The Aftermath: Parts I and II

by Megan E Pearson

  Each one got their injection and then she hurried from the room securing the door behind her. More notes, more wine, more sitting.

  "You know I can only last so long before I have to talk to someone," she would eventually say in her desperation to make the time go by. "I mean of course you know this, I tell you every single night," she would pause, "I don't know why I tell you every single night, or why I ask why I tell you. I simply do."

  Not that talking actually caused any reaction or change from her subjects, but something in her believed it might. That and she simply couldn't stand sitting in silence for so long.

  "You know I really thought this was some sort of dream when I signed up for it. Humanity is going to fall apart, but in a few short months you or one of the other scientists will be able to fix it. I mean honestly it's the dream. Scientists always want to be a part of the next big thing. They want to find something new, help cure something, fix the environment. Anything really but it just has to be new. When the world falls apart the last thing you'll probably get to focus on is that. I mean you'll have to focus on basic survival, no time to spend looking through microscopes or documenting like I'm doing. I mean your skills will still be useful, but not ever for discovering new things. For some it's a fate worse than death. So naturally I would jump at the chance to still be involved with discovery. Even if I didn't make the break through, my time would be spent doing what I do best.

  I never really considered the full extent of what they were asking me to do though. I also never considered how little research I would actually be doing. See, I am not developing what I am poking you with every few night. I am not changing it, working on it, trying to fix it. All I am doing is injecting you then observing. I am using less of my skills then I probably would be if I were out there. See, they thought they got the serum right, they thought we just needed to tweak with the amount or give it time. So I signed up for the safety assuming that after a few months at most someone would know how much to inject and how long it would take. I also thought that they would give me the equipment needed to make my own serums if this one didn't work. Instead I am stuck in the same routine that I long ago discovered was completely pointless."

  She paused and allowed what she had just said sink in a little. Her heart felt heavy and her mind felt tired. It was the first time the words had ever passed her lips and the weight of it was almost more than she could bare.

  "Not to say you are pointless, or that helping you is pointless. I mean you are my guests here and I guess that was pretty insulting. I simply mean my efforts to help you are helpless since they never change. Plus I guess helping you really isn't a priority. I mean even if we found what one would call a cure it doesn't really change your current state. It simply changes what you have the ability to do in your current state. I mean I guess it's pretty harsh of me to say that I want you dead but it's the truth. I wouldn't want to offend you by lying to you. I would also settle for evidence that you might stop doing what it is that you are doing, but I find that very unlikely."

  Yet even as she explained to the subjects the fact that her experiments wouldn't yield any useful results she couldn't help but continue to fill out the forms and jot down the notes every half hour.

  "I guess though, I've grown dependent on this routine. I don't want to do it anymore, but I still don't stop. I mean I clearly break a lot of the rules. No drinking while on duty being one of the main ones. Really these bottles were supposed to be left in the living quarters, but you know after a few months I realized I needed the amusement. I just can't bring myself to completely give up. Probably because as useless as I am at least it's something to do. Not really something to do since it involves a lot of sitting and writing the same thing over and over, but I can trick myself into believing it's productive."

  She walked over to the fridge and grabbed another bottle of wine.

  "You'll excuse me for clearly ignoring the no getting drunk rule. I would gladly share, but you know that would be a waste of good booze. If you don't react to that drug you really aren't going to react to this. Though it must be boring to watch me get drunk while you just stand there and... What do you do? Moan?"

  She paused and poured more wine.

  "It's not that I am not trying to entertain you, honestly I am. The main issue is of course that I simply can't. Speaking of entertainment though, you know what else I miss? Books. I have hundreds, but I miss new books. I miss discovering a gem or classic that I had some how missed. I miss when I could go to the new releases and be told that this book would remind me of a book that I have loved for years. The first time I took in those new words, the feel of a new book in my hands. My weekly book club discussions. The random discussions that sparked between myself and strangers at bookstores, or over coffee with new dates. I am grateful for all the wonderful books they've given me, but it will never be the same. I would love to hear your thoughts on Lovecraft, Vonnegut, Orwell, Palahniuk, or Poe. Some sort of stimulating conversation on what you like or dislike about their writing style, choice of plot devices, foreshadowing, anything. Books simply beg for intellectual conversation. It's hard to read and feel like I can be truly satisfied. The first time I read those books sure, but each time I reread them without some way to express my opinions or talk about them the experience is starting to feel more and more hollow."

  She drank a few more glasses thoughtfully.

  "I also shockingly enough miss horror films. They stocked my library with plenty of films, but considering the situation stayed away from much that could be described as horror. A few classics, which I am grateful for, but very little else. I suppose I can see the thought process behind avoiding the horror section. It's safe to make the assumption that seeing that type of film would drive those of us doing this to some sort of breaking point. To be entirely honest though denying that little piece of this world seems shallow. Not watching horror films does not change what is going on right outside my doors. I am sure they didn't want us thinking about it much because they didn't want us to slip into some sort of depression. However it seems like the slump is inevitable, and forcing us to ignore certain aspects of the average life only make it only more apparent."

