This Old Heart of Mine

by A. J. Compton

  A salacious sparkle lights up Gabriel’s eyes. He lifts an eyebrow. “I assure you, Ava, there is nothing vanilla about me.”

  My whole body heats from his words and the silent promise within them. “How do you make everything manage to sound so dirty?”

  He winks. “I’m a poet. I have a way with words, remember?”

  “How could I forget?”

  The air crackles, becoming charged. Gabriel’s pupils dilate and darken. I lick my lips.

  “Race you back to the apartment?” I ask in a throaty voice.

  His answering smile is nothing short of predatory. “You know I’ll always catch you, mi corazón.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping for.”

  I power ahead, leaving the sound of Gabriel’s laughter in my wake.

  After cleaning ourselves off in the shower, we fell into bed and got all sweaty and dirty again. No complaints from me. Since the first time, taking showers with Gabriel has become one of my favorite activities.

  “You know what I realized the other day?” I ask Gabriel, playing with the light smattering of hair on his chest.

  “What?” He asks, continuing to stroke my knotted hair.

  “We’ve been together for almost a year and I haven’t met any of your friends yet.” His hand stills. Lifting my chin, I rest it on his chest and look up at him with a frown. “We’re always hanging out with each other or my friends, so I hadn’t really noticed. You never mention them either. How come? You do have friends in the city, right? You’ve been here for over ten years.”

  “Sure.” His flat tone gives nothing away.

  “Oh, okay, good. I was worried you’d been lonely this whole time. If you have friends, though, why don’t you ever talk to me about them?”

  He caresses my cheek with the back of his hand. “Because there are so many other things I like to talk to you about.”

  My insides tingle at his sweet words, but I won’t be put off. “Do you talk to them about me?” I see the answer in his eyes. My stomach falls. I try to sit up, but Gabriel pulls me back down onto his chest and wraps his arm around my bare waist. He smoothes out my frown before kissing my forehead.

  “It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s not. I’m proud to love and be loved by you, Ava. It’s just that I haven’t seen them in a while.”

  “Why not?”

  He shrugs and turns his head to face the bedroom window. “I’ve been busy. They have, too. We’ve just lost touch, I guess. It happens as you grow older.”

  I can’t imagine ever drifting from Finn. Or even Gia, now she’s implanted herself into my life. “That’s sad. Don’t you miss them?”

  He looks back down at me. “Everything I need is in my arms right now.”

  “Gabriel.” I allow myself to be swept away in his kiss. He brings me up against his body so our lips align. Sighing into his mouth, I break free and rest my forehead against his.

  Gabriel nuzzles his nose against mine and kisses me once more. “I mean it, Ava. I don’t need anyone else. You’re my best friend now. Why would I need anyone else?”

  “It’s not about whether you need them, it’s—”

  “Enough. Don’t bring other people into our bed.”

  Split between two directions, I choose the road well-travelled and lighten the mood. “I won’t. I’m not into that.”

  He smiles and his tense muscles relax beneath me. “Good. Now, let’s talk about why I’m the best friend you’ll ever have.”

  “Oh, yeah? Why is that?”

  “Enough talking. I’d rather show you.”

  I squeal and laugh as he rolls me underneath him. Then he proceeds to show my body his definition of friendship and all the ways he’s good to me. And soon, I’m not laughing any more.

  A few weeks later, our emotions and spirits are sky high. We’re walking out of the hospital after another volunteer session, where we’ve just been told that Timmy has gone into remission.

  “I’m so happy I could cry,” I tell Gabriel, wrapping my arms around his waist.

  Placing his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me into him and kisses my hair. “No more crying.”

  “Gabriel?”

  We both look up at the man standing a few feet away. Gabriel stiffens, making me question whether he knows him. My suspicions are confirmed when he nods. “Mateo.” His voice is tight.

  I look back at the now-smiling man, wondering why he’s having such a strange effect on my boyfriend. With his light brown eyes and broad grin, he seems friendly enough.

  “I thought it was you.” Mateo’s handsome face brightens as he walks toward us. I pull away just in time for him to bring Gabriel into a bear hug. He slaps him on the back several times. “It’s good to see you, stranger. Where the hell have you been?”

