Ache

by S. M. Soto

“Where the fuck have you been?” he hisses near my ear. When I don’t answer his grip tightens, sending a jolt of pain down my spinal column. With an aggravated growl, he forces me around to face him. My back slams into the front door, knocking the air out of me. Connor’s nostrils flare in anger and his lips press into a thin grim line.

  “Answer me!”

  I clench my eyes shut, trying to block him out. I need to find my safe place. His hands wrap around my throat in a vicious grip, cutting off all my air supply. The action causes my eyes to fly open—just what he wanted.

  “Registering-g…for c-classes.” I manage to croak beneath the pressure. His brows pull together in anger, and his nails dig into my neck, breaking the skin.

  “You stupid, little bitch,” he spits out angrily in my face before slamming his mouth down over mine sloppily.

  Connor tosses me onto the oak hardwood floor by my neck, and glares down at me for a beat before he releases the pressure around my neck and slowly rises to his feet. Pain shoots through my tailbone upon impact, and tears pool in my eyes.

  “Remember your place, Bea. I’d hate for anything to happen to your friend next door because you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut.”

  Ice runs through my veins and my stomach bottoms out at his underlying threat. He runs his hand through his hair, slicking the blond strands back into place before striding away. With tentative hands I inspect the raw, and already bruised skin of my throat.

  Scooting across the floor, I lean my back against the wall and close my eyes—hoping I can forget everything, just for a little while. A choked sob escapes my lips as I try to remember a different time in my life.

  PAST

  AUGUST 2011

  As I’m towel drying my hair in the mirror, I can’t wipe the goofy smile off my face as I stare at the mark near my collarbone and shoulder. Last night, Liam and I went further than we ever have before. His mouth trailed across my bare skin, leaving a scorching path in its wake. Liam kissed me and touched me in places no one ever has before. It was exciting and frightening all at once. We didn’t go any further though. He didn’t have any condoms, and he wasn’t one hundred percent sure I was ready. He said he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for me and my first time.

  I gently run my finger along the dark hickey he left on my shoulder. Heat swirls in my core again, just like it did last night, as I think about the way he kissed me and touched me. It was all so intimate and incredible. When I was grinding my hips over his body, I could feel how hard he was, and it turned me on knowing I had that kind of effect on a guy like him. I wish he would’ve taken my virginity anyway, just so I could truly be his. I wanted to share that experience with him. Feel his body hovering over mine as he thrusts inside of me. I craved the closeness and the intimacy of what I imagine having sex with him would be like, but I’m also secretly glad he wants to make sure our first time is special. Snapping out of my love-sick thoughts, I get dressed in the bathroom before heading back into my room.

  Since my mom refuses to put a lock on my door, I’ve learned not to take the chance of ever changing in my room. Connor has no boundaries when it comes to me or my privacy. I’ve even begged mom for a lock, but she thought it was inappropriate. I think she’s just worried I’ll be sneaking boys in through my window at night or something.

  Now, I have to deal with the inconvenience of having a creepy, perv of a stepbrother. Its infuriating, but there’s not much else I can do. Connor is supposed to be leaving for college soon anyway, and you best believe I will be the first one pushing him out those doors. Maybe if I’m lucky, he’ll never come back.

  Upon opening my bedroom door, I blow out an exasperated breath when I see him laying on my bed.

  “Get out of my room, Connor. Don’t you have someone else you can bother?”

  He gives me a sinister smile, “Oh, but Bea, you’re so much more fun to play with, that’s why I do it.”

  “Whatever,” I roll my eyes. “Just get the hell out of my room before I tell Liam, or better yet your dad.”

  Connor gets off the bed in one swift motion and crowds me. “What’s your boyfriend gonna do, sweet little Bea?” He traces his finger up and down my arm, sending a shiver of dread through my body. All the hairs on my body stand up, and my stomach churns violently. Connor toys with the sleeve of my shirt, revealing the hickey on my shoulder. When he grazes it with his thumb, I slap his hand away in anger.

