REGRET - The Price of Truth: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 4

by Tania Joyce

  “Shit.” He dug his nails into his palm. Why couldn’t he just say yes? “You don’t understand. You’re asking me to leave my band.” He couldn’t quit on them. They hadn’t made a mark on Boston, hadn’t done what they’d set out to do. Ever since he’d played for Everhide in D.C., he’d had a new hunger for success. Finally owned his talent. He had worked hard, but he didn’t want to ride someone else’s coattails. If Everhide saw his talent, surely it would pay off for The Saylors. If he walked away, he’d regret not giving this his best shot. He’d feel like a quitter, a failure.

  “I understand loyalty better than anyone,” Kyle added. “It nearly destroyed us. We’ve been through hell and back and come out stronger. We’re more unified than ever before. We’ve found our groove. We want you to be part of our future. I’m sorry we couldn’t offer you anything sooner. But please, take some time to think about our offer. We’ve got a couple months before we have to find someone. Before we start recording our next album.”

  Record an album? Fuck, he so wanted that. Craved it. “Does Lex know about this?”

  “About us needing a drummer? No.” Kyle shook his head. “Gem’s not going to tell her either. You need to make this decision on your own. You need to want this.”

  His heart pulled in different directions like a tug-o’-war. These two guys were his brothers. But he’d rather stay here with his band than be tortured by seeing Lexi. Be reminded of everything he’d lost. Resolve set into his jaw. “What you’re offering is truly amazing. But I’ve committed to Boston. I need to give this a chance.” This way, he wouldn’t have to face Lexi. Didn’t have to relive his heartache every fucking day. “Thank you, but it’s a no.”

  “What?” Disbelief rocked Kyle’s voice. He glanced around the room, sucked in a deep breath and ripped his fingers through his hair. Kyle cleared his throat, lowered his voice. “I know this is about Lexi—not your band. Don’t miss this opportunity.”

  Hunter’s gaze turned stony. He wasn’t used to not getting his way either. “Hayds, you’re not thinking straight. Go out. Get laid. Get your shit together. Then come play for us. I’m gonna get Sophie to email you through a contract. You call us with any questions. We can give you a few weeks to think things through.”

  Hayden sank deeper into the sofa and puffed out a short breath. “Whatever.”

  He never expected he’d have to let Kyle and Hunter down. They’d done so much for him. The emptiness in Hayden’s chest nearly swallowed him whole. He loved these guys. The opportunity to work for one of the biggest bands on the planet was incomprehensible. But without Lexi, New York and a career there, held no place in his heart. Meant nothing to him anymore. Not even Everhide could change his mind.

  Lexi had her dream job. He was even more determined to make his happen.

  Without her. Without Everhide.

  It was time to focus on nothing but the music.

  This was where he belonged.

  Chapter 23

  It had been six weeks and two days since Hayden had left for Boston. The constant ache in her chest should’ve disappeared by now. Should’ve gotten better. Not worse. After two busy weeks of work, Lexi had arrived home on Friday night and hadn’t been able to get out of bed since. For two days, she curled underneath her quilt on the floor in Hayden’s empty room. Missing him crippled her. His room still smelled of him. The pillow he used to sleep on in her bed still held his scent. Working long hours had kept her mind occupied. But when she was home by herself, loneliness consumed her like a thick, black cloud. It took all her willpower to not call him, text him. He needed time away from her, so she would give him that. But her heart was dying without him. She missed his comfort, his support, his presence. Was this how hurt he’d felt when she’d needed space? When she’d wanted to run away from her problems, not face them? She’d been such a fool.

  She cuddled Hayden’s pillow against her chest, inhaled his lingering smell. Her whole body ached—her chest, her limbs, even her bones. How long did Hayden need before they could be friends again? Time without him was cruel.

  She grabbed her cell phone. The time flashed 9:21a.m.

  Would one text hurt?

