Through Thick & Thin

by Natasha D Frazier

  Tammy kept bridal magazines in her purse to browse through during her free time. She pulled a couple of them out to show Raegan her ideas.

  After Caleb left the room, Tammy felt more comfortable talking about her and Joshua’s differences when it came to finances. She loved him but didn’t want this to become an area of contention in their marriage. She worked hard and definitely didn’t want to feel like a prisoner in her marriage. She felt like she should be able to spend whenever she wanted as long as her financial obligations were taken care of.

  Raegan agreed with her, but reminded her that she was living as a married woman now and that was something that she and Joshua really needed to discuss. Raegan advised her to talk to Joshua about how she really felt about the issue and try to come to a compromise.

  “I’ve mentioned it a little, but I don’t think he understands how much it really bothers me. I mean, it really gets under my skin. Does he think I’m going to send him into bankruptcy?” Tammy exaggerated.

  “He may not think that, but I’m sure he has his reasons for how he chooses to manage money. You two just have to figure out what works best for your relationship and do that,” Raegan reminded her.

  Tammy would try to talk to him about it, because she didn’t want to continue to hide her spending from him. She felt as if she had to sneak around with spending, and it was eating away at her. As she and Raegan picked up their conversation about the details of her dress, Tammy kept Raegan’s words in the back of her mind. She ran through ways to bring up the situation with Joshua without sounding confrontational.

  She loved him and she wanted their marriage to work this time around, so she was committed to doing all that she could do to make that happen. First thing on her list was to get this money situation straightened out, no matter how difficult the conversation was going to be.

  CHAPTER 19

  Although Raegan was down about losing her baby, she also felt some sort of relief. And then she felt guilty about that. Rico was out of her life for good and she would have no constant reminder of how she allowed herself to get caught up in his lies. She loved the baby no matter the circumstances surrounding the conception, but if she were to be honest, she despised Rico for his lies and the false hope he’d given to her. She was even more disappointed in herself for falling for them.

  Caleb watched Raegan roam aimlessly around the kitchen. He knew that something must have been bothering her because she’d opened and closed the refrigerator door at least five times and hadn’t put anything in or taken anything out. She was distracted and he was certain it had something to do with the accident, whether it was losing the baby or working with the insurance company for a new car, since her car was totaled.

  The accident happened more than a week ago and they hadn’t really talked much about it or the baby. He’d come by to check on her every day and she hadn’t said much about the loss, although he knew it was bothering her. Caleb walked into the kitchen, grasped Raegan’s hand, and led her to the living area to sit down and talk. It was as if a thick cloud was hovering over them, and it was high time they removed it.

  “Talk to me, Cami. What’s going on inside of your pretty little head?” Caleb asked, placing a kiss on her temple as he snuggled her closer to him on his lap.

  Raegan nestled her head into his chest. “I keep going over the accident and everything that happened afterwards. It was my fault. All of it. If I hadn’t been fumbling around with my cell phone, I would still be carrying our baby. If I’d never called Rico, I would have never spoken with his wife and the meeting would have never happened. Maybe God is punishing me somehow for demanding that Rico give up his paternity rights.”

  Raegan had not yet discussed where she was before the accident happened or her meeting with Rico and his wife. She almost forgot that fact until she felt Caleb stiffen at her mention of Rico’s parental rights. She knew that he was conflicted about the situation and only wanted what was best for everyone involved. They had also agreed that they would handle it together but all of that changed when she made that phone call to Rico and his wife answered.

  Caleb treaded lightly. In a gentle tone, he asked, “Is that where you were before the accident?” He rubbed her fingers as he awaited her response, his cheek resting against hers. He knew the answer. He just wanted confirmation. He didn’t want her handling the situation with Rico alone mostly because he knew that she would become easily frazzled, causing stress to both her and the baby. And since they were in it together, he needed to be there; they were a team. He also believed that his presence would eliminate any confusion with Chloe in regards to Raegan’s intentions. Raegan was with him now and it was up to Chloe how she handled her marriage.

  “Yes, that’s where I was. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it beforehand. I was actually calling to tell Rico about the baby when his wife answered the phone. She was curious about why I called her husband and I didn’t want to lie to her. Too many lies have been told already. We met. We talked.…well I did most of the talking. She then called Rico to confront him. He joined us and I did what I thought was best at the time to get him out of our lives for good – having him sign over his parental rights so that he couldn’t come back and try to fight for custody one day. After he signed the papers, I left the two of them in the coffee shop. That is when I called to tell you what happened and I dropped my phone. The rest is history.” After her quick recount of the events she let out a sigh of relief.

  Caleb pondered her words for a while. Raegan’s attempting to take matters into her own hands again frustrated him. But nothing could be done about that now. They had no baby to fight over and now it seemed they could move on without Rico in their lives. He knew she thought she was doing the right thing even if he didn’t agree with her. But now, none of that mattered any longer.

  “I see.” Switching the subject, he said, “I have a buyer for my home, so I’m flying back to Atlanta in a few days for the closing. Cami, why don’t you come with me? It’ll be nice to have a change of scenery. Don’t you think?” He gently squeezed her again and placed a kiss on her temple as he waited for her answer.

