Kade

by Knox, Elizabeth

~Unknown

  Ivy

  The last few days have been quiet around the clubhouse. Raven has been healing and is doing a bit better than she was before. She’s still very sore, but she’s up, finally moving around like she used to. I feel like if she was taken to the hospital, they would have instructed her to take it easy for a bit longer, but she’s not the type to follow orders. I think that’s because of her past, how she would always do as she was told. Now, she doesn’t give two fucks. She’s turned into quite the rebel from what she’s told me.

  “Hey, Ivy, can you help me in the kitchen for a bit?” Ashley calls over to me. I’m sitting on the couch next to Frank and Raven. Since they’ve been here, I feel more at home, like I’m finally not alone. Not that being with Kade makes me feel alone, but it’s different for him. All of these people have loved him since he was a kid, and I’m the hated outsider.

  “Yeah, I’ll be right there!” I reply back to her, getting up from my seat. I turn to look at Frank and Raven, “I’ll find you both when I’m done and can we talk about something?” I’ve thought about keeping the fact Kade and I are going to move to Las Vegas to ourselves, but I just can’t go through with that. I’m horrible at keeping secrets and getting this out in the open is important to me. If I hold it back for too long, I may not have a friend at the end of this. I can’t risk that, it’s not like I even have many friends here.

  When I was back at the Bears clubhouse, I don’t even think I had friends. I had leeches, people who would stick around me to try and get some sort of attention from my father or brother. They wanted to be higher up on the totem pole, but I still can’t understand why. I don’t think I ever will wrap my head around it. Connor or my father would’ve just done whatever they wanted and cast them aside like a clubwhore. It’s what most of the Bears did, and a few of the full patches even tried to get their grimy hands on me. My father surprised me when he told them I was off limits, but Connor would be sadistic and put me in situations where something could’ve happened.

  One day, I think I was sixteen or seventeen, there was a big celebration at the clubhouse. Connor told me to go to the shed out back and get something. If my memory serves me right, it was some sort of tool he needed for one of the bikes. When I got in the shed and turned the lights on, a group of men surrounded me. Even now, I can remember the feeling of betrayal that flooded over my body. It made me feel sick knowing my own brother had put me in a situation where I was going to get gang raped. The guys didn’t know it then, but I had a knife under my jacket and when the first fuck tried to come at me, I cut him. They backed off really quick and left me alone. Connor ended up finding me, walking up to me with a smile on his face. I still think to this day, he believes they got what they wanted. I can imagine why none of them would go back and tell him nothing happened, they’d look like failures. That was the first day that Connor showed me his true colors. He wasn’t just like our father— he was worse.

  “Sounds good. If we’re not here, we’ll probably be back in our room,” Raven responds. I don’t say a word and make my way into the kitchen where Ashley is. She has a few aluminum foil trays, the kind where you use them at barbecues or family cookouts. She has four of these containers and based on how big our oven is, we can put two trays on each rack. Next to her are about ten packs of chicken breasts from what I can tell.

  She hands me five of them, “Wash your hands and then cut the remaining fat off the breasts. Put them into one of the containers and get the buffalo sauce. We’re going to cook them in that and put some shredded cheddar cheese in the mix. We’ll cook them for about an hour and when we take them out, we’ll shred the chicken to make them sliders.”

  “Alright, what are the other two trays for?” I ask, walking over to the sink and washing my hands while I wait for an answer.

  “One is going to be for mac and cheese, and the other is a S’mores bake that I’ve just started doing. It’s pretty yummy if you ask me.”

  I smile, going over to where the packs of chicken are and grab the knife Ashley must’ve set down for me. I cut open the container and pull out a chicken breast. As I take the fat off, I put the chicken breasts in the aluminum container.

  “Are things getting easier here, with my daddy, I mean?” Ashley asks out of nowhere. I can’t help but wonder if it’s some sort of trick question because she is in every way a daddy’s girl. For fuck's sake, she still calls the man daddy. At our age, we only use that term in the bedroom when we’re getting a good fuck.

