Ache

by S. M. Soto

  “I love you,” he says. And as I stare into his eyes that are filled with so much intensity, I know he’s telling the truth.

  Before I have a chance to reply, his mouth swoops down, taking my breath away and making me forget everything but him. Always him.

  Liam and I walk home, hand in hand. He kisses me goodbye on my front door steps, and I watch him walk away with a happy smile on my face.

  Just as I’m walking inside my house a little after ten, the lights flick on, and my mother’s angry face comes into view.

  “Where the hell have you been, Bea? It’s after ten on a school night!”

  I roll my eyes. “I was at Myrah’s, I must’ve lost track of the time. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re lying!” My mom’s hand slams down on the coffee table making me jump in surprise. My mother is never one to raise her voice or cause confrontation. I guess I’m like her in that sense. “Connor told me and Richard that he saw you alone with the boy next door. Is that true?”

  I bite down on my tongue, ready to throttle Connor.

  “Yes, mom. Liam is Myrah’s cousin, of course I hang out with him.”

  “By yourselves? In a dark field! What are you thinking, Bea?”

  I blow out a breath, trying to calm her down. “Mom…”

  “That boy is bad news, Bea. I don’t want you anywhere near him.”

  My heart drops at her words.

  What? Not happening.

  “What are you talking about? Liam is a good kid, mom,” I say, getting worked up. “Let me guess Connor told you that?”

  “Yes, as a matter of a fact he did. All your brother wants to do is look out for you. As for—”

  “He’s not my brother!” I shout, stunning us both silent. Her lips thin, and she holds up a hand, silencing me.

  “Like I was saying…as for this boy next door, I want you to stop seeing him. He is nothing but trouble.”

  “No, he isn’t!” I yell, completely losing my temper now.

  “Is that why his parents sent him here? Because he’s such a great kid? Do not play me for a fool, Bea Marie. They couldn’t handle him back home, and I sure as hell don’t want a boy like that around my daughter so yes, you will stop seeing him.”

  “You can’t make me,” I say with steel in my voice, putting my foot down. “He’s my friend, mom.”

  “Yes, I can, and I just did.” She gets up from the sofa, wraps her satin robe tightly around her body before heading down the hall to her room.

  With a growl, I snatch a wash cloth and towel out of the hall closet and take a hot shower that gives me time to stew and come up with a plan. After dressing and checking the time, seeing it’s a little after eleven, I quietly peek my head out of my bedroom door. I listen for any sounds in the house indicating mom and Richard are still awake.

  Deeming it safe, I pad into the kitchen and quietly take the house phone into my bedroom and dial Myrah’s number.

  “Hello?”

  I blow out a sigh of relief when Myrah answers instead of her mother.

  “My mom is forbidding me from seeing Liam ever again,” I say without preamble.

  “What?” Myrah shouts down the line, making me wince. Blowing out a sigh, I vigorously rub my temple trying to stave off the looming headache.

  “Can I talk to Liam? I need to tell him what’s going on.”

  “Of course, B.”

  Seconds later, the phone is handed off to Liam and his deep voice erupts over the line.

  “Bea?”

  My heart clenches when I hear his voice. It hasn’t even been a few hours and I already miss him. How the hell am I supposed to stay away from him?

  “Connor snitched on me. He told my mom we were in the field alone together. Now, I’m supposed to stay away from you.”

  “Shit,” Liam breathes. “Look, Bea, don’t worry about it. We’ll find a way to see each other, okay? Nothing is going to change,” he says, trying to reassure me.

  “I know, I just can’t believe Connor would do this. He’s such an asshole.”

  “Yeah, he is,” Liam says with no humor in his tone.

  “I just wish…”

  “What?”

  I throw myself back on the bed and sigh, pushing the words past my lips, wishing they could come true. “I wish we can start a new life together in a different place. Run away from everyone. Runaway from here. My mom. Connor. I just wish we could leave tonight. Go anywhere we want and never look back.”