  “That’s very sweet of you and I actually agree, but I probably should be getting back to work.” Raegan snuggled closer to him. His arms wrapped around her gave her unspeakable comfort. “I’ll be here waiting for you when you return. How long will you be away?”

  “Just a couple of days. I’m going to work at the office there and maybe hang out with some of my old coworkers.” He was hesitant about leaving her alone though, so he pressed a little. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

  “I’ll be just fine. I have plenty of things to keep me busy. My work is piling up for sure,” she said, gesturing to her work phone that seemed to constantly beep from incoming e-mails.

  Caleb relented. He understood she needed things to return to normal, but he wanted to make sure that she didn’t fall into some sort of depression. She was putting on a brave face but was finding the loss hard.

  After talking for a while longer, he returned to the home that they would soon share and packed up a few of his things for his trip. He reminded himself that he needed to contact Tammy to check in on Raegan for him while he was away. Even though it would only be a couple of days, he still needed assurance that she was doing well. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her. He’d lost her once and had come close to losing her for good. He had to do everything in his power to protect her.

  ∞

  Caleb stopped by his old home one last time to walk through it and ponder the changes in his life. He was getting a second chance to be with his love. He reflected on the good times he’d had in his home but thought more about all the great things to come in the home he purchased for himself and Raegan back in Houston.

  As he walked around the house, accompanied by his thoughts, the doorbell rang. He was confused as to who would be ringing his doorbell midday, especially since he’d moved away. No one knew he was there. He figured
it must have been a sales person or Jehovah’s Witness.

  Caleb answered the door to find Natalie, his ex-girlfriend, with a little boy who appeared to be about a year old in her arms. Caleb and Natalie had ended their relationship nearly two years before and they hadn’t been in contact since. Now here she was holding a little boy who, if Caleb didn’t know any better, looked a lot like him.

  CHAPTER 20

  Time seemed to stop for Caleb as he stood in the doorway looking from the child to Natalie and back to the child again. The resemblance was striking. He remembered pictures he’d seen of himself as a child and the little boy’s face mirrored his. He was rendered speechless. He wasn’t expecting to see Natalie again. And he definitely wasn’t expecting her to show up on his doorpost with a child in tow.

  Natalie spoke first. “I heard you were moving to Texas.”

  Caleb nodded, watching the two of them as he stood in the doorway with his hands tucked away in his pockets.

  “I thought you should meet Nicholas before you left,” she said as her gaze shifted to the child in her arms.

  Caleb continued to gaze at Nicholas and waited for her to confirm that Nicholas was his son.

  “I know we haven’t spoken since the break-up and I’ve debated the issue with myself over and over again,” she began, shifting from one foot to the other. “Even though things didn’t work out between us, I couldn’t keep this precious little guy away from you,” she declared, nuzzling Nicholas’ neck.

  Just as Caleb thought his life was getting less complicated, it was actually becoming more intricate. Natalie was acting as if she was doing him some sort of favor, but Caleb thought differently.

  In a matter of seconds, he went from confused to furious to excited. Why had she been so selfish all of this time? How could she keep his son away from him? Wasn’t that the same thing Raegan was planning to do to Rico? his conscience yelled at him.

  But this was different. Very different. Rico was married and he at least knew about the child. Raegan gave him a choice to give up his parental rights. It probably wasn’t much of a choice but at least he had an option.

  Caleb had missed at least a year of this precious child’s life all because of Natalie. Caleb invited them in and reached for Nicholas, whose arms went happily flailing into the air. It was as if he knew that was where he should be—in his father’s arms.

  Caleb loved the idea of being a father, but although the child looked like him, in the back of his mind he wondered if Nicholas was really his. One of the many reasons that he and Natalie split was that she was unfaithful to him.

  “Why did you wait so long to tell me I had a child?” he inquired through a clenched-teeth smile, never taking his eyes off Nicholas. He sat down and bounced him up and down on his knee.

  “I was upset with you for not giving us another chance, so I wanted to hurt you.” She gave the partial truth. She wanted him to hurt, but she also wasn’t really sure if the baby was his when she learned she was pregnant. Looking at him now, she was sure that Nicholas was his son, although she never had a paternity test done with either of the other two potential fathers.

  “So how long were you planning to withhold him from me? Why now?” he continued to question her.

  “Like I said, I heard you were moving away. What were the chances of me seeing you again? Would you rather I showed up in Houston five years from now interrupting your happily married life?”

  Caleb stood and walked over to her, appalled at her suggestion. “Absolutely not! I would have liked to have known the moment you knew! How about that Nat? How could you keep my son away from me?” The news of Nicholas combined with his pent-up frustration over Raegan losing her baby nearly sent Caleb into a frenzy.

  It was too late for all of that now though. Now that he was moving away, how were they going to work out visitation arrangements?

  “How do you figure we work this out since I’m leaving? When am I going to see him?” he fussed.

