Soul Searching

by Chrissie Loveday

  ‘You do like to organise people don’t you?’ Mabel complained.

  ‘I’m just trying to think clearly. You do the pastry for the sausage rolls and I’ll make something out of the chicken. Lord knows what sort of bird it came off. It had three legs and other bits I don’t even want to think about. Where on earth did he get it?’

  ‘I don’t know. You’d better make sure it’s properly cooked wherever it came from.’

  ‘P’raps if I fry the skin that’ll give me enough fat to fry the rest of it.’ She set to work cutting it up and then got out the frying pan. It certainly smelled wonderful. Even her dad came in to see what she was doing, drawn there by the enticing scents. ‘Have we got any onions?’ she asked, and was given a large one. That was chopped up and added to her pan. Then she poured water over it all and left it to simmer. It was going to be a good meal for all of them that evening.

  ‘So, are you going to tell us where that came from?’ asked Dan.

  ‘Someone had killed a chicken and shared it out,’ said Jimmy cheerfully.

  ‘It was a three legged bird, was it?’ suggested Ruth.

  ‘I didn’t ask,’ replied her twin with a twinkle in his eye. ‘I must say, that beef smells wonderful as well. You won’t overcook it, will you Mum?’

  ‘I need it properly cooked to make sure nobody gets poisoned. I haven’t seen a piece that big since, well I don’t know when. I hope you got it honestly, our Jimmy.’ Mabel looked at him anxiously.

  ‘Course I did. Would I do anything else?’

  ‘It’s going to be a terrific evening,’ Ruth announced cheerfully. ‘I must say, I’m really looking forward to it.’

  ‘I haven’t got much for the two of you for your birthdays,’ Mabel said. ‘But I’m sure you’ll understand. What with money being short and the shops having next to nothing in them.’

  ‘Don’t be soft Mum. We don’t need anything more than the party, do we Jimmy?’

  ‘Course not. Get yourselves dressed up in your best and we’ll all have a good time.’

  Mabel was up very early the next day and was busy in the kitchen by the time the rest of the family came down. She was carving the beef.

  ‘Morning, Mum,’ said Jimmy brightly. ‘By, that looks good.’ He leaned over and picked up a bit and chewed it. ‘Lovely.’

  ‘Now Jimmy, leave it alone. I don’t know how many people you’ve invited but we need to have enough. Happy birthday, by the way. To both of you.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum. How’s it going?’

  ‘All right. I was thinking it might be better if we made some bread rolls instead of sandwiches. What do you think?’

  ‘Have we got flour and yeast?’

  ‘You could pop down the bakers and get some for me. I haven’t even ordered the bread so this would make it all right.’

  ‘I’ll go now. Then we can get it started straightaway.’

  ‘Thanks love. If you don’t mind.’

  Ruth slipped out of the door and almost ran down to the baker’s department at the Co-op. She came out with a large bag of flour and enough yeast. It looked as if her morning’s work was settled, not that she minded at all. She enjoyed making bread, though perhaps not quite on this scale.

  ‘How many people have you invited?’ she asked her brother.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. About twenty or thirty I suppose.’

  ‘Goodness. I limited my invites to about six. Girls from work mainly. I hope it all goes well. Not sure how we’ll fit in all that lot, I must say. I’d better crack on with making the bread rolls.’

  ‘I hope the girls you’ve invited are all dishy. I know a lot of my mates will be looking for someone to dance with.’ She looked at him with a look that could kill.

  ‘They’re all respectable ladies, I’ll have you know. Some of them are married, too, and will probably bring their husbands. So just be warned young man. Mind you, I’ll be here. I can take my pick first of all.’ Jimmy looked at her. He suddenly wondered if he’d done the right thing in persuading Paul to come.

  ‘Aye well, we all know who you’d pick out, given half a chance.’ She looked at him sharply but said nothing. She knew exactly what he meant and felt somewhat deflated.

  ‘I’d best get this lot to prove. Is your air raid shelter ready? Or do you need some help with it?’

  ‘Have we still got those Christmas lights anywhere? It’s so dark in there, they’ll show up beautifully.’

