O Little Town of Mitchellville

by Jennifer Foor

  “He’s pissed? Why? It’s not like I jizzed in the hat.”

  While I stand in the doorway he starts to dress. I keep my eyes focused on the floor until I’m sure he’s got his jeans on. “You should apologize,”

  “Dude, we had to come out here because Colt and Van wanted time alone. We were forced to take drastic measures.”

  “Drastic measures? Have you ever considered abstaining? When do drastic measures include saddles and leather straps?”

  “Abstaining? Who does that? Why would someone want that? That’s just preposterous.” Of course that would be his response.

  I roll my eyes as he joins me at the doorway. “You ready to hear the plan?”

  “It’s not like I have anything better to do, since my dick has been muzzled,” he sarcastically replies.

  I pat him on the shoulder. “Since you’re in the mood to be a risk taker, you can be the one to climb up on the barn roof.”

  “Say what?”

  “Paybacks are a bitch, bro.”

  At first this idea seemed sort of lame. It was for the kids, and even then I wasn’t sure they’d appreciate it, but now I know it’s going to be a night of free entertainment, especially since we need to make sure Ty is miserable and gets what’s coming.

  This might just be the best Christmas ever.

  Chapter 4

  Noah

  We’ve just settled in bed after leaving the kids in the barn with their cousins and several adults in case there is an emergency. Living within walking distance on the ranch, we won’t miss any of the events to come.

  My wife is reading something on her dimly lit device, while I’m tucked between a mound of pillows I surround myself with in order to be comfortable throughout the night. The chain on the ceiling fan above us knocks, making a constant ticking sound I usually fall asleep to. Just as my body begins to doze, I hear Shalan gasp. “Did you hear that?”

  I open my eyes, but refuse to move since I’m extra comfortable. “What?”

  “That.”

  Knowing she’s not going to give up until I have an answer, I remove the blankets and bring my legs off the mattress. “I don’t hear shit.”

  “Noah, I think someone is at the door.”

  Checking my cell phone on the bedside table, I see that it’s after midnight. “Who the hell would be knocking at this hour?”

  She flops back down on the bed. “Probably one of your idiot cousins. I’d put my money on Jax, but Jake comes to mind next.”

  I wipe the sleep from my eyes and stand, fetching my trousers and pulling them on before going downstairs to investigate. Shalan had been right. There is someone at the door, but when I open it the visitors aren’t who I suspect. “Dad? Mom? What’s going on? Is it the kids? Did something happen?”

  My mom reassures me. “No. Nothing like that at all. We have an idea we need your help with.”

  “It’s after midnight.”

  A voice comes from the darkness behind my parents. “Quit your griping and get your ass out here, boy.”

  I make out my Uncle Ty, Aunt Miranda, Uncle Conner and Aunt Amy.

  I step out onto the porch, noticing the immediate chill in the air, especially since I’m without a shirt. “Shalan is inside sleeping. Give me one reason why I would want to spend the little time I have to rest hanging out with the likes of you.”

  “Sweetie,” Mom begins. “It’s for the kids. We want to make sure they believe. We have it all planned, even the reindeer.”

  “You lost me, Mom.”

  “We’re going to make the children think Santa has arrived.”

  I reach inside the door and grab a coat off the hanger. Unbeknownst to me, at least until I attempt to put it on, it’s Shalan’s. A fuzzy fur hood surrounds my neck as I pull it as closed as I can get it.

  “Nice look,” Uncle Ty teases.

  I’m able to see my breath as I respond. “How long is this going to take?”

  “An hour maybe. Conner is going to be Santa. The three of us girls are going to be elves. Your father is going to get out the old sled, so we’ll need all the strong men to help us.”

  I scratch my head and contemplate their convoluted idea. “You’re all drunk, right?”

  Aunt Amy holds up a set of bells. “We found these to ring from the roof.”

