Flutter

by Amanda Hocking

  The crisper was filled with fruits, so I grabbed them all, thinking that chopping them up for a fruit salad might go a long way to alleviate my anger.

  “Do you need any help?” Jack asked, watching me drop the armload of fruits onto the island.

  I shook my head and searched the kitchen drawers until I found a large butcher knife. I couldn’t tell the last time anybody had used it, so I rinsed it off. Then I realized I hadn’t washed off any of the fruit, either, so I grabbed it all and dropped it in the sink to clean.

  “Are you mad at me?” Jack leaned against the island with Matilda rubbing up against him so he could scratch her head.

  “No,” I said, but that wasn’t exactly true. “You and Milo could’ve taken that Jonathan idiot. And I’m sure Jane would’ve followed you out of there. We could’ve taken her if we really tried.”

  “Maybe,” he admitted.

  I picked the fruit up out of the sink, but they were wet and slippery, and the grapes and strawberries tried making their escape onto the floor. He came over and caught what was falling and helped me carry it back over to the island.

  “Thank you,” I muttered, not ready to give up on my anger yet.

  “If we had to kidnap Jane, what good would it have really done?” Jack looked at me. “You watch that Intervention show about junkies. What do they always say? You can’t make a person change, and they can’t quit for anybody else. Jane has to want to stop.”

  “Then why did we even go down there?” My hands felt shaky when I started chopping a pear, but I ignored it. I couldn’t forget the image of how sickly Jane looked, and how content she was with that.

  “I thought maybe you’d be able to talk some sense into her.” He shrugged. “But now she knows that you still care, and if she has a change of heart, she’ll talk to you.”

  “Jane’s never listened to me about anything, and you know it.”

  “Maybe so, but this is her choice, and you have to let her make it.” He was on the other side of the island from me, leaning across it.

  My body was naturally pulled to him, and I pretended like pears and apricots were more interesting. Unfortunately, I’d never been a coordinated person, and I didn’t do much better as a vampire. I was distracted by Jack and thoughts of Jane, so it was only a matter of time before the knife sliced my finger.

  I yelped and pulled my hand back, sustaining my first real injury as a vampire. The pain was much sharper and more intense than any I had felt as a human, but it died away instantly. The cut was nasty, hitting the bone in my index finger. If my bones hadn’t been so strong, I probably would’ve sliced the tip right off.

  I stared down at it, watching the blood seeping from my wound with some amazement. This was my blood, and I could smell it, warm and strangely exotic.

  “You do smell really good,” Jack said in a hushed tone.

  The pink edges of the cut were already healing, right in front of my eyes, and I glanced up at him. His eyes had gone translucent, and I heard his heart speed up. Nothing in the world was more enticing to him than the scent of my blood, and that hadn’t changed when I became immortal.

  “Want a taste?” I offered my hand to him, knowing how wonderful it felt when he tasted me and how crazy it drove him. I imagined him throwing all the fruit off the island and pushing me back down on it, kissing me ferociously until his mouth found my neck…

  “In the kitchen?” He raised an eyebrow, his breath shallow.

  With great effort, he managed to pull his eyes from me to look around the room, pointing out how completely exposed we would be. At any minute, Milo and Bobby would come home, and Mae and Ezra had to be somewhere around here

  “Suit yourself.” I shrugged, pretending it meant nothing, even though I knew he could hear my own ragged heartbeat. The cut had healed completely, and the blood dried on my skin. I put my finger in my mouth, cleaning it off.

  “You’re horrible.” He shook his head and took a step back from the island, trying to clear his head of me.

  Within seconds, Milo and Bobby came in from the garage. They both eyed up the fruit spread on the island with confusion, but Milo’s face contorted into something different. He sniffed, giving me an evil look that was somehow hungry as well.

  “Why does it smell like your blood in here?” Milo demanded, then shot a glare at Jack.

  “I just cut my finger,” I sighed and held up the knife that still had my blood on it. A few droplets were on the island, and I wiped at them with a rag.