  “Around.”

  “Around where? You disappeared off the face of the earth. We’ve all been so worried about you. I mean, we all understood why, of course, but—”

  Gabriel clears his throat and takes hold of my hand. I blush as he draws attention to me. “Mateo, this is Ava.”

  Mateo’s eyes drift from Gabriel to mine. I register surprise, curiosity, and… kindness? “Nice to meet you. I’m Gabriel’s friend, Mateo.”

  “Nice to meet you, too. I’m his girlfriend, Ava,” I say, as we shake hands. Mateo’s grip is firm and warm.

  He looks at Gabriel. “I’m so happy for you, man. Hailey will be over the moon. She talks and worries about you non-stop. She was even thinking about hunting you down so she could set you up with someone. I can’t wait to tell her to call off the search.”

  “Who’s Hailey?” I ask into the strange, awkward silence.

  Mateo smiles and runs a hand over his shaved head. “She’s my wife. I know she’d love to meet you.”

  “Oh. Well, I’d love to meet some of Gabriel’s friends. Perhaps we can set something up soon? Maybe go for a drink or something? Or even dinner?” I frown at Gabriel when he crushes my hand in his.

  “I’d love that. You and Hailey will get along just fine.” Mateo pulls my attention back to him. “Oh, man, I can’t wait to call her and tell her about this. Is your number still the same, Gabe?”

  I’ve never heard anyone call Gabriel Gabe before. It conjures up an image of a much more casual and relaxed guy than the tense man standing next to me.

  Gabriel nods. “Sí.”

  “Okay, cool. I wasn’t sure since you never return any of my calls.” Mateo’s voice is still light, but the traces of tension are unmistakable. I look between the two men, left out of the silent conversation they’re having.

  Gabriel’s chin dips. “I’m sorry. I—”

  Mateo holds up his hands. “You don’t need to explain. I’ve always understood. I just miss you, man. I was worried about you. We all have been.”

  “You don’t need to worry. I’m fine.”

  Mateo looks back at me and smiles. “I can see that. You look good, brother. Happy. For a while there, after—”

  Gabriel lifts his wrist to check his watch. “It’s good to see you, Teo, but we have to go. We have somewhere we need to be. Call me and we can arrange dinner sometime.”

  Mateo stares at Gabriel for several moments before asking him a question. It’s so quiet that I don’t hear it. But when Gabriel answers back in Spanish, I realize I wasn’t meant to. Whatever is said between the two men has Mateo visibly irritated. The rapid words become blunter and harsher.

  Stepping back, Mateo presses his lips together and turns back to me. This time, his attractive smile seems forced. “It was lovely to meet you, Ava.” Gabriel tenses when Mateo leans in and kisses my cheek. “Look after my boy for me.”

  “I will,” I whisper back, so confused by this whole exchange, but knowing that one sentence to be true.

  Mateo stares down at our joined hands. “I believe it.”

  Walking past us without another word, he squeezes Gabriel’s shoulder and doesn’t look back as he enters the hospital.

  “Who w
as that?”

  Gabriel’s face is a rigid, impenetrable mask. I haven’t seen it like that in a long time. And I don’t like the familiar feeling of being left out in the cold. “An old friend.”

  “For an old friend, you weren’t very friendly. You were actually quite rude. What’s the story there?” Gabriel grunts and starts walking to the car. I tug at his hand to make him stop. “Gabriel?”

  “There is no story. I told you, we’re old friends. We lost touch.”

  “He made it seem like you lost it on purpose.”

  “Mateo has always been dramatic. We just grew apart, that’s all.”

  “But why? What did he mean when he said he was worried about you?”

  “What’s with all the questions?” Gabriel snaps.

  I slip my hand from his and place it on my hip. “Because I told you I wanted to meet your friends, and now I’ve met one, you’ve become weird and evasive.” I wave my hand in his direction. “And don’t talk to me like that. I’ve done nothing wrong. You’re the one going on a head trip and being a jerk to people, not me.”

