Damaged Goods

by J. C. Hannigan

  “Well, usually that’s implied,” he pointed out, his eyes hard. I stepped back as if his words had been a physical hit. Grayson winced again at the expression on my face and sighed. “Look, I didn’t mean that. Yeah, I needed to take some time to myself. Things are moving crazy fast with you and…I’m just…”

  “You’re just what?” I asked, the dread in my belly expanding to the point that I almost couldn’t breathe.

  Grayson looked up at me, his piercing blue eyes drinking me in. He closed the distance between us, his hand raising up to cup my cheek. I leaned into him, closing my eyes in a vain attempt to prevent them from watering.

  “I guess…I’m just not used to feeling this much,” he finally said. His voice was deep with emotion, but when I looked at him, he had forced his stoic mask back into place. He gave me a delectable smile, then before I could speak, he brought his lips to mine and tasted me gently, erasing every fear and every doubt.

  * * *

  Grayson left me completely breathless and satisfied. I was recovering afterwards, lying in the warmth of his arms in his bed and trying to bring my thoughts back to me so I could talk to him about what had been troubling me for the last several days. I was having difficulties, though. Instead of remembering exactly what he had done to upset me, I was busy remembering exactly how incredible he made my body feel.

  “Do you do that intentionally?” I asked, almost irritated. I peered up at him, his half-hooded eyes sparkling with amusement.

  “Do what intentionally?”

  “Do…all of that…to make me forget that I was completely, unbelievably angry at you,” I replied, gesturing to our unclothed bodies still pressed against each other.

  “You were mad at me?” he asked innocently. I shoved off of him, freeing my legs from their entrapment in his sheets. I leaned over, grabbing my shirt. I pulled it over my head, purposely not answering him. Grayson was even better at the game than I was though, and he patiently waited for me to give up and speak.

  “Yes, Grayson. I was—I am,” I answered, not looking at him. I bit my lip, shaking my head at myself. “Maybe it’s stupid, but whenever you do that, whenever you disappear on me, I can’t stop thinking that I’ve done something wrong. I’ve made you run.”

  “I’m not running,” he growled, sitting up abruptly. He grabbed my arm—not enough to cause any amount of pain, but enough to get me to look at him. His eyes were deadly serious. “I am not running from you. I needed a few days to figure things out.”

  “What did you figure out?” I asked, lowering my eyes to his lips. I couldn’t handle the intensity of his gaze.

  “I still don’t know,” he admitted, sounding conflicted. “I want this; I want you…and us. I just don’t know how.”

  “How to what?” I demanded, turning my head to look at him again.

  Grayson ran a hand through his hair, aggravated. “How to do couple things. How to be with someone in ways that aren’t just sex. This is new to me, Everly.”

  I sighed. I understood; I did. It didn’t make it any easier for me to deal with, though. “Just stop pulling away from me,” I pleaded.

  “I’m not pulling away from you.” he frowned, kissing my shoulder. “At least…that’s not my intention. I just need to take a breather before I do something stupid.”

  “Like what?”

  He sighed deeply, his lips still pressed against my shoulder. “I told you, Everly. I’m only going to disappoint you. I’m trying really hard not to, and that’s a first.”

  The few words that Grayson spoke were like a warm blanket spreading over my heart. I smiled, and he lifted his lips to mine again. He kissed me deeply, expressing everything that he felt, everything about me that scared him. His hand crept under my t-shirt, slowly running up my ribcage to cup my breast in his warm palm.

  A loud knock sounded at his door, startling us both so much that we practically jumped away from one another. “Grayson?” a muffled woman’s voice that I didn’t recognize called, knocking again.

  “Shit.” Grayson quietly and quickly pounced out of bed, pulling on his jeans and buckling them up without putting on his boxers. He glanced at me, sitting in his bed, probably looking completely like I had been ravaged by him…and I had. “Bathroom?” he mouthed. I nodded, quickly darting to the bathroom as he crossed over to answer the door, tossing his t-shirt on as he walked.

  I heard the distinct sound of the apartment door opening.

  “Yeah, Vanessa?”

