O Little Town of Mitchellville

by Jennifer Foor

  She licks her lips. “Oh really? You’re into women with graying hair?”

  “You bet your sweet ass I am, especially when that old bitty is my wife. I’ll hit that shit forever. I’ll bend you over your walker. We’ll bang in my wheelchair. I’ll rub you down after every diaper change. Baby, I’m in this with you. When your tits are sagging to your knees, I’ll be there to lift them up.”

  Her arms wrap around my neck as her lips find mine again. “You’re insane, but I love you still.”

  “I’m insane?” I question. “You’re the one standing in a barn without clothes.”

  “The sooner you give me some loving, the faster I can put my clothes back on. Stop stalling and give me what you want.”

  I unzip my pants, backing away to kick them off my ankles. “Spread them legs, Santa’s going in.”

  Chapter 3

  Conner

  It's the time of year when the whole family comes together, even when some of them are arguing or having difficulties. It's the season where love overcomes tribulation. I've spent my entire life growing into the man I've become, the husband my wife needs and the father and grandfather all of our children could ever ask for. Alongside my cousins, we've built a thriving business where future family can prosper.

  It was all worth it. Every little tiff. Each trial. Every broken limb, or heart. Standing outside this particular window and looking inside to see my family warms my heart.

  After the barn gathering, Blaze and I retreated to the house I grew up in. It's changed hands a lot through the years, but inside still brings back memories, some good and others still hard to endure.

  My wife opens the kitchen door and calls out to me. "I thought you were getting firewood. Why are you just standing there? It’s freezing."

  Offering a simple smile, I turn around and grab a bundle of wood to use in the fireplace. When I step into the house it's already warm and cozy. Amy is working on a pie for dinner tomorrow, while a familiar holiday tune fills the room.

  The wood is placed next to the hearth in the living room before I return to my wife. "It smells good in here."

  "Nothing is cooking yet. How much did you have to drink tonight?"

  I wrap my arms around her waist from the back and take in the scent of the skin on her neck. "Two beers, hours ago. No, I'm not mistaken at all." Dragging my nose across her ear, I kiss her tenderly there. "The smell is coming from you."

  She turns with hands full of doughy flour, brushing a bit over my lips. "Keep talking like that and this pie won't ever get done."

  I kiss her, gripping the soft of her ass while I hold her. As I pull away she's grinning. "You sure are in a good mood, which is surprising after all the hard work you guys did to make tonight a success for the kids. It doesn't matter how many times they hear that story or sleep in that barn with their cousins, they're little eyes light up with hope."

  "Maybe that's why I'm smiling. Seeing them excited makes the work worth it. Knowing they'll wake up to a room full of presents, and all of us being together and healthy for another year just gets to me in a way it never has before."

  I can tell I'm taking her by surprise. "Who are you and what have you done with my hard ass husband?"

  My lips fall against her head as I close my eyes and take in her scent. "Time is passing us by, darlin'. It feels like yesterday when I was trying to pry you off of me."

  Amy shoves me, laughing at my accusation.

  "Pry me off? It was definitely the other way around. You were relentless, Conner Healy."

  "You loved every minute of it, Blaze." Using a hand towel, I slap it across her thigh. She captures it as the fabric retracts and uses it to pull me toward her again.

  "I did. I still do, even when you're grumpy or snoring in the bed next to me. I still love knowing it's always going to be you by my side."

  "Unless there's a child between us."

  "Well I’d hope our kids are too old for that. Can you imagine Josh coming in saying he’s had a nightmare?"

  She’s cracking up just picturing it. "There's always the grandkids."

  We both smile at the thought. Madison is the oldest grandchild, but she still likes cuddling. She also enjoys sitting with her Pop while we watch football together. Luckily Wes doesn't mind. I think he knows she's my special little girl. We have the grandkids every day during the week now. They attend a local school and get on and off the bus at the ranch, while Wes and Cammie both have to work. Callie's children also stay with Amy during the day. If Cassie lived closer we'd have her son too. He stays with us when she and her husband have to work overnight shifts. He's still with the FBI, while Cassie is now a detective with the state police force. Even though our son Josh lives on the ranch property, his wife Tamsyn stays home and cares for the children. I often come home to find her in the kitchen with Amy. They've always been close, even when my son and I can't find common ground, which happens often since we work together.