  “Don’t fucking touch me, Connor,” I hiss. I shove him square in his chest, just for good measure.

  “Have you opened your legs for him yet, Bea?” Connor leans down, taunting in my ear. “You have, haven’t you? Such a little whore.” He tsk’s in that condescending tone. My hands curl into fists and my lips thin.

  Don’t let him get to you, Bea. Don’t let him get to you, I have to keep telling myself over and over. All he ever wants is to get a rise out of me. He thinks everything is a damn game.

  “Does your mommy know what a whore you are? I guess what they say is true, like mother, like daughter.”

  My patience snaps and I glare at him through narrowed slits. “I’m not a whore. We haven’t done anything yet.”

  His eyes glint and he smiles. “Aren’t you worried he’s fucking all the girls at school behind your back? If he’s not getting it from you, he has to get it from someone else.”

  My heart drops and I chew on my bottom lip. He brought up the one thing that’s been eating me alive ever since Liam and I got together. What if I’m not enough for him? I mean, all the girls at school are always all over him, and I can’t even blame them. He’s gorgeous. His body has become stronger and bulkier since the last summer, and now he’s every girl’s wet dream at school. It’s obvious he’s holding back with me, but what if he’s getting it from someone else in the meantime? Maybe that’s why he’s been so patient with me.

  “I’ll leave you to it.” Connor throws over his shoulder with a laugh as he strides out of my room. I frown at the back of his head until it’s completely out of sight. My heart pounds within the confines of my chest as I debate on what to do.

  I quickly grab my phone and send a text to Liam.

  Bea: Meet me at the grass field in 10 minutes. xoxo

  Liam: On my way

  On the walk to the field my stomach churns wildly, and my palms sweat uncontrollably. Tonight, I’m going to let Liam take my virginity. I can’t take the chance of some other girl coming along and taking him from me. I wouldn’t survive it. I love him too much. I know deep down he’s the one for me, no one will ever compare to Liam Falcon.

  Our spot in the grass field comes into view, and that’s when I see him, he’s leaning on his forearms staring up at the sky, as the sun begins to set. A smile curls the corners of my lips, and my heart triples in speed for no other reason when I see him.

  I plop down in the spot next to him and mirror his position, only I’m not staring at the sky, I’m staring at him.

  “Hi, handsome.”

  Liam turns his head toward me, and a smile graces his face when he sees me. He leans closer to me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, and leans in. His hand gently cups my face and he places his lips over mine lightly, and slowly. I shakily grip his broad shoulders and pull his body over mine. I slip my tongue into his mouth and slide it against his, in a dance of sorts. He groans into my mouth, and it spurs me forward. I deepen the kiss, using more tongue, sucking, and nipping anything I can get my mouth on.

  My hands glide down his muscular back to his firm backside covered in his jeans. I pull his hips down to mine, and I arch my body into his. The seam of his pants grinds into my pelvic bone, and my breath hitches on a sigh. Tingles shoot throughout my body, but it’s not enough. I need more. So much more. I roll Liam onto his back, my knees digging into the grass, and I continue kissing him. Giving him everything I have.

  The hard bulge in his pants is poking me right where I need it most. Heat laps at my core, and my eyes roll into the back of my head. I purp
osefully grind my hips over the bulge and we both moan. His eyes are heavy lidded as he watches me grind my body over his. Something deep within me starts to build the faster and harder I grind on top of him. It’s like a race that I can’t seem to finish. I reach for the hem of my shirt and begin pulling it up when his hands shoot out and freeze my movements.

  “What are you doing, Bea?” he asks with furrowed brows, the fog of lust clearing from his eyes.

  I bite my bottom lip, and look at anything but him, unable to meet his intense stare. He grips my chin lightly in his hand and turns my face back to his. My eyes meet his baby blues that are searching mine earnestly.

  “What’s going on in that beautiful little head of yours?”

  “Connor said that if I didn’t give it up to you, someone else would.” I whisper, feeling like a complete fool. Liam’s face turns hard, and his lips curl into a snarl.

  “Why are you even listening to him, Bea?” he grinds out.