  His jaw juts out before relaxing. When Gabriel looks back at me, the hardness in his eyes is gone. “You’re right. I’m sorry, mi corazón. I didn’t mean to take my frustration out on you. I apologize.”

  My blood cools. I drop my hand from my hip and step toward Gabriel. “At the risk of asking another question, why are you so frustrated? He seemed nice enough.”

  He shoves a hand through his hair. “Mateo represents a past I want to move on from. I’m in a different place in my life to the one I was in when we were friends. A good place, thanks to you. I’m so happy at the moment, and I want to stay here, not be dragged backward. Can you understand that?”

  Exhaling, I nod and take his hand again, kissing the back of it. He softens and brings me into him for a kiss. “I’m sorry, Ava.”

  “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again. Stop shutting me out. You say you don’t want to go backward, but closing yourself off from everyone takes us right back to the beginning.”

  He sighs. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m trying.”

  “I know. I love you.” I lean up on my tiptoes and kiss him. He clutches me to his chest.

  “I love you, too. More than you will ever know. Where do you want to go now? Home?”

  I shake my head and smile. “Forward.”

  In the month since we ran into Mateo, things have returned to normal. I’m not sure whether Mateo ever called Gabriel, or whether Gabriel answered if he did, but I respect my boyfriend’s wishes for me to leave it alone.

  I think I’d be more worried about Gabriel being lonely if he hadn’t built such a great relationship with my friends, especially Finn. Curled up next to Gabriel on the couch, I watch the two completely different men banter back and forth. Finn is telling us all about a recent date that didn’t end well.

  “I don’t know what happened, but one minute, we’re talking and she’s laughing at all my great jokes, and then the next, she’s throwing a drink in my face and leaving. It was one of those fruity, chick drinks as well, so I smelled like strawberries for days.”

  Gia and I both glare at him. “Chick drinks?”

  “Whoa. Don’t look at me like that. You know what I mean. How many men do you know who would order a pink drink with an umbrella? It had glitter in it, you guys. Glitter.”

  “I’m starting to see why she threw the drink at you,” Gia says, crossing her arms.

  “Well that makes one of us. I have no clue. I used some of my best material on her.”

  “What was the last thing you said just before she threw her cocktail in your face?” I ask him, trying not to laugh at his baffled expression.

  Remembering his joke, Finn snorts. “Well, her drink had fruit along the side of the glass, right?” He waits for all of us to nod. “So I asked her if she was willing to give me her cherry. That’s when she threw the drink. It makes no sense.” He frowns at the loud collective groan. “What? What’s wrong with that?”

  “Oh, my God. I can’t deal with you. You’re a lost cause, Finley,” Gia says. I’m too busy laughing into Gabriel’s chest to reply.

  “Gabriel? Back me up here, man.”

  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I look up at my boyfriend, wondering what he’s going to say. The amusement is clear on his face. “I’m afraid I have to agree with Giovanna. There is no hope for you, my friend.”

  “Oh, come on. If she can’t laugh at my jokes, she’s not the woman for me.”

  “Perhaps if your jokes were funny she would. In my experience, women prefer compliments to crudeness,” Gabriel tells him.

  “If you say so, old man. I’ll remember that for when I reach your age.”

  Gabriel laughs and tilts his beer bottle in Finn’s direction. Finn raises his glass in response. Despite the age difference, Finn’s immature antics keep Gabriel entertained and a weird bond has developed between them.

  I think we’re all grateful when the conversation moves onto other topics. I snuggle closer into Gabriel’s side and rub circles on his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair.

  “You okay?” he asks me, when Gia and Finn start arguing about something stupid.

  “I’m great. You?”

  He nods and bends down for a kiss. “Thanks to you.”

  “So, what do you want to do for your lifeday party this year, Ave? It’s coming up soon and we haven’t talked about it yet.” Finn asks me.

  “Lifeday? What’s that?” Gia says, coming back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn.

  “As well as a birthday, every year, we celebrate the day Ava and I received our transplants. I came up with the name lifeday because as you all know by now, I’m witty as hell,” Finn explains.

