Wickedly Ever After

by Tegan Maher

  He gave me a duh look. “Well yeah. We don’t exist on the same plane as Earth does. You knew that.”

  “Only sort of,” I replied. “I wasn’t sure. I mean, I didn’t figure you guys rented out a palace on a deserted island, but I don’t know anything for sure other than what little you’ve told me. Cass wasn’t exactly a Chatty Cathy about the homeland.”

  “Fair enough,” he said, inclining his head. “Now you know.”

  “Yeah,” Colin said. “But what I want to know is how we get home if something happens to you.”

  “Why would something happen to me?” he asked, puzzled. It had obviously never occurred to him that he could end up like Cass. I shook my head. Immortals.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “Pick a reason. Rebellion, betrayal, allergic reaction to a random cat scratch. It doesn’t matter, and I’m sure it’s not going to be an issue, but just in case, where’s the emergency exit?”

  “To be honest, I never even thought of that. We’ve never had a problem.” he averted his eyes. “Well, except for once, but he ended up dying anyway, so it never really got to that point.”

  My brows shot into the air. “Explain.”

  He shot me a guilty glance. “I’d rather not.”

  “I insist.”

  “Fine,” he sighed. “But I can’t name names. Rules, remember. It was actually Cass’s fault. He invited a powerful but not-so-ethical hotshot from Detroit up here for our annual poker tournament. The fella ran a hustle on a Solomonar, which is always, always a bad idea.”

  “What’s that?” Colin asked, keeping step with Ari as we headed toward the castle. I had to trot just to stay beside them, they were taking such long strides, but no way was I falling behind and missing this story.

  “Oh,” Ari said with a wave of his hand. “The Solomonari were Romani wizards who rode dragons and controlled the weather. We had to put the kabosh on their organization a few centuries ago because they got a little big for their britches, as Destiny would say, but there are still a few good ones around.”

  “So how’d the guy die?” Cheating at cards would get you shot where I came from, or at least beaten to within an inch of your life, but that sounded a little too ... humanish ... to have been what happened here.

  He shrugged a shoulder. “The guy tried to make a run for it once he realized we weren’t nearly as scared of him as his underlings back in Detroit were. Almost made it, too, except the Solomonar opened up the skies. The dude hit the wet grass in his fancy Italian dress shoes and slid right into the dragon hatch.”

  “So he was eaten?” Colin asked, shuddering.

  Ari gave a matter-of-fact nod. “Yup. Before we could do anything, the dude’s dragon toasted him like a marshmallow then slurped him down like a Jell-O shot.”

  I shuddered at the image but figured the guy’d gotten what he had coming. He musta been too stupid to live if he’d tried to cheat at a poker game attended by angels and wizards.

  We’d just about made it to the castle, so I stopped. I didn’t want to go inside until we knew how to leave, but I didn’t want to miss the end of the story, either.

  “How’d you explain his disappearance?” I asked. “You mentioned he was some bigwig.”

  Ari shrugged. “We didn’t. It was 1975 and he had a lot of enemies. People like that disappeared all the time, especially in Detroit.”

  Colin gasped and whipped his face toward Ari. “Holy crap. You’re talking about Hoffa!”

  “Hoffa who?” our friend asked, a mischievous smile playing on his face. “Lots of guys disappeared from Detroit in the 70s, and none of them are worth losing my wings over.”

  I rolled my eyes as he placed his hand on what was surely a solid gold doorknob on a side entrance door. “Okay, fine. We get it. But before we go in, we need to know how to get out if something happens to you.”

  “You’re awful paranoid,” he replied, but cocked a knowing brow and motioned with his eyes to Stephanie’s bracelet. The sun glinted dully off the gold. “If things go so sideways that I can’t get you out of here, you’ll likely need more than just instructions. Call Steph. She’ll know what to do.”

  With a curt nod, I followed him inside, Colin close behind me.

  Chapter 6

  The only way I could describe the inside of the palace was decadent. My sandals squeaked across floors made of white marble shot through with gold, and thousands of candles glinted off gold, silver, and bronze fixtures and decor.