  The holidays put a pause on the day to day routines though. I think that's what makes me smile. Things could go back to normal when we return home, but for now we're together and on the same page. "It's quiet for once. I'm used to the house being full."

  "It does feel empty doesn't it?"

  Amy shrugs. "Is it bad that I wish all the kids were waking up in the same house as us?"

  "Is it worse if I was thinking the same thing?"

  My adorable wife turns and washes her hands while she answers. "We could get up extra early and wait in the barn for them to wake."

  "You and I both know they'll be up before daybreak."

  "Remember last year when you guys covered the railing so they couldn't peek downstairs?"

  "Yeah, but they still peeked. We were kids once. How long did it take for you to fall asleep on Christmas?"

  "Forever."

  “Exactly. I bet if we went over to that barn we’d find a bunch of curious kids just waiting for a peek at Santa.”

  She dashes out of the room, leaving me wondering what in the world she could possibly be up to. After a few minutes I can hear something coming from the attic. Unbeknownst to me, my wife knows exactly what she’s looking for. By the time I round the corner to seek her out, she’s coming down the metal steps with a box. I take it from her so she doesn’t trip, and carry it into the living room. “What are you up to?”

  She dives in the box, pulling out red fabric, and a lot of it. After further inspection, I discover that it’s not fabric at all. It’s costumes. Elf costumes, including shoe covers and hats. “This. What do you think?”

  “I think you’ve lost your mind if you want me to put one of those on.”

  “Conner, don’t be a sissy. Do it for the kids. Let’s go give them something to talk about for years to come. We’ll ring the bells and start putting presents under the tree. Maybe you could find Ty and get him to put the Santa suit on.”

  I begin considering the idea. She’s right. The kids are still young enough to believe and appreciate something so significant. It’s at least worth a try. “How come I can’t be Santa?”

  She cocks a brow and tosses me a look, one of the ones she gives me when I’m annoying the shit out of her. “Really? Does it make a difference?”

  I shrug. “If I’m doing this, I’m Santa. Ty ain’t getting all the credit.”

  She’s shaking her head. “Always a competition. Whatever. I don’t care who wears what suit.”

  “We can get some females to wear the other elf suits and we’ll enlist Ty to jingle the bells on the roof.”

  “The roof? Are you kidding? You and I both know that sending Ty out on the roof is not a good idea.”

  “He’ll be fine. He’ll want to prove he can still be macho.”

  “I’m not involved if he falls off, Conner. I was fine with doing a little for the kids. It seems like this is about to turn into something elaborate.”

  “Oh, darlin’, you have no idea what you’ve just gotten involved in.”

  I’m ringing Ty’s phone,
but he refuses to answer. Knowing him like I do, and being aware of the time, I know he’s probably up to no good with my sister. Be that as it may, they’ve had enough time to frolic in the sheets. We’ve got work to do. Our night has just begun.

  “Get your stuff. We’ll head over to Colt’s place to see if we can round them up. I’m sure Ty and Randa are there too.”

  We gather the costumes, bundle back up in winter coats and head out to round up the forces. Then we hop on a Gator used to travel throughout the ranch and start on our small ride to the next residence.

  Amy hugs her chest as I rap at the front door. It takes Colt a good five minutes to answer. “What the hell, Conner?”

  He’s standing in a pair of boxer shorts, sweat pouring down the front of his chest. His hair, which is never without a hat, is disheveled on top of his head. “Were you sleeping?”

  He scratches his scalp and gives me this look, like I don’t really want to know what he’s up to. “It’s late. We’ll catch up in the morning.”

