Discovering Dani

by N. J. Walters

  This morning had been quite chaotic. He had been met at the door with several commands to hurry. Then he’d been hustled into the living room where chaos had reigned. Paper had been ripped from packages, and presents had been oohed and aahed over. Laughter had filled the room as they had eaten chocolate Santa’s and examined their presents more closely once the immediate flurry had ended.

  Burke had been surprised to find that there were presents under the tree for him as well. He had opened the first small package to find a pewter keychain with a Christmas tree dangling from the end of it from Patrick.

  “Just so you remember your Christmas with us,” Patrick said gruffly. “No big deal.”

  But it was a big deal to Burke, a very big deal. Shamus had gifted him with a red and white striped scarf, eerily reminiscent of the Cat in the Hat. Dani had shyly handed him a larger package.

  “I hope you like it. If it doesn’t fit or you don’t like it, we can always exchange it.” Dani looked uncertain about her present. Her hands were nervously shredding wrapping paper as she waited for him to unwrap his present.

  Burke held the sweater in front of him, slightly stunned by the extravagance of it. He knew that Dani didn’t have a lot of extra money and this sweater had to have cost her. It was a hand-knit bulky pullover sweater with a cozy cabin scene on the front. In fact, it looked a lot like the cabin he was staying in. He looked at her expectant face. “It’s beautiful.” And he sincerely meant it.

  “I thought it would remind you of where we met. I couldn’t find one with two people pushing a car out of a snowbank.” Dani shared a smile and a look with him. Neither one of them was likely to forget their first two meetings.

  “This is the best present anyone has ever given me. But you shouldn’t have spent so much.” Burke knew he had received more expensive gifts in the past, but never one more personal.

  “It wasn’t really that expensive,” she answered, even though it obviously was. “I clean house for an older woman who knits them for the boutique in town.” Burke stared at the sweater, wondering how many free hours of cleaning Dani would be giving the woman to pay for his present.

  “My presents don’t seem like much after these.” Burke was suddenly self-conscious; he didn’t like the feeling. “Here.” He brusquely thrust envelopes at Patrick and Shamus. “I didn’t know what you might want, but I remember that when I was your age I never had enough pocket money.”

  Patrick and Shamus cautiously open their envelopes.

  “Hey, this is cool,” Shamus exclaimed.

  “What is it?” Dani asked, her curiosity apparent.

  “Gift certificates.” Patrick held his up in the air. “One for the music store, one for the jeans shop, and two movie passes.”

  “Thanks a lot, Burke. Now I can get that new CD I wanted. What did you get, Dani?”

  “Shamus, where are your manners?” Dani scolded. Her cheeks were pink with what appeared to be embarrassment. “You’ll have Burke thinking we’re a greedy bunch when the presents aren’t important. What’s really important is that Burke is here with us today. That’s present enough.”

  “Then I guess I’ll just have to return this gift to Santa since you don’t want it.” Burke held a little foil-wrapped package in his hand.

  Dani looked instantly contrite. “I didn’t say I didn’t want it.” Her pitiful plea for sympathy was ruined by the mischief in her eyes.

  “Well, I guess you can have it. But only if I get those promised pancakes.”

  “You’ll get them as soon as I open my present,” she smiled angelically.

  “Merry Christmas, Dani.” Burke handed her the little box and found he was holding his breath while he waited for her to open it.

  “Oh my,” Dani exclaimed softly as she opened the little blue velvet box. Tears filled her eyes. “They’re beautiful Burke, I’ve never owned anything so lovely.” Her fingers gently caressed the gold hoops nestled on the blue velvet lining.

  “Let’s see, Dani.” Patrick peered over Dani’s shoulder for a closer look. “Hey, they’re really nice.” He slanted a curious look at Burke.

  “Dani deserves nice things.” Burke got to his feet and began to pick up discarded wrapping paper. “Now where are my pancakes?” He ignored the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when Dani took the earrings from the box, slipped them in her ears, and went immediately to the mirror in the front hall to admire them.