  ‘They were in there before you started clearing everything out. In a box with the old decorations. What else is there to be done?’

  ‘I’m not sure. You’d better ask Mum.’

  Their mother was having a minor crisis around glasses and plates. They had pressed all their own stock into service and she was about to go and borrow what she could from various neighbours. The only problem was, she had to invite them to the party as well. She got six glasses and gained two extra people… not very good odds, by her reckoning. She did get ten more plates so reckoned it was bearable, as she told them when she came back.

  ‘I am looking forward to it all, especially seeing Annie and her two children. It’ll be their first visit to the new house. Sad about Henry though, isn’t it?’

  ‘Sad about a lot of them. How will she manage with the two kids to bring up?’ asked Ruth.

  ‘She’ll be all right. They’re nearly grown up now. She’s a sensible girl. Unlike our Veronica. I’ve never even heard from her since she left.’

  Ruth was busy kneading the dough and shaping it into rolls.

  ‘How many do you think we’ll need?’

  ‘Just make up all the dough. Can you manage it? Only I need to borrow some more glasses or cups. Honestly, our Jimmy is the limit inviting so many people. I just hope there’s enough food and drink for them.’

  ‘Stop fretting, Mother,’ Jimmy said as he bounced into the room. ‘It’ll all be fine. Mark my words.’

  Chapter Thirteen

  Around four o’clock, Jimmy began to look anxiously down the road. He seemed somewhat agitated.

  ‘For goodness sake, Jimmy, what’s the matter with you?’ asked his sister. ‘Nobody’s coming yet, surely?’

  ‘Just wondering about summat. I might go for a walk.’

  ‘A walk?’ echoed Ruth. ‘Why on earth do you want to do that?’

  ‘I’m just wondering if everyone will know their way here. I’ve told them all, of course, but you know how some folks are.’

  ‘I think you’re barmy. Nobody is going to get here at this time, now are they? I hope not any road. I’ve still got to get myself ready.’

  ‘Go and get ready then. Can’t have you looking like the paid help now can we?’

  Ruth shook her head and went upstairs to change. She didn’t have anything that looked very party like but had added some frills to an old blouse and she had a skirt that was still halfway decent. It would have to do. She put them on and stood brushing her hair till it shone. She even tried to put it up but gave up on that idea when it partly fell down. Her mother was already changed and was wearing her overall to keep her best dress clean. Ruth smiled as she thought about her mother’s best dress. She’d had it as long as she could remember… in fact she’d even worn it to Ruth’s wedding. What a disaster that had been too. Still, the war was more or less over and life was returning to normal. She wondered if Paul would ever recover fully and gave a sigh. It would have been great if he’d managed to come to the party.

  *

  ‘Ruth! Ruth! Come on down. The first guests have arrived.’ Jimmy was sounding excited. She laughed, thinking he’d come to life at the first sign of someone else coming.

  ‘Already?’ she called back, and ran down the stairs.

  ‘He’s in the back room. Go and say hello.’

  ‘All right, keep your hair on.’ She went into the dining room and could scarcely believe her eyes. ‘Paul?’ she managed to whisper. ‘Is it really you?’

  ‘Hello, Ru
th. I made it then.’ He sat down heavily after speaking.

  ‘How wonderful. I was just thinking about you.’

  ‘Happy birthday. I’m sorry but I haven’t got you a present yet. Haven’t made it to the shops.’

  ‘Don’t worry. It’s enough of a present to have you here. But I don’t understand. How did you get here? I mean, did you come by bus or what?’

  ‘Jimmy’s friend called for me and we came together on the bus. Jimmy didn’t tell you he’d been over to see me, then?’

  ‘He never said a word. Just let him wait. I’ll have something to say to him later. Do you want anything? A cup of tea? Not that it’ll be very strong. We’re using the tea several times over.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. Mum is too. I’m all right anyway. Come and sit by me. I need to say a few things before everyone else starts to arrive.’ Still in shock, she sat down beside him.

  ‘It’s lovely you made the effort to come over. I hope you’re not too exhausted.’