  I shrug, continuing to set the clean-cut chicken breasts down evenly in the container. “I don’t know if easier would be accurate, but I think we’re co-existing.”

  Ashley frowns. “I’m really sorry about the way he treats you. I don’t know why he’s so determined to hate you. It’s not like any of this is your fault.”

  “You’re telling me.” I shake my head, feeling all the emotions that rise up within me whenever I think about any of this. Part of me gets angry at Fist and then the anger seeps over to my dad. I hate that their feud is what's affecting my relationship with everyone here. I didn’t choose to be his child, and I feel like a modern-day Juliet.

  “All I can say is that one day, it might get better. It’ll just take him a bit of time to realize you’re not a threat. We both know how many Prez’s have planted their daughters in rival clubs pretending to be broken and abused just to get the upper hand in their father’s war.”

  I nod, understanding what she’s saying, but that doesn’t mean I’m one of those girls. Fist and the members here who feel the same way he does are treating me based on the actions of the few, not the actions of the many.

  Ashley picks up a container of buffalo sauce, opens it, and hands it to me. “Pour it evenly over the chicken breasts and then I’ll have you put some cheese in and top it off with more.” I do as she says and we remain silent for a couple of minutes while we go through this process.

  When we both finish, Ashley grabs each container and pops it in the oven. She stops abruptly after she sticks her hand out and goes to grab one of the extra pans and gives me a somber look. “Maybe I shouldn’t be the one to say this, but everyone in the club has the idea that you aren’t actually Grizzly’s daughter.”

  “Wait, what?” I ask, laughing. If it wasn’t so ridiculous, it would be shocking.

  She places her left hand on her hip, “You darn well heard what I said, missy. And, don’t be so quick to laugh. If this idea or rumor if that’s what we should call it is true, do you realize what that could mean?”

  I catch on to exactly what she’s saying. “Immediately I’d be loved and adored and would no longer be viewed as a threat,” I reply back in a humorless voice.

  “Don’t sound so excited, but yeah, in a sense.”

  I close my eyes and try to keep what I’m thinking to myself, but I just can’t. This irks me. “I’m sorry if I turn into a major cunt right now, but I don’t think that would solve my problems. Honestly, it would piss me off more than I can even express. From the get-go, I never should’ve been treated the way I have been, regardless of if my father is the one who causes y’all the most grief. I’m a human, and I deserve compassion the same way that everyone else does. Even if it was true, which it probably isn’t because I’ve never met the man until yesterday, it doesn’t make any of this any better. What even makes you think that he could be my father?” I demand an answer, needing to know why they’re thinking this way.

  I believe Ashley understands what I’m saying because she has that ‘oh shit’ look on her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wanted to say something in case it had the potential of being true. I know that my daddy’s . . . behavior weighs heavily on you. Even as a kid, I remember people saying how you looked nothing like anyone in your family. I remember back then how it was being talked about. This didn’t just come up out of the blue. It’s been talked about for years and how much do you wanna bet that my daddy put the pieces together and that’s why Machk is here i
n the first place.”

  “The thing is, his behavior doesn’t just weigh heavily on me, Ashley. It really fucks with Kade too. He and I are both very happy and all your dad is doing is driving Kade to want to leave. And do you really think any of what you’re saying helps? It doesn’t. Yeah, I’ve heard the whispers and rumors my entire life but what I don’t need is to think that everything I know to be true is a lie.” I’m speaking straight from the heart and realize that I’ve said too much. There’s no way she’s going to let me say that with no follow-up questions.

  “Leave. What do you mean?” she ignores everything else I’ve just said and focuses primarily on Kade and I leaving.

  Fuck it. Everyone is going to find out sooner or later. “Kade asked me if I wanted to move to the Las Vegas charter and I told him yes. He thinks it’s a good idea for both of us to get out of the shadows we’re living under and finally explore our relationship without any negative energy.”

  Ashley looks as if a bomb’s just been dropped on her. In a way, one has been. “Wow. He always said he’d never leave home.”