  “Oh really, Alice.” Milo rolled his eyes and came over to me. “Do you want me to do this for you? What are you doing anyway?”

  “I thought you didn’t eat,” Bobby said. A strand of his black hair fell into his eyes, and he pushed it back, walking over to the island to inspect what we were doing.

  “I thought you might be hungry,” I said. Milo had taken over chopping up the fruit, and he looked back at me with surprise.

  “Thanks,” Bobby said and blushed lightly. Everyone clearly assumed that I hated Bobby, and they weren’t that far off base, but I did like distractions.

  “Milo always used to cook for me when I got home,” I said lamely.

  Tucking hair behind my ears, I caught Jack smiling at me. He knew the whole snack thing was about busy work, not Bobby, but he was glad that I made nice with Bobby. Jack liked Bobby, which for some reason, made me angry with Jack again, so I sighed and leaned back against the kitchen counter.

  “Milo is a very good cook.” Bobby smiled at me before looking adoringly at my brother.

  “He was gonna be a chef,” I said.

  “I still can be,” Milo cast me a look. “I’m not dead.” Jack laughed at that sentiment, and Milo rolled his eyes again. “I have lots of time to become whatever I want.”

  He finished cutting the fruit, and he went to the cupboard to get out a serving platter. Once he brought it back to the island, he arranged the fruit. Bobby smiled and delicately picked at grapes, afraid of disturbing the masterpiece that Milo had created.

  The bedroom door to Mae and Ezra’s room slammed loudly, followed by quick footsteps, and Mae repeatedly saying the word no. She appeared in the kitchen, looking haggard. Her cheeks and eyes were red from crying, and her honey curls were pulled back in a very messy bun. Tissue was wadded up tightly in her hand, and she glared at us.

  - 15 –

  Ezra followed close behind Mae, looking better than he had in days. He didn’t appear as upset as her, but his expression was grim. When he reached out for her, she pulled away from him.

  “Where have you been?” Mae demanded, her warm voice more shrill. Bobby had been in the middle of chewing, but he gulped it down whole and moved closer to Milo.

  “Why? Did something happen?” Jack asked carefully.

  “Just answer the damn question!” Mae shouted, making us all jump. Her hands were balled up at her sides, and stray curls stuck to her tear stained cheeks. “You think you all can just come and go as you please. This isn’t a hotel. We are a family, and this is our home!”

  “Sorry?” I apologized uncertainly. I looked to Ezra for help, but he was too busy watching her to give us any hint about what the hell was going on.

  “Yeah, we’re really sorry,” Milo said, more sincerely than I did.

  “We didn’t mean to not tell you,” Jack said. “We just left in kind of a hurry, I guess.”

  “Where did you go that was so important you couldn’t let me know?” Mae fixed her gaze on Jack because he had offered the most up, and he shrunk back from it, wrapping his arms over his chest. He shifted uneasily and glanced at me, but I shook my head. I didn’t want any part of her hysteria.

  “We just, uh, went to the club to look-” He’d barely gotten out the word “club” before her eyes widened and she cut him off.

  “The club? Not the vampire club? None of you would be that stupid to do something as risky and dangerous as that without even letting me know.” Mae was completely aghast, and Jack looked at his feet, s
o she turned to the rest of us. “What were you thinking? Do you all have a death wish? Just because you can live forever doesn’t mean you will!”

  “We were going there after Jane,” I said quietly, hoping to appease her some.

  “If you all want to die, I can’t save you!” She threw her hands up in the air. “I can’t save anybody!”

  A fresh tear slid down her cheek, and I wanted to hug her or comfort her in some way, but I didn’t know how. I was afraid that anything I did would just set her off more.

  “We’re really, really sorry,” Milo said.

  “I can’t save anybody!” Mae wailed, her voice cracking.

  “Mae,” Ezra whispered. She sobbed, doubling over and holding her sides. He wrapped his arms around her and held her up. “Mae, love, it’s all right.”