  “Hang on there, cuz. The wife and I were thinking we could give the kids something to remember. Put your pants on and come with us. Get Ty while you’re at it.”

  Colt shakes his head, just as I spot Savanna coming down the stairs. She’s wearing different clothes, pulling her hair up as she makes her way to the door. “What’s up, guys?”

  Colt clenches his jaw, looking back toward his wife before answering me. Their red faces tell me everything I suspected to be true. “Ty and Randa ain’t here. They went off into the woods somewhere.”

  “I see.” I grab my chin and consider what I’m supposed to say. We’re grown men, married with grandchildren. We have every right to steal some alone time, but the fact that Colt seems to be embarrassed we interrupted fuels me to give him a hard time. “You need a few more minutes to finish up, or were you done pretty quick?”

  He begins to shut the door on my face, but his wife stops him. “Colt, behave. I want to hear what Conner and Amy have in mind.”

  Amy steps in front of me, probably already knowing I’m up to no good. “I remembered we had these elf costumes. I think we should dress up and pretend we’re helping Santa distribute the gifts. Conner seems to think most of them are still awake.”

  “That’s a great idea. We can make sure they believe for another year.”

  Colt backs away from the door and heads upstairs, while Savanna grabs her coat and begins to put some boots on.

  “Sorry we interrupted,” Amy says to her.

  “It’s fine. Colt will survive if he has to hold out.”

  “I don’t know if Conner can. That man is relentless when he’s feeling frisky.”

  Both women laugh at my struggle. “Don’t be talking about me like I’m not here. I can’t help it my wife would rather have her head in one of those smut books instead of having the real thing every night.”

  Amy shoves me. “Shut up, Conner. Go look for Ty and your sister.”

  Colt comes trotting down the stairs like he’s on a mission. “I have an idea of where we can find them. They never were known to get very far.”

  The four of us hop on the Gator and start our search. Colt keeps quiet until we come up to the barn. I get it. He’s not like me or Ty. It’s cool, but also makes him such an easy target. Ty is relentless when he gets on Colt, so I know if we don’t discover him and Randa in a compromising situation, the joke will be on Colt for the rest of the holiday.

  The light is on in the second floor tack room. The Gator comes to a halt and Colt jumps off. I follow behind, because I know he’s determined to cock block them, just like he used to do back in the days before we had kids. I pull him back by the hem of his jacket. “Hold on there, cowboy. Don’t you think we should give them a little forewarning? I’ve seen my fair share of Ty’s naked ass. It ain’t pretty. He’s got all that hair growing where the sun don’t shine and…”

  “Jesus, Mary and Joseph. You’re about to make me gag.”

  If that didn’t, then the sounds from above were certainly going to churn his stomach. They weren’t holding back. In fact, I’m pretty sure they have no idea we’ve arrived. “Sounds like he’s wrinkly balls deep. Give it a few seconds. Ty never takes long.”

  “I don’t know what’s more disturbing, the fact that I’m mentally picturing it, or how you know exactly how long he takes.”

  Savanna comes in behind us. “How about we scare the crap out of them?”

  “I don’t want an eyeful of ass,” I exclaim. “That’s my sister. I’ve walked in on them far too many times to wish it on myself.”

  “Close your eyes when the door opens. Like you said, they don’t have anything that we haven’t seen before. For years they couldn’t keep their hands off of one another.” Colt chimes in. “Do you know how many times I caught them screwing in tree stands? I’m pretty sure they conceived the twins during hunting season.”

  “Exactly. Things have calmed down. Body parts have started sagging. It would be disturbing and wrong.”

  Savanna corrects us. “It’s for fun. Besides, it’s too cold for them to have everything off. Think about it. They’re probably still dressed with their pants lowered.”

  Amy agrees. “She’s right. There’s no way I’d undress in this weather, not even in the confines of a barn.”

  One look toward Colt and I can tell he’s all in. Before we’re able to ask, she walks over and shuts off the breaker. Then she starts creeping up the stairs, the rest of us in tow. When she reaches the door, Savanna holds up her finger for us to wait.