  ‘I am feeling better now. It is still a big effort to go out. I feel vulnerable and keep looking round in case there’s someone waiting to fire at me. I was there for such a long time.’

  ‘I know and I do understand. Well, I think I do anyway.’

  ‘I went out for a drink with your brother. He told me you were pretty upset when I didn’t say I was ready to get married.’ She looked away but said nothing. ‘The thing was, I felt a bit insecure and with Mum being on her own, I didn’t really want to move so far away from her. She needs me to be close for a while. I know that doesn’t exactly help you very much but I hoped you’d understand. Don’t forget, she thought I was dead for a long time and it’s taking her some time to get used to the idea of me being around again. Give her a while and it’ll all come right.’

  ‘I suppose so. I suppose I just was being impatient to have you to myself. I’d almost got used to not having your around either.’

  ‘Well, you did get married.’

  ‘Only when your mum told me you were missing. I was devastated. It was my mum who insisted on me getting wed, for decency’s sake. I never wanted it to happen, not at all. Thank goodness the bomb dropped on our house. I mean, well, I was sorry for Charlie and all that but I left everything behind. Even the dratted outfit I got married in. I never wore it again, you know. I think we’ve both got regrets about all that happened.’

  ‘I suppose so. Maybe we could start again? Spend some time getting to know each other again? Start courting and going out together?’

  ‘I suppose so.’ She paused and looked at him straight in the eyes. ‘Do you think you will want to marry me one day?’

  ‘Undoubtedly. But please, let’s wait a while shall we?’

  ‘Maybe you’re right.’ She was a little wistful at the thought of having to be patient for longer but it had to the right time for both of them. ‘OK then. We’ll wait for a while, but not for too long. You might find I’ve got another friend if you make me wait too long,’ she teased him.

  ‘Have you two finished your chat?’ asked Jimmy, coming into the room. ‘Only there are some of us out here dying of thirst. The beer’s in the kitchen.’

  *

  The party had started quite early as many folks relied on public transport to get home. One of Jimmy’s friends had come in a car, a pretty old one admittedly, but he was suddenly the most popular chap in the room. It seemed everyone wanted a lift home so they could stay a bit later. The girls from Ruth’s work all arrived and soon were chatting to the men. Once Jimmy and a couple of his mates had started playing their jazz music, everyone started dancing. The air raid shelter was soon rocking to the sounds. Mabel and some of the other older folks retreated to the back room and shut the doors between, so they could talk. Annie was shown round the house and loved it.

  ‘Oh Mum, it’ll be so much easier for you, won’t it? And having an inside toilet must be wonderful.’

  ‘Makes such a difference. Expect your kids are both in the air raid shelter, where the noise is.’

  ‘I wanted to talk to you about our Freddie, actually.’ She stopped, realising there were other people in the room.

  ‘Come into the kitchen. You can help me get the food out,’ she said with a wink. The other neighbours continued to chat together, knowing exactly what was going on between mother and daughter. ‘So what’s wrong with Freddie? He seems all right.’

  ‘He’s left school now and, well, he’s supposed to be looking for a job. He goes out each morning and doesn’t seem to get anywhere. I think he sees his mates and just wanders around the town. We then have another row and he throws his father’s passing on back at me. I’m at my wits end.’ Annie had tears in her eyes and looked so woebegone, her mother took her hand and clucked at her.

  ‘It’s a terrible job for any of them these days. What with the men coming back from the war and all looking for jobs. I know our Jimmy is thinking he’ll get summat very easily. Luckily Ruth is still working at the ROF factory. And Dan’s still there of course.’

  ‘And what about Ruth’s friend. Paul, isn’t it?’

  ‘He’s only just back from France and is getting used to living here again. Oh, I don’t know. It isn’t easy is it? We might just as well have lost the war, the state we’re all in.’

  ‘Looks as if you’ve managed some nice food.’

  ‘That’s our Jimmy for you. I’m not even asking him where he’s got it. He says it’s from a reasonable source any road. Come on then. You carry that lot and I’ll take the other. Put it on the table in the back room and I’ll go and tell the rest of them it’s ready.’