  Liam is silent for so long, I don’t think he’s going to reply. “You’d never leave Myrah behind. Running away isn’t going to solve anything, Bea.”

  “I know,” I groan, slamming my eyes shut.

  “Let’s talk about something else. I just want to hear your voice.”

  I smile at his quick subject change and take a deep, calming breath. “Yeah, you’re right. What should we talk about? We’ve spent just about all day together,” I say with a laugh.

  “Tell me another one of your stories, like you did earlier in the field.”

  My heart flutters wildly in my chest at his request. I’ve always felt like such a loser for being so infatuated with astrology and mythology, but the fact that Liam wants to hear more about the subjects I love? It warms my heart and does something to me that I can’t even put into words.

  I wrack my brain for a decent myth or legend I can tell him and when I think about everything that’s happened tonight, I know the perfect one to recite.

  “Have you ever heard of Lyra the Harp and its brightest star Vega?”

  “No, I haven’t,” Liam says quietly. I hear rustling in the background, so I know he’s on his bed, getting comfortable.

  “Vega is a star that’s easy to recognize because of it’s blue-white color. You can only see it mid-evening May or early June. The story of the star goes something like this: In western myths and legends, Vega’s constellation Lyra is said to be the harp played by the legendary Greek musician Orpheus. When Orpheus played the harp, neither God nor human could turn away. But in Asia, they tell the story a little differently. I think it’s a cultural thing.

  “In Japan, Vega is often called Tanabata, a celestial princess or Goddess. She falls in love with a mortal, Kengyu who represents the star, Altair. When Tanabata’s father finds out that Tanabata and Kengyu are in love with each other, he gets so angry that he forbids her to see the mere mortal ever again, shattering her heart.

  “So, the two lovers were placed in the sky, where they are separated by the Celestial River which in other words, is the Milky Way. Because the sky Gods are kinder than the other Gods, each year on the seventh night of the seventh moon, a beautiful bridge of magpies form across the Milky Way, and the two lovers are reunited.

  “Legend has it that sometimes, Kengyu doesn’t always make it to Tanabata in time. Sometimes, the trip across the Milky Way is so rough and tasking that Kengyu doesn’t get there by the seventh moon. When that happens, Tanabata’s tears form raindrops that fall over Japan.

  Some people in Japan even celebrate in July and August to honor Tanabata and Kengyu at their Star Festival. If it rains, the raindrops are said to be Tanabata’s tears because Kengyu couldn’t meet her. It’s even said the meteors of the Perseid shower are Tanabata’s tears. And that’s the story of—”

  “Star crossed lovers,” Liam whispers, making me smile.

  “Yes, it’s the actual myth and legend behind star crossed lovers. It’s one of my favorites.”

  “Why did you choose that one?” he asks like he doesn’t already know the answer. I blow out a heavy sigh.

  “Because I feel like everyone in my family is rooting for us to fail. In this case, my mother is Tanabata’s father and Connor is just the Devil.”

  Liam chuckles. “You have nothing to worry about, beautiful girl. There’s not one person on this earth that can keep me away from you. Not now, not ever.”

  Tears sting my eyes and I blow out a shaky breath.

  “I love you, Liam.”

/>   I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “I love you too, sweet Bea.”

  The next morning, I wake up in a shit mood thanks to Connor and my dim-witted mother. There’s no way in hell I’m listening to her and cutting Liam out of my life. No. Fucking. Way. I love him. And at this moment, I’m pretty sure I love him more than my own mother.

  How can she be so easily manipulated?

  Rounding the corner into the kitchen, I spot Connor at the table eating breakfast alone. Our parents must’ve already left.

  “What the fuck is your problem!” I growl, replaying the events of last night. I shove his shoulder, making him spill his breakfast on his clothes. His eyes cut to mine, and his nostrils flare.

  “Watch yourself. I’d hate to fuck up your pretty little face, but then again, it might be fun to watch.”

  “Stay out of my life! And if you come anywhere near me, I’ll tell Liam to kick your ass,” I hiss. Whirling away, I snatch a banana off the island and yank my bag off the chair, heading out the door.