  The windows were draped in blue velvet, and massive Turkish rugs separated the cavernous room into smaller sections. The furniture looked sort of like leather, but the color wasn’t right. Rather than brown, it seemed to shimmer.

  “What’s this fabric?” I asked, my fingers trailing along the back of a sofa.

  “Dragon skin,” he replied.

  Before I could protest killing such an awesome creature for its hide, he arched a brow at me.

  “Don’t romanticize them. I’m sure you’ve heard of the dragon wars. They took out a good many of our warriors before we could close the gates, and our seamstresses were happy to turn them into furniture. War is war.”

  I snapped my mouth shut. I hadn’t actually heard of the dragon wars, but I figured that must have been an awesome thing to behold, and not in the good sense.

  “So where are we going?” I asked, following him up a winding staircase.

  “I figured I’d show you to your rooms before I gave you the tour. That way, you can take your finery out of that weird little bag you’ve stuffed it in and hang it so that it’ll be fresh again when you get ready for the ball.”

  “That’ll work,” Colin said, then furrowed his brow when his stomach rumbled. “That’s so weird. I just ate a huge lunch before I came to the resort not two hours ago.”

  Ari smiled. “Like I said, time isn’t the same here. I’m sure there will be refreshments in your room, but don’t eat too much. We’re having a feast before the ball actually starts. Though I’m not sure that matters much,” he said, giving me a wry glance out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve seen you eat enough for four grown men, then ask for dessert.”

  “Hollow leg,” I replied, grinning. “Magic takes up a lot of energy.”

  “For some people, maybe,” he said, shooting me a smug look as he stopped in front of a door and glanced at the knob. It swung open. “Easier than flicking a fly.”

  I gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “Yeah. Us mere mortals don’t have angel mojo. Though I’ve seen you destroy a steak the size of your head along with all the fixins in the same time it would take an average person to butter his potato, so I’m not sure you should be pointing any fingers.”

  I was a little off balance from the goofing around, so when a chick came whipping around the corner and plowed into me, we both went ass-over-tea kettle in a tangle of arms and legs. Her old-timey skirt wrapped around my legs and I cringed at the sound of ripping fabric when I tried to kick my feet loose.

  “I’m so sorry, m’lady,” she said, spitting hair—both hers and mine—from between her lips. Since I was wearing shorts rather than eighty-seven layers of bloomers and dress, I made it to my feet much faster than she did. I held my hand out to help her and smiled at her in an attempt to ease the anxiety creasing her features.

  “It’s no big deal, really,” I said as I grasped her calloused hand to pull her up.

  I did a double take when she gazed up at me; she was one of the prettiest women I’d ever seen despite the fact she was dressed like a ragdoll and didn’t have a stitch of makeup on.

  Huge blue eyes stared up at me, shimmering with tears and surrounded by long sooty lashes that the cosmetics industry made milions from because every woman wanted them. Throw in full lips and a perfect, peaches-and-cream complexion with just the right amount of freckles, and I’d have kinda wanted to punch her if she hadn’t looked so pathetic.

  And yes, I realize how cliché that description all sounds, but I had a feeling she was exactly th
e type of girl who initiated their creation to begin with.

  I bent to pick up the items that had scattered from a basket she’d been carrying: needles and several different types of thread, and several items that, on closer inspection, appeared to be makeup of some sort. Remembering that time was weird here, I realized I might very well be holding a fresh case of blush or lip tint that was three or four centuries old in my time.

  “Here you go,” I said, stuffing the last couple of items into the basket and holding it out to her.

  She sighed and swiped a tear off her cheek. “Thanks, miss. Again, my humblest apologies for being such a graceless cow. It’s only one of many flaws, but it’s one that gets me in more trouble than others.”

  “Oh, sweetie, I’m right there with you. I’m one of the biggest klutzes to ever walk the earth, so don’t give it a second thought.”

  “She really is,” Ari agreed, a smug smile on his lips. “She once tripped on a piece of string and sent an entire tray of drinks straight toward my wife’s lap.” He laughed. “Luckily, I managed to freeze it before it landed on her.”