  Her last glass was poured and she knew the line had long since been crossed. She needed to sit for just a moment before grabbing another bottle, which she also knew she would.

  "It's so weird how organized my life has gotten. Prepared meals, a stock of books and movies that I've seen so many times. I wake, I work out, I shower, I find my little box of food, my entertainment, I work on this experiment if you could even call it that anymore. Like I said I've grown dependent on the routine, but I am just so desperate for something to break it up. If you even gave me a glimmer of hope that there is a little at the end of this tunnel. But just like I can't entertain you, you can't do that for me."

  "I miss the sound of a human voice." It was less of a statement and more of a plea.

  She sighed and grabbed her cup and walked up to the window. She got very close to it and stared intently at the faces in front of her. It was hard to focus completely but she looked into the eyes of each of them. Desperately she searched for some sign, for some reflection. Would they look back at her, did they know she was talking to them. A moment of realization that a voice was talking to them over the speaker, any sort of reflection that she was there. Her response was moans and eyes even more glazed over than her own. She flicked her wrist again and looked down at her watch. With a large exhale she walked back to the table to take more notes. She grabbed another bottle of wine and plopped herself back down.

  "I never thought I would actually miss people. I mean it's not as horrible as it sounds, I just never fit in. When I was a child I was always an outcast, and as I got older it never got better. I always had what some would call weird hobbies, then with age came my attitude. It was easy for them to ignore me because I was weird, and I only sealed the deal when I began to look down on everyone in every way. I was smart and everyone suck
ed, and there was no possible chance for me to connect with people. To this day I still say most people suck, but my attitude wasn't entirely fair either. I got trapped into this bubble where I was always right and life experience... or well, hell, any experience didn't get in. I found myself to be just as horrible as everyone else. It was very hard for me to connect with people so I honestly never imagined myself desperately missing them."

  She paused again, took a few more rounds of notes and thought while drinking.

  "I did meet a guy though. He asked me not to join this study, and I almost didn't. It was so hard for me and we just... clicked on so many levels. Actually it was hard for both of us. We were awkward, distrusting, people didn't trust us. You know all the classic bs. Still... we managed to find a way to connect with one another. Once we actually got together things were so nice. I mean between our shyness and hatred of people it took awhile for the actual dating to happen, but it was clear to me once it did that we were meant to be together. It wasn't that we agreed on everything we loved, yeah we had a lot of the same hobbies but there were a few disagreements. For instance my favorite writer was always Poe, his was Lovecraft. Though, I guess when thinking about it, even that is more similar than different. We could talk to one another though, thoughtful discussion was a cornerstone of our relationship. At the same time though we could also kick back with a pizza and watch something stupid for good times. There was our thoughtful side and our fun side, and the combination of the two made it a good relationship for me."

  She drank again, "It's why I wish you would talk to me," she said looking at them desperately.

  "That's not to say it was all sunshine and rainbows, I mean we had our fair share of fights and conflict. They were passionate and slightly horrible, and yet we still managed to be mature about it. We could disagree on something and discuss it like adults, or sometimes we would get in screaming matches. I suppose it's not the most healthy relationship, but it was for me. I had never had sane discussions with someone about our problems even after a huge fight we could still have a normal conversation. Not after our last fight though, not after I got the job offer."

  She poured a very large drink.

  "I told him I felt I had a worthwhile chance to change the world, he told me I was signing up for a lie. I thought he was jealous that of all the people in our team he wasn't the one picked. Or that being away from me for a few months wasn't worth my being a valued member of the scientific community. He told me he had never been hurt so much in his life. That if I knew him I would know he would support me in any real endeavor to further my career. However, this was not a real endeavor, and that the only thing he knew is once I was shut behind the doors we would never see each other again."

  Pause

  "I wonder where he is... I wonder often."

  There was a longer pause.

  "Music is another thing I wish I had more control over. I mean they gave us some of our top choices, but you know I can't remember the last time I heard Magical Mystery Tour. Like the books I have, the movies I've watched, it's just another thing I've repeated over and over. And I guess that's all I want is something new."

  She was drunk and angry

  "I want something fucking new! I want to know where the man I love is! I want to be apart of a real discovery! I want new entertainment! I want someone to talk to!"

  She couldn't stop herself from screaming at the glass. But then she stopped and looked.

  "Not that it's working on you is it? I can be depressed, I can be angry, or I'm just me and you'll give me the same reaction. It never changes."

  The alarm on her watch went off and she paused.

  "It's feeding time and you don't even react to that."

  The words came out so softly they were barely spoken. She walked to a button by the room and hit it. Their food was dropped in and she turned away as they tore through the flesh stored up for them.

  She sat in a continued state of silence and topped herself off.

