This Kiss

by Teresa Southwick

  Ever since Doc had arrived a short while before, Hannah made it a point to observe the two of them together. She hadn’t been able to forget what Addie had implied, that her mother and the widower doctor were an item. But she couldn’t see anything special. Addie must have been mistaken. Or did Hannah just not want to see it?

  She watched them talk and still couldn’t detect a single clue that they shared more than friendship. Polly was just excited at the prospect of a dinner guest.

  The clink of dishes and the murmur of voices filled the air as food was passed around the table. When Hannah wasn’t keeping an eye on her mother, she stole peeks at Dev. It felt like storing up memories, small puzzle pieces for one large heart-stopping picture for when she wouldn’t be able to see him.

  “So, Hannah,” Doc said, interrupting her thoughts. “Things at the office were okay while I was away?”

  “Fine,” she answered.

  “You didn’t have trouble with Addie?” he asked, a knowing look in his eyes.

  “You mean like when she accused me of being a designer doctor from Los Angeles?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, like that.”

  “It took a while,” Hannah admitted. “But I think I won her over.”

  Dev forked up a bite of potato salad. “At the health fair, she and Addie tag-teamed poor Clovis Evans. They played good cop/bad cop. Three guesses who was the bad cop and the first two don’t count.”

  “I’m not saying I’d want Addie involved in diplomatic relations,” Doc said. “But she keeps my office and everything in it, including me, running like a well-fed quarter horse. She’s a good nurse and underneath that abrasive exterior is a heart of gold.” He chewed thoughtfully, then added, “Everyone in Destiny is still talking about the health fair. You throw a great party, Doctor.”

  Hannah felt herself flush with pride at his words. “It went well. But I didn’t do it by myself. A lot of people helped.”

  Polly smiled at the doctor, then beamed in Hannah’s direction. “She’s just being modest.”

  “Doc, Hannah ’zamined my eyes,” Ben chimed in.

  “Not exactly, big guy,” she said. “I just interpreted the data.”

  “Huh?” the boy said, looking at her as if she had two heads.

  “Hannah just means she did a good job, buddy,” Doc said laughing. “Something tells me it will become an annual event in Destiny. Although if it grows as much as I think it will, I’m not sure I can pull it off alone.”

  Hannah met his gaze and felt an air of expectation. The sparkle in his eyes made her think he was leading up to something. “What?” she asked.

  Doc looked at her mother in a way that Hannah could only think of as intimate. When Polly smiled at him and nodded slightly, it had all the characteristics of couple’s shorthand, a wordless form of communication between two people who were close.

  Doc cleared his throat. “Hannah, I’d like to offer you a partnership in my medical practice,” he said.

  “Hannah doesn’t hafta practice. She already knows how t’be a good doctor,” Ben said.

  “No, son. Doc offered Hannah a job,” Dev explained to the boy.

  “Does that mean Hannah’s gonna stay here with me?”

  “I don’t know,” Dev said, looking at her. “Does it?”

  His tone gave nothing away. But the intensity on his face sent her heart into premature atrial contractions. Translation: a nonthreatening accelerated heartbeat that meant she was so not over wanting him. His brown eyes were filled with such yearning that she wanted to reach out and put her arms around him. Because she couldn’t, her heart ached with something that a nitroglycerin tablet wouldn’t help.

  Doc put down his fork. “Say something, Hannah. I think we’d make an ideal team—I’m an internist and you’re a pediatrician. Not to mention that a lot of my female patients would love to have a woman to talk to. Your mother says you haven’t heard yet about the number-one job opportunity in California. So what do you say?”

  She sat motionless for a moment, staring at the man who had just complicated her well-thought-out career plan. Then she looked at Dev Hart, the man who had made a career out of complicating her well-thought-out personal life.

  “Wow. My mother was a bit premature about that California offer. So many jobs, so little time,” she said. “Not to mention that the commute would be a killer.”

  “What are you talking about, Hannah?” Polly asked, her forehead puckering with confusion.

  “I got the call today. They came through with the job I’ve been waiting for.”

  Ben was bouncing in his chair. “So you’re stayin’ here, right, Hannah banana?”

  “Did you take the offer?” Dev asked.

  Her gaze was drawn back to his as if he were a lighthouse in a storm. “Yes.” She looked across the table at Ben. “I have to go back to California, big Ben.”

  Brown eyes just like his father’s filled with tears. “No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to. Stay here,” he begged.

  “I can’t. Sweetie, please listen—”

  “No.” He slid off his chair. “I don’t like you anymore.” Tears began trickling down his cheeks just before he ran out of the room.

  She put down her napkin and she started to stand. “I’ll talk to him.”

  “No.” Dev put his hand on her arm.

  The yearning she’d seen moments before on his face was gone, replaced by anger. A muscle in his lean cheek contracted and his mouth thinned to a straight line. Then he got up and followed his son from the room. Did Dev hate her too? Every part of her cried out against it. She couldn’t stand the thought that he hated her because—

  Oh, God. She loved him.

  Why now was it so clear to her? When she’d devastated his child and he’d looked at her as if he wished she would disappear, why did she realize she’d probably been in love with him since she was sixteen years old?