  Soon they all came through and everyone said how nice it all was. Mabel looked pleased and Ruth left her to take the credit. The evening went on and some left the party to catch buses and trains to their homes. Every scrap of the food had been eaten and the beer was running out fast. Jimmy and his mates slowed down the pace of music and were playing some old tunes, which those who were left joined in with somewhat cracked voices. Ruth and Paul were sitting together in one armchair in the front room.

  ‘I’m so glad I came,’ said Paul. ‘It feels good to be back in real company.’

  ‘I’m really pleased, too. It’s been good to have you here. Mind you, the chap Jimmy had thought I might get on with, well, he’s a bit peeved.’ Ruth smiled as she spoke.

  ‘I’m sorry to curb your socialising,’ Paul said, looking slightly cross.

  ‘Don’t be soft. I’m only teasing. I’d rather be with you that anyone.’ He kissed her and she felt as if she was floating somewhere up in the sky. She could hardly speak after it was over and nestled down into his arms.

  ‘Now then you two, you’d better cool off before Mum sees what you’re up to.’ Jimmy bounced into the room. ‘Come on. We’re having a sing-song in the “music room”. We need your voice to keep the rest in tune.’

  ‘Music Room? What the heck’s that?’

  ‘Air raid shelter of course. I’ve renamed it. Come on then.’

  Unwillingly Ruth got up and dragged Paul with her into the air raid shelter. Everyone who was left was in there and Jimmy and a couple of his mates started playing again. They ended with The White Cliffs of Dover, and, inevitably, some of the older folk had tears in their eyes. Dan had been sitting with various neighbours and other folks for most of the evening but he now stood up to speak. Everyone shushed the others as they all listened.

  ‘I just wanted to say a few words. As you know, I’m not one for speeches but I have to say how pleased I am to see so many friends here with us tonight. Jimmy, Ruth – you’ve given us all so much pleasure, not just tonight, but you’ve always done what we’d hoped of you. You’ve worked hard, both of you, and I know Ruth did a lot to help Mabel get ready for tonight. If we hadn’t drunk it all, I’d ask you to raise your glasses to wish our twins a happy birthday. That’s it.’ He sat down again as everyone clapped and whistled. Calls of ‘happy birthday’ were mixed in with the general noise. T
hen Jimmy stood up to speak.

  ‘Thank you all for coming, and Dad and Mum, thank you for putting up with us all these years.’

  Ruth called out, ‘Hear, hear.’

  ‘It was good to have a reason for this party. Welcome back to all of you who have come back. Let’s hope the war in the Far East is soon over so they can come back too. Thanks again for coming.’

  The feeling of bonhomie was enveloping them all. It had been a great evening and now it was drawing to an end. They all hoped it was a new beginning and that things would soon get back to how they once had been. But the older ones felt that things had changed too much to go back and worried about their futures and those of their children. For Annie, nothing could ever be the same again, and she knew she’d never get over losing her husband. She slumped in the corner desperately trying to stop her tears from falling.

  ‘Why don’t you stay over, love?’ suggested Mabel, going to sit near her. ‘You could bunk in with our Ruth and the kids could sleep on the front room floor. I’m sure they’d love it.’

  ‘It’d be nice. I was wondering if we’d catch the last bus home and I think we might have missed it already.’

  ‘Then it’s a done deal. I hope you’ll manage in Ruth’s bed. It isn’t a large one.’

  ‘Don’t worry. If I can’t sleep next to my sister it’s a pretty poor show. Good job our Veronica isn’t here. She’d expect everyone to move around her, wouldn’t she?’

  ‘Oh, don’t. It’s awful to say it but I’m not a bit sorry she’s left. She was always so miserable unless she was going out somewhere. Ruth is so different. I just wish I’d been able to give her summat for her birthday. You know, to show her what she means to us.’

  ‘It’s a difficult time though, isn’t it? The war has stopped so many things.’ Annie’s eyes filled with tears again and Mabel tried her best to comfort her.

  A couple of Jimmy’s friends had been round to the pub and returned with more beer. The party soon got going again and the few that were left began to enjoy themselves once more. Paul looked absolutely worn out and Ruth asked him if he wanted to go to bed.