REGRET - The Price of Truth: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 4

by Tania Joyce

  “Boston is not that far away.”

  “Not being in relationship with him is for the best. We wouldn’t be able to see each other on a regular basis, and it’d be too costly to do so. Travel isn’t cheap. He’s trying to save money. He doesn’t need to waste what spare change he might have on seeing me. His income is so random. One month, he’d barely pay rent—the next, he’d be spending gazillions on new gear and gadgets and living the high life.”

  “So?”

  “So . . .”

  “Money isn’t everything, Lex. Your friends have it. They have nice apartments, houses, cars, planes, designer clothes. But is that what makes them happy? Or is it each other? Friends, family . . . love? Isn’t it more important to have someone in your life who makes you laugh, goes everywhere with you, puts up with your idiosyncrasies, stands by you through thick and thin, supports you and makes you feel good about yourself?” He reached across the table and rubbed her hand. “And you never have to worry about money. If you ever have financial trouble, I’ll always be here for you.”

  Where had he been for the last thirteen years of her life? Other than the odd coffee or dinner, she hardly ever saw him. “Sure, Dad. But I don’t need you or anyone else to rely on. I can look after myself. No one will ever screw me over.”

  “Sweetie.” His voice contorted with concern. “You sound like your mother. I’m sorry I’ve never noticed it before. Don’t let her taint you. You’ve got a beautiful soul. It’s great that you have an exciting new career. You’ve always been independent and strong. I’m so proud of you. You’re finally doing what you’re good at and love.”

  Lexi’s brow pinched. Her dad was proud? Wow. That was a newsflash. He’d never cared about her editing job. Had that been because it wasn’t her passion?

  Her dad rubbed her hand. “But don’t deny yourself the chance of being with someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you. It doesn’t matter if they’re a fisherman, a congressman . . . or an erratic musician. If they make you happy, treat you well, nothing else matters. The careers, the incomes, the dreams will all fall into place.”

  Shit. She used to be in sync with Hayden. Until jobs and moving and getting involved stuffed up everything. She pulled her hand away, the ache in her chest too powerful. “Until it ends.”

  “Then you start again. Find someone else who is on the same path.”

  Her dad lived in dreamland. Always had. “I don’t need anyone, Dad. I have my job. I have my friends. Everything is fabulous.”

  She didn’t need anything else.

  If she kept telling herself that, she might start to believe it.

  But right then, all she wanted to do was head home, put her pajamas on and go back to bed.

  Chapter 24

  Lexi’s first overseas trip with Everhide was to London—they flew out tomorrow. She should be excited, pumped, ecstatic, but her adrenaline wouldn’t kick in. At Hunter and Kara’s penthouse apartment, Lexi pulled an oversized cushion off the sofa to sit on while they watched TV. Lexi sank onto the floor and crossed her legs. A home-cooked meal and a movie with her friends should cheer her up. She needed something to pull her out of her gloom. She’d never been to London before. She’d be ticking off one of her big bucket-list items. Just didn’t feel right that she’d be doing it without Hayden.

  “Dinner will be ready in five minutes,” Gemma hollered from the kitchen. She and Kyle were cooking up a storm, laughing and giggling and kissing as they hovered over steaming dishes.

  The oriental smells filling the apartment made Lexi’s tummy rumble. She hadn’t eaten much in days. Hadn’t cooked anything for herself in weeks. It wasn’t any fun making dinner for one. Takeaway kept her alive.

  “You want a wine, Lex?” Kara asked, tilting her head. Curled up in Hunter’s arms on the sofa, she looked way too comfortable. They spooned and lay stretched out. He kept stroking and playing with her hair, kissing her on the neck.

  Just like Hayden used to do to Lexi. She closed her eyes, trying not to think of him. But the ache in her chest made it hard to draw breath. “No, I’m fine, thanks.”

  “Beef ramen is served.” Kyle headed over to the living area and placed bowls of steaming noodles on the coffee table.

  Gemma sat beside him on the adjacent sofa and handed out chopsticks. “Dig in.”

  Lexi dipped and stirred her chopsticks through her dish. She took one mouthful and slurped a noodle. It was delicious, but she wasn’t sure if she could stomach any more.