  Swiping the screen, she opened her messages and clicked on Hayden’s name. Still nothing from him. Not a word since their fight in Boston two weekends ago. She tapped the message box. Her fingers twitched, angry that he hadn’t contacted her, hurt that he still needed time. Gliding her fingers over the screen, she typed ‘Miss you’. Her thumb hovered over the send button; tears pricked her eyes. What is the point sending him a message? He obviously doesn’t want to talk to me. She deleted the text and tossed her cell phone aside.

  It pinged. An Instagram notification.

  She opened the app and stared at the image before her. It was The Saylors—the four of them in a studio, hashtagged with #RecordingNewSingle. Her hand shot over her mouth and muffled her sob. The guys were recording! Hayden, this . . . this is why I let you go. This is what you’re meant to do!

  She closed her eyes. An aching shudder coursed through her veins. He’d moved on. Didn’t need her. The coolness from the floorboards seeped through her blankets and into her heart. She’d never been this lonely. Not when her dad left when she was thirteen and she didn’t see him for months—she’d had her brothers to look after her. When Quintin left, she’d had Hayden by her side. Now Hayden was gone, she had no one. She had her friends, but it wasn’t the same. On days like this, she couldn’t get out of bed . . . or off the floor. Didn’t want to.

  Curling into a ball, she clutched her cell phone to her chest and let her tears soak into her pillow. She conceded to her fate. She’d fallen ill. Just like her mother.

  Her cell phone sprang to life with the ringtone “I’m Just A Gigolo” by David Lee Roth. Her dad.

  As if her Samsung weighed a ton, she rested it on her pillow and hit the answer button. “Hey Dad.”

  “Hey, sweetie. How are you on this fine Monday morning? You free?” His voice sounded tinny through his car’s Bluetooth connection. “I’m back home, down your end of the city. Are you able to have a quick coffee with me before I head to work?”

  “Um . . .” The thought of getting up and dressed and organized enough to walk out her door on her day off drained her. It would take too much effort. Her batteries were flat. “How about tomorrow?”

  “No can do. I’m onsite doing a new SAP CRM install for the next few weeks.”

  Her dad’s tech talk about his ERP software implementations often went over her head. He was a total nerd burger. But if she didn’t see him now, she had no idea when she’d have the opportunity again. Gemma and the guys were hinting at spending time in LA to record their new album, and she’d be based there with them.

  Even farther away from Hayden.

  Crap.

  She’d best make some sort of effort. She hadn’t seen her dad in months. “Fine. Pick me up in thirty minutes.”

  “I’m nearly at your place. Make it fifteen. See you soon.”

  Shit. Now she had to rush. Shower. Dress. Do something with her hair.

  Ergh.

  At least this gave her a reason to get out of bed.

  ***

  Waiting on the curb outside her apartment, Lexi rubbed her hands together and jostled her knees back and forth to stay warm in the bitter cold. Snow lingered on the sidewalks and turned to slush on the streets as cars drove by. Her dad was late. She checked her cell phone again. Where was he?

  Squealing car tires caught her attention. A racy red convertible BWM M4 veered around the corner, sped up the street and pulled to halt in front of her. The window lowered and her dad leaned across from the driver’s seat. “Hiya, Lex.”

  She gaped, taking in the car. In a daze, she opened the door and slid inside. “Dad, what the fuck? Whose car is this?”

  “Mine. My Christmas present to myself. You like?”

  “Like? Are you crazy? A sports car?”

  “I’ve always wanted one. So I thought, wha
t the hell?”

  “What the hell, all right.” Midlife crisis 101. But ohhh, she melted against the heated seats beneath her butt, the leather so soft and warm. The smell of new car filled her senses. Her fingers twitched, wanting to play with every button on the dash, just like she’d done when she bought her new camera.

  As they headed over to a coffee shop near Tompkins Square, Lexi kept glancing at her dad. He’d changed since she’d seen him four months ago. His face had thinned, he’d dyed the gray out of his hair, and he’d slimmed down. Tina probably had him on some new crash, fad diet. But even Lexi had to admit he looked better, younger.

  Maybe she needed some of whatever he was on.

