Sweetened Suffering (Sweet Treats Book 2)

by Charity B.

  Tavin Bellerose is thirty-seven years old and the mother of a six-year-old child named Jonas, though she’s not and never has been married. She works full time in a nursing home for people with mental disorders and disabilities. On occasional weekends, she helps counsel a narcotics anonymous group.

  After driving three hours to get to the restaurant they visit every Wednesday, I watch her with her son, through the window. It makes me smile with relief to see the way she hugs and kisses him. What really makes me happy though, is the way he looks at her. As if there is nobody more perfect in this world.

  Seeing as this is a public place, I ‘m hoping I don’t make her too uncomfortable by approaching her. I cross the restaurant to their table and she looks up at me with a confused, yet sweet expression.

  I smile at her and the little boy. “Hello. My name is Alexander Sørensen. This may be unusual… Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about your sister, Lacie?”

  The smile falls from her face as she leans back in her seat. “I don’t know what I can tell you. I haven’t spoken to her since I was a kid, and she passed away some time ago. Can I ask what this is about?”

  The automatic grin that appears when I think about her pulls at my mouth. “It’s about her daughter.”

  Disbelief is the apparent reaction. “I apologize, you must be mistaken. Lacie never had children.”

  I pull out my phone and show her a picture. “Lacie and Brian never told anyone about her. Her name is Tavin Winters and she’s twenty-three years old.”

  Her hand covers her mouth as she takes the phone from my hand. “Oh my God.” She whispers, “She looks just like her…this is impossible.” She has no idea how many things about Tavin’s existence seem impossible. She looks back up at me in awe. “Where is she?” She gestures to the seat across the table, “Please sit. Would you like anything?”

  “You’re very kind, but no, thank you.” I take a seat and clasp my hands together on the table. “She lives with me. I assume you’ve heard the Logan James story on the news? She was one of his girls.” She nods with wide eyes and I can see so much of Tavin in her. “She’s been through a horrific ordeal and I feel I need to prepare you for the fact that she may not be receptive to seeing you…at least not right away. However, I do think it’s worth it to try.”

  “Of course.” She shakes her head and laughs as if she is in a bit of a daze. “My mother won’t believe this.” Her hand reaches across the table and takes a hold of mine. “Thank you. When may I see her?”

  I smile. “Whenever you’d like.”

  Sasha and Cara Jo are in the kitchen when I arrive home. “Hello, Alex. How was your day?”

  I pull off my jacket and fall into the closest chair. “Interesting.” I told Sasha when I first found the Belleroses, and not much beyond that. “I met Tavin’s aunt today.”

  Sasha and Cara Jo have matching stretched out eyes and mouths.

  “Well, how’d it go?” Sasha’s impatience is sweet. I know how much she loves Tavin, too.

  “It went really well. She seems like a good person and she wants to meet her. She was thrilled about it, actually.”

  Sasha sighs and drinks from her coffee mug. “I never knew what to expect out of Tavin before all this, and it’s even worse now. Hopefully she’ll be open to this”

  “It might take time, but I think a family is something she’s always wanted.” I groan as I move on to a less appealing subject. “Now, what are we gonna do about Nikki? How is she?”

  “A fucking mess. She’s angry at Toben for leaving her with this. She doesn’t want to consider a child when her life is in shambles.”

  I run my hands over my face and push myself out of the seat. “I’m going to talk to Tavin, how long until dinner is ready?”

  I think Cara Jo has been having a hard time with this. She’s been quieter than usual since this has all come out. She looks at the clock. “About twenty minutes.”

  I walk upstairs to her room and her door is closed, which has been the norm the last few weeks. Pushing it open, I find her in her bed once again.

  “Tav? Are you awake?”

  “Yes,” she whispers.

  “I need to talk to you. Can you sit up for a second?” Her hair is sticking out everywhere and her eyes are still in their constant state of being puffy and red rimmed. She keeps her chin to her chest as she scoots herself up, refusing to look at me. “Nikki found out something today.” She doesn’t make a move to respond, so I continue. “She’s pregnant.”