  I shrug my shoulders noncommittally.

  “He has a point. Every girl wants you, Liam. I mean, just look at me, and look at you!” I say pointing to him in exasperation. “I’m average, Liam, nothing special. But you…God, you’re everything. I’m worried one day you’ll want someone more than me—someone better than me.” My eyes water at the thought, and his face softens completely. He reaches up and places a chaste kiss on my lips.

  “Listen to me, Bea, I don’t care how many girls you think like me, because I don’t want any of them. I don’t even see any of them. I just want you. Sweet B, you’re easily the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. With your thick brown hair, pink plump lips,” he runs his finger over my lower lip sensually. “and that beautiful milky skin. Don’t even get me started on those eyes…they’re my favorite part of you. I could stare into your eyes all day, and never get tired of it. You are everything to me, Bea. I don’t want to rush into this, not with you. We’ll get there in time, when you’re ready, not just because Connor put a bug in your ear about me, got it?”

  He searches my eyes, making sure I’ve understood him. Finally, I smile down at him and nod my head. Liam pulls me down next to him, throwing his arm around me.

  “When I first saw you at Myrah’s, I swear my dick was so hard. It pissed me off.”

  “Liam!” I laugh, nudging him in the chest playfully. “I was wondering why you seemed so angry, I just thought you were a ‘bad boy’, one of those rebel kids their parents send away because they were too much to handle.”

  He chuckles, and the sound vibrates in his chest, beneath my ear. “Yeah, I can see how you would think that.”

  “When I first saw you…I knew I wanted to be your girlfriend or…I don’t know, mean something to you. I never had such a visceral reaction to any guy, but with you…I wanted it all,” I admit sheepishly.

  Liam kisses the top of my head before saying, “Good…because one day, I’m going to give you everything Bea. That’s a promise.”

  I smile at his words, staring up at the stars in the sky. Sometimes, the stars reminded me of snow. From our position on earth, it seemed like there was snowfall sparkling in outer space, dancing along the night sky.

  “You see that cluster of stars right there?” I point toward the sky where the constellation is. Liam makes a contemplative sound and I know he’s trying to find it.

  “I can’t even tell where your finger is pointing, Bea,” he says with amusement in his tone. My mouth quirks and I scoot closer to him, gripping his hand in mine. I lift his arm with mine and point at the same spot as my finger, hoping he’ll finally find the cluster.

  “Just focus on the cluster. Ignore all the other stars, just pay attention to that really bright one, and all the ones surrounding it.”

  Silence wraps around us as Liam squints up at the sky. “I think I see the cluster, but just for the sake of time, let’s go on,” he says, making me laugh.

  “Well, that cluster of stars I was pointing to is a constellation. The constellation is Cassiopeia, Queen of the Night Sky. In Greek Mythology, Cassiopeia is married to King Cephus and she was considered one of the most beautiful women.”

  “I thought that was supposed to be Aphrodite?” Liam asks, surprising me.

  I smile. “Aphrodite is a Greek Goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and fertility. Cassiopeia is a queen, and these are two separate myths. The main difference is Cassiopeia thought she had it all. She boasted about her beauty in the kingdom, claiming she was the most beautiful of all. She eventually went as far as saying her beauty was even beyond that of the Gods. Poseidon, the brother of Zeus and God of the sea, got so offended by her proclamation, he created these sea nymphs that were the most beautiful creatures and beings ever just to spite Cassiopeia. But Poseidon was still angry, so he went on to create a sea monster, Cetus, that ravaged the seas and brought hell by sinking ships and killing sailors.

  “The people of Cassiopeia’s kingdom became fearful for their lives and lives of everyone in the kingdom, so they went to Poseidon and asked what could be done to stop the monster, before it was too late. Poseidon’s answer was simple: he wanted Cassiopeia to admit his sea nymphs were more beautiful than she was. Once she agreed, he would stop the monster from harming the kingdom. Only Cassiopeia didn’t agree. She still believed she was superior.