  "But you really don't care about what I want do you? I can scream at you until I am blue in the face and it won't matter. I can go on and on about any given subject and you won't care. It's the same thing every time we do this. It really doesn't matter what we talk about. I can pick any random subject and it changes nothing. After all this time if you were going to react to something I would have figured it out. I mean I've covered pretty much every possible topic and I've never gotten anything from you. It really doesn't matter that I am bored. I can list off all the different things I wish I had here and it wouldn't make it appear. I want something! An answer! A response!"

  She found herself at the wall pounding on the mirror and screaming!

  "ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME!"

  She repeated this for over an hour. Her body felt limp, there was no life left to her.

  "Please answer me"

  She begged and collapsed. And hour later she picked herself up and crawled up the stairs with tear stained eyes. "You will never answer me"

  She crawled up the stairs to bed. Thinking about her routine for tomorrow.

  My Friends

  He crept towards them slowly. He had been watching them for awhile now and they hadn't noticed, but he was always vigilant. It was simple luck that they hadn't spotted him yet, and he had no intention of pressing that luck. He wasn't sure why he followed them, he knew they didn't want him around. Yet for some reason he felt compelled to do so, and tried with all his might to keep a good pace with them.

  "Did you find any food Tina?" One of the women asked a younger woman as she walked up.

  "No such luck," Tina replied.

  "Well I guess we'll wait here and hopefully the others were more lucky," The first said with a heavy sigh. Her voice was filled with disappointment though.

  "I'm really sorry, Ronnie" Tina said meekly.

  There was a long and uncomfortable pause between the two of them. He could feel something shift between the two of them for a moment. Anger, discomfort, and a little distrust.

  "Look, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's easy for me to get disappointed when all I do is sit here and guard things." Ronnie finally broke the silence. "I know you tried your hardest."

  They smiled at each other, some of the negative feelings seemed to pass a little. With it leaving the air he could sense the overwhelming feeling he had noticed when he first stumbled upon the group. Hunger, extreme and intense hunger.

  He never could decide if he wanted it to pass. He loved sensing that hunger, but hated seeing them so unhappy. Or did he love that too? Sometimes he really wasn't sure of his own feelings. That he knew for sure, he really didn't like it.

  Time passed slowly with the two girls sitting in the bed of the pickup truck. They struggled for conversation. He imagined after so long that they had simply run out of small talk. Also in their present situation it's not like anything new ever came up for them to discuss. It must be really boring for them, he would find himself thinking. He was easily amused, even watching their boredom was enough for him. They, on

  the other hand, must be going insane.

  "We found some! We found some!" A kid suddenly burst through the trees.

  "Joseph! Hush!" Came a male voice running after him.

  The child froze, as did the three adults. They were all clearly excited but needed to contain it for now to make sure they were safe. Their eyes were quickly scanning around to make sure no one had heard the child's cries of joy.

  He ducked as he saw them scanning the woods. He knew he was well hidden, but there was always the possibility they would see him. He's always managed to find good hiding spots while following this group, but he knew at any moment his game could end. If it had to end he would be prepared, but he truly didn't want it to.

  The child hadn't been lying though. Apparently he and the man had found a house that hadn't been cleared out. They had brought back many supplies, but told the women that there was still a large stock waiting for them back there.

 
"In addition to the food, it seems like the type of place we can stay a few nights. It's not very safe but we could get a rest," The man said.

  "So then why did you and Joseph bring stuff back? Lets just go?" Ronnie insisted.

  "It's a bit far, we can't make it there before dark."

  The two women nodded but looked clearly upset. He could understand that feeling, knowing about a safe place just out of reach but unable to get to it. There was no clear memory, but he had a vague recollection of being in a similar situation.

  Each of the group took a spot in the bed and sat around eating the food that the boy and the older man had brought back. Once again more awkward silence.

  "Thank you Richard for bringing us back food," Ronnie said to the man. He nodded, it was clearly just as much for himself and his son as for the two women, but some sort of need to be polite compelled her to thank him.

  He found himself wondering if maybe Richard and Ronnie had a thing going or if she simply wanted it. With only one man and two women he wondered if there was jealousy at all, or even if the idea of a sexual relationship was a factor for the group at all. He supposed that each person's sexual drive would be different under the circumstances just like it was in the normal world. Though many supposed in survival situations it would be increased because of all the adrenaline and such. The question really was would sitting around barely eating actually constitute the type of survival situation that people were talking about though.

  The rest of their meal was fairly silent and he noticed they were looking off into the distance. He followed their eye-line and saw what bothered them, the sun was setting. He knew they were tired of sleeping in the open, but moving in the night was not wise. They all shared concerned looks but quickly got ready.

  Joseph got locked into the cab of the truck while two adults lay down in the bed of the truck in sleeping bags. The youngest took her spot on top of the truck with a gun out. He wasn't certain that their set up was really the safest. The look out was far to visible which would only call attention to the other two in the back. The boy was fairly secure, but without the other three to protect him he wouldn't last more than a day or two.