  “You all set to fly to London tomorrow night, Lex?” Gemma asked before munching on a slice of beef.

  “Sure am.” Her suitcase was packed. It lay ready, next to her photography gear in her living room—right where Hayden’s drums used to be. She didn’t have to put her cameras away in her room anymore. She didn’t put anything away. Hayden really was the one who’d kept their place neat and tidy.

  She winced, clutching at her chest. Whoa. If this ache got any worse, she’d have to go to the doctor. Something wasn’t right. It’d started after being in Boston a couple of weeks ago . . . no . . . It had started when Hayden first left.

  “You ready to work with Clinton on our documentary?” Kyle waved his chopsticks at her, then shoveled a huge pile of noodles into his mouth.

  Lexi pushed her bowl aside. Food wasn’t sitting well in her stomach. “Yeah. I can’t wait.” She tried to insert some enthusiasm into her voice but failed. She really was excited to work with Clinton. He was an incredibly talented, way-out-there creative director. He was fun, full of energy and flooded with so many ideas that some days she found it hard to keep up. “He’s given me access to a ton of footage.”

  Hunter drained his bowl of its contents and pointed to hers. “You gonna eat that, or can I have it?”

  “Knock yourself out.” She pushed the dish toward him.

  He picked it up and scooped up some meat. “It’s going to be crazy watching old videos of us. Eight years captured into a doco will be so cool.”

  “That it will.” Lexi nodded. “From teenage geeks to rock stars.” Lexi had been part of their lives for years too. The night she’d met them in the café beneath her apartment building where she used to work felt like yesterday. She’d been living with Hayden for a couple of months. Everhide had just moved into the apartment next door. They’d invited her and Hayden to a party the following night . . . the first of many. It had been the start of an amazing friendship. History . . . they had so much history.

  Hayden and Gemma. Her and Hunter. Her and Hayden . . .

  It had always been . . . her and Hayden.

  Shit. Her lungs seized; she couldn’t breathe. He chest heaved and stars appeared before her eyes. Breathe. I can’t breathe.

  “Let’s get the movie on.” Hunter grabbed and clicked several remotes. Electric blinds shut, apartment lights dimmed, and the surround-sound system kicked in.

  Fire burned in Lexi’s chest. I can’t do this. Nausea pooled in her stomach and a cold sweat broke out on her brow. She didn’t want to throw up; she wanted to cry.

  Missing Hayden had destroyed her.

  As she touched her forehead, her hand trembled. “Kar, do you mind if I go lie down in the spare room? I’m not feeling well.”

  “Oh no. You okay?” She jumped to her feet and helped Lexi to stand. “I’ll get you some water.”

  “Thanks.”

  Four sets of eyes followed her as she walked down the hallway and entered the room. She collapsed onto the bed and drew the throw over her. Tears escaped, ran down her cheeks, caught on her lip. Sadness lay across her like a weighted blanket, seeped into her bones. Everything she did reminded her of Hayden. It had to stop. She had a great job, was with her friends, and had so much to live for. But why did she feel so lost? Lonely? Lethargic?

  Hayden used to know how to make her feel better. Got her soup when she was ill, took her out to cheer her up, was a shoulder to cry on when she needed it. He’d always been there for her. Now, he wasn’t.

 
; She scrunched her eyes shut. Curled into a ball. She and Hayden had never fought until he first kissed her. They’d liked the same things, going to the same places. Hell, she’d loved living with a drummer, loved the music. If that wasn’t a sign they were perfect together, what was? They’d had a great life together. What have I done?

  Her heart clawed at her ribs. She’d made a mistake. She should’ve given a relationship with him a chance. Longing to see him would have kept her excited and would’ve given her something to live for. Now she had nothing. Every day he didn’t talk to her was another day he slipped away.

  She’d fucked up.

  She’d broken his heart.

  She’d broken her heart.

  Her tears dampened the pillow. She clutched at her aching chest.

  Oh. My. God.

  She loved him.

  She loved him so hard, and she’d destroyed what they’d had.