  Natalie remained silent and shrugged her shoulders. She couldn’t tell him the entire story. She couldn’t share everything all in one day; it would just be too much to digest. And at this point, he probably wouldn’t believe her if she told him about her situation now. Because of her lies and deception in the past, he’d conclude that she was up to no good. So for now, she’d let him rejoice in the fact that Nicholas was his son. Besides, who could resist his chubby little cheeks and cheery smile?

  Caleb tickled Nicholas, enjoying the sound of his giggles. This was just what he wanted with Raegan. Yes, Raegan. For a split-second, he’d forgotten about their situation. How was he going to break this news to her? How would she take it? It would break her heart. She just lost a child and hardly had time to grieve, and then he walks through the door telling her that he now has one.

  Raegan loved him, so she’d understand and help him work out a solution to see Nicholas, he mused. He knew that she was still hurting, so he’d have to break the news to her gently. He wanted to give her time to heal from their loss, but didn’t want to let too much time pass without sharing the truth.

  Caleb put Nicholas back into his mother’s arms as he gathered his briefcase so that he could head to the office. He made arrangements to see Nicholas again before he left town the next day. They also made plans to have a DNA test. He couldn’t go back to his fiancée telling her about a child without the DNA results. He felt a twinge of guilt just thinking about the word DNA. Recently, he was upset with Raegan for wanting a paternity test and now he is the one wanting one. Life sure does know how to give you a taste of your own medicine, he thought.

  It was hard letting go of the child even though he had held him for just a few moments. He wanted that with Raegan and was sure that she wanted it with him. Now he just had to find a way to tell her that they were going to have it sooner than later—just not in the way they thought they would.

  CHAPTER 21

  Raegan went to work but couldn’t quite concentrate for thoughts of having lost her baby. After all she had gone through from getting paternity tests to having Rico give up his parental rights, it had turned out to be for nothing. Her spirit was low. She didn’t have any words to pray except for, “Help me Lord.” That had to be enough. She needed it to be enough because she was so consumed with hurt.

  She was in such a slump that she took personal time for the rest of the day. She needed time to refresh so that she could fully focus on her newly assigned tasks because of her promotion. She realized that the pregnancy and everything that came along with it had consumed her for the past couple of weeks.

  Tears filled her eyes as she mindlessly drove back to her house. She nearly rear-ended a vehicle that came to a sudden stop in front of her. That quickly jolted her back to reality and quietly reminded her of how she lost her baby in the first place—not paying much attention to what was going on in front of her. She was thankful that her insurance company replaced her old car with a newer model equipped with brake assist, Bluetooth, navigation and a rear camera.

  Determined to focus on the road, she answered her telephone on the car’s Bluetooth when it rang. Hearing Tammy’s jubilant voice through the speakers, she smiled. Tammy had been checking up on her quite a bit since Caleb left, almost to the point where Raegan was becoming annoyed.

  “I just called your office and couldn’t reach you. Where are you going?”

  “Home,” Raegan answered without any explanation.

  “Joshua and I just came back from the hospital. He’s going to the house to relax, but I’m certainly free. Are you up for company, girlfriend?”

  “I suppose,” murmured Raegan. Tammy’s mind was mostly filled with wedding stuff these days, with her vow renewal ceremony drawing closer. That would help take Raegan’s mind off of everything for a while. She’d spoken to Caleb and was happy to know that he would be returning tomorrow.

  “Great, I’ll meet you at your house,” Tammy said before clicking off the line.

  By the time Raegan pressed the
button to open her garage door, Tammy was pulling into the driveway behind her. Tammy did just as Caleb had asked of her—check-in on Raegan and make sure that she wasn’t sulking around. Raegan had been there for her when she lost her grandmother and she vowed to do the same for her now.

  “Hello bestest friend in the state of Texas.” Tammy walked toward Raegan with her arms stretched wide.

  “Just Texas? Usually people say the world,” Raegan chided, leaning in to Tammy’s embrace.

  “I knew that would get your attention! Of course you’re the best in the world,” Tammy said, looping her arm in Raegan’s as they walked into the house.

  “So how are you really doing?” Tammy inquired.

  Raegan sat down in her recliner and let out a long sigh. All she knew was that her heart hurt and she wanted this all behind her. She needed to move on but couldn’t quite figure out how.

  “I don’t know. My heart is broken or maybe it’s been ripped from my chest. I feel like someone dangled a treat in front of me and snatched it away. Imagine receiving an award that you knew you didn’t deserve but yet it was given to you anyway, only for you to walk away and break it. Boom! It’s gone. It’s like it was never there. You have no proof of the undeserved gift. You cannot get it back—not that one anyway.”

  “Can I share something with you?” Tammy asked, pulling out her phone and opening the Bible app. Without an answer from a dazed Raegan, she began reading Psalm 127:3, “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.”

  Raegan frowned a little but that is exactly what she would have done if the situation were reversed. However, that Scripture did not make her feel any better. In fact, it made her feel worse; because if children were a gift from God, that also meant that God had taken the gift back. Why He would do that or allow that to happen to her, she just couldn’t understand.

  “Now I know what you’re thinking and you can’t beat yourself up about this. God is sovereign and all powerful. If He gave that child to you, we both know that He can do it again. You just need to have faith and believe that it is somehow working together for your good.”