  Ty and Miranda are talking to each other, and we can hear the sound of them shuffling around. He’s telling her to say his name. The knot in the pit of my stomach increases in size. These are things that can’t be unheard. He’s not just my sister’s husband, but someone who has been a part of our family since birth. He may not be blood related to me or my sister, but he’s Colt’s kin. I can’t see how any of us are able to endure this sort of psychological torture. It makes my skin crawl to think of the things they still do behind closed doors, or apparently in tack rooms as well.

  In a faint whisper, Savanna leads. “Count of three scream your heart out. One…Two…Three!”

  We fly through the door, her phone flashlight illuminating the old wooden framed room. What we see can never be unseen. It’s just as I feared.

  Ty is standing up positioned behind my sister, both of them butt naked. She’s holding onto the saddle for support with a leather strap in her mouth that’s wrapped around her head for Ty to hold and control her.

  Thankfully, the drilling stops and they take in the four of us interrupting at the apparent pivotal moment of the encounter. “Dudes, you could have let me finish first.”

  Instead of being worried about what we’re seeing, they begin to laugh, while I duck for cover from the visual shit show that will give me nightmares for years to come. Colt doesn’t hold back. “Come on already. The saddle? Reigns? Was it necessary to taint the antiques with your…oh damn I can’t even say it.”

  Amy and Savanna are laughing, but turn with their backs to the nude couple.

  Ty’s loud and obnoxious mouth fills the area. “Come for a show?”

  “A shit show maybe,” I announce.

  “Screw you. You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first. This Grandpa still has it going on,” he claims with a smack to Randa’s bare ass. “Don’t I baby?”

  When I turn to give her shit, she’s thrown Ty’s shirt over her body. “Okay, enough! I knew as soon as I agreed to this it would somehow end in disaster.” She starts picking up her trail of clothes around the room. “I’ll be downstairs getting dressed. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll all stay put until I’m done.”

  With that, my sister vacates the room. Ty takes a cowboy hat belonging to Colt’s late father off the wall and covers his genitals. He stands before us waiting for one of us to say something, but I’m at a loss for words. “Need help gathering your clothes?” Savanna asks.

/>   “I’m good like this.”

  “You’re paying to have that hat professionally cleaned now,” Colt threatens. “You’re such an asshole, Ty.”

  “You love me, cuz. I brighten your days. In fact, why don’t you come over here and hug it out with me? It looks like you could use some one on one Ty time.”

  Colt shoves both hands up to prevent Ty from coming any closer. “Don’t you dare touch me until you put some clothes on.” He waits a few seconds and then refuses to remain in the room. “Miranda, you better be decent. I’m coming down.”

  Amy and Savanna gather up Ty’s clothing and place it all on top of the feed pile. They follow Colt out of the room, leaving the two of us.

  “What the hell, bro? All I wanted was one night of hot sex, and you had to cock block me.”

  “Will you grow up? It’s Christmas. We want to do something special for the kids. You know, your grandchildren included. Get your ass dressed and meet us downstairs. We have work to do.”

  “But after sex I always take a nap. It’s tradition.”

  “I’m going to make a new tradition of sticking my foot up your ass if you don’t get a move on.”

  “You still love me, bro?”

  I shake my head. This man is ridiculous, but he’s family. He always will be. I can’t trade him in for a new and improved version. Truth be told, we like him the way he is, old and perverted, rotten to the core.

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “Nope.”

  “Then you have your answer. I’ll be outside waiting with the others.”

  “I could be awhile. This foot long might need some TLC before I can put it away. You think you could ask your sister to come back?”

  I clench my jaw and leave the room before I do something I’ll have to hear shit for. Ty probably did all of this on purpose. Modesty isn’t something either of them have. I swear if they could live in a nudist colony they would. This is my crazy reality. “You can’t fix stupid, Ty. Hurry up and quit dicking around. You really don’t want to piss Colt off anymore than you already have.”