Discovering Dani

by N. J. Walters

  As he stared out the window at the winter wonderland, he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He had pushed too quickly. His normally ironclad control over his body was a joke when he was around Dani. He’d been relaxed and almost drunk with pleasure after the best Christmas day he’d ever spent. When she had gone into his arms with such sweet abandon, he’d lost all control. When she’d told him to stop, he’d done something he rarely ever did. He lost his temper.

  The depth of his anger had surprised even him. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted any woman before, and she had pushed him away. Then he’d compounded the whole fiasco by letting his anger have a voice. Even those women who were attracted to his money wanted the trappings of romance.

  He rose from the bed and padded to the shower. But it wasn’t entirely his fault. She had certainly taken her sweet time before she pushed him away. Tempting him with her sweetness. She was a big girl, and she knew the score. He was right to be honest with her about his intentions, but if he hadn’t lost his temper he might have been able to work things out with her, given time.

  Sleep had eluded him last night. His mind kept replaying the scene over and over until he thought he might just lose his mind. Dani’s face, so hurt and vulnerable, had filled his dreams last night. It taunted him while he showered and while he dressed. And it still mocked him as climbed aboard his truck and drove into Jamesville for breakfast.

  Burke also had to admit that he didn’t like the feelings of rejection he was experiencing. He’d never allowed anyone to get close enough to him to really matter. Therefore, he’d never had to worry about being hurt by anything they might say or do. Somehow, Dani had gotten past his hard earned defenses. He knew he had upset and disappointed her. And that left him feeling out of sorts and inadequate. Not feelings he particularly enjoyed.

  But she was hard on a man’s ego. He had offered her everything he could give, and she hadn’t even considered accepting it. Well, he hadn’t been lying when he said there were plenty of other women who would be happy to have him around and give him whatever he wanted. The problem was he didn’t want another woman. He only wanted Dani.

  Gazing up the main street from behind the wheel of his pickup truck, he realized that the street seemed almost deserted, even though it was past seven o’clock in the morning. Well, he consoled himself; he’d wanted to get away from everything and everyone that he knew. Jamesville was a small town of about five thousand people, not large by major city standards, but large enough to have a thriving business district and an air of prosperity about it.

  Main Street, appropriately enough, ran through the center of town and was the focal point for most of the major businesses. The Jamesville Town Hall was an old brick building, that come summer would be almost lost in a sea of green ivy. It had the feel of solidity about it, as if it had stood for a hundred years and would gladly stand for a hundred more. The bank and the police station were also housed in two-story brick buildings, and their close proximity probably discouraged would-be robbers. Although, he imagined they didn’t worry too much about that kind of thing here.

  The town Christmas tree, complete with lights and decorations, stood in front of city hall, and Burke could only marvel at the fact that all the lights were still there and hadn’t been smashed out or ripped off. As he drove toward the end of the street, he passed several stores with festive window displays, but darkened windows. He began to wonder if anyone would even open for business the day after Christmas day. He pulled the truck into an empty parking spot in front of Jessie’s Diner and was rewarded with the glow of the lights from within and the open sign that hung on the door.

  This town was his home for the next few months. With his obsession with Dani, he’d almost forgot why he’d come here in the first place. A change of lifestyle, a change of pace. Part of that change was learning to slow down and not be so driven. Oh, he was honest enough to acknowledge that he would always be more driven that the average person, but he needed to turn it down a notch. Take the time to enjoy the things that he hadn’t before.

  Right now, he wanted a cup of coffee and a good breakfast. He knew he still wanted Dani, but on his terms not hers. He’d give them both a few days to cool off and then he’d approach her again, but he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. This time he’d go slowly and make sure she understood exactly where he stood on the terms of their relationship.

  Feeling better by just having made a decision, he was climbing out of the truck when he heard his name being called. His heart sped up, and he turned quickly, hoping it was Dani. Maybe she had changed her mind about them.

  But the figure walking toward him was not the woman he was hoping to see, but the blonde he’d helped getting her car out of the snow. What was her name? Cynthia. That was it. Cynthia James.

  “Good morning, Burke. I haven’t seen much of you around town.” She punctuated this statement by running a red tipped fingernail up and down his left arm.

  “Good morning, Cynthia,” Burke replied, wondering cynically how much of him she really wanted to see. He knew that his look was hard, and as far as Cynthia knew, he had no money. What was the appeal? What did she want from him?

  “You don’t seem to be getting out much since you came to town. Are you attending the New Year’s Eve bash at the Country Club?”

  “I really haven’t given it much thought, actually.”

  “You really should consider going. Anyone who’s anyone attends.” She moved closer to him, practically rubbing against his side.

  “I assume you’ll be going then.” Burke stepped back from her, wondering how far she’d go to fandangle an invitation from him.

  “Of course I’ll be there.” Cynthia gave a little laugh. “It just wouldn’t be a New Year’s Eve bash without a James there. And since Daddy will be out of town on business, it’s up to me to hold up the family honor.”

  “I’m sure you’ll do an admirable job, Miss James.”