  For the first time in weeks, she looks me in the eye. “What?”

  “For now, Nikki’s pregnant, and even though I don’t think she will be for long, I wanted you to know what’s going on.”

  She jumps up to her knees and is more alert in this conversation than she has been in any, since he died.

  “No, she has to keep it. It’s his baby.”

  “Tavin, that’s not fair. This is her choice. He was her rapist and captor. Imagine if Logan had gotten you pregnant.”

  She shakes her head and throws off the sheets. “No. She can’t do this.” She jumps off the bed and swings open the door. I follow her down the stairs and through the kitchen.

  “Tavin, this isn’t your decision.”

  Sasha and Cara Jo watch her as she turns down the back hallway to where Nikki’s room is. Although I don’t try to physically stop her, that doesn’t keep me from trying verbally, as I follow her down the hall. She arrives at Nikki’s, and knocks.

  “Nikki, it’s Tavin. I know you don’t like me, but please talk to me about this.”

  There’s no answer at first, and when the door swings open, they stare each other down.

  “This has nothing to do with you.”

  “This has everything to do with me. This is the only thing left of my best friend and you want to take it away. I can’t let you do that, Nikki.”

  “You can’t stop me.”

  She tries to shut the door as Tavin presses her hand against it. “Please, Nikki. Let me have it. You won’t have to ever see the baby again, please…don’t do this.”

  “He never loved me and it was because of you. So please, tell me why the fuck I should do this for you?”

  Tavin reaches out and takes her hand. “Because I know you loved him. I didn’t keep him from being with you. Logan did. All of this is Logan’s fault. He hurt me, too. He did horrible things to me and Toben. I’m sorry you think he didn’t love you, Nikki. I knew him better than anyone, and I’m sure you’re wrong.” She actually looks like she may consider this. “This is the only way to keep part of him alive. No matter how much you hate me, please don’t make that disappear.”

  Tears roll down both of their faces. “And once I have it, I’ll never have to see it again?”

  Tavin shakes her head so hard her bangs flop around. “No, not if you don’t want to.”

  Sasha, Cara Jo, and I are all watching as the silence stretches on so long I don’t know if Nikki will respond. Then suddenly, she gives the slightest of nods. Tavin wraps her arms around her and sobs.

  “Thank you, Nikki.”

  I stand in the doorway of his office and watch him. He has stuck by me through all this, and I’ve treated him less than fairly. Even the best of men wouldn’t have stayed through all this. The way I’ve been acting, it’s been terrible and he doesn’t deserve it. He deserves all the kisses and hugs and love I have.

  He’s not voiced a single objection about me keeping the baby and I didn’t even ask him how he felt about it. It somehow makes me feel like part of Toben is still alive and at the time, that’s all that mattered.

  His hands wipe over his face as he works hard on his computer. Even though he’s busy, I don’t want to wait a second longer to apologize. Not only have I been distant, emotionally, I also haven’t been with him physically, in weeks.

  I miss everything—his touch, his kiss, his scent, his words. He needs to know how much I love him and how much he truly means to me, how much everything he
’s done for me, means. He’s changed my life in the most remarkable way. I owe my freedom and the possibility to a new future, all to him. I owe him everything.

  “Lex?”

  He looks up at me and smiles at me the same way he always has. His feelings haven’t changed and I know in my soul they never will.

  He turns his chair and stands. “Are you alright?”

  Closing the space between us, I press my hands to his chest, careful to not touch where his tic-tac-toe and whip cuts are. “I will be and that’s because of you. I’m so sorry about the way I’ve been, the things I’ve said. I’ve been so difficult and you’ve stayed next to me and…” My voice cracks from more tears and I try to speak around them. “I love you, Alexander. I will always love you.”

  His hands grip my waist as he picks me up and puts me on his desk. He touches his nose to mine. “You haven’t been difficult, you’ve been grieving, and I’ll never blame you for that. I love you too, Tav. More than I knew I could.”