  “It is not all right!” Mae tried pushing him away, but he held steadfast. “This is not how it’s supposed to be!” She cried harder, her words lost completely in her tears, so she turned and buried her face in his chest.

  They stood that way for a minute, and the rest of us stared at them. We weren’t really sure if we should leave or stay there or speak or what, so we just stared.

  “I don’t mean to be rude,” I said carefully when Mae seemed more composed. “But, um, what is going on?”

  “Mae went to visit her human family,” Ezra explained.

  Even though his words were meant to be soothing, I heard the disapproval in them. He didn’t think that Mae should have anything to do with the humans she had left behind when she turned, but she insisted on driving out to check on them, although she never interacted with them.

  “Tonight, she found out that her great-granddaughter is terminally ill, and she only has a matter of months to live,” Ezra said, and he held her more tightly. Just hearing him say it aloud devastated her.

  Mae had been twenty-eight when she turned, leaving behind a young daughter. Her change hadn’t been entirely by choice, and she had to leave a family that meant everything to her. She had been forced to watch her daughter grow up from a distance, and then her granddaughter, and now her great-grandchildren.

  Ezra tolerated her fondness for them because he loved her so much, but he had given her a deadline. They were going to have to move away from them soon, because she couldn’t spend her entire existence watching her future generations getting old and dying.

  The hardest part for Mae was that she had had an infant son that died several years before her daughter was born. It almost killed her, and Mae swore that she would never outlive any of her other children. Unfortunately, she had become immortal, so she would have no choice.

  But nothing could’ve prepared her for losing her five-year-old great-granddaughter. I doubt she could even wrap her mind around losing her adult daughter, let alone a small child.

  I went to her, and she pulled away from Ezra just enough so she could hug me. As much as she loved him, at that moment, she wanted a child, and I had become a surrogate daughter for her. She held onto me so tightly it was painful, but I said nothing.

  Eventually, she calmed down and apologized for her behavior. By then, Milo and Bobby had snuck up to their room, much to my annoyance. Ezra stayed by her side, in case she might need him, but Jack had ventured into the backyard with Matilda to give us space.

  When Mae could speak clearly, she explained that Daisy, her great-granddaughter, had been looking under the weather the last few months, but it wasn’t until tonight that she was able to overhear them talking and found out exactly what was going on.

  Ezra was convinced that rest was the best solution to her current state, and he looked rather drained himself. He helped Mae back down to their room, looking apologetically back at me as he did. He cared about her very much, but he was still upset she had any contact with them. Nothing good came from keeping humans in your life.

  I thought of Jane at the club, and Bobby upstairs with my brother, and shook my head. Eventually, everyone would die, except for us, and I could never tell if that was comforting or terrifying.

  Jack was outside, wrestling in the fallen leaves and frost with Matilda. The moon was fat, but thin clouds hazed over it. I stepped out the French doors, relishing the chill in the air. Breathing in deeply, I tried to let the freshness from the outdoors cleanse everything else. All of Mae’s tears, and all the horrible images of Jane in the darkened rooms of V.

  Jack grinned when he saw me and got up from a pile of leaves he and the dog had been demolishing. Matilda had twigs and leaves imbedded in her fur, and she loped around the lawn carrying a big stick in her mouth. He ran a hand through his hair, freeing a few leaves himself and walked over to me.

  “How are you holding up?” he asked.

  “Great.” I was exaggerating, but I did feel a lot better being outside.

  “You sure?” He looked at me seriously, and I picked at some of the foliage that clung to his tee shirt. His bare arms were dirty and cold from the ground, but I doubted he noticed.

  “Yeah. Mae is the one having the rough night, not me,” I said.

  “How is she?” He looked past me at the house, worrying about her.

  “I really don’t know,” I admitted. “Ezra took her back to their room to get some rest, but…” I trailed off and shrugged. It was hard to say how she would hold up.

  “I’m sorry we couldn’t help Jane more.” He returned his concern to me.

