This Old Heart of Mine

by A. J. Compton

  “I think that can be arranged.”

  I don’t even have time to think about my reply before Gabriel’s mouth is moving against mine. He licks against my lips and groans when I grant him entry. As he moves, his shirt rises up, allowing my hands to slide against his smooth back. I lose my mind to lust as his fingers massage my hair, and his mouth dances against mine. The sound of the sea in the background only adds to the assault on my senses.

  It takes me several seconds to open my eyes when Gabriel pulls away. I lick my swollen, tingling lips.

  “Wow.”

  “Heart-stopping enough for you?”

  Dazed, I blink and nod, causing a low rumble to rise from Gabriel’s chest. The smug expression on his face is unmistakable. Realizing I need help to make my wobbling legs function, he takes my hand and starts to walk again.

  My mind regains control of my body after about ten minutes.

  Gabriel grins. “Welcome back.”

  “Thanks,” I mumble.

  “So, what do you want to do now? Do you want me to take you back to your apartment?”

  I shake my head, knowing what I want, but not quite ready to ask for it. Instead, another idea comes to me. A way to level the playing field, and have Gabriel as unsteady and incoherent as he just made me.

  “Oh no. You have that dangerous look in your eyes.”

  I laugh. “You know me well.”

  “Well enough to be afraid. What crazy idea have you had now?”

  I turn my head to check our surroundings. The boardwalk is empty, apart from one couple in the distance. My pulse races with excited, reckless energy. “You know how I’m all about new adventures?” Gabriel nods, his apprehension clear in his wide eyes.

  “And you know how you promised to be by my side for as many of those experiences as possible?” Another hesitant nod.

  “Well,” I take a deep breath for courage, unable to believe what I’m about to say. “How do you feel about skinny-dipping?”

  “Skinny-dipping?” Gabriel’s voice sounds strangled.

  “Yes,” I say, warming to the idea. “It’s when—”

  “I know what it is. I just…” His mouth falls open and closed like a fish. He coughs and thumps his chest several times before speaking again. “What makes you want to go skinny-dipping?”

  I shrug. “Why not? You’re hot. We’re young and alive. And we’re standing in front of the ocean. There are plenty of reasons.”

  Gabriel tries and fails to hide his amusement. He says something in Spanish, but he’s smiling, so I’m assuming it’s good. He looks up at the moon, as if praying for strength to deal with the crazy woman who has turned his world upside down. Lowering his head, and checking the boardwalk, he turns back to me.

  “Okay, mi corazón. Let’s do it.”

  “Really?”

  He nods. “Yes. Quickly. Before I regret it.”

  I laugh and throw myself into his arms, knowing he’ll catch me. “I can’t believe we’re going to do this.”

  “It was your idea.”

  “I know, but I didn’t think you’d say yes!”

  Arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers play with the back of his hair as I beam up at him.

  Gabriel brushes some hair away from my face and kisses me. “Yes.”

  It takes us a while to find the perfect, secluded and safe spot on the beach. The tide is slow and gentle tonight, the soft ocean waves illuminated by the moon and stars.

  “Okay. You ready?” I ask Gabriel, squeezing his hand for strength. My whole body is thrumming with an equal mix of excitement and anxiety. This is my craziest, most exhilarating experience yet. Apart from that one time with Finn, I’ve never been naked in front anyone before, let alone in front of the man who sets my whole body on fire with just one look.

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this. How do you talk me into these things?”

  “Because you lo— want to make me happy.”

  His thumb strokes the back of my hand. “Yes, I do.”

  The unspoken truth fills me with the final bit of courage I need. I’ve been naked and exposed emotionally to Gabriel for a while. And over time, he’s stripped away the layers protecting his heart and made himself vulnerable to me, too. This moment is the final layer, the last barrier. And it’s about to be thrown away on the wind.

  “Okay. Strip on the count of three.” I can’t keep the happiness out of my voice. I’m sure my eyes are shining brighter than the stars. “One. Two. Three!”