  “I guess you can thank your dad for pushing him away.” I don’t hold back any emotions that are flooding over me right now. I’m coming off as a bitch, but I don’t give a damn. I’m pissed with the way I’ve been treated over the last few weeks and even though Ashley hasn’t treated me a certain way, I’m laying it out on her.

  “Kade found out that your mom slept with Machk, so it’s not impossible. His accident didn’t happen until after she was already pregnant, and no one else has the courage to tell you. I’m not going to refrain from telling you because if he is your father, I think your entire life may change.”

  Ashley’s words hit me like a ton of bricks. The first thought that comes to my head is why Kade hasn’t said any of this. Why am I finding out from his sister?

  “I . . . I have to go,” I say suddenly and walk out of the kitchen. I immediately head back toward Raven and Frank’s room, hoping that by some god, they’re not in the living area right now. I need a closed, safe place to discuss this with them.

  I walk down the hall to where their room is and place my hand on the door, forcing it open. “Whoa, how do you know we weren’t screwing around?” Frank hollers.

  I roll my eyes but before I can speak, Raven beats me to it. “Because you’re as gay as RuPaul. You’re not comin’ back to this side and neither has he. We just have to get you a little better at accepting yourself, honey.”

  “Whoa, what is the matter with you? You look like you’re gonna cry,” Frank says in a soothing voice. He motions his hand for me to come over and I shut the door behind me and walk straight into my friend’s arms. Raven joins in on the hug, and we all stand here for a few minutes before any of us decides to speak.

  “Everyone thinks that this new guy, who randomly showed up, is my biological father. Apparently, my mom and he were close back in the day, and I don’t know what to believe. I feel like my entire life could be a lie and I have no idea who I am.”

  “Wouldn’t that be a good thing, Ivy? From what I understand, everyone hates your father,” Frank says, pulling away.

  I shake my head back and forth, “No, because then they would’ve been treating me like this for no damn reason, and I don’t know what’s worse. At least I can understand them acting this way if my dad is actually my father . . . but if he isn’t, it makes it so much worse. I don’t know if I could forgive any of them.”

  “Oh, Jesus, don’t you worry. We’re going to figure this out,” Raven says, running her fingertips through the back of my hair. I want to believe that she’s right, but I don’t know how we’re going to figure any of this out.

  11

  Exist on your own damn terms.

  ~AmazingMovement.com

  Kade

  I march into the kitchen after hearing Ashley raising her voice. Instinctively, I knew that something was wrong. “Why were you raising your voice? It doesn’t look like anyone is even in here,” I say after taking a look around. She’s in this damn place by herself, so there’s no reason she should be making a ruckus unless she’s burned herself or somethin’.

  Ashley is the princess when it comes to our club, always will be and always has been. But one thing this princess is horrible at is lying. Her face is overcome with a soft pink color. You know, the type that is on Cabbage Patch Kids dolls. It’s her fuckin’ tell, and I plan on finding out what’s happened. “Ash, what happened?”

  “Eh, if I tell you, you’re gonna be pissed,” she says lowly, biting her bottom lip. I remember this, she’d do it when we were kids to our dad to try and get out of shit.

  “Ash, just fuckin’ tell me already. The more you keep quiet, the angrier I’m gonna get.”

  She throws her hands up in the air, “Fine! I might’ve dropped a couple of hints in regards to the rumors that are circulating around.”

  “What rumors?” I question, afraid I already know what she’s talking about.

  “You know, the ones about Ivy not being Grizzly’s kid. Everyone’s been sold on the idea that Machk is actually her father.”

  “What? Why?” Just because I have inside information doesn’t mean that everyone else does. I don’t plan on showing my hand before I have all the details either.

  Ashley huffs in annoyance. “Oh, c’ mon Kade. You know since we were kids there were always rumors circulating that Ivy wasn’t his kid. She looks nothing like their entire family. Everyone is blonde-haired and blue-eyed. Plus, they’re pale. Ivy has tan skin, dark eyes, and black hair. You can’t tell me that’s not a big indicator right there.”