  After ordering coffees, they took a seat at a table by the front windows. “How’s my girl doing?”

  She wanted to shrug, but her shoulders were lead weights. “I’m fine.” Not.

  “What’s new?”

  Staring at the sugar packets, her vision blurred. “My job with Everhide is great.” As she prattled on to her dad about her work, the hole in her chest deepened. Hayden had played such a pivotal part in landing her the job, she missed sharing her news with him.

  “I’m so glad you’re finally using your photography and the college degree I paid for.” The undercurrent of disappointment in his tone wasn’t missed. His frustration at her wasting her degree had always hovered beneath the surface ever since she’d taken the job at The Gourmet Reviewer. But she’d learned after a gazillion job applications and interviews, that finding work as a photographer was too hard and competitive. She’d been happy to keep it as her hobby. Pursuing her dream back then would’ve been too arduous, too costly, too challenging.

  Was that her problem in life? She found it easier to run away than fight for what she wanted. She gave up too easily when things got tough. Walked away from her problems when they grew difficult. Like she’d done with Hayden and their relationship. Short-term pain for long-term gain.

  No . . . that wasn’t the case. Letting Hayden go had been one of the hardest things she’d ever done. “Yeah, Dad . . . finally doing what I love.” She just needed to feel good about it.

  “How’s your mom doing?” Her dad was way too chipper for her liking. He wanted something from her.

  “Do you care?” She grimaced, reeling in her sharp tongue.

  “Yes. Of course, I do.”

  Lexi doubted it; he was just being polite.

  The waitress interrupted their conversation briefly as she placed their coffees on the table, gave them a warm smile and disappeared.

  Lexi stirred her cappuccino, tapped her spoon on the side of the cup. “If you must know, Mom went off her meds before Christmas.” She retold the events of her mom’s birthday, finding her in the dark, seeing her down and depressed again, and stumbling across her smashed pottery. Lexi puffed a short breath through her nose. Sitting alone in the dark, feeling down . . . that had been her for the past two days. Like mother, like daughter. “I’ve hired a home nurse to check on her twice a week. Hank and Billy are chipping in with the cost. Aunt Nora is a fucking waste of oxygen.”

  “Watch your language . . . but you’re right.” An understanding grin curled the corner of her dad’s mouth. “Never got along with her.”

  “So what’s new with you?” She scooped the froth off her cappuccino, licked it from her spoon.

  Her dad shook and tore open a second sugar for his coffee. “I wanted to talk to you about the wedding.” He stirred it in, the teaspoon tinkling against the sides of the ceramic cup. “Oh . . . but first, let me show you these pictures of Niagara at Christmas.”

  He flicked through endless photos on his cell phone. Her heart twanged at each shot of him and Tina smiling, laughing, covered in snow, drinking wine by the fire, having dinner. Her ribs ached. Her dad had never taken her on vacation since the divorce. Her mom had never taken her anywhere either. Most of the holidays she’d had were with Hayden—summers at Kyle’s beach house, camping at the lakes, or skiing up at the mountains.

  “Are you really going to marry Tina?” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her tone. “You’re sixty and she’s thirty-three. She’s the same age as Billy.”

  “Yes. I love her. She makes me happy.”

  Lexi picked up her cup and blew over the rim. “What? Like Mom did? Like Helen did? And who was it before that . . . Veronica?”

  “I did love your mother.” His whiskey-colored eyes softened; his tone remained calm, flat, monotone. “Very much. Helen and Veronica were lovely women, but we didn’t connect.”

  “So why Tina?”

  “Because it feels right. Different.” Deep furrows formed on his brow. “Where’s this coming from?”

  She sucked in a deep breath, let the aromas of coffee and freshly baked pastries fill her senses, hoping it would lift her spirits. But it just reminded her of morning coffee with Hayden. The backs of her eyes stung. “Because relationships fall apart. Love dies. Why marry her when you know it’s going to end?”