  “Did you and your friend want to come inside for dinner?” the woman asked almost timidly.

  Grayson was silent for several moments. “I don’t think so,” he said finally. “But thanks.”

  “Oh, okay. Well…there’s plenty if you change your mind. Chloe misses you,” the woman said.

  He sighed deeply. “I’ll come by and see her before she goes to bed,” he replied.

  “Okay, great,” the woman said. “We’ll see you later then.”

  Grayson closed the door, and I heard the sound of his footfall as he came over to the bathroom. He knocked on the door and I opened it, arching an eyebrow at him.

  “My step-mom,” he answered my unasked question.

  “Is Chloe your younger sister?” I asked, tilting my head.

  “Half-sister,” Grayson corrected.

  “Let’s go then,” I said, slipping past him to hunt down the rest of my clothes.

  Grayson hesitated by the bathroom door, watching me dress. “I don’t know.”

  I looked up at him as I pulled my jeans back on. He looked vulnerable, but ready to lash out at the same time. He wasn’t ready for me to officially meet his family, or he wasn’t ready to be around them. The reluctance and uncertainty was rolling off him in waves. I felt like an idiot for putting him on the spot like that, knowing what I did about his family dynamics. I bit my lip, trying to think of a way I could redeem my folly.

  “It’s okay,” I finally said, standing up. Grayson cocked his eyebrow as I approached him. I stopped right in front of him, our bodies separated by mere inches. My hands came up to circle around the back of his neck. “Come back to me,” I whispered, kissing him.

  He was still for a moment, but then groaned as I tugged against his lip ring with my teeth. His hands fisted in my hair, bringing my mouth closer to his. He kissed me back, quickly making me forget that I was supposed to be the one making him feel better.

  * * *

  On Monday morning, I awoke feeling in better spirits than I had been in all week. I knew that Grayson had everything to do with it, and I couldn’t even be mad at myself. I was just…relieved.

  I hurried down the stairs, Stella trailing behind me, and headed for the kitchen. It was abandoned except for Julia. She was sitting at the island, staring down at her binder and jotting down notes.

  “What’s wrong?” I demanded, cutting to the chase.

  Julia pasted on a smile and looked up at me. “Nothing,” she said, still perched on the island stool. “Mom says that she and Dad went to your show yesterday. Sorry I missed it.”

  “It’s okay,” I told her, tilting my head while I studied her. She seemed a little sad, but otherwise alright.

  She ignored the doubtful look I gave her and sighed. “I am fine. Liam and I just…we’re fighting right now. But I’m okay.”

  “Why are you fighting?” I asked as I grabbed a breakfast bar from the pantry. I opened it, waiting for her to answer. Julia scratched her arm, a dead giveaway from when we were kids that she was lying or trying to hide something. She used to do it all the time. When Mom demanded to know which one of us had thrown the ball through the kitchen window, she’d scratched up her arm while babbling on and on about how the neighbor’s kid had done it.

  “We just are, okay?” Julia snapped, growing aggravated with my line of questioning.

  “Okay, sorry!” I said, backing away with my hands up. “You don’t have to be such a bitch about it. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

  Julia
continued to glare at me. Then she sighed. “I’m just in a bad mood. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Something was definitely bothering her, but I knew that she wouldn’t tell me if I pressed. “Well, if you need to talk…I’m here, okay?”

  “Okay,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Now go to school. That guy’s blocking me in.”

  I rushed into my jacket and boots, flying out of the house quickly. Grayson was parked behind Julia’s car, waiting for me. I climbed in, leaning over to kiss him quickly before I buckled my seatbelt.

  “Are you ready?” I asked as he drove.

  “Ready for what?” he didn’t look up from the road. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.

  “Exams. They start today…” I trailed off, frowning. He couldn’t have forgotten about that. He huffed, his shoulders rising in a careless shrug. “Did you study?” I asked.

  “Anatomy.” He smirked, his eyes roaming up and down my body quickly. I blushed, thinking about the day before.

  “Not what I meant,” I told him, smiling while I shook my head.