  “Mr. Black.” Smiling coyly, she sidled up closer to him again. This time there was no mistaking the brush of her breast across his arm. “Since you’re new in town, I consider it my civic duty and indeed my honor to ask you to escort me to this event. You’ll get a chance to meet all the important people in town. And maybe we’ll find some entertainment you’ll enjoy.” Her pink tongue came out to lick her lips hungrily as she stared up at him.

  Burke was under no misconceptions as to the type of entertainment she had in mind. Well, why shouldn’t he go with her? Dani had made it clear she didn’t want him on his terms. Maybe this was the way to purge her from his system. Maybe if he slept with Cynthia, he’d no longer see Dani’s face in front of him every time he closed his eyes.

  “I’d consider it an honor, Miss James. What time shall I pick you up?”

  “Eight o’clock that night will be fine. You can’t miss the house. It’s the biggest one, right at the end of Front Street. Now I really must go shopping. I need something, well, shall we say, small and lacy, to wear under my dress. I’m sure you understand.”

  “I understand perfectly. I’ll see you then.” His eyes followed her as she turned from him, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and casually sauntered down the street. Her hips swayed in an exaggerated side to side motion as she moved.

  No doubt about it, Miss Cynthia had a private celebration in mind for New Year’s Eve. Burke wondered why he no longer had an appetite as he opened the door to the diner.

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  “Dani, are you okay? You don’t look so good this morning.” Patrick stood in the kitchen doorway and stared at her as if trying to see behind the façade she’d so desperately presented for the last few days.

  “I’m fine, just tired.” She knew her eyes looked red and swollen again. She’d done her best to hide the results of another sleepless night, but she’d clearly not been as successful as she’d thought.

  “Did you and Burke have a fight? Did he do anything to hurt you?” Her brother continued to study her, his mind obviously wo
rking overtime trying to understand what was wrong with her.

  “We decided not to see each other anymore.” She quickly turned away so he couldn’t see the pain in her eyes.

  Dani didn’t know how she’d gotten through the last forty-eight hours. Both Patrick and Shamus had come down the stairs the morning after Christmas Day and known immediately that something was wrong. There was no way she would ever tell them what really happened. Just thinking about it caused her pain, and she knew she would never talk about it with either of them. She just tried to stay busy and as numb as possible.

  “That was awful sudden, wasn’t it? I mean everything was fine when we left the two of you on Christmas Day.” Patrick watched her carefully, as if trying to gauge just how serious this was.

  “He won’t be around much longer, so we decided there was really no point to keep seeing each other.” She couldn’t bring herself to call Burke by name. Just thinking his name brought tears to her eyes. Turning away to hide her face from Patrick’s concerned eyes, she busied herself wiping down an already clean counter.

  Coming up behind her, he gently turned her to face him. “Look at me.”

  Dani looked up into her brother’s familiar face, that was so full of love and concern for her, that the tears she’d tried so hard to hold back started to trickle from the corner of her eyes.

  “Did he physically hurt you in any way? Tell me the truth.” She could feel the muscles in his arms tense as he waited for her answer. The fury filling his eyes warred with the concern etched on his face.

  “No, not physically. I guess I just thought we might have something special. But he was just killing time while he was here.” She leaned into him, desperately needing a hug from him and was rewarded when his arms wrapped around her immediately.

  “Are you sure, Dani?” His voice was a soft whisper now, as if he was trying to coax the truth from her.

  “Yes, he was honest with me if nothing else.” Yes, Dani thought, brutally honest. “He didn’t want anything serious and, well, I guess I did.”

  “You love him, don’t you?” Patrick asked gently as he released her from his comforting hug.

  “Yes, but it’s not his problem or your problem. I’ll get over it in no time at all.” She hoped that her brother believed her, even though she didn’t quite believe herself. Sighing, she poured herself a cup of fresh coffee and, without giving it a second thought, automatically took down another mug from the cupboard, filled it, and handed it to him.

  “I knew that guy would be trouble from the start.” She could hear the harshness in Patrick’s voice as he spoke and knew he was blaming himself for not protecting her.

  “Promise me you won’t make any trouble over this. Please, for my sake. People will talk enough as it is without us adding fuel to the fire.”

  “I promise I won’t go looking for trouble.” As he took the cup of coffee she offered him, he reached out and affectionately tugged on her long braid with his free hand. “Why don’t you take the day off? Just stay home and take it easy.”

  Patrick’s care and concern for her well being made her feel better about the situation. She knew she wasn’t alone as long as she had her brothers.

  “No, work is the best thing for me. Besides, you know I’m always booked up Christmas week, cleaning up after people’s Christmas parties. It would just give people something else to talk about if I cancelled. Let’s get breakfast so I can get out of here before the day is gone.” She turned back to the counter and began to cut homemade bread for toast.

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  Picking up her bucket, Dani shuffled to the kitchen. This was the kind of job she liked the best. The house she was cleaning was empty now. The real estate agent had sold it last week, and in two days, the new family would be moving in.

  What a wonderful feeling it must be, she thought, to be starting a new year in a new home with your family. Not that her life was so bad. She had her own business, two brothers whom she loved very much, and she was young and healthy. She swiped at an errant tear, determined not to let memories of Burke destroy her enjoyment of the house.