  I spot Myrah and Liam getting into the car next door, and I wave. Just as I’m about to slam the front door, I’m yanked back. I yelp when Connor snatches my wrist in a viselike grip causing pain to shoot throughout my arm.

  "Your knight in shining armor won't always be here to save you, sweet B." His voice is laced with venom and it makes me tremble. All the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. I scramble for something to say, but shock keeps me from opening my mouth.

  Suddenly, Connor's wrist is yanked off mine as I'm pulled behind Liam's broad frame. A sense of immediate safety and calm engulfs me now that Liam is here.

  "If you ever lay a hand on her again Connor, you'll wish you were never born. Stay the fuck away from her." Liam seethes. Connor's nostrils flare before his narrowed eyes train on me.

  They glint with a promise of something.

  I just didn't know what it was at the time.

  Today is my first time outside in the last two days. It’s not like I usually get out much, anyway. The bruises around my throat have healed quite a bit and the ones along my jaw have completely faded now. I would stay in another day, but I really need to head to the grocery store, then Barnes and Noble to pick up a few textbooks I ordered for my classes that start in two days.

  Wrapping my loose hoodie around myself tightly, I use the baggy material as a shield from the outside world. I carefully walk outside and keep my head lowered all the way down my driveway. Most of my neighbors know by now not to bother approaching me or striking up a conversation. Whenever it would happen, I would tug on the hood of my sweatshirt and ignore their questioning until I was out of sight.

  I’ve always been good at managing my surroundings, sensing someone’s presence, but today feels different. Something in the air makes every hair on my body stand up and my steps falter. It’s not danger I sense, but something else entirely…

  I pick up my head and expertly scan my eyes around the neighborhood. And that’s when I see it. All the air leaves my lungs and my dormant heart painfully thuds to life in my chest at the boy…no, man, standing on Myrah’s front porch.

  Liam.

  The boy I gave my heart to.

  The same boy who stomped on it and left me here to rot.

  The same boy who is now a grown man.

  His blue eyes pierce mine from his position across the yard, and I'm momentarily sucked back into memories of our teenage years spent together.

  "Liam?"

  "Yeah, Bea?"

  I wring my hands together nervously.

  "I think I like you," I whisper.

  Liam chuckles beside me.

  "I like you too, sweet Bea."

  I look down at my feet and bite my lip.

  "No. I think I really like you, like you," I whisper.

  Liam freezes before turning his gaze to me. He searches my eyes and smiles, sending my heart fluttering.

  "I like you like you, too, my sweet B," he whispers. It brings the biggest smile to my face.

  Another memory flashes.

  Liam grips the side of my face gently in his hand and pulls me closer to him. His warm breath blows against my face and the scent of mint makes me smile. We stare into each other’s eyes, searching, waiting until we inch closer. Slowly, our lips gently graze and my heart soars. Liam presses his mouth firmly against mine and I smile. My first kiss is with the only boy I'll ever love, and I couldn't be happier.

  That memory is wiped away by another.

  Liam grasps my hand lain in between us, as we stare at the stars.

  "You know one day, I'm gonna make you really proud Bea," Liam says quietly from beside me. I can’t help but smile. He's so silly, I'm already proud of him. He'll be graduating high school soon, then he’ll be off to college for baseball.

  "I already am, Liam," I tell him sincerely.

  His hand tightens around mine in acknowledgement.

  "And one day, far in the future, I'm gonna marry you and give you all the babies you could ever dream of having."

  The butterflies in my stomach flutter excitedly and my heart pounds against my chest.

  "I'd like that," I whisper with a goofy smile on my face.

  Another memory takes place.

  "I'm sorry Bea but...I'm going home."

  As if someone is squeezing my heart in their hands, it tightens, and stutters to a painful stop in my chest.

  What?

  "What do you mean? You are home, Liam," I laugh nervously trying to catch his gaze. He won’t look me in the eyes and that little fact is making me nervous.