  He took a mouthful of coffee and placed the cup back on the saucer. “Because I believe it won’t. Lex, you can’t worry about the end. You have to focus on the beginning—building and sharing a life together, enjoying each other. Trusting each other. You’ll never be happy otherwise.”

  Happy? She’d been happy. When? She sifted through her mind to find the source of the last time she’d truly felt that way. Before her dad left . . . when he used to take her and her brothers out for treats after their football games, and she always got mango-flavored ice-cream. Having fun, crazy times with her rock star friends. Living with Hayden, hanging out with him, being with him. Shit . . . Christmas . . . New Year’s . . .

  Stop. Thinking. About. Him.

  Her shoulders slumped. “What if it goes to shit?”

  “We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.” He leaned forward, rested his arms on the table. “Nothing in life is guaranteed, Lex. But I’d sooner take another chance on being happy again than not. It took me a long time to get over your mom. She was my one for many years. But we grew apart, and it didn’t end well. It’s taken me ages to love someone like that again. No matter what you think, I love Tina. She’s my one for now and hope for the rest of my days.”

  Lexi sank an inch in her chair. “Even you’re saying only for now. Why invest months or years into a relationship when one day either one of you could say you’ve had enough and walk away?”

  “Sweetie, where’s all this coming from?” Concern darkened his eyes. “I understand if you don’t like Tina. But I do.”

  She glanced around the café. Other patrons huddled at tables in couples or groups of four, laughing and chatting. She wanted to tip their drinks over their heads, tell them to shut up.

  “It’s not Tina.” She fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “It’s Hayden. He moved to Boston.”

  She filled her dad in on the details of the past couple of months. But when she got to the point of telling him they’d been together, had a mini-relationship before he left, her heart compressed to the size of a pea. The pain from seeing him on Instagram that morning throbbed in her skull. Soon, he’d forget she ever existed. “We promised to be friends forever, still catch up, but he won’t even talk to me.”

  Did he just want to throw away the amazing connection they had?

  “Geez, Lex.” Her dad wriggled in the chair. Discomfort twisted his face. “I like Hayden. I don’t want to be stereotypical, but he’s a guy, moved cities, got a new life, got new friends. He’s on a new adventure. Let him enjoy it. Be happy for him. You should be happy too. You’ve got a fabulous job and exciting times ahead of you.”

  Not what she wanted to hear. She’d made another mistake thinking her friendship with Hayden could survive anything. Time and silence were killing it. How had she got it so wrong? Maybe her mom was right. Hayden was just like her dad and had moved on to something shiny and new . . . in the form of Boston. “Soon he’ll forget me.”

  Her dad looked at her through hood
ed eyes. “Did you love him? Is that the problem?”

  She shook her head. Her heart didn’t want to beat. “As a friend.”

  “Okay then.” He patted her hand resting on the table. “Give it time, sweetie. I’m sure you’ll always be friends. But you might have to accept he’s moved on.”

  I don’t want to. I can’t.

  Her dad pushed his empty cup into the middle of the table. “Let me cheer you up. Let’s talk about the wedding.”

  She gave him a snarky look. He was kidding, right? Wedding talk would only make her feel crappier. But the sooner she got the real reason for their coffee catch up over and done with, the better. Then she could go back to bed.

  He rubbed his hands together. “We’re booked in for the second weekend in May at Pratt Mansion. Will you be our photographer?”

  “May? Um . . . let me check.” She skimmed through the calendar on her cell phone. “I’m in LA, but I’m sure Gem and the guys will give me a few days off.”

  “Excellent. I assumed Hayden would be your plus-one. That changing now?”

  “Probably. If Gem and Kara can swing it, they might come with me. Put me down for plus two.”

  Her dad sighed. “I always thought you and Hayden would end up together.”

  “Why does everyone keep saying that?” She twisted her napkin in her hands. “We were friends. Roommates. That’s it.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yes.” No.

  “Okay. Got it.”

  She stared out the window at the park across the road, lowered her voice. Hayden had been more than her roommate, and she’d killed their relationship. Biggest mistake of her life. “Doesn’t matter if we were more. He’s gone.”