  It was just hunger pains, he told himself, nothing more. It was time for him to take control of the situation. After all, he was not a member of this family, and he probably wouldn’t be around for too much longer. He had plans of his own. But his plans suddenly didn’t seem very important to him at the moment.

  The rest of the day was something Burke knew he would never forget. Dani’s homemade blueberry pancakes had melted in his mouth. It had been more of a race between him, Patrick, and Shamus to see who could eat the most. It finished with all of them groaning as they pushed away from the kitchen table with Dani’s admonishment of “save room for supper” ringing in their ears.

  As soon as breakfast was finished, Burke pulled on his new sweater, wound his scarf around his neck, and left the house with Dani. He walked as close to her as he could get, considering he was loaded down with packages, boxes and bags. Dani knocked on doors all over the neighborhood, distributing presents everywhere she stopped. People were friendly as they chatted with Dani, but more than one person glanced at him with a sly eye.

  Burke knew that they were speculating on his relationship with Dani, but no one came right out and asked. In spite of the questions in everyone’s eyes, he found himself enjoying the day. Everywhere they went, they were greeted warmly and invited in for coffee and cookies. Burke soon realized that this was a yearly tradition, and everyone had been waiting for Dani’s visit.

  Mrs. Whitman, an elderly widow who lived across the street from Dani, opened her box as soon as Dani set it in her hands. “Oh my, thank you Dani, I do so look forward to your cherry cake every year. You make it just like your mother did; God rest her soul.” She made sure that they had a sampling of her homemade fudge before they left.

  Burke helped Dani deliver four more cakes, several boxes of cookies, and gift bags filled with homemade jams before they made their way back to her house. “You realize I’m going to burst when I eat supper.”

  “You shouldn’t have eaten so many cookies then. I swear, Burke, you sampled one of everything.”

  “I was only trying to be polite,” he countered, rubbing his stomach in appreciation. “Besides, I’ve never seen so many home-baked cookies before. I didn’t think people still did that.”

  “Don’t worry,” she laughed. “There’s still hours until supper. I’m sure you’ll be starved by then. You’ll find room for turkey. Come on, I’ll race you back.” Without warning, Dani took off running toward the house and was just bursting through the back door when Burke finally caught up to her.

  “I beat you, I beat you,” Dani taunted. She did a victory dance around the kitchen, swinging her hips from side to side.

  “You had a head start.” Burke rubbed his leg that was now throbbing. He was suddenly angry; with himself for caring, at his leg for not working, and at Dani for running.

  Dani looked at Burke’s taut face and the hand on his leg and all her laughter fled. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I shouldn’t have run.”

  She placed her hand on his arm, as if trying to soothe him. “I don’t want your damn pity,” Burke snapped, unable to stop himself. He pulled his arm away from her touch. “Maybe I should go.” He suddenly felt old and tired and jaded.

  “No, please stay. We’ll curl up on the sofa and watch A Christmas Carol on television. After that, it’ll be time for supper. I’ll feed you more cookies later if you stay.”

  Burke knew she was trying to cajole him out of his temper and damned if it wasn’t working. “All right,” he answered, trying to recapture his light-hearted mood. “But only if you m
ake hot chocolate.”

  “It’s a deal.”

  She held out her hand to him, and he was powerless to do anything but take it.

  …

  “This time I mean it. I will burst if I try to eat another morsel of food.” Burke groaned as he settled himself onto the sofa next to Dani.

  The house was quiet now. The day was winding down. Christmas dinner had been eaten with a great deal of lip-smacking, finger-licking, and plate- scraping. The leftovers had been stored for tomorrow’s lunch, and the dishes had been washed, dried, and put away.

  Shamus and Patrick had taken off to spend the evening with their friends. It was just the two of them, sitting in the dark with the lights of the Christmas tree shining down on them. It felt right somehow, Dani thought as she moved closer to snuggle into Burke.

