Leading the Way

by Constance Masters

  “For strippers to be dressed up as firefighters? About three in four, I’d say.” Jen giggled. “They like the costumes.”

  The dancers kept dancing around each other, around the stage and eventually right into the audience. The bounced and jiggled and shook their bits like their lives depended on it and all to a roaring crowd. Erin screamed, yelled and hooted as loud as the rest of the girls in the room. You would have sworn there were fifty more people there than there actually was. “Ooh their coming for someone,” she said as the men jumped from the small stage and gyrated their way through the audience.

  The first one of course made a bee-line for the bride-to-be. He hoisted her over his shoulder and took her to the stage. He smiled leerily at the audience while he humped against her. Erin screamed when one came towards their table. She tried to hide behind Jen but he wasn’t even looking at either of them. He headed straight towards Carol.

  Carol picked through her bowl of candy, seemingly oblivious.

  Erin closed her eyes, not sure she wanted to witness what would come next. The guy in just his skimpy underwear and fireman’s hat, now wormed his way towards the one person on the table who looked like she was doing her best to ignore him.

  He plopped his hat on top of Carol’s head and she sighed. She removed it and passed it back to the dancer. “No, thank you,” she said.

  He chuckled and put it back all the while swinging his hips in time to the music while he pressed himself against her back provocatively.

  Carol swung around. “Back off,” she said.

  Erin, as well as Jen and Sienna, stopped laughing. “Stop,” Jen said, seeing her friend was past uncomfortable.

  It was so noisy in there. It was quite possible that he didn’t hear them telling him to stop, no one knows. What they did know was that he’d listen better next time. Carol grabbed the elastic on his skin-tight undies and pulled as hard as she could. She dumped the rest of her bowl of candy down the front of his pants and then followed it with her orange juice. She let go of the elastic so it snapped against his skin.

  “Ah,” he yelled.

  High voice for such a macho looking guy, Erin thought. They watched in awe as he danced away to another table, inviting one of the other women to sample his candy pants. When she looked up there was a security guard on his way in to the room. “Um, I think we may have overstayed our welcome,” she said.

  The other girls agreed. They gathered their stuff and ran towards the exit, but Erin went back. When she found the bride-to-be, she thanked her for having them and shot out the door after the others.

  ***

  “What time is it?” Sienna asked.

  “It’s two thirty,” Carol said. “We have about a half an hour still to drive so we should make it just in time.”

  Erin wasn’t that worried. The fact that Zach normally brought the girls home gave her an extra half an hour or so. They would walk to his classroom and wait while he packed up whatever work he had to grade that night and then the three would make their way home. Not the case for the others who were clearly getting a little worried about the time. “It was fun today, girls. Thanks for including me,” she said.

  “Thanks for coming!” Jen said. “That was the most fun we’ve had yet.”

  “It sure was,” Sienna said.

  “What about you, Carol. Did you have fun?”

  “Are you serious? I had a ball!” she giggled, joining in with the others when they burst out laughing.

  ***

  “Mom!” Jordan said racing across the playground and throwing herself into her Mom’s arms. “You never pick us up from school.”

  A pang of guilt twisted Erin’s gut. It had never occurred to her that it mattered to the girls. Zach was there. It didn’t make sense for her to come to school, too. “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

  “Just sometimes,” Jordan said.

  “Well then I’ll come sometimes,” Erin said. She could see Avvy running towards her and she looked just as happy to see her there.

  “Mom, how come you’re picking us up?” Avvy asked.

  “We just got back and I couldn’t wait to see you.” Erin took both girls’ hands and they walked to Zach’s classroom.

  Chapter 7

  “Did you really have fun?” Zach asked as they cleaned up after dinner. “I mean, I know you said you did but did you?”

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t I?” Erin asked, bending over to wipe an invisible spot off the floor with the floor sponge.

  “I don’t know. Something seems a little off. You seem quiet or something.”

  “I’m tired. It was a long day.” That wasn’t a lie. It was a long day and the effects of the alcohol had worn off leaving her feeling flat and a bit like a big fat liar. “Fun though.” It had been. That thought helped her to flash him a genuine smile.

  “Let’s have an early night, then.”

  “Yeah let’s.”

  ***

  Zach was watching Erin as she came from the shower and crawled into bed. “Come here.” he said opening his arms.

  She did, tucking her head in to the crook of his arm. “Thanks, honey.”

  “For?”

  “Letting me go today when I know you had reservations.”

  “Only at first, we’ve come a long way since we moved here. I know you won’t let me down.”

  Erin pressed her lips together so he wouldn’t hear the sob that caught in her throat. She brushed away a tear that trickled down her cheek at the memory of that last few days before they decided to move…

  Erin opened the mailbox and sighed with relief at the envelope inside. It was her new credit card, the one she hadn’t told Zach she’d applied for. In her heart she knew she was being deceitful and careless but she didn’t know what else to do. It was all about commitments that had been made and needed to be taken care of. She was going to have to look for paid work, she knew that, but at the moment she was only interested in getting out the girls dresses she’d ordered for this week’s pageant. Not to mention the payment for the pageant itself. The girls didn’t even know. She’d kept it a secret in case she hadn’t been able to pull it off.