  “I’m confused. You received transplants on the same day?” Gia asks.

  “No, my lifeday is in March. Ave’s is in two weeks. The twenty-third.”

  “Oh, cool. That’s such a sweet idea. I love it. What did you guys do for Ava’s lifeday last year?” she asks, fingers rustling through the popcorn bowl.

  “Well, it was my first transplant anniversary so I wasn’t sure if we’d celebrate it like we do for Finn, but my mom took us out to dinner, along with Finn’s mom and my step-dad. It was such a lovely surprise. This year should be fun because we have more even people to celebrate it with,” I tell Gia, kissing Gabriel’s solid chest and cuddling closer. His arm secures around me.

  “Well, count me in,” Gia says. “You know party is my middle name.”

  I laugh. “I thought it was Maria and Christina?”

  “I’m Italian. It’s practically a requirement to have a million middle names.” She bats Finn’s hands away when he reaches for some popcorn.

  “So, now that Gia Party Girl Cavallari is on board, any thoughts on what you’d like to do to celebrate?” Finn prompts again, shoveling stolen popcorn into his mouth.

  My face scrunches up as I try to think of ideas. “I don’t know. Maybe another dinner or something?”

  Gia leans forward and holds out her palm. “Hell, no. I know I just joined this whole thing, but now I’m taking over. This is a special day; you’re supposed to celebrate being alive. As much as I love to eat, restaurants put you into a food coma. We can’t have that. Leave it to us, we’ll surprise you. Okay?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “No. You had a choice and you blew it,” she tells me.

  I giggle. “Okay, then.”

  Gia claps her hands. “Perfect. God, life would be so much easier if everyone let me have my way so easily.”

  Finn snorts. “Easier for who?”

  Gia glares at Finn over the sound of our laughter. “You guys want to get in on the party planning?” She looks around at the others in the room. Justin grunts his agreement after she elbows him.

  “Of course I’m in. It was my idea you hijacked anyway,” Finn grumbles.

  Gia winks. “You snooze, you lose, Irish boy. What about you, Gabriel? Do
you want to help make Ava’s lifeday the best yet?”

  All eyes turn on my boyfriend who has frozen like a statue. His muscles bunch beneath me. “I’m sorry, Ava but I can’t come,” he says to me in a low voice, even though everyone else hears it.

  I sit up. “What? Why?”

  He shifts in his seat. “I’m away for work that weekend.”

  “You are? Where are you going?” This the first I’ve heard of any trip.

  He glances at the television, avoiding my eyes. “My agent called me yesterday. They had a last-minute slot at a writing convention in New York.”

  “Oh.” I can’t keep the disappointment out of my voice. It must show on my face as well, because Gia’s eyes soften.

  “Well, that sucks. There’s no way you can get out of it?” she asks him.

  Gabriel’s features lower further. “No. I wish I could come, but I can’t. Not this year. I’m sorry, Ava.” His quiet words are meant only for me. The conflict in his eyes tells me he means it.

  I paint a smile on my face and try to make my voice upbeat. “That’s okay; it’s not your fault. These things happen. We’ll just have to take lots of pictures of whatever we end up doing so we can show you.”

  Gabriel’s smile is as weak as mine. “Sounds good.” He leans forward and brushes a kiss against my mouth.

  Pulling back, we talk without speaking. He doesn’t release me until he’s sure we’re okay. Of course we are. When you’ve lived through death, you learn not to sweat the small stuff. I’m sad Gabriel won’t be able to join us, but it’s not important in the grand scheme of things.

  “We’ll just have to celebrate privately when you get back,” I whisper in his ear. His eyes glitter with dangerous thoughts, reflecting my own.

  “Looking forward to it.”

  Awkwardness descends over the room as we leave our bubble of two. I glance over at Finn to find him watching Gabriel with a look in his eyes that I can’t quite place, an emotion a shade darker than neutral.

  I reach for my water, trying to soothe the sudden tightness in my throat. “So. Shall we put the movie on? What are we watching?”

  Finn switches his gaze to me and smiles. “I chose last time so it’s your pick.”