  The girl gasped when he spoke, then dropped into a deep curtsey, her eyes downcast. “M’lord,” she stuttered. “Forgive me. I knew not whom I was addressing.”

  Ari gave her a kind smile as he touched her elbow, indicating she should rise. “There’s no need to bow to me, lovely,” he said. “All’s well that ends well.”

  Flustered, she turned to me and thanked me for helping her pick her stuff up. “And I hope the beating wasn’t too horrible,” she whispered under her breath.

  “Beating?” I asked, confused.

  Colin laughed. “Sweetie, I think she’s referring to the beating you got for spilling the drinks.”

  “Ohhh,” I said, realization dawning. I shook my head. “Yeah, that’s not a thing anymore. And even if it were, Ari’s not that type. Plus if anybody—I don’t care who or what they are—ever decides they’re froggy enough to put a beating on me, they’re in for a wicked-nasty surprise. I may not win, but I’ll get enough licks in that they’ll think twice before they come back for seconds.”

  She stared at me, silent, like she had no clue what I was saying. Then I thought about the whole time thing and realized she probably didn’t.

  “What she’s trying to say,” Ari explained when he saw her expression, “is that where she’s from, beating is not an acceptable practice.”

  “Well then,” she muttered. “I should like to live where you do.”

  I nodded in agreement, thinking of my little slice of paradise. “It’s the best place in the world.”

  Then it occurred to me what she was implying. “Wait,” I said. “Are you saying you get beaten?”

  “Only when I deserve it, Miss.”

  I narrowed my eyes as white-hot rage sliced through me. “Take me to whoever dares to lay hands on you. I’ll turn them into a frog, right after I tear their hair out by the roots.”

  She gasped and her hand fluttered to her mouth.

  Ari laid his hand on my arm and shook his head.

  “What?” I asked. “They deserve it.” Suddenly, my mouth felt sticky and when I tried to open it, I couldn’t. Ari gave me a pointed look and I realized I was experiencing the Fates’ lockdown.

  “Let’s check out our room,” Colin said, taking me by the arm and guiding me into the room we’d been standing in front of. He turned to the girl. “Have a good day.”

  “Hold on,” I said, digging my heels in a little, but happy that my voice was back. “I’m Destiny and this is Colin and Arariel. What’s your name?”

  “Ella,” she replied with a quick curtsey.

  “If you need a safe place, Ella, this is my room. You’re always welcome.”

  “Yes, Miss,” she said. “I really need to get back. My stepmother and stepsisters will wonder where I’ve gotten to.”

  “It was nice to meet you, Ella,” Colin said as he nudged me across the threshold. Ari followed us inside and shut the door.

  “You can’t interfere,” he said. “They’re royalty, and in the time they’re from, women’s lib isn’t even a glimmer on the horizon yet.”

  “Then maybe it should come about a few centuries earlier than it did,” I said, but realized the idiocy of what I was saying even as the words poured out of my mouth. I sighed and held up my hand before either of them could reply. “I know, I know. That doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”

  “I don’t care for it either,” Ari said. “It’s one of the main reasons I don’t often go to those time periods. Well, that and their lack of amenities.” He shuddered. “You don’t truly realize how uncivilized things used to be until you’ve seen somebody empty a full chamber pot out a window.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “That’s disgusting.”

  “It is. Now change into something besides flip-flops. I want to show you my place; you’re gonna love my phoenix.”

  “You have a real phoenix?” Tempest asked, jumping up onto the bed. “I thought they were myths. We’ve never seen one at the resort, and we see everything there.”

  “I do. His name’s Flannigan. I found him in Ireland way back in the third century. It’s quite the tale.”

  That kind of lifespan was mind-boggling to me. Since we’d met, I’d wanted to sit down with Ari and just talk. He had to have the coolest stories ever, and now it looked like I’d get my chance to hear at least one.

  It took us all of thirty seconds to change shoes, then we were off. Ari led us back out of the castle and through a large courtyard that featured a stunning fountain carved from what I thought was ice. The pink sky gave it a fantastical glow that was impressive even considering the grandeur of its surroundings.