  “The idea is nice and all, but I just think it’s too late for all that work. I mean, the kids have gone to sleep by now. We’d be waking them up again. Who in their right mind would want to go through all the trouble to make sure they went to bed again?”

  My dad takes a step backward. “Come on, y’all. We know not everyone will want to be a part of this. It’s last minute, and Noah is right. He’s tired from everything else we have going on.”

  “Pussy,” Uncle Ty yells from the Gator.

  I close the door before they all pile on the vehicle and take off into the darkness. The hardest part of making my way back to my warm bed is prying the extra small women’s coat from my muscular arms. It takes a few pulls before I’m free and hanging it back where I found it.

  I no sooner turn to make a beeline back upstairs when I see my stunning wife standing at the bottom of the stairs with her arms folded across her chest. “Noah Mitchell, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you suck.”

  “Suck? Why is that?” I approach her, taking her into my arms and planting a long kiss on those puffy lips I can never get enough of.

  “When was the last time you’ve seen your father excited about anything? You were just telling me that your parents used to get into all sorts of antics during the holidays.”

  “Yeah, so what?”

  “Noah, you’re being just like your father right now.”

  I sigh heavily. “So you’re suggesting I go out in the middle of the night and act like a fool, because you think it’s important?”

  The smile on her face tells me the answer before I hear it. “I do.”

  “Babe, I love ya, but that’s not going to happen. It’s colder than the freezer outside and they’re talking about getting on a metal roof to jingle some bells. They’ve either drank too much moonshine or lost their minds. Either way, I don’t want any part of it.”

  It’s apparent she’s not happy with my decision. Shalan turns around and marches up the stairs, purposely stomping her feet to prove a point. By the time I join her, she’s getting dressed, pulling a sweater over her head. “Darlin’ what are you doing?”

  “You might not be up for some late night fun, but I am.”

  “You said you were beat just a couple hours ago.”

  “It’s Christmas.” She comes over and pats me on the cheek. “I’ll sleep when it’s over. Besides, the kids are only going to be young once. In the blink of an eye they’ll be just as stubborn as you and your father. For now, I want to embrace their innocence.” She starts to walk out of the room, but stops abruptly. “Oh, and before you decide to follow me, you might want to take a look at the present I left for you on the bathroom sink. I think it might just be what you need to simmer down.”

  I wait until she leaves to check out the gift she says is waiting for me. Sure enough, there is a rectangular jewelry box wrapped in holiday paper. With a furrowed brow, and already irritated, I open the package hoping it’s something I can use and not just some stupid watch I’ll wear once a year when we have to attend a fancy event.

  When I open the box I realize this gift is something much more personal. The fancy stick is decorated with the words PREGNANT. We’ve been trying for a couple months, hoping to give our two children a brother or sister to add to the mix. Apparently my wife has been holding the news so she could announce it during the holiday. She was right. My smile is undeniable. I’m dog ass tired, but nothing could make me fall asleep. All I want to do is find my wife and celebrate our blessed news.

  It takes a few more minutes to get dressed and put my boots on. By the time I’m bundled in my jacket and gloves, I assume she’s already caught up to the rest of my family. Hurry
ing outside in the frigid weather, I spot a familiar sight.

  “You waited?” I ask my wife, who happens to be bundled up in a little pink matching snow suit.

  “Of course I did, babe. I knew if anything was going to get your attention it would be that. Plus, it’s technically Christmas. I’d sat it there so you’d see it when you first woke up.”

  I’m already pulling her into my arms. “Technically Christmas, huh. Well then, come here and let me show you just how much I appreciate getting to share my life with you.”

  “I love you. The kids are going to be so excited.”

  “Yeah,” I proudly agree. “I can’t wait to share the news.”

  “First lets go help the others make this holiday magical. Can you imagine what they’re going to say? I can hardly wait to see their faces light up when they think that Santa is real.”

  “How did I get so lucky?”

  She snickers. “If I remember correctly, I’m the one who got lucky. You’ve made all my dreams come true, Noah.”