  “Avvy!” she yelled.

  Avvy came down the stairs slowly, stopping to look at herself and fix her hair in the landing mirror before coming the rest of the way. “Yes, Mommy?”

  “We can do it!” Erin said. “We can go to the little Miss Denver pageant.”

  “We can?” Avvy’s eyes were wide. “You won’t change your mind?”

  “I won’t change my mind, but we can’t tell Daddy.”

  “How you gonna stop Jordie telling?”

  “You leave Jordie to me.”

  Erin turned in her husband’s arms, feigning sleep as the memory of her teaching her children to lie deepened. The way to keep Jordan quiet had come the next day when her daughter came home from school with a note.

  “Suspended ,Jordan? You’re only seven. Who gets suspended at seven?”

  Jordan shrugged.

  “That was a rhetorical question.”

  “I don’t know what that means, Mommy.”

  “It means that if your Daddy finds out you’ll be in big trouble.”

  “Don’t tell him Mommy please?”

  Jordan’s big green eyes were full of tears. “I’ll be really good Momma and I won’t never punch nobody again, no matter what. Not even if they say my name is a boy’s name.”

  “They shouldn’t say that to you, honey, but you have to use your words, not your fists.”

  “Are you gonna tell?” Tears ran down Jordan’s cheeks.

  “Maybe not. Maybe we can keep each other’s secrets.”

  Jordan sniffed. “What’s your secret?”

  “I’ve entered you and your sister into the Little Miss Denver pageant.”

  “I hate pageants!”

  “You’ll get to get dressed up all pretty and you can win prizes.”

  “I don’t like getting dressed up.”

  “I
know, but just this once I thought you could do it for me and see if you like it. It’s good for you to do something girly.” Erin could see that her daughter wasn’t convinced. “And in return I won’t tell Daddy that you’re suspended.”

  “What if Avvy tells?”

  “She won’t because she wants to be in the pageant and if Daddy finds out he won’t let either of you do it.”

  Jordan sighed. “Okay,” she said sadly.

  What had she been thinking? As if things weren’t strained enough with the girls fighting and the bills piling up. She had to add another credit card and lying into the mix.

  The days leading up to the pageant had been hard. She’d had to run around and pick up the girls outfits, keep them hidden and make sure the girls didn’t forget and let anything slip out. The only saving grace was that Zach had a weekend field trip organized with kids from a low socio-economic background. He wouldn’t be around the day of the pageant.

  That’s what she’d thought. She and the girls had left for the hotel as soon as the coast was clear. She wanted to make sure they were in plenty of time to get their hair and makeup done. As it happened, they got lucky and they were third in the queue. Everything went swimmingly, bar Jordan’s squirming in her itchy dress and pulling at her hair. Imagine her surprise when she entered the ballroom to find her husband standing there at the desk, right next to the giant sign with the list of the prices.

  Zach’s face was white with fury. “What is all this?” he asked. He looked into each of the girls’ faces. “Where are the sweet innocent little faces I kissed goodbye this morning?” he asked.

  Avvy started to cry and people started to discretely gather to watch the show that was building. “Please Daddy, don’t make us go home.”

  Erin cringed when Zach looked at her. His eyes were so filled with hurt and betrayal but his voice held pure anger. Anger at being put in the position of once again being the bad guy.

  “Sorry, Avery. I know you don’t understand why right now, but Daddy doesn’t think this is a place for children.”

  “No! Please Daddy!” Avvy wailed, “Please!”

  “Please, Zach. You’re making a scene,” Erin begged. “Just let them do it just this once, and we can go home and talk about this in private.”

  “If you think I’m making a scene now, you should see the scene in my head. No, I will not let my daughters stand up there looking twenty years older than they should, so adults that should have something better to do can look at them closely and judge whether they are more beautiful than the next child.” He scooped up the crying Avvy and took Jordan’s hand. “We’re leaving.”

  The subject had been clearly closed and she had no option but to follow her husband outside.

  She’d been completely humiliated and by the time they were at the elevators, tears streamed down her face. Zach’s eyes had softened just a little when he saw how upset she was.

  “Where’s your car?” he asked.

  “Third floor green,” she said.

  “Are you too upset to drive?” he asked. “We can leave your car here and come back for it tomorrow.”

  “Too expensive,” she sobbed.

  “Now you worry about money,” he said.

  She took a deep breath and tried to get herself under control. “I’ll be okay,” she said. “I’m just scared.”

  Zach touched her face with just the very tips of his fingertips. “I don’t want you scared of me, but you are in big trouble and you have to know that.”

  Erin nodded. Of course she did. Even while she was booking the girls into the pageant and ordering the new dresses. When she used the hidden credit card for the first time, she felt like she was in a car with no breaks going down a very fast hill. She just reached the bottom of the hill and she wasn’t in good shape. “I’m sorry,” she said huskily.

  “I know, but that isn’t enough this time. There’ll be consequences for this and we need to make a change.”