  "My parents are making me come back. I'll finish off senior year in San Jose then I'll go to college at San Jose State, the scouts there really want me. They’ve already seen my highlight video."

  My breath leaves me in rush and I clasp my hand over my heart hoping to ease the stabbing pain.

  He's leaving me?

  Warm hands wrap around my neck and Liam swipes away at the tears streaming down my face with his thumbs. I hadn't even realized I had been crying.

  "Nothing will change baby, I promise. I'll come back for you and try to visit as often as possible. Sweet Bea, please don't cry.” He tenderly places his lips over my damp cheeks making me cry harder.

  “We'll talk every day and we'll come up with a plan for you after you finish high school." He reassures me with moisture pooling in his own eyes.

  There’s so much pain. It hurts so bad, I can hardly breathe. Like someone is stabbing my heart with a jagged shard of glass, the pain is ruthless.

  My chest feels tight, and I’m not even sure my lungs are working properly anymore, but I sniffle and nod my head, forcing myself to hold back more tears.

  "I love you," I whisper hoarsely. Liam clenches his eyes shut for a few seconds, before opening them, revealing red rimmed blues.

  "I love you too, my sweet B. I always will."

  I can still remember the pain of that day, and all days that came after. It was crippling. It was the kind of pain that tore you up inside, leaving you bare and cold. It ruined me.

  Watching him pack his stuff to leave was the worst. It was like he was taking my heart with him. I had given my heart over to him fully, without a second thought. I was just a stupid little girl who thought she knew everything about love. I was wrong, so, so, wrong.

  My eyes trail up and down Liam, who’s dressed in jeans and a snug black tee shirt, I can’t help but admire him. He’s changed, so much over the past six years. His hair is slightly longer, wavier, and his body is visibly bulkier, but still lean—a baseball player’s body. He’s just as beautiful as I remember, if not more so.

  All of the pent-up emotions from the last six years try to resurface—the worst six years of my life—but I push them down.

  Without making an effort to say hello, I resume my stride and leave without a backwards glance at my beautiful blue-eyed boy...the love of my life, who broke me—and completely ruined me. Ignoring the crushing pain in my chest, I decide tha
t this time around, I’m the one leaving him behind. I have no other choice.

  “But I… I don’t want you to leave, Liam. I need you,” I choke out through my sobs. He wraps his arms around my body and crushes me into his chest.

  “Shhh, baby. I know, I know. Nothing will change, Bea. I promise you. I love you more than anything in this world.”

  “Myrah said they gave you the option to stay…why are you still going? Why are you still leaving me?”

  It felt like he was clawing my guts out and throwing them on the floor beneath his feet, stomping on every vital organ. I didn’t understand why he was doing this to us.

  Liam blows out a breath and cups my face in his hands. “I’m leaving because here in Lakeport, I don’t have a shot at the big leagues, but back home…my dad already has scouts lined up for me. I’m doing this for us, Bea. I’m giving us the future we’ve always talked about.”

  I shake my head. “Don’t you understand you’ve already given me everything?”

  “Bea, baby…I need to do this for myself, too. Baseball is my dream. I can’t just let this opportunity pass me by.”

  My heart shatters.

  He’s right. I can’t be selfish. Not when it comes to his future.

  I swallow down my tears and stiffly nod my head, “Okay.”

  I clutch onto Myrah’s hand, trying to hold in my tears as we watch Liam get in his truck and drive off. Gone are thoughts of spending the holidays with him and seeing his face when he opens his Christmas gift. All of it taken as he drives off.

  Once he’s out of sight, an ugly sob tears through my chest and I collapse into Myrah’s frame. Her arms wrap around me, and she holds me while I cry. She sniffles every now and then, but I know she’s trying to hold it together for me right now, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

  I turn my tearful gaze toward my house where I find Connor peeking through the drapes in the living room with a smirk on his face.

  God, I hate him.

  I hated Connor so much it made me sick to my stomach most days. Today was one of them.