  “I really enjoyed today. Having you here made it special.” She smiled at him even as her fingers toyed with the gold hoops that hung in her ears. “Thank you again for these. They’re finer than any I’ve ever owned.”

  She realized suddenly that she was happy. Sometime during the day they had spent together, she had realized that Burke was the right man for her. She could no longer lie to herself. She was in love with him. She wasn’t quite sure when she had finally admitted it to herself. Maybe it had been when he had seemed so touched by their presents. Maybe it was the way he had happily delivered presents with her, making her feel that there was nowhere else he would rather be. Maybe it was the way he had made her feel today, that she was special. All she knew was that she loved him.

  Reaching out, Burke tipped her face upward and turned it so her lips met his. He slowly moved his lips back and forth over hers. Back and forth. Back and forth. Parting her lips on a sigh, her tongue tentatively touched his lips. She didn’t know who was seducing whom. That was her last coherent thought.

  Dani felt absolutely wonderful. Her insides melted and her heart felt as if it was swelled inside her chest. She knew she loved Burke. She was sure that even if he didn’t love her yet, he must have deep feelings for her. The way he kissed her made her feel cared for and cherished. She knew they couldn’t go too far, but she wanted to experience some of the wondrous things he had made her feel before. She parted her lips further and tentatively stroked his tongue with hers. Burke groaned and deepened the kiss, and she was lost.

  “I want you, Dani. I have to have you.”

  His arms banded around her, pulling her tight to him. He fell back on the sofa and turned so she was facing him, her back against the sofa and her front tight against his. She could feel the muscles tense in his arms as she ran her hands over his back, urging him closer to her.

  When he kissed her again and again, she reveled in it. She arched into his touch as his hand skimmed down over her arm and then across her breast. They ached so much that she rubbed them against his chest, seeking his touch.

  He answered her plea, by cupping her breast through her sweater and rubbing his thumb over the taut nipple that was visible through the material. She moaned and pulled his head down so she could kiss him again. She was filled with a yearning so deep that she didn’t know what to do. So she hung on tightly to Burke.

  Kissing a path from her mouth to her ear, he whispered to her, “Yes, sweetheart, hold me tight. I’ll take care of you.”

  Dani felt Burke’s hand as he pushed his way under her sweater. His large hand smoothed over her stomach before moving up to cover the lace of her bra. His fingers traced the lace pattern covering her breasts, and she surrendered herself to the delicious feeling.

  “You’re so beautifully responsive, Dani.” His fingers slipped beneath her bra and caressed her bare breast. His body suddenly went still.

  “We’re on the sofa in the living room,” he muttered. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s go up to your room, to bed.” He punctuated his statement with kisses.

  “To bed?” She was confused. One minute, Burke was kissing her, well, more than kissing her. Now, he had a hard, almost angry look on his face.

  She suddenly became aware of just how exposed she was. Her face heated as she felt herself blush. Wrapping her arms around herself, she inadvertently trapped Burke’s hand against her aching breast. The pleasure was so great; it was making it almost impossible for her to think straight. “Why would we go to bed?” she asked, her mind still muddled with desire.

  “I don’t want the boys to walk in on us.” His tight smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I want you spread out on your bed, naked and hot for me.” Cupping her breast with his fingers, he gave it a final squeeze before tugging his hand out from between them. “Come on, honey. Let’s go.”

  He reached down to pull her to her feet at the same moment that she pulled back from him.

  “Burke,” she began nervously. “I didn’t mean for things to go this far. I honestly thought you understood that I need time. This is all happening so fast.” Dani felt ashamed that she had let things progress to this extent. “I’m sorry.”

  Burke looked stunned for a moment, and then his eyes darkened with anger. “What exactly do you mean?” The cold, hard tone of his voice made her shiver. It reminded her too much of their first meeting out at the cabin.