  I smile at him as a tear drops off my jaw. “I don’t deserve you.” He’s about to respond when his eyes shift to my fingers undoing his pants. “I miss you,” I whisper.

  His hands grasp my face and he kisses me with so much intensity it’s like I am the only place he can get oxygen. I feel frantic with the need to be a part of him again.

  I push down my shorts and he doesn’t wait for me to take off my panties, he just yanks them to the side and shoves himself all the way in with one hard thrust. The moan slides out on its own, as I grip the back of his neck.

  “Thank you for staying with me.”

  He presses his forehead to mine and gives me the most gorgeous smile.

  “It’s impossible to live without a heart.”

  Thursday, August 27th

  “Come on, Nikki, I know you don’t feel good, but you’re throwing up everything you’ve drank. You need more water.”

  I feel bad for her, she has to go through this every day. I sure hope this doesn’t last the whole time. She can’t keep anything down and Alexander says the baby eats what she eats, so how is the baby supposed to grow if she can’t stop throwing up all her food?

  “I’ve had six glasses already. Can’t I take a break?”

  I sigh and set the glass on the dresser. I know she’s trying. “Okay. Do you want to try a Popsicle?”

  She wipes her mouth. “Alright, then I’m taking a bath.”

  “I’ll make you one with bubbles, okay? Then I’ll paint your nails. Does that sound good?”

  She gives me a forced smile. She’s trying really hard to be nice to me. “Sure.”

  I walk down the hall to the kitchen and open the freezer, as Cara Jo is covering a dish with tin foil.

  “Hi, Cara Jo. Did Lex say he was working late tonight? He’s usually home by now.”

  “I actually just heard from him. He’s on his way, he said he got caught up.”

  Turning to head back to Nikki’s room, I almost drop the Popsicle when the doorbell rings. I look at Cara Jo.

  “I don’t think we’re expecting anyone. Will you get it?”

  Placing the Popsicle back in the freezer, I walk to the entryway and swing open the front door. My stomach slides to my knees as all the air escapes my body, making my voice come out in a squeaky whisper.

  “Lacie?”

  It can’t be her. This is impossible…I’ve seen her dead body. I can’t get myself to breathe, and right when I think my chest might explode, she smiles at me.

  “Lacie was my big sister. My name is Tavin.” She covers her mouth with an odd laugh. “I’m your aunt.” I hear what she says, but…what? Every word I try to pick is wrong. Suddenly, her arms are around me, hugging me. “I’m so sorry for everything she put you through.” She straightens herself and smooths out her hair. “This must be such a shock for you. It was for me too, I’m just so happy to meet you. There are a lot of people who want to meet you, actually. Your grandmother is so excited, and so is your cousin. That is, if you’re comfortable with that, we don’t want to pressure you.” She laughs again. “Listen to me, I’m probably freaking you right out.”

  I have a family? That wants to see me? I don’t know what I’m feeling. It isn’t bad…just curious and surprised. She said I have a cousin and a grandmother. I can’t begin to imagine what that’s like.

  Cara Jo comes up behind me and opens the door wider. “Would you like to invite your guest in for something to drink?”

  “Uh…yeah, sure. Do you want to come in?”

  Her head nods so hard her necklace shakes. “I would love that.”

  Four Years and Two Months Later: Friday, December 6th

  “MR. SØRENSEN, THANK YOU FOR coming down today. I tried to contact your wife, but her assistant said she was unavailable.” My son’s principal stacks her papers into a nice pile before leading me into the hall. “Michael is a bright and sweet boy, and we’ve never had any problems before today, though I do feel we should nip this issue in the bud.”

  I smile as gracefully as possible, considering I have no idea what this is about. I follow her into her office where Michael is sitting in the chair in front of her desk.

  He looks up and gives me that adorable grin.

  “Daddy!”

  His little legs are going as fast as they can as he runs over to me and wraps his arms around my legs, squeezing me tight.