  She had always been fascinated with the older farmhouses that dotted the landscape around Jamesville. Some people still lived and worked on farms that had been in their families for generations. There were even a couple of apple orchards and a poultry farm. Dani was sometimes sorry that she hadn’t been raised on such a farm. But she was a town-dweller whose father had been a truck driver for a local produce wholesaler and her mother had been a full-time homemaker. Not a bad childhood at all, really.

  When she took the time to dream, which wasn’t often anymore, she found that while many of her dreams had faded, one lived on. Someday, she wanted to close down her cleaning service and try to make a living with her secret hobby.

  For years, she’d scribbled and written stories. Stories about a girl who grew up on a farm in a small town and all the adventures she had. They were written for young children and she had five completed and polished manuscripts. She kept meaning to send them out to publishers, but always chickened out or got sidetracked with earning a real living. This year, she was determined to follow through with her dream and try to make it a reality. Even if her stories never got published, at least she would have tried.

  As she finished her cleaning and packed up her supplies, Dani admired the kitchen. It was filled with light colored wood and sunshine and was large enough to accommodate a big family with no trouble. She could picture herself here, contently cooking supper or working at a large trestle table, waiting for her family to come home. A picture of Burke popped into her head, and she squeezed her eyes shut to try and dispel the image. It seemed that some dreams just wouldn’t die, even when the nail had been hammered into the coffin.

  In her mind, she could picture this house complete with furniture and family. Maybe someday, it would be her turn. She smiled a sad little smile as she gathered her things together and let herself out of the house. Locking the door behind her, she decided she would drop the key off to the real estate agency on her way to her final job of the day.

  Her mind wandered as she drove down the quiet back road toward town. She thought she was doing fine. Not well, but at least she was getting by. Day by day, she went to work and tried not to think about Burke.

  Patrick and Shamus were very supportive and understanding of her mood swings. Sometimes, so much so, that she wanted to scream. It would have been easier if she could have just crawled off somewhere and hid until she felt she could deal with things. Instead she went out into the world each day with a wound that felt as if it was still gaping and bleeding. She’d thought she couldn’t hurt any worse. She was wrong.

  It was New Year’s Eve, and Dani had been surprised to get a call to clean the James house. Everybody knew that they had a live-in maid and a cook. But Cynthia had called in a panic because the staff was too busy with preparations for the New Year’s Eve bash, and the house just had to be cleaned because she was expecting a very special guest tonight after the dance was over.

  The bedroom was a sea of white with splashes of red. White carpet covered the floor, and pristine linens graced the four poster bed. Red throw pillows were artistically strewn across the bed and the window seat. Two large wardrobes were bursting open with clothes, as was the large walk-in closet. Shoes were lined up and down shelves in the closet, scarves were hung on special hooks, and assortment of skirts, dresses, pants, and sweaters were jammed into every available space. A brass vanity that matched the bed was filled to overflowing with cosmetics and perfumes.

  The room hadn’t been dirty enough to warrant cleaning, but she cleaned it anyway. It just made her job easier and quicker, and she was glad she would get home earlier than she’d anticipated.

  Tonight was the eve of the new year and all Dani wanted to do was go home and bury her head under her own bedroom covers until it was over. The ache of missing Burke was ever present, but so much more so on a special night, like tonight.

  She’d j
ust finished cleaning and polishing the brass fixtures in the bathroom adjoining the bedroom and was packing up her cleaning supplies to leave when Cynthia entered the bedroom, followed by the maid.

  “Just lay the dress over there,” Cynthia indicated the large bed with a backward flick of her hand. “I do so hope that Burke likes it, I bought it especially for tonight. Where is that sexy little teddy I bought to wear under it?”

  “Right here, Miss Cynthia,” the maid replied.

  Taking the black teddy from the maid, she held it up to herself. “I think he’ll like this too.” Smiling at herself in the mirror, Cynthia’s smiled widened when she saw the movement from the bathroom door.

  “Why, Dani, I didn’t know you were still here. Maybe I should get your opinion. After all, you and Mr. Black are friends, I believe. Do you think he’ll like this?” She turned away from the mirror, still holding the lacy teddy in front of her.

  The emotional pain was so crippling at first she couldn’t speak. Her throat closed, and no sound would come from it. But then she felt curiously detached from herself, and as if from far away, she heard herself mumble something appropriate to Cynthia. Quickly gathering her things, she fled from the room.

  “Goodbye, Dani. Thanks for coming on such short notice.” The other woman’s voice drifted behind her as Dani bolted down the stairs and out the front door of the house.

  Dani had no idea how she got home. She had no memory of driving the truck or entering the house. All she knew was that she was lying on the kitchen floor curled up into a little ball. She’d meant to go to her room, but she’d crumpled as soon as she’d gained the safety of the house. Strangely enough, she didn’t shed any tears. For now, she was too numb with pain.

  She knew now why Cynthia had wanted her to clean the house. The other woman had planned that little performance well. Up until then, Dani hadn’t realized that in the back of her mind she still harbored the belief that Burke would come back to her and admit that he was wrong and that he loved her. Now all hope was gone because it was obvious that he had already moved on to another woman.