  Once again, she nodded her head, there were no words.

  “Honey, are you crying?” Zach asked.

  “I must have had a dream,” she said. A nightmare more like. She would never forget that night. The lonely drive home, the scrubbing of her daughters to find their innocent little faces again and the confessions. So many. The money spent, Jordan’s suspension, the telling the kids to lie to their Dad. Everything. By the time she had finished she was a mess, and that was before the spanking.

  “I don’t think I know you anymore,” Zach said.

  He was talking to her back as she stood stark naked in the corner. After hearing absolutely everything there was to tell, Zach had ordered her to shower and not to bother dressing before she stood in the corner. He’d turned up the heat so she wouldn’t be cold and left her there all alone. His mood didn’t seem to have improved when he came back and sat on the bed behind her.

  “I’m sorry, Zach. I wish I could take it all back.”

  “Don’t talk. You had your time to talk. Now you listen.”

  She nodded and her shoulders shook as tears ran down her cheeks.

  “Turn around.”

  When Erin turned she saw what he was holding in his hand. It was a rustic looking paddle. “I made this for you, for us. I started it when we first talked about DD, but I couldn’t somehow bring myself to finish it, I’ve only ever used my hand on you, until today. This family can’t go on like this. We seem to have stopped trying with the domestic discipline. No one’s in charge. Well apparently I am but you don’t take a blind bit of notice of anything I say. Even the kids are slipping completely out of control. That changes today.

  What could she say to that? He was right. They were in a mess.

  I applied for a teaching job and I’ve been offered the role of sixth grade teacher at Corbin’s Bend Middle School. I’d like to take it. I won’t make a major change like this without your input Erin, but I think it would be good for us. This is a place where spankos like us are free to live their lives the way they want with total acceptance. They have good schools and nice houses. On Monday we are meeting with the housing board president and founder Brent Carmichael. I’m asking you to keep an open mind until then.

  “Can I talk now?”

  “Yes.”

  “I just wanted to say that I agree with you, we need a change. Where is this Corbin’s Bend?”

  “Nestled up in the mountains.”

  “It sounds lovely.”

  “It does and I hope that things with Brent go well. But for now, it’s time.” Erin crossed to her husband quickly, almost glad that her punishment would be over. She wanted to feel normal again, to look in her husband’s eyes and see love and admiration instead of anger and disappointment.

  Erin lay over Zach’s lap with only a glance at the object he had in his hand. She would likely lose her nerve and run if she looked at it too closely. She couldn’t imagine what that thing would feel like. He rubbed the wood around her bottom in circles, getting a feel for the handle and the weight. When he lifted it she felt a cool rush of air and caught sight of it in the air out of the corner of her eye, she panicked. “No!” she tried to get up, but he held her in place.

  “Take a breath baby,” he said.

  She took a few deep breaths and settled herself. This time she squeezed her eyes shut tight and held her breath, waiting for the paddle to fall. When it did come, it thudded across both cheeks, a sharp sting followed by a deeper burn. She kept herself together though and barely let out a whimper as the horrible thing fell again and again, but after the fifth whack she couldn’t keep still or quiet any more. “It hurts, Zach,” she wailed. “Please stop.” He didn’t stop and her legs started kicking of their own accord.

  “Settle down,” he said firmly. “You have four more to go.”

  “No!” She rocked her body from side to side, hoping to wiggle herself free from his grasp. “I can’t take four more.”

  “You can.”

  “No,” she sobbed. The paddle clapped across both
cheeks one after the other, twice. It was over and she heard the paddle drop on to the hard wood floor with a thud.

  It seemed longer than a year ago, but she could still remember how good it felt to lay on top of Zach after, his arms wrapped tightly around her making sure she didn’t fall. It had comforted her to know there was nothing between them, besides an ass that was burning like the fires of hell. At that moment she’d been looking forward to a bright new start.

  What she was doing now wasn’t the same at all, was it? Granted, it was a secret, but a little secret. Just a little thing to keep to herself, like Zach not telling her that he was Charity’s teacher. A white lie.

  ***

  Erin opened her eyes to a sunlit bedroom and an empty space beside her. She must have eventually dosed off, because it was morning and Zach was getting ready for work. She glanced at the clock. He’d let her sleep in which was sweet but there were little girls long hair to tame for school and breakfast and lunches to make.

  “Morning girls,” she said.

  “Avvy ate the last of my favorite cereal.”

  Good late start. Jordan had obviously gotten out of bed on the wrong side.

  “You snooze you lose,” Avvy said.

  “Not nice and not helpful Avvy.” She turned to her younger daughter. “What would you like to eat?”

  Jordan shrugged. “I wanted Lucky Charms.”

  “There’s a little left in the box,” Erin said, looking hopefully into the waxy packet.

  “Eww. I hate the bottom.”

  “Would you like toast?”

  “No.”

  “Eggs?”

  “No.”

  “Can I have French toast?”

  “No time, honey. Pick one of these,” Erin said, putting a couple more packets of cereal on the table before walking away to get coffee.