  I pick her up and start carrying her across the yard. “Keep talking like that and we’re going to head back inside and have some Christmas morning lovin’ before everyone wakes up.”

  “I wouldn’t be against that.”

  “Yeah, don’t I know it. That’s why we’re probably going to end up with ten kids. At least we’re spreading them out.”

  “If you want ten kids, I’ll start popping them out like a rabbit.”

  “Nah, maybe one more after this pregnancy. I don’t mind sharing you with the kids, but I have to draw the line when we have no time for each other.”

  “Isn’t that what grandparents are for?”

  I smirk. “Yes indeed. It certainly is.”

  We hop on the golf cart I keep in the heated garage and head out to find the rest of my crew. I have no clue what they have in mind for this big surprise, or how they think it’s going to go over smoothly, but I’m awake so I may as well make the best of it. Besides, I’d be pissed off if I missed my kids excitement. Nothing matters more than my family, not even a good night’s sleep.

  Chapter 5

  Jake

  My brother seems to think we have all the time in the world, but before we know it the sun will be coming up and this plan of mine will be screwed. “Hurry up, Jax. Keep pushing.”

  “Why the hell can’t we use something to pull this heavy ass thing?”

  “Well for one, that’s too loud. Someone will hear us. And then there’s the fact that this here sleigh is ancient. They used it for Uncle Colt’s wedding, or maybe it was Mom and Dad. I can’t remember.”

  “Dumbass, you can’t remember because we weren’t born yet,” I remind my twin.

  “Oh yeah. That’s probably why.”

  I’m shaking my head, doing my best to help tug this huge ass red sleigh out of the old storage building and toward the barn where all the little kids sleep. Jax and I couldn’t sleep, so we came up with a special surprise for all the little kiddos, especially after we heard Uncle Colt talking about restoring it for family photos next year. What better way to reminisce than to use it again for something special?

  Jax stops to take a break. We’re both sweating underneath our layers of winter attire.

  "Are you sure there's wheels on this damn thing?" Jax is being a baby. He's been complaining since we started pushing.

  "You can see them moving underneath. Quit bitching. You're worse than a crying kid."

  "The girls are going to think we froze to death."

  "We're almost to the other side of the barn. It's a little further. The girls know how far we have to push it."

  "I've never even pushed a turd this hard. All this straining ain't good. I need my energy for the reward I'll get for helping your sorry ass."

  I stop pushing and look beside me at my equally strong brother. We're both married with children. Jax has three now, while Reese and I are working on our second. I want to do this for the kids, all of them, even the cousins. Sighing heavily, struggling to get the job done, I try to push the thing on my own. I'm on a mission, determined to make this happen. For years we've played jokes, pranked the family time and time again, but this could change the way people see us. Maybe they’ll finally have some respect for us instead of always assuming we're up to no good. "Jax, put on some big boy pants, grow a set of balls and help me get this shit done. Save the crying for later. It’s for the kids, man."

  "I'm only doing this because Amber promised to warm me up afterwards."

  I'm not surprised. Jax thinks about sex constantly. I swear that while we were in the womb I got the brains and he was left with scraps. His one-track mind is both annoying and pure entertainment at the same time. "You're lucky you're my brother."

  "You're the lucky one. You never would have found that wife of yours if it wasn't for me. I mean let's face it, she was mine first."

  I'm going to let that slide because he's been drinking all night. It's true, he dated Reese, but it's years in the past, and I know he holds no hard feelings about it, not with what he found with Amber. They're perfect together, and he's never been in love with anyone like he is with her. If something ever happened to them, it would literally kill my brother. She's not only the mother of his three children, but also his soul mate. I usually don't believe in fate or kismet, but what they have is too intense to be categorized as anything else.

  Headlights appear in the distance. Knowing everyone else is sleeping comfortably in their beds, I'm under the assumption it's our wives. "Jax, here they come. Quick, let's hide and scare the shit out of them."