  “Me too, but you’re right. She has to want to help herself, and she’ll probably never want to,” I sighed and rubbed at my arms, even though they weren’t really cold.

  “You’ve had a really long night. You should probably get some rest, too.”

  “That is true.” It was early for me to go to bed, but I hadn’t felt completely rested since before I went to Finland. I yawned and thought longingly about curling up in bed.

  “Do you want any company?” Jack asked, wagging his eyebrows.

  “You know I do,” I chewed my lip. I always wanted Jack in bed with me, especially after we had started earlier, but my heart wasn’t really in it just then. “But we probably shouldn’t. I’m probably not in control enough to handle what you would do to me.”

  “That is true,” he smiled a little sadly. “You go in and go ahead to bed. I might come up in a bit to grab some clothes, but I gotta get the dog cleaned up before I can take a shower and crash on the couch.”

  “I feel so bad about kicking you out of your own bed,” I said for the millionth time since I had moved into his room.

  “Hey, I’m nothing if not a gentlemen, and I couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t absolutely comfortable.” He leaned down and kissed me. His lips were cool from the night, but the kiss was brief, stopping too soon. Still, my skin felt warm and flushed when he straightened up. “Go on and get to bed. I’ll see you later.”

  Reluctantly, I turned to walk back into the house. Matilda chased after me, planning to sneak into the house, but Jack stopped her. Her big white paws were covered in cold mud from running around by the lake, and her fur was full of debris from rolling around. I don’t know what his plan was for getting her clean before they went into the house, but I left him to it.

  I watched them for a minute before heading up to his room. Matilda leapt happily over piles of leaves, and Jack charged after her, laughing and egging her on. He was dirty and his clothes were getting ruined, but he didn’t notice at all because he was having too much fun with his dog.

  It was weird how things like that could make me love him so much. My heart swelled at the sight of him, and I turned to go upstairs before I changed my mind about inviting him to go with me.

  In the middle of a horrible dream about crocodiles chasing kittens, Jack came in and gave me a kiss. I stirred a little in bed and invited him to join me, but he declined for reasons that remain a mystery. I’m sure he told me, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, I was asleep again, but thankfully, I managed to save all the kittens from the crocodiles.

  When I did wake
up for good, I realized that one of the things that Jack had said to me had been goodbye. Not “good night,” not “see you in the morning,” but “goodbye,” which had way too much finality in it for my taste.

  I raced downstairs to find the den, a.k.a. Jack’s current sleeping quarters, deserted, with all his blankets folded up neatly, and he never folded up blankets or made his bed. I thought about checking in with Mae, but I didn’t want to disturb her.

  That left me hurrying back upstairs to check with Peter on the off-chance he knew something, and Matilda trailed after me, another sure sign that Jack was gone. Peter was gone, too, but I wasn’t even sure if he’d come home yesterday.

  In truth, I’d known Jack was gone the second I opened my eyes. I could always feel when he wasn’t around me, like the thread between us got pulled painfully thin. I couldn’t tell exactly where he was at or anything; I just knew that it wasn’t close by.

  Before knocking on my brother’s bedroom door, I listened carefully. After hearing what he’d been up to yesterday, I didn’t want to walk in on them in the middle of something. From the sound of it, Milo was still asleep. It wasn’t even six at night, and in vampire time, that’s pretty damn early. Usually, I’m not up before eight pm.

  “Milo?” I knocked cautiously but didn’t dare open the door. This was weird considering Milo and I usually just burst into each other rooms. We had never any reason for propriety before this Bobby character had come into our lives.

  I was about to knock again when Bobby opened the door. He wore pajama bottoms and nothing else, revealing his heavily tattooed torso. Something in Latin was scrawled across his chest, and ivy wound about just above his pubic area, not to mention about a million others that I didn’t have a chance to study. He hadn’t flat ironed his dark hair, so it stood up in a crazy mess, but he looked to have been awake for awhile.