  Gabriel releases my hand and starts to unbutton his shirt. He curves a single eyebrow when he catches me staring instead of taking off my own clothes. Letting my eyes travel over his toned chest, I wink and giggle, unashamed.

  “Your turn,” he says, pulling off the shirt and dropping it onto the sand.

  With shaking hands, I bend down and lift my dress from the bottom until it’s over my head. I shudder as the breeze hits my bare skin. Turning my back to him, I remove my underwear and hold it against my chest. I take a few shallow breaths before glancing over my bare shoulder. Gabriel is stood frozen, watching me. Courage rises within me at the intensity of his focus.

  I remind myself that I’m not just standing naked in front of anyone. I’m baring myself to Gabriel. He’s taught me about my body; given me more power over it than ever before. The gentle wind carries the message that I have nothing to be afraid of. With that realization, my hand falls down to my side and I turn around. When my eyes meet Gabriel’s again, goosebumps sweep along my arms for a different reason.

  “You’re beautiful,” he tells me.

  Dropping my gaze, I tuck my chin. “Thanks.”

  “I mean it, Ava,” he says, taking a step toward me. “You’re perfect. Every inch of you. Your pale skin looks incredible in the moonlight.” I wonder if he can also see the long, thick scar that runs along the middle of my chest. I’m not ashamed of my battle scar. I’m proud of it. But even though it means a lot, it doesn’t look nice.

  The gleaming of Gabriel’s eyes makes me believe his words. My trust in him is as deep as my love for him. I stand up straighter and roll my shoulders back. My hair dances in the wind.

  He smiles. “That’s better.”

  “You’re still wearing too many clothes,” I say.

  He chuckles and undoes his belt and trousers. I swallow when he steps out of them, left only in his boxers. Whoever said male poets weren’t manly has never seen Gabriel Cruz. I take in the curved shadows of his muscles and confident posture. He glides a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face.

  “Like what you see, mi corazón?”

  “I was just looking at the rocks behind you. I guess you’re okay, too.”

  His broad shoulders shake. “You wound my ego.”

  “I think your ego is a very healthy size.”

  “It is. Want to see for yourself?” He pulls out the band of his boxer shorts.

  “Oh, my God.” I laugh and hold my hands up in front of my face, pretending not to look when his boxers drop to the sand. Of course I look.

  Aware of my peeping, Gabriel chuckles. He picks up our clothes and folds them under a large boulder, before coming back and taking hold of my hand. “Ready?” he asks.

  “Yes.” Laughing louder than ever before, I start to run. The cool sand sinks beneath my feet. My loose hair flies everywhere as I try to look back at Gabriel. The sound of his laughter carries on the breeze.

  Reaching the ocean, I shriek as the icy water brushes against my skin. Gabriel lets out a deep yell and swears in Spanish, before catching me around the waist and pulling me into him. The water laps against our legs as we stand and splash each other.

  Gulping air, I take hold of both of Gabriel’s hands before we both lower the rest of our bodies under the water. It’s dark, so I can’t see anything, but Gabriel’s firm grip lets me know he’s with me every step of the way. He’d never let me drown.

  After a few seconds of being submerged, I pull myself back up to the surface and
laugh up at the moon. The cold water sends a delicious, energizing chill across my skin. I wipe my face and wring my hair out. I’ve never felt more exhilarated or alive. These are the moments worth living for.

  Gabriel grips me around the waist and tosses me up into the air as if I weigh nothing, before catching me. Laughing like a lunatic as I slide down his body, I bury my face in his neck and wrap my legs around his hips, clinging to him.

  Without warning, the mood changes. The sea seems to sense it, too. The water calms. The air quiets. The moon smiles.

  I rest my head on Gabriel’s shoulder, kissing away the droplets on his skin. With one strong arm banded around me, he slips the other into my wet hair and tilts my head back. His heart pounds against my ribs. Or maybe it’s mine beating against his, our muscles and bones sharing secrets.

  “I love you, Ava. I love you so much.”