  “I’ll do fine,” he assured me. He tapped his forehead with his index finger. “I have an incredible memory. I never forget a detail.”

  “Except for my show,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. He sent me a look that said are you really going to go there? “Sorry,” I sighed. “Still bitter.”

  “Apparently.” He snorted.

  “Seeing you in a tux on Friday might cheer me up,” I said thoughtfully, picturing it with a smile. He stomped on the brakes a little too hard, and I shot forward, the seatbelt securing me in place, with Grayson’s arm rushing out as an added protection.

  “I have to wear a tux?” he asked, drawing his arm away from me.

  “Well, it’s semi-formal, so you don’t have to go all out, but dress pants and a dress shirt.” I bit my lip, regretting my choice in topic.

  Grayson inhaled deeply. He pulled into the school, finding a parking spot quickly. Once he parked, I unbuckled my seat belt and shuffled closer to him, resting my hand against his thigh.

  “Don’t worry, you could wear jeans if you wanted to. I don’t care…so long as you show up,” I told him.

  * * *

  We had a week of exams before the semi-formal, which meant a week of panicked cramming sessions. I had also volunteered my time with Aubrey to help decorate the gym for the event. Between exams, the decorating committee, dress shopping, band practices, and Grayson, my time was pretty much occupied. I was only thankful that I had thought ahead and booked the week of exams off from work.

  Grayson seemed edgy, but he didn’t skip out again. He picked me up every morning for exams, and we studied together in the afternoons. Sort of. When we weren’t together, he texted me. He didn’t say much, but it was enough to let me know he hadn’t disappeared again. He was there.

  There was a collective sigh of relief from everybody after the final exam was done. Students cheered loudly in the halls, and everyone left as soon as they could—except for Aubrey and me. We stayed after the last exam to finish up decorating.

  On the day of the semi-formal, I sat in a salon between Alicia and Aubrey. Lindsay was absent from our group. After the blowout between Alicia and Lindsay in the cafeteria, and the conversation that Aubrey and I tried to have at the pub, Lindsay decided to freeze us out. She started to hang out with Zoe and Kaylee even more than before, purposely avoiding and ignoring us.

  I didn’t see how things with Lindsay would ever go back to the way they had been. Our eyes were opened to her behavior, and we didn’t like it. Part of me was sad about it, but another part of me didn’t miss her all that much. Alicia was smiling more without Lindsay around, and we were all more relaxed, not waiting for the next jibe to fall from Lindsay’s lips, spoiling the mood.

  Dress shopping had been an enjoyable event for a change. We were able to find dresses that we looked good in and liked without the cruel commentary of how much the purple dress made me look like an eggplant.

  “This is nice,” Alicia said, her eyes closed as she continued to get pampered. “I had my doubts. I didn’t want to come…but this alone is worth it.”

  “I agree,” Aubrey all but moaned. “Why don’t we do this more often?”

  “We should,” I chimed, inspecting my pretty ice blue nails. They would set off the deep hue of my fringe dress. The moment I saw it, I knew it was the one. Its color was similar to the shade of Grayson’s eyes, only without the intensity.

  I hadn’t just fallen in love with the dress for the color. It fit perfectly, clinging to me in all the right places, giving the illusion of a curvier figure. It ended just above the knees and made my legs look athletic. I knew I looked good; I felt good. I couldn’t wait to slip into it, to see Grayson’s eyes when he gazed upon me.

  After our spoiling at the salon was done, we headed back to my house to get ready. We listened to music while we laughed and did each other’s hair and makeup. My heart felt light and happy. I was excited to spend the night with my friends and Grayson.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with going to Zoe’s after?” I asked Alicia again for the fifth time. The semi-formal after-party was going to be at Zoe’s house, and I knew Alicia couldn’t stand her.

  “Everyone’s going to be there, including Gluey Max.” Alicia rolled her eyes. Gluey Max earned his nickname from eating glue. In grade ten. “I’m not going to miss it.”