  Her dad had been right yesterday. Her parents’ divorce and her relationship with Quintin had fucked her up. She’d never wanted to feel that heartache again. But the first person she’d trusted and wanted to risk her heart with was Hayden. She’d denied herself the opportunity to truly love him for fear of losing his friendship. She’d lied to herself for too long. Thought she was protecting him. But it had backfired like an old beetle Volkswagen.

  She’d hurt him too much.

  He’d moved on.

  Kara and Gemma slipped into the room. Gemma plonked onto the end of the bed. Kara sat beside her head and stroked her hair back off her forehead, just like Hayden used to do when she wasn’t well. “Hey, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Lexi whispered. “Food didn’t sit right.” She knew food; there was nothing wrong with Kyle’s noodles. They were scrumptious. She just hadn’t been able to stomach eating.

  “Lex, you’ve been like this for weeks.” Gemma rubbed her leg. “We know it’s not the dinner.”

  “Maybe I’m bipolar like my mom.”

  “That’s the biggest load of bull crap.” Gemma slapped her on the thigh. “Get over yourself. There’s only one reason why you’re like this, and it’s about time you stopped denying it.”

  They knew what was wrong with her before she did? They could’ve beaten it into her harder. “Maybe.” She sniffled. “It just hurts too much.”

  “Heartbreak does that to you, babe. That’s what this is.” Kara rubbed her shoulder, her voice dripping with sympathy. “Remember when Gem broke up with Ben, and oh my God, the tears we endured when Hunt screwed her over? The nights we sat on your sofa, eating mango ice cream and listening to her bawl?”

  “Hey.” Gemma giggled and flicked her hand at Kara. “You can’t talk. Remember Conrad? ‘Oh, he was the one. We were going to get married. Have babies. Be happy forever.’”

  Lexi remembered. But she looked at her friends now and saw how happy they were. They’d survived broken hearts. Moved on. Both had found love again. It was better to take a chance on love, be happy for however long, even though it may not last forever.

  Shit. She had to stop thinking all relationships were doomed from the start. She’d ruined what she had with Hayden before it'd had a chance to evolve.

  Kara smoothed her hand over Lexi’s hair. “We know what it’s like. You don’t want to eat. You can’t sleep. You just want to cry. Listen to Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Already Gone’ on repeat all day long.

  Oh my God. She’s so done that. “But Hayden and I weren’t even together.”

  “Yeah . . . you were.” Kara kissed the top of her head.

  “I’m not sure if what happened can be fixed. I pushed him away. Broke his heart. Not sure he ever wants to talk to me again.”

  Gemma rubbed Lexi’s calf. “I don’t think things are as bad as you say they are. Kyle talked to him the other day. Hayden’s not digging the song they’ve scratched.”

  What? He wasn’t happy? “Boston is so far away. How could we possibly make it work?”

  “We always allow time off for our team to see loved ones. Always,” Gemma said.

  “You mean that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But . . .”

  “No buts.” Gemma tapped her thigh again. “Do you love him?”

  Lexi closed her eyes and sobbed. “Fuck I hate you girls. You know I do. I love him so much it fucking hurts.”

  “Yay!” Kara cheered. “Finally. Now, don’t you feel better?”

  “No.” She sniffled.

  “Then do something about it.” Gemma jabbed her finger against Lexi’s thigh. “Find a way to make it work.”

  Kara nudged her arm against Lexi’s head. “Hunt and I found a cool place we can recommend for dirty weekends away near Harford.”

  “But we’re praying it won’t come to that,” Gemma said with a glint in her eye.

  Lexi raised her head half an inch off the pillow. “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing . . . ” Gemma closed her eyes, raised her eyebrows and rounded her shoulders.

  What was Gemma downplaying? There was something going on she hadn’t been privy to. “Gem?”

  “You’re being silly. Focus.” Gemma skirted back to the subject. “What are you going to do about Hayds?”

  A huge weight had lifted off Lexi’s chest; she could breathe easier. But the next step scared her. It was easier to jump off a cliff. Her head sank into the pillow. “Love sucks.”

  “Nah . . . “ Gemma patted Lexi’s leg. “It’s awesome. Only sucks if it doesn’t work out. But there’s always someone out there waiting. That’s why Tinder was invented, right? But you don’t need that anymore. You’ve got someone. You just have to tell him.”