  “The rest of the kingdom pleaded for another chance and asked Poseidon if there was another way. He replied that the only other way would be for Cassiopeia to sacrifice her only daughter, the beautiful Andromeda. The people of the kingdom weren’t willing to risk it, so they chained Andromeda to a rock which was pushed out into the sea to be sacrificed to Cetus. Only, Andromeda was saved in the nick of time by Perseus.

  “Poseidon and his brother Zeus then decided that Cassiopeia should be placed in the sky as a constellation and as punishment for being so conceited, she would suffer the humiliating position of being upside down in the sky during the fall, every year, when her constellation shines the brightest.”

  Flicking my gaze away from Cassiopeia’s constellation I turn toward Liam and find him gazing at me with a grin on his face.

  “You’re amazing,” he whispers in awe.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I try,” I tease, snuggling further into him. With my head resting on his chest, his voice rumbles beneath my ear.

  “Do you ever think about your father?”

  His question makes me smile sadly as I think back on all the times Myrah would ask why I didn’t have a daddy like her when we were just little kids.

  “Plenty of times when I was younger, not so much anymore.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because now I know the truth.” I lift one shoulder in a shrug.

  “And what is the truth, sweet B?” he whispers in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

  “When I was younger, I used to dream of one day meeting my father. I was obsessed with finding him. Sometimes, I’d make up these fake stories about where he could be, and why he wasn’t with us. I’d tell other kids he was a fireman in another city, or a policeman saving helpless people. I think the craziest one was when I told the kids in my second grade class that my father was an FBI agent and he couldn’t come home every night because his job was dangerous. He had to protect us.”

  Liam chuckles under his breath, his chest vibrating beneath my head.

  “But as I got older, I stopped making up the stories and decided to look for him. Every time I went somewhere with my mother, I’d try to find him in the people around us. Was he that man dressed in the suit with the identical brown hair? Was he our mail man who shared the same milky skin as I did? Or was he the cable guy that had the same whiskey colored eyes as I did? I even convinced myself my father was the anchorman on the nightly news. He had dark hair like me, light skin, and light eyes, I was so certain it was him. That I’d finally found him. I even sent the station a letter, introducing myself in the hopes he’d finally come home.” Liam’s arms tighten around me. “I think that was the last straw for m
y mom. After that, she sat me down and told me everything there was to know about my father. He wasn’t a fireman, policeman, or an FBI agent. He wasn’t even a news anchor. He was just a man. A man who didn’t want to be part of his child’s life.”

  I absentmindedly rub small circles over his hard stomach as I remember the crushing weight of the truth when my mother told me everything. I was heartbroken, and so freaking angry for always putting that man on a pedestal when it should’ve been my mother I was always thinking so highly of.

  “My mother met my father while they were in college. He was just a young frat guy, looking for a good time and my mother was completely smitten with him. They were together on and off for a while, nothing serious. My mother found out she was pregnant with me, and talked to him about it, to see where he stood on the matter. And where he stood, wasn’t with my mother. He told my mom he was too young to take care of a kid. He didn’t even know where to start. He said he wasn’t ready for that life—he wasn’t ready for me. And that was that, my mother kept me anyway, knowing she would be a single-mom raising a daughter all by herself. She relied on my grandparents for help, stayed with them for a while, till she could finish college and start her career. To this day, she’s never heard a peep from my father. He’s never tried to get in touch with her to see how I’m doing. It’s like he fell off the face of the earth. And if I’m being honest, I couldn’t be any more thankful. I may not have the perfect family, but at least the people in my life want to be there, not because they feel obligated.”

  It’s silent as I lay in Liam’s arms, staring up at the sky. It still stings when I think about my father, but each year that passes, I forget about him a little more. Liam rubs his hand along my back, the caress is soothing and calming, almost putting me to sleep.

  “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met,” Liam’s voice cuts through the silence. His words that are full of admiration float around my heart and send warmth flowing through my veins. I lift my head off his chest and turn toward him, meeting his gaze. With the pad of his thumb, he traces the planes of my face, running his warm flesh over my eyebrow.