  "Hell no. Let's moon them instead. Come on, bro, double the pleasure."

  I don't know why I think this is a good idea, but I find myself rushing to the front of the old sleigh while unzipping my pants and shoving them down past my ankles. We bend over at the same time, Jax wiggling his ass around for even more of a show."

  It's not until the vehicle comes to a sudden halt right behind us that we come to learn it's not Reese and Amber.

  Our father's honking voice fills the late night frigid air. "Hey look, Miranda, their balls finally descended. We should celebrate. I thought it would never happen.”

  Our relatives are cracking up as we quickly redress and turn in their direction.

  "Shit! It’s the peanut gallery." Jax calls out. "What the hell are you old dogs doing up past your bedtime?"

  "What the hell are you two doing with the sleigh I made for my wife?" Uncle Colt inquires. "Because I have a feeling it's nothing good."

  "Well, it was all Jake's idea. He wanted to take the sleigh and crash it into the barn like Santa had an accident. I told him it would freak out the kids, but he didn't listen. I was only out here trying to stop him."

  I'm not surprised Jax is putting the blame on me with his ridiculous story. Uncle Colt isn't happy. We should have asked first.

  I shove my brother. "He's full of shit. Jax just wanted to steal the sleigh so he could dress up as Santa and get freaky with Amber. I was the one trying to stop him from making a big mistake."

  Mom starts waving her hands around. "All right, you two little jerks, at this point it doesn't matter what you wanted the sleigh for. None of that is happening anymore. This is what's going to happen. Conner is dressing up as Santa. Colt is going to wrangle up a couple donkeys to pull the sleigh. Us girls are going to decorate it, while Ty gets positioned on the roof with the bells. We're giving these kids a reason to believe, at least for another year. You can keep your pants on, find your wives, and help us make this happen."

  Another set of lights come into view. It's Noah and Shalan. "What did we miss?" Noah asks.

  "Two of the finest asses on the ranch," Jax replies.

  “I beg to differ,” Uncle Colt offers. “Let’s stop beating around the bush. I’d like to get a couple hours of shut eye before breakfast. Noah, Shalan, you can come help me gather the donkeys. Everyone else knows what needs to get done. We’ll meet back at the barn.”

 
Jax claps his hands. “Break!” He calls out like it’s a good football play.

  He’s all fun and games until he realizes that we’ve been left to move the sleigh on our own again. “What the shit, dude? Where’s the reinforcements? How come Noah bowed out?”

  “He didn’t. They’re all going to make this plan work out, unlike our half-assed attempt.”

  “Our plan was good, bro,” Jax insists. “They can’t say we didn’t try.”

  “Uncle Colt thinks we wanted to use the sleigh for sexual purposes. You saw the look on his face. He totally believed that story.”

  “Uncle Colt is a prude. He must have turned his set of balls in the day he said I do.”

  There’s no talking sense into Jax. Everything is a joke. “He’s a great man. Look at what he’s done with this ranch, and how much he’s helped Dad at home.”

  “You can be ball-less and still work hard. Hell, if I lost my balls I’d have to work harder so no one would notice.”

  “I’m pretty sure he still has his balls,” I mention while trying to push the sleigh to the designated position. “Why are we even discussing our uncle’s junk?”

  “Because it’s late as shit and there’s nothing else to talk about.”

  I have to change the subject. If anyone walks up and hears us I will never live it down. “So, which present did you decide to get Amber for Christmas?”

  “Oh, I changed my mind again. I got her something she’ll be able to appreciate for years to come.”

  “Years to come?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Didn’t she ask for that bracelet or a new tub in the bathroom? I’m pretty sure she’d appreciate both of those.”

  “This is much better. It’s a more personal gift. I put a lot of thought into it.”

  “Well, what the hell is it?”

  “It’s a surprise.” He stops pushing and points at me. “And don’t get any ideas of using it when you see it. I know how you are about sharing, but this will be off limits. Besides, you wouldn’t even know what to do with it.”