  She clutched the throw against her chest. “I love him so bad.”

  “We know.” Kara stroked her curls.

  If she kept it up Lexi would be purring like a kitten soon. “Okay.” Lexi rubbed the tip of her nose. “I can do this. I’ll call him when I get home.”

  Gemma shook her head. “Nah. Why don’t you go see him?”

  “What? But we leave for London tomorrow.”

  “We fly out at nine tomorrow night. If you’re back, great. If not, we’ll survive this trip without you.”

  Clutching Lexi’s shoulder, Kara gave her a gentle shake. “Go get your man.”

  She clambered to sit upright, her heart pounding erratically. “Okay. Holy shit. I gotta go.” Her mind geared into action. She had to rush home. Get her car. Get moving. She shuffled to the edge of the bed. “Wait . . . what if he’s not there?”

  “One sec.” Gemma dashed out of the room and returned moments later with her cell phone in her hand. She clicked and swiped the screen, then turned it to face Lexi. “He’s at home. Tracking apps can be useful sometimes.”

  Lexi had forgotten they’d all had those apps installed when Everhide’s fame had grown out of control. She’d never needed to use them. “You think I should do this? Drive to Boston?”

  “Absolutely.” Gemma shoved her cell phone into the back pocket of her jeans. “You’ve got nothing to lose. You’re either going to get him back or get closure on what happened. You can’t mope around like this anymore. I’ll be Tinder swiping for you otherwise.”

  “Okay.” Her palms turned clammy. “I’m terrified, but I’m gonna go.” She crawled to her feet and hugged Kara and Gemma. “I love you girls. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Me either.” Kara’s warm smile hit Lexi’s heart.

  “Same.” Gemma slapped her on the ass. “Now get out of here.”

  Lexi dashed out of the room and hurried over to the guys watching TV. Hunter tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth. “You feeling better?”

  “Yes. Um . . . ” She picked up her purse and coat off the floor. “I gotta go. To Boston. To tell Hayden . . . shit.”

  “Finally.” Hunter threw up his hands.

  “Let’s hope this works out for everyone.” Kyle winked at her.

  What was with them? There was something going on. She’d get to the bot
tom of it later. She didn’t have time to dig further now. She had to go see Hayden.

  “Wanna take my car?” Hunter’s grin grew as wide as The Great Lakes. “It’s fast. Save you going home and getting yours.”

  Lexi gaped. “You’ll let me drive your car?” Hunter’s GT Ford Supercar was a half-a-million-dollar beast—his baby. He hated anyone touching it but him.

  Hunter splayed his hand over his chest. “Maybe I’m just a romantic at heart.” He tilted his head toward the sideboard. “Keys are in the top left drawer.”

  Wow. “Hunter, I can’t afford to fix it if I break it.”

  “That’s okay. It’s time I got a new one anyway. Go. Quick. Before I change my mind.”

  She grabbed the keys and hugged the girls again. “Thank you. I love you. But if seeing Hayds doesn’t work out, we’ll be on my sofa tomorrow. Have the tissues and mango ice cream on standby.”

  “We’ll be here,” Kara reassured her. “No matter what.”

  Gemma waved her toward the door. “Go, you good thing. Drive safe. Oh . . . Hunt’s car does awesome drifting.”

  “I do not want to know how you know that.” Hunter threw a piece of popcorn at Gemma.

  Gemma just giggled, feigned innocence and pointed at Kyle.

  Lexi rushed down the hallway and pressed the elevator button. Waiting for it to arrive, she glanced at her friends in the living room. They were wrestling and laughing and throwing popcorn and cushions about. She loved them so much. She wanted what they had. Love. A relationship. She wanted those things and more with Hayden. No, wait . . . she’d had those things with Hayden. It was time to go get him back.

  Her heart skittered and lurched. What if he didn’t want to see her? Maybe she should call first?

  No. He’d talk her out of going. She wanted to be with him. They could make it work. Their schedules would be hard to align; neither of them worked a nine-to-five, Monday-to-Friday job. But with effort, they could be together. Now all she had to do was convince him. Tell him she was sorry. Tell him that she loved him.