  Some doctor she was. All the telltale symptoms were clearly exhibited. Racing pulse whenever he was near. Accelerated heart rate at the merest sight of him. Weakness in the knees when he smiled that bone-melting smile.

  And if all of that wasn’t enough proof, there had been something else that should have convinced her. When she’d been offered her dream job, she’d felt like she’d just been condemned to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

  For a split second, she wondered maybe. Maybe she could stay. Maybe she could take Doc’s offer and not leave Destiny. She was finally learning to fit in and folks seemed to accept her. Then there was Dev. And Ben. Father and son had both stolen her heart. All they needed was time. Right? Would it be smart—?

  Smart. Her only asset. How could she have forgotten? When her father had walked out, she’d learned she would never have a mother and a father. In all the time since, nothing had happened to undo the lesson that she should never expect to have it all. She could have the job she wanted—but it was in California. She could fall in love—but the man lived half a country away in Texas. She could finally fit in somewhere—but she would have to leave.

  But she’d forgotten the first, best lesson—Don’t be stupid.

  Falling in love with Dev had been stupid. But she didn’t have to compound the fracture to her heart. She didn’t have to stay. She was in a position to have everything.

  So much for being smart. She’d learned that everything didn’t include Dev Hart’s love.

  Chapter Eleven

  “You look like someone just cut the ears off your favorite stethoscope.” Polly slid her a sympathetic look.

  “They’re not ears, Mom,” Hannah said.

  She was standing at the sink, rinsing the dishes her mother was washing by hand. Dev and Ben hadn’t returned to the table. It had been over an hour and she hadn’t seen them since the child had said he didn’t like her anymore and the father had given her the hate stare.

  “I feel like something Dev would scrape off his boot in the barn,” Hannah admitted.

  “I’m
sorry, sweetheart. Try not to fret about it.” Polly scrubbed the pan in the sink.

  “I can’t help it. I’m a pediatrician, for goodness’ sake. Did you see Ben’s little face? I took an oath to heal the sick. What kind of person am I?” she wailed.

  “Ben doesn’t understand. He’ll get over it.”

  “He’s a bright boy,” Hannah argued. “But all he understands is that I’m leaving him.”

  “And he’s right,” her mother pointed out.

  “It’s not about him.”

  “Then it’s about the money?”

  “Yes. No.” Hannah rested her hands on the edge of the sink and leaned forward shaking her head. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Let me ask you something,” her mother said. “When Frank offered you a partnership in his practice, did you give it serious consideration?”

  “Of course, I did.”

  Polly gave her the this-is-your-mother look. “Don’t forget I was there. It took you all of thirty seconds to turn him down.”

  “I’ve worked hard for that job in California. And I’d already accepted it when Doc made his offer.”

  “California is a job—not a partnership,” her mother pointed out.

  “It will lead to one. Things are different in Los Angeles.” Hannah took the frying pan from her mother and rinsed it, then set it on the drainboard. “The starting salary and profit sharing will give me what I need,” she defended.

  “And how much do you need?”

  “Enough to buy you a house. Enough so you don’t have to work ever again. Enough to make up to you for everything you lost on account of me.”

  Polly stopped washing a large bowl and stared at her. “Is that what this is all about? Paying me back?”

  “It’s more than that. My father walked out because taking care of me was too much trouble. On that day, you started working two jobs—three when you add mothering me into the equation.” Hannah toyed with the frayed edge of the dishrag. “You were always working to put food on the table, a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. By my tally, I figure I cost you a life.”

  “Since when is love about keeping a tally?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that—”

  “Yes, you did.” With her wet hands hanging over the sink, Polly half turned to face her. “Let’s get something straight. Your father was an immature, skirt-chasing wanderer who never intended to put down roots when he married me. I told you this already and I thought you understood.”

  “I did—”

  Her mother shook her head. “Apparently you didn’t. Let me say it again. You fell off that horse and broke your arm because he was too busy hitting on a woman to watch his own daughter. He left because he didn’t love me and never could. It had nothing to do with you.”

  “You never told me he was hitting on someone.”

  “He’s your father.” Polly let out a long sigh. “I didn’t want to completely trash the man to you. But now it seems I’ve done you a disservice by not giving you all the facts. And it’s not just him. We were young, Hannah. I got pregnant with you. I suppose I was lucky he agreed to get married. At least I avoided an ugly label for you. But that’s all I’ll give the jerk.”

  “The fact remains that you sacrificed a lot for me.”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” Polly took her hands in her own soapy wet ones, apparently unaware that she was dripping on the floor. “It was never a sacrifice. It’s not an obligation when you’re a mother. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I would do it all over again—under the same circumstances. I took care of you the best way I knew how. I love you.”

  “I appreciate that, Mom. I love you, too. And that’s why I want to buy you a house and give you things.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Hannah squeezed her mother’s hands. “I’d like to move you to California. I can take care of you for a change. And we can do things together, make up for lost time.”

  “We can’t ever get that time back. We just need to make every moment we spend together a special memory.” Polly shook her head. “Not only that, I like my life here just fine.”