  “Wait, so are you telling me that you told Ivy this shit?” Fuck, please let her say no. If there is any sort of God up in the sky, he needs to give me a break and tell me that Ashley didn’t just stir the pot.

  “Well, yeah. I wasn’t going to keep it from her. It’s not like she needs another reason to hate it here either. Daddy is kind of a jerk to her, and I was hoping that by telling her it would make things a bit easier. If she’s not Grizzly’s kid than that means all of this hatred is for no apparent reason, which means it can stop.”

  I bring my hand over my face and groan. “That doesn’t help solve a thing, sis. It just means all the shit she’s had to deal with is even more fucked up.”

  “Yeah, she said something pretty close to that. I feel really bad for her if it’s true, I mean. Not because it would be a bad thing, but because of everything she’s had to deal with.”

  “It’s not even something I want to talk about right now.”

  “Wait. Do you think that’s why Daddy invited Machk out here?” Ashley asks. Now I can’t help but get confused.

  “What do you mean? Machk came out here because he wants to put the Bears in the ground,” I say, but Ash looks at me like I’m crazy.

  “Uh, I don’t know who told you that but Dad invited him. Sure, he wants to destroy the Bears but he only came because Daddy asked him to.”

  “Interesting. From what I understood, Machk took it upon himself to come out here.” I look at Ashley and at this moment, she realizes she’s spoken out of turn. I wonder if Dad had her keeping that under wraps on purpose or if he just happened to mention something along those lines to her. Regardless, I’ll figure it out.

  “I think Ivy went to go see Raven,” Ashley mumbles, but I’m not interested in looking for Ivy right now. Instead, my eyes are set on my dear old dad.

  “Thanks, but I’m gonna go up to the house and have a chat with Dad.”

  Before she can stop me to save her hide, I leave the kitchen and walk through the living area of the clubhouse, going straight out the doors without so much as a coat on. I make the short walk up to the old farmhouse I grew up in, knowing he’s probably sitting at the kitchen table. It’s what he’s normally doing if he’s not in the clubhouse, or asleep in that rickety recliner of his.

  The snow is just starting to pile up. I curse at myself for not winterizing my boots yet, feeling the water lea
k into the soles of my shoes, soaking my socks. Fuck, I’ll have to do that later and remind the brothers that they should do the same.

  I carefully make my way up the three steps that lead onto our wrap-around porch, making sure not to make a wrong step and land flat on my ass. It’s happened too many times for me to count over the years. When we were kids, I’d end up saving Ashley’s ass and sacrifice my own. That’s what brother’s do though, I suppose.

  “Had a feeling you’d be making the trek up to see me,” Dad says as I come through the door.

  “Yeah, well, considering loud mouth told me you invited Machk down here, I figured I’d pay you a visit. Especially since you told all of us that he was coming up to get some Bears blood on his hands. Not once did you go into the fact you invited him. Why is that, Dad? Got something up your sleeve?”

  He narrows his eyes at me from the old wood kitchen table. “You have a lot of nerve speaking to me like that, boy.”

  “I don’t know if you’re going blind, old man, but I’m not a boy anymore. Haven’t been for quite a while. Probably should’ve started speaking to you like this a few weeks back instead of now, but what the hell, we made it here. I want to know why you invited Machk. The truth, not some bullshit.”

  My father lets out a low chortle before he says a word, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I have a theory that Ivy isn’t actually Grizzly’s child. I invited him out here to see if he felt the same way and the couple times I’ve spoken to him, I’ve planted the bug in his brain that it’s a possibility. It would make a lot of fuckin’ sense if she wasn’t his kid. You keep tellin’ me that she hates him for everything he’s done to her, but that can’t really be right if she’s his blood. If she isn’t his blood, I’d believe her a little more.”

  Anger floods through my body as I take heated steps toward him, slamming my fists down onto the table. “Have you lost your god-damned mind? You think that if she’s not Grizzly’s kid, it’ll make you believe her? He carved her up like a Jack-o-Lantern. No father should ever do that to a child, much less, his child. Even if Machk is her biological father, Grizzly is the one who raised her, and that shit will weigh heavy on her throughout her life.