  The way that she covered herself and the shame in her eyes only seemed to make him even angrier. She desperately searched for a way to make him understand. “I can’t sleep with you, Burke. It’s too soon. I need time.” She brushed her hair out of her face and took a deep breath. “We barely know each other. We’re not engaged or even officially dating, for that matter.”

  His voice was so icy when he finally spoke, she felt as if her skin was being flayed by his words. “I don’t mind giving you expensive presents, but don’t think you can hold out for marriage. No toss in the sack is worth that.”

  Looking up into the harsh face that she’d come to love, she searched for some scrap of caring. She barely recognized him. His face was a hard, austere mask and his eyes had never seemed so dark or remote.

  As his words registered, she felt such a pain deep inside she thought she would surely die of it. Telling herself she must have misunderstood, she spoke quickly.

  “I don’t understand what you mean. I know I let things go a little too far. But I thought you understood that I need to go slow, need time to get to know you better.” Dani didn’t know how something that had started out so beautifully could end up so horribly wrong.

  “Come off it, sweetheart.” This time the endearment was nothing more than a sarcastic cut. “Don’t play innocent with me. You’ve been encouraging me all week long. I might sleep with you, but I wouldn’t marry you, or any other woman.” He tugged at the gold hoop in her ear. “I don’t mind being good to you, but I’ll pay for my pleasure in cash only. Don’t expect anything more.”

  “But I love you,” Dani blurted out before she could stop herself. The pain that racked her body was almost too much to bear. She felt the wetness on her face, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized she was crying.

  “There is no such thing. Only short-term lust.” Burke shook all over. His hands clenched at his sides as his anger rolled off him in waves.

  “Burke, please understand.” She held out her hand, desperate to reach him. She had to stop him before he destroyed something that was incredibly precious.

  “I understand all right. If you want to hold out for the highest bidder, go right ahead. There are plenty of other women out there who want what I’ll offer.” Grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair, he stalked to the door. Pausing when he reached it, he swung around suddenly to face her. “A few words of advice. Don’t offer what you’re not prepared to deliver. The next fool you entice might just take it anyway.” With that parting shot, he walked out of the room.

  Dani flinched when the front door slammed. How had this happened? She heard a sound. Almost like an animal in pain, the harsh sound hurt her ears so much that she slapped her hands over her ears. She couldn’t shut it out. It wouldn’t go away. In some detached
part of herself, she was amazed to realize that the sound came from her.

  She had to get away from this room. There was no way she could allow her brothers to find her like this. Dragging herself from the room, she somehow managed to climb the stairs to her bedroom and close the door tight behind her. Stumbling across the room, she made it to the bed before she crumbled. Sobs broke from her throat in great gasps, and the tears flowed freely from her eyes.

  She had no idea how much time had passed or when she had stopped crying. Her eyes were almost swollen shut, and she could barely swallow because her throat hurt so much. Moving like an old woman, Dani peeled off her clothes, yanked on her flannel nightgown, and crawled into bed. She tunneled under the blankets as if they could somehow protect her from what had happened.

  The worst pain of all was in her heart. Simply because there was no pain. She couldn’t feel her heart anymore. That was probably a good thing, she reasoned. If her heart was broken, then it wouldn’t hurt anymore. She didn’t think she could survive any more pain.

  She lay awake until the sun started to come up, just staring at the ceiling, not thinking or feeling anything. She had heard both Shamus and Patrick when they had come home, but she hadn’t moved. Finally when she could lie there no longer, she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower. She was satisfied that she was numb all over. That was the only way she could survive right now. There was no other way.

  Chapter Six

  Burke was frustrated and angry. At himself. At Dani. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he scrubbed his hand over his face. Everything was such a mess. Maybe he shouldn’t have rushed her. She wasn’t like the sophisticated women he normally associated with. Dani had lived a sheltered life, and she had an air of innocence about her that both attracted and repelled him at the same time. Unlike the women who usually shared his bed, Dani had expectations.