  “But you gave up your house—”

  “That trailer wasn’t much. Believe me I didn’t mind giving it up. This is my home now,” she said, glancing around the spacious kitchen.

  “But it’s not yours,” Hannah protested.

  “It doesn’t take my name on a deed to make it feel like home. For that matter, I love my job. Dev Hart is my employer. But he never makes me feel like an employee, except for setting up a generous benefit package for me. Hannah, he’s like the son I never had. And Ben—” She shook her head as her eyes grew suspiciously bright. “He’s not a job. He’s a joy.”

  “But, Mom—”

  “No buts, Hannah. You’re free to buy whatever you’d like. I know you’ve worked hard and you’ve certainly earned the right. But there’s not a thing I need that money will buy. And as for moving to L.A., does the phrase when pigs fly mean anything to you?”

  “I don’t think I ever quite understood it, but I get your point,” she said sadly.

  It was clear that when Hannah returned to California, she would do it alone. How had everything she’d worked so long and so hard for gone so completely wrong? She’d always told herself brains and hard work would be enough. Hannah had gotten her dream job, and suddenly her dreams were falling apart.

  Polly squeezed the hand she was still holding. “I belong here. I’m happy in Destiny.”

  In spite of the emotional blow, Hannah felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. “That happiness doesn’t by any chance have something to do with a certain handsome, distinguished doctor, does it?”

  Something happened that she had never in a million years expected to see. Polly Morgan blushed like a schoolgirl. Good heavens! Hannah suddenly got it. Money and material possessions didn’t constitute a life. It was people who made us happy. Her mother might have had a rough time of it when Hannah was growing up, but she was making up for it now. And Hannah had tried to take her away from that.

  Polly turned back to the sink and started to industriously scrub a perfectly clean pot. “I like Frank very much,” was all she said.

  “Are you going out?”

  “He takes me to dinner and movies,” she admitted.

  “No. I mean going out. I believe the currently politically correct term is going steady.”

  With bright red cheeks, her mother made a most unladylike sound. “We’re good friends.”

  “How good?” Hannah asked. “Do I need to have a talk with him? Do I need to ask him his intentions? Do I need to challenge him to stethoscopes at ten paces?”

  “Only if you’ve changed your mind and decided to take him up on his offer of that partnership.” When her mother turned and met her gaze, there was hope shining big and bright in her blue eyes.

  “Mom, does that mean you want me to accept the position?” she asked softly.

  “That’s not my baby to rock,” she said. “All I’ll say is you look as sad as if you were sent for and couldn’t go.” She tipped her head to the side. “Or maybe you look like you lost your only friend because you were sent for and could go.”

  “Like I said, I’ve already accepted the job.”

  “You didn’t put anything in writing?”

  Hannah shook her head. “But I gave them my verbal acceptance of the job.”

  “So you tell them you changed your mind. It’s not like you were the only candidate.”

  “I’ve spent my whole life trying to fit in, to find credibility.”

  “I could be wrong, sweetheart, but it seems to me you’ve accomplished that since you’ve been back in Destiny.”

  As far as Dev was concerned, Hannah had never felt less like she belonged. And she’d never wanted it more. “Mom, you taught me to be independent. That’s what I’m being.”

  “You learned the right lesson. You’re just going about it the wrong way. A woman needs to
be prepared to take care of herself. That doesn’t mean she has to go through life alone.”

  “Then why did you?”

  “A lot of reasons. I was busy.” She turned back to the sink and stared out the window. “There was you. And I didn’t want to be hurt.” Polly looked at her with sad eyes. “I’m afraid that by example I taught you another wrong lesson.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t take a chance. Protect yourself so no one can hurt you.”

  The way Hannah felt right now, she figured she’d completely bombed that course. She could only hope that distance and time would heal the damage to her heart.

  “It’s not such a bad lesson to learn, Mom.”

  Polly shook her head. “It is a bad lesson. I’m afraid I’ve cost you any chance for personal happiness. I think you want to accept Frank’s offer and stay. But you’re scared of your feelings for Dev.”

  Hannah plucked at the fibers in the dishrag. “Don’t be silly, Mom.”

  “I don’t think I am. And I’ve got a news flash for you. Not all men are tumbleweeds in the wind like your father.”

  “I know that.”

  “Do you? Is that why you’re turning your back on a fine man? Dev Hart is stable, loyal, loving. He has roots that run too deep to pull. And he’s got a face pretty enough to put on one of those Hollywood magazines. Are your standards a shade too high? What’s not to like, Hannah?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Look, honey, I’ve kept my mouth shut because sometimes that’s what a mother has to do. And believe me you haven’t made it easy. But I heard Ben say he saw his daddy kissing you. Twice.” She pulled her hand out of the dishwater and held up two fingers to make a dripping V.

  “It didn’t mean anything,” Hannah said defensively. “He wanted to show Ben that life isn’t like a fairy tale and that I was still going to leave.”

  “Both times?” Polly asked skeptically.

  “I’m not sure about the second time,” Hannah admitted. “That came out of the blue.”

  “Did you like it?” Polly fixed a stern look on her. “I’ll know if you lie to me.”