  A frisson of pure joy sweeps through me, before sparking into overwhelming emotion. My whole body trembles with the force of it. “I love you, too,” I whisper back, water blurring my eyes.

  Those three words are all that needs to be said. We allow our lips to do the rest of the talking. Gabriel breathes every ounce of his love for me into his kiss, while I do the same.

  We expose the last of our secrets to the stars and sea. Hearts, bodies, and souls bared in the moonlight.

  An hour later, I sit on Gabriel’s bed, listening to the sound of his shower. Steam drifts under the door of his en suite bathroom. Drying the last of my skin, I pause with the towel in my hand and flick my eyes toward the closed door. My breathing grows uneven. I’ve just had a shower, but now I’m being tempted with thoughts of taking another one.

  I think back to us skinny-dipping in the sea, barely recognizing the woman who suggested that. It feels like someone else. But tightening my grip on the towel, I remind myself that it wasn’t. It was me. And enough of that nerve and adrenaline lingers for me to stand up and walk toward the bathroom. Before I can second-guess myself, I twist the doorknob and enter.

  Through the condensation on the glass walls of the shower, I can see Gabriel has his back to me. I smile as I listen to him hum an upbeat song. I’ve never heard him sing before. His voice is as deep and soulful as the rest of him.

  Walking toward the sound, my hair falls around my shoulders in damp waves. I’m surprised at how calm and steady my heartbeat is, considering what I’m about to do. Channeling the woman in the sea again, I drop my towel and slide open the shower door. Gabriel spins around.

  The darkness meant that I couldn’t see all the details earlier. But with the artificial light of the bathroom, I can now. The sight of water cascading over his tanned, toned body is one I know I’ll never forget.

  “Ava?” Gabriel steps out of the path of the shower and brushes the water away from his face. My eyes make their way down from the wet waves curling around his face, to the strong stance of his bare feet, and everything in between.

  I lose my thoughts. I lose my words. I lose my inhibitions.

  Without speaking, I walk further into the shower, closing the glass door behind me. Tiny droplets of water fall from Gabriel’s Adam’s apple when it bobs. His gaze is locked onto mine as I close the remaining space between our bare bodies.

  My head reaches his chest, making me notice a tattoo for the first time. Gabriel jolts under my touch when I reach out and brush my fingertips across the single line of text above his heart. I recognize it from another Pablo Neruda poem: ‘Love is so short, forgetting is so long.’

  With this tattoo, I learn three things:

  There is a real woman behind Gabriel’s love poems.

  She broke his heart.

  I’ve helped put the broken pieces back together.

  Gabriel holds his breath when I lean forward and press a soft kiss against the tattoo. Groaning, he cups the nape of my neck and brings my head up. Any questions I have are swallowed by his warm, wet lips. I grab onto his wrists as we kiss, closing my eyes when Gabriel shifts our bodies so that the water rains down on us.

  His mouth presses slow, sweet kisses along the scar on my chest, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. Gabriel stops, resting his lowered head against my heart. His heavy breaths tickle my skin. I stroke my fingers through his wet hair and down his back.

  Coming back to life, Gabriel’s hands skim over my naked flesh, exploring, heating, pleasuring. He rests his forehead against mine, his eyes asking me a question. I nod.

  He licks his lips. “You’re sure?”

  I suck away a stray droplet on his neck, making his head fall back against the shower stall. “I’m sure.” My words may be whispered, but they’re strong. Certain. This man makes me feel like the beautiful, confident woman I’ve always wanted to be. One who knows her own mind and body. Gabriel has helped give me that, and now I’m ready to give something back to him. My roaming hands travel downward, eager to explore.

  His eyes flash, and I’m reminded of a conversation we had when we first met and he compared himself to a wolf. Now I understand. Gone is the tortured artist; the man standing before me is all predator.

  Without another word, he turns off the shower and hitches his arms underneath my legs to pick me up. Wrapping my limbs around him, I melt into the kiss as he carries me out of the bathroom and lays me down on the bed.

