look just like him! Anybody can see it!” Sudie insisted frantically, only convincing Eric even more thoroughly that he was right.

  “It’s a boy, huh? My son.” He waited a second, expecting to feel something for the son he hadn’t known existed, but all he felt was the burning envy that he’d always felt for his brother. “And Adam was going to take him from me just like he always took everything else! He thought he could take Lori and this place and my son! Well, we’ll just see about that, won’t we?”

  “No, Massa Eric, you can’t,” Sudie cried, dropping the saddle bags and running to stop him when he would have left the room. “It ain’t your chile! It ain’t! And Massa Adam, he love that boy like his own son! He kill you if you try to take him away!”

  “Like his own son?” Eric echoed in triumph, and watched with pleasure as Sudie blanched again with the knowledge that she had confessed the truth at last. He reached out and touched Sudie’s face fondly. “If I’d known Adam was buying my son, too, I wouldn’t’ve settled for forty-seven dollars. I think we’ve got a little more bargaining to do before we’re finished.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Lori hadn’t realized how weak she had become until she started eating again. Perhaps it was the food or perhaps it was simply the anger she felt at Adam Ross, but whatever the cause, she now had more energy than she knew what to do with. She was sweeping the dirt floor for the second time that day when she heard the sound of a buggy approaching the cabin.

  For a second she froze in alarm. He was coming for her! But no sooner had that thought formed in her mind than another overtook it. He wouldn't get her this time!

  Dropping the broom, she ran to where the old shotgun hung on the wall and snatched it down, checking to make sure it was still loaded. Thus armed, she hurried to the door that stood open to the fading sunlight.

  But of course, it wasn’t Eric, and he wasn’t coming for her at all. It was Adam, as she should have known when she heard it was a buggy and not a rider approaching. Adam, the man she hated for all he had done to hurt her. And Adam the man she still loved in spite of all the pain.

  Tears came to her eyes, but she blinked them away furiously. If he was here to get Matthew... but she wouldn’ give up her child, any more than she would return to Elmhurst. If Adam thought he could force her... Her hand tightened instinctively on the shotgun, even though she knew she could never hurt Adam, no matter what he did to her.

  But he didn’t have to know that, did he? And perhaps the gun would be enough to frighten him away.

  She watched as he pulled the buggy to a halt in front of the cabin. She knew he saw her in the doorway. His gaze had found her at once, and he didn’t take his eyes off her for more than a second at a time while he tied off the reins and climbed down.

  In spite of her anger and her fear, she couldn’t help noticing how handsome he looked, even though he was wearing the worn, casual clothes he used when he was working and even though his face looked haggard, as if he hadn’t been sleeping any more than she had.

  He took a few steps toward her, then stopped, glancing down at the shotgun. “You don’t have to be afraid of me, Lori,” he told her quietly. “I won’t... hurt you,” he added, and she wondered at the way his voice almost broke. “And I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to talk to you for a few minutes.”

  He looked so sad and so defeated that Lori suddenly felt like a fool for pointing a shotgun at him. Hastily, she hoisted it back up to where it normally hung on the wall beside the door and turned back to face him. Her hands felt awkward with nothing to hold, so she locked them together in front of her as she wondered what to do next. Finally, she decided she had to invite him inside.

  “Come on in,” she said, backing up to allow him to enter because for some reason she didn’t feel safe turning her back to him.

  But he made no threatening moves. He simply came inside and stopped before her, keeping a proper distance, although she could tell it pained him to do so. Seemingly of their own accord, his hands came up, as if to reach for her, but when she stepped back in alarm, he dropped them to his sides again.

  His expression spoke of defeat and a sadness she couldn’t then begin to understand. He glanced around the room, as if he were looking for something. “Matthew?” he said anxiously. “Is he...?”

  “He’s asleep,” she told him, gesturing to the bedroom door.

  “Is he all right? When Lucy came back—”

  “He’s fine,” she said, instantly angry at the reminder of the way he’d tried to take her baby away.

  “I was worried about you both,” he explained. “When Bessie said you weren’t eating, I thought it might be too much for you to—”

  “I’m eating,” she told him sharply. If he thought he was going to come in here and tell her—

  “Thank God,” he said so fervently that Lori’s anger evaporated. “Lori, I came to tell you that Eric’s gone,” he added before she could even get her breath.

  “What?”

  “I sent him away. I... I know what he did to you. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me for not believing you before, but that’s why I’m here now, to beg you for that forgiveness and to ask you to come home with me.”

  Lori was sure she must be dreaming because this couldn’t really be happening. What could have changed Adam’s mind? And why would he have suddenly decided she was telling the truth? She shook her head, trying to clear it, but Adam apparently misinterpreted the gesture.

  “Oh, please, Lori, give me another chance!” he pleaded “I know you must hate me. This is all my fault!
If I hadn’t been such a fool! If I’d only realized... Why didn’t you tell me about the note he sent you?”

  Lori almost gasped in surprise. “How did you find you about that?”

  “Sudie told me. He told her everything that happened.”

  “He admitted it?” she asked incredulously.

  But Adam shook his head. “He still doesn’t think he did anything wrong, but we do, Lori. We know now that...” His voice broke, and to her amazement, Lori saw that he had tears in his eyes. “I wanted to kill him, Lori. I still do, even if he is my brother, and if he ever shows his face here again, I will!”

  “Oh, Adam!” Lori cried, taking hold of his arms as if she could restrain him from that violence.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the note?” he asked again, his eyes full of more pain than anyone should have to bear.

  She shook her head. “I was so stupid, I was ashamed for you to know.”

  “Ashamed? I’m the one who was stupid! Why didn’t I see how you felt about me? How could I have been so blind? Even Eric knew, and he used that, didn’t he? He used my stupidity to hurt you, and it’s all my fault!”

  “No!” Lori told him angrily. “It’s not your fault! And it’s not my fault either! It’s taken me months to understand that, and I don’t want you torturing yourself over it either! It was Eric s fault! He’s the one—the only one—to blame. I couldn’t have stopped him and neither could you. I refuse to feel guilty any longer, and I won’t let you feel guilty, either.”

  He gazed down at her for a long moment, and in that moment, in his eyes, she saw how much he loved her and low much it would cost him to lose her now. “Can you ever forgive me for not believing you?” he asked brokenly.