  Since the temperature was hovering around seventy-five degrees or so, I wondered aloud how it wasn’t melting.

  Ari cocked a brow at me. “I know it’s been a year or so since I went anywhere on Earth other than the Enchanted Coast, but has the whole climate change thing gotten so bad that diamond melts now?”

  “Diamonds?” I exclaimed. “I thought it was an ice sculpture.”

  He laughed. “No. The only place you’ll find an ice sculpture here is in the banquet room where we’ll be feasting tonight. I assure you, this one will not keep your drink cold.”

  What I thought were giant birds flew in lazy loop-de-loops in the distance. Upon closer inspection, I realized they weren’t birds at all, but rather dragons. Tempest had hopped up onto my shoulder, and I lifted it a little to get her attention, then pointed.

  “Wow,” she said, her voice breathless. “Look how many there are.”

  “Yeah,” Colin said after he followed the direction of my gaze. “Can you imagine having to find a place to put them if you suddenly have a group of dragon mages or something visit the resort?”

  Ari huffed out a breath. “Please don’t even say that. Just finding enough for them to eat would be a logistical nightmare. Do you have any idea how much a full-grown dragon can devour in a day? If we had to allot resources to hunt their food for them, half of us would do nothing but that, day in and day out.”

  As a board member, that was the sort of thing he had to take into consideration.

  “They could hunt at the resort, too,” I said. “I’d be more worried about where they’d sleep and how we’d keep them from eating the other guests.”

  “Meh,” Ari replied. “They’re not fans of human flesh, but keeping the other pets safe may be a challenge.”

  He was quiet for a minute, rubbing his chin while he thought. “I’m actually glad you said something. We should probably get to work building a place for them rather than waiting around for them to catch us unprepared. Thanks, Des!”

  Colin cleared his throat. “I hate to be the wet blanket, but as Enchanted Coast legal council, I’d advise against that. As a matter of fact, I suggest we put a moratorium on dragons. You’re taking a huge risk. One incident could be enough to put the resort bankrupt. Or start a war. Or both.”
<
br />   “Nah,” Ari replied, waving a hand. “If we go banning dragons, the next step would be Pegasus and unicorns. Next thing you know, somebody’s standin’ before the council arguing that shifters fall under the same category.”

  He slanted his eyes meaningfully toward Colin. “Nope, we take off the warning labels and let the chips fall where they will. Besides, the waiver we make everybody sign when they book covers all that.”

  “True,” Colin said, “but waivers are overridden in court all the time. At least build the hatch far enough away that drunks or kids aren’t going to be able to just wander in.”

  Ari laughed, motioning to how far away the dragons currently were. “Give me a little credit, okay? I’m not your typical out-of-touch board member. I keep a finger in the pot and my eye on the prize at all times.”

  We’d arrived in a small neighborhood that had the same ambience of a typical upper-class neighborhood in my world. Nice homes, perfect lawns, and all the little details that let you know you were surrounded by affluence. There was no peeling paint or bare spots in the yard. No scraggly flowers or shoddy repairs or uneven sidewalks. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t find a single imperfection.

  Strange, multi-colored birds that looked sort of like miniature parrots sang a weird yet pleasant tune, and the sun—identical to ours—was warm on my skin.

  “Does this place have a single flaw?” I asked, a little irritated by the utter lack of anything out of place.

  Ari shrugged. “No, but in my mind, that is a flaw. It’s why I spend so much time on your plane. Perfection is boring. It makes me itch.”

  Suddenly, the silence was broken by rabid barking, and I caught a glimpse of bared teeth charging at me from the yard immediately to my right. A massive, three-headed brindle dog hit the iron fence two feet from my arm with the force of his entire body, snapping and snarling at us.

  My heart leapt into my chest and I instinctively pulled magic to my fingertips. I shot sideways straight into Colin and nearly sent us both to the ground.

  Tempest, on the other hand, leapt off my shoulder and charged at the fence, adding her own high-pitched yips to the fray. The doggish creature wasted no time dropping to the ground and flipping over on his back, whining.