  “Hey, buddy.” I lean down and kiss his head before I hand him his phone. “Go out in the hall and play your game while I talk to Ms. Crabtree. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  I don’t have to tell him twice. He snatches the phone and disappears into the hallway.

  She smirks at me as she takes a seat and gestures for me to do the same. “If I’m being completely honest, I’m going to tell my friends this story over drinks tonight.”

  I know at least one eyebrow raises because this isn’t going the direction I was prepared for.

  “I’m sorry?”

  She clearly feels as if she can relax around me because her posture loosens. “Between you and me, on a personal level, I thought this was adorably hilarious, though as the pre-school principal, I need to correct it.”

  “What exactly did he do?”

  She sighs before taking off her glasses and chuckling, “He…he spanked a little girl on the bottom, and said,” she can’t contain another giggle, “’Damn, that ass.’”

  I’m more than slightly mortified. Tavin’s been telling me I need to watch what I say around him. I rub my forehead, mostly so I don’t have to make eye contact. “Oh, Jesus.”

  She laughs again and leans back in her chair. “You would be surprised at how much of a glimpse I get into these children’s home lives based off things they are obviously mimicking. I wish I could say it’s always as innocent as this clearly is. I would just suggest being careful about what you say and do in front of him.”

  I force a smile and give a curt nod. “Yeah…I do apologize.”

  Standing, she waves off my comment and holds out a hand. “It was nice to see you again, Mr. Sørensen.”

  Michael’s game is beeping and his tongue is sticking out when I walk into the hall. Ruffling his hair, I pick up his backpack. “Alright, let’s go.”

  He swings his lunch box back and forth as he walks. “Am I in trouble?”

  I pick him up and let him ride on my back. “You aren’t in trouble. We will need to talk about it with Mommy later, though.”

  He sighs, “So, that would be yes.”

  This kid is always making me laugh. “If you were in trouble would we be getting ice cream?”

  “Yay!” I open the car door and let him climb in, when something dawns on him. “Mom will be mad if we go without her.”

  “You’re right about that, so we better bring her something. Do you want to go visit Toben first?”

  His dark brown hair flops as he nods. “Can I bring him the picture I drew for him?”

  “I think he would like that very much, buddy.”

  T
he cemetery plot I chose for Toben is next to a little bridge and a park bench shaded by a tree. It’s pretty and secluded, allowing us privacy.

  Michael lays his picture on the grave. “Hi, Daddy Toben. I made this for you. Mommy said you had brown hair like me, so that’s how I colored you. I also wrote a song for you, it’s written on the back.” He turns the paper over to show him. “I hope you’re having a good day. I love you, Daddy Toben.” He gets up before turning back. “Oh, and guess what? Mommy told me that her new art show is all about you! I bet you would like it. She still cries when she misses you, ya know. Okay, bye, Daddy Toben.”

  Jumping up, he runs back to the car, but not without grabbing a stick and swinging at the air in the process. I have been here hundreds of times, and each time it pulls at the heart strings. If it wasn’t for Toben, I wouldn’t have my little boy and my wife. In some ways, I owe him everything.

  Tavin has blossomed the last few years. She speaks through her art and it’s had an effect on quite a few people, because her career has exploded. She’s been in magazines and occasionally, she’ll do a live interview, although she hates them and they’re always a little awkward. All of the money she earns she gives away to various favorite charities and organizations, along with many individual families and children. While her talent is the main reason for her fan base, I believe her kindness draws a large part of her following as well. She doesn’t care about being famous. In fact, too much attention can become overwhelming for her. She does it because she loves it, and in my opinion, it has helped in her rehabilitation.

  Not to say we haven’t struggled…we have. There have been nights I was scared we weren’t strong enough to make it through. I will never give up on her, though. My place is and will always be beside her. She’s messed up a few times and relapsed, however the effect Michael has had on her is extraordinary. Hell, Michael’s had quite the effect on me, too. I’ve cut back on my drinking and I work daily on controlling my anger.