  “True.” Aubrey arched an eyebrow, shrugging with a manic grin on her face. “You don’t want Gluey Max to give you the low down on what happened. That would just be…”

  “Pathetic?” Alicia supplied, smiling sadly. “I know. Besides, Zoe’s had run-ins with like, every female at school. If people who had a run-in with her didn’t go to her party, then it’d be a sausage fest.”

  Aubrey and I exploded into another fit of laughter, and Alicia joined in. For the first time in weeks, she looked healthy and happy. She was glowing with excitement.

  “Everly! The guys are here!” Mom called up.

  “You girls ready?” I asked, and grinning. I couldn’t wait for the night to begin. Alicia nodded, giving me a small smile.

  She was wearing a deep plum short strapless open back dress. Her dark hair was naturally curling around her face, and subdued eye makeup and shiny lip gloss completed her look. Aubrey was wearing an emerald green sleeveless scoop neck, high-low hem dress. Her long hair was all piled up in an elegant bun. I had curled my hair (with help from Alicia) and pinned the majority of it up, leaving a few curled tresses to frame my face.

  “Damn, we look good,” Aubrey grinned, snaking her arms around both Alicia and I. “Tonight is going to be so much fun!”

  “Yeah,” Alicia still looked a little doubtful. The three of us grabbed our clutches, slipped on our heels and made our way down the staircase to the living room.

  Cam, Marcus, and Kyle sat on my living room couch across from my parents. Aubrey and Marcus were obviously going together, and Cam had finally gotten around to timidly asking Alicia. Kyle was grinning on the couch between either one of them. They all stood up, Kyle crossing over to where I was.

  “You look stunning, Everly,” he told me, his fingers reaching out to touch one of the loose curls. I was aware of my parents’ curious eyes on me. They knew that I was supposed to be going with Grayson.

  “Thanks,” I said, peering around for Grayson. He wasn’t there yet. I focused my attention back to Kyle. “Where’s your date?”

  “Flying solo tonight,” Kyle answered, leaning back on his heels as he grinned at me.

  “Why?”

  “The only person I wanted to ask already had a date.” Kyle shrugged, catching my eye. “I’m still hoping she’ll save me a dance.”

  I opened my mouth, trying to think of something to say in response. A bright flash exploded in front of my eyes, making me blink in the direction it came from. Mom had her camera out, the lens focused on me.

  “Sorry.” She grinned. “I
just want to get a few pictures before you take off.”

  “We’re waiting for Grayson,” I told her, expecting him to arrive any moment. I dropped my gaze, seeing the injured look on Kyle’s face.

  “Can’t I start taking photos anyway?” Mom pleaded. Dad stood beside her, clucking his tongue at her.

  “Fine,” I sighed.

  She pointed in the direction of the fire place. “Everyone, stand together!” Mom directed, her camera poised and ready in front of her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  FOR FORTY-FIVE MINUTES, we waited for Grayson while my mom took pictures and my dad joked with Marcus, Kyle, and Cam about how he had a shot gun and knew how to use it. I could tell that my friends were beginning to get restless and I knew they wanted to leave for the dance.

  I disappeared into the kitchen for a moment to get some space from the way that Kyle was eyeing me. I dropped my clutch down on the counter and tapped my ice blue nails against the countertop, trying to suspend an overwhelming disappointment from washing over me. It was faintly snowing outside so maybe he got delayed by the weather.

  My clutch started to vibrate frantically, and I quickly grabbed it. I opened up a text message from Grayson that said Hey, I’m running late. Don’t wait for me, I’ll meet you there.

  I swallowed back the lump in my throat, trying to control my emotions. He wasn’t bailing.

  “Is everything okay?” Mom’s voice startled me.

  “Yeah,” I said, carefully wiping away the lone tear that had escaped and pasting a smile on before I turned to face her. She was standing in the doorway, still holding her camera.

  “Where’s Grayson?” Mom asked softly, stepping toward me.

  “He’ll meet us at the dance. He’s running late,” I responded, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. I forced my smile in place. “I’m going to go tell them that we’re just going to leave.”

  Mom nodded, still watching me curiously. “Have fun tonight, sweetie,” she told me, her arms wrapping around me in a quick hug.