  Gabriel worships my body with a delicate devotion that brings tears to my eyes. The light sheen in his when he opens them suggests he might be breathing the same emotion in the air. Pulling him up my body, I kiss the small scar above his left eyebrow, before whispering words of love across his face.

  He hides his face in the crevice of my neck and repeats them back to me, before rolling us over. I trace every ridge of muscle with my fingers and tongue, tasting his damp skin.

  We communicate with our bodies until we’re both weightless. Recovering his breath, Gabriel fumbles in the drawer by his bed, with one of his arms flung over his face. After protecting us, he suspends himself above me. I reach up and stroke my thumb over his lips as he speaks, absorbing the words into my skin and soul. “Te amo, mi corazón.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Gabriel’s rough, calloused palms slide against mine, our fingers entwined as he pins my hands to the bed. He leans down and brushes my nose with his, before kissing me with a passion I’ve never experienced before.

  We both keep our eyes open as he eases inside me for the first time, trying to capture every aspect of the moment. Neither of us look away while my body adjusts to our connection. But when Gabriel starts to move, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. They drift shut, keeping all the emotion inside until we both explode in a dizzying rush of sensation. And love. So much love that it leaves me breathless.

  I stir a few hours later, to find the room bathed in pale moonlight. It takes me a moment to adjust to my surroundings. Moving my body, I remember everything that happened earlier today. I bury my smile into the pillow that smells of Gabriel. Sliding my hands across the cool sheets for the man in question, I find them empty. I lift up onto my elbow and frown at the vacant side of the bed. Sitting up further, I rub my eyes and look around the dark room, jumping at the shadowed figure sitting in a chair by the corner. I press a hand against my thumping heart.

  “Gabriel?” I whisper in a croaky voice. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Go back to sleep.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes. I was just having trouble sleeping and didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Oh.” Clutching the sheet to my chest, I slide off the bed and walk over to Gabriel. I stand in front of him and glide my fingers through his disheveled hair.

  Gabriel’s hand reaches out to skim across my skin, before he pulls me onto his lap. I giggle when I land in an ungraceful heap. The light sprinkle of hair on his legs tickles my still-sensitive skin. I turn to straddle him and bring the sheet over our heads, so that we’re cocooned in our private world. My tangled hair falls around our faces, addin
g to the intimacy. Gabriel’s stubble scrapes against my cheeks when I place a smiling kiss against his mouth.

  “You sure you’re okay?” I ask.

  “I am now,” he says, deepening the kiss and pulling me closer against his body. It’s not long before the sheet falls off our shoulders and we fall into each other. And even deeper in love.

  Time never flies faster than when you’re happy. Or in love.

  It’s been ten months since Gabriel and I met, and eight since we started dating, but it all feels like yesterday. Over the last few months, Gabriel has more than proven himself to be a thoughtful, romantic boyfriend. Sometimes, I catch him looking at me as if I’m the center of his world. Like right now.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asks as we run, a smile playing on his full lips.

  “Truthfully?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, but don’t judge me.”

  “I promise.”

  I sigh. “I was daydreaming about how much I could do with some Rocky Road ice cream right about now.”

  My hand flies out when Gabriel trips and stumbles. “Careful. Are you okay?”

  He straightens and adjusts his T-shirt. “Yes. Thank you.”

  Starting to jog again, I nudge him with my hip and grin. “I thought I was supposed to be the clumsy one in this couple?”

  His mouth turns up. “You are. I was just trying out what it was like to be you for a second.”

  “Ah, that’s what that was, huh?”

  His chest rumbles. “Yes.”

  “Did you enjoy walking, sorry, tripping a mile in my shoes?”

  “Not really. I’m not as talented at it as you.”

  Laughing, he swerves when I reach out to push him. “Hilarious. Anyway, as I was saying, I feel like I deserve a treat for working out. Ever since Finn introduced me to it last year, Rocky Road has been my biggest vice. Have you ever tried it?” Looking ahead, Gabriel nods.

  “Not a fan of chocolate?”

  “No.”

  “Are you more of a vanilla guy?”