Flutter

by Amanda Hocking

  By the time we left the zoo, Jack managed to cheer me up. On the car ride home, he forced me to sing along with the Backstreet Boys, and he started making threats about taking me to a karaoke bar someday.

  When we got home, Matilda was the only one watching the brand new TV in the living room. Jack had bought her one of those pet DVD’s that were all images and sounds dogs would like, and this one had wacky misadventures with cats or something.

  Matilda was so engrossed in the movie that she hadn’t run to the door to greet Jack, so we decided to watch it with her and see what all the fuss was about. He sat down in the recliner, and I sat on his lap, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “Maybe we should get a cat,” Jack said. Matilda was parked on the floor right in front of the TV, staring intently at a kitten chasing a string. Every time the kitten meowed, she’d cock her head and prick her ears up.

  “She would probably eat a kitten.”

  “Oh, she would not. Mattie would never hurt anything, would you, girl?” His voice got higher when he talked to her, and she glanced back at him and thumped her tail on the floor. “See? Harmless.”

  “That’s hardly an assertion,” I laughed. “But still, that’s not a reason to get a cat. You don’t get cats so your dog has something to play with and possibly snack on.”

  “Sounds like a good enough reason to me.”

  When I came home, I hadn’t noticed anybody’s heartbeats. I was well-fed and less inclined to it. But I was naturally tuned into Jack’s and Milo’s. Even if I wasn’t paying attention, when they were distressed, I’d pick up on it.

  Upstairs, I suddenly heard Milo’s heartbeat racing in a panic. I think it had already been beating fast, but it hadn’t been terrified. And on top of that, I could smell blood. I pushed off of Jack’s lap, but he got up, so he noticed it too.

  Before I could do anything else, Milo started screaming.

  “Help! Oh my god, help!” Milo yelled at the top of his lungs, and I raced up the steps. Jack flew past me because he was faster, and Ezra and Mae weren’t that far behind.

  When I reached the top of the stairs, Peter and Jack had already zoomed into Milo’s room, but Milo still stood in the hallway. He was shirtless, and all the color had drained from him. His eyes were wide and horrified, and tears already slid down his face.

  His cheeks were flushed unnaturally red, contrasting even more with the white of his skin. Fresh blood stained his lips, and a few splatters of it were on his bare chest, most of it smeared. He just stared at his bedroom, until Ezra pushed past me to get to his room, and then Milo turned to look at me.

  “I killed Bobby.”

  - 22 –

  Milo looked like he might faint after his confession, and I ran over to him. Mae stood behind me, not moving. I wrapped my arms around my brother and stole a glimpse inside his room.

  Everyone blocked the view, but Bobby was definitely immobile on the bed. Peter knelt next to him, and Ezra bent over Bobby. Jack stood in the doorway, his arms crossed.

  “Everything’s gonna be okay,” I lied. He cried silent tears, and he was in shock.

  “I need O negative!” Ezra shouted.

  “O negative?” Jack repeated.

  “Yes! Now!” Ezra barked. Jack rushed past me and leapt down the stairs. “Where’s Mae? I need the IV!”

  “I’m right here, and I’ll get the kit!” Mae sprang to life and darted down the stairs.

  “He’s alive?” I asked.

  “Get Milo downstairs!” Peter growled, glaring at me.

  I listened for the sound of Bobby’s heart, but over the frantic beating of Milo’s and my own, it was impossible to hear. That didn’t mean anything, though. If he’d lost a lot of blood, his heartbeat would be really faint, probably too faint to hear over all the noise.

  “Alice!” Jack shouted as he came barreling back up the stairs. “Get Milo out of here! He doesn’t need to see this, okay?”

  Using all my strength, I pulled Milo away from his room. I had no idea where I would take him, but away was as much as I planned. By the time we made it to the stairs, Mae was already bounding back up them.

  “Everything will be okay, love,” Mae promised with a sad smile, but Milo didn’t even notice. After his initial screaming, he’d gone catatonic.

  Milo needed to be someplace where he couldn’t hear everything, and he needed to get cleaned up. So I took him into the main bathroom downstairs, and I turned on the sink to drown out all the other sounds. Putting the lid down on the toilet seat, I forced Milo to sit down. I got a washcloth wet to start wiping off his chest and mouth.

  “Did I really kill him, Alice?” Milo asked, staring off into nothing.

  “They’re working on him.” I evaded answering him. “They saved my life like that before, too. Ezra is really good at giving blood transfusions, apparently.”

  “I didn’t even…” He trailed off, and I stopped wiping at his chest to look at him. “We were fooling around, the same way we had been, and then… I bit him. And I didn’t even realize how much…. I didn’t know his heart stopped.”

  “You didn’t mean to.” That was the best I could come up with.

  “The thing is…” Milo became more animated, and his tears got heavier and louder. “I know that he isn’t ‘the one’ or whatever, not like what Peter was to you. But I love him, you know? I really do love him.”

  “I know, sweetie. It’s gonna be okay.” I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him.

  He was sobbing by then, and I just kept telling him it would be okay. I had no idea if that was the truth, but that was the only thing I could say.

  We stayed down in the bathroom for what felt like forever. I folded up towels and laid them on the floor, and I sat down with my back up against the tub. Milo lay down next to me and rested his head on my lap. All I could do was brush his hair back with my fingers, and eventually, he even stopped crying.

  When Jack opened the bathroom door, Milo jumped to his feet. I was too scared to move, as if me standing up would have an impact on whether Bobby lived or died.

  “He’s alive,” Jack said, but he wasn’t smiling. Milo almost fainted in relief, and he grasped onto the counter to keep from falling. I got up to catch him if he needed it. “But he lost a lot of blood. He’s not exactly stable yet.”

  “Can I see him?” Milo asked and wiped at his eyes.

  “Yeah, Ezra’s up there, and he’ll probably wanna talk to you too.” Jack touched Milo’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but Milo just sniffled and hurried past him.

  “So… how is Bobby?” I walked over to Jack.

  “Not good,” he said grimly. “He really almost didn’t make it. I mean, Milo drained that kid dry. It was bad.” Then he forced a smile at me. “But his heart’s beating, and that’s something.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest, surprised to find myself crying. Milo would never hurt anyone, and he really loved Bobby. It was terrifying to think that Bobby might die, and it’d be because they were in love and careless.

  It scared me even more when I thought about my relationship with Jack, and how I almost lost control with Peter. Milo was way more in control of himself than me, and he nearly killed Bobby.

  What would I do to Jack? Even with him being a vampire, I could find myself in the same situation, and that was too much.

  Worse still, Jane was still out there, doing that kind of thing all the time with strangers. Most of the vampires she picked up were probably more experienced than Milo and me, but maybe they weren’t. She had no way of knowing. And either way, they were still draining her of her blood, over and over again.

  Accidentally or on purpose, the odds of her dying were getting exponentially higher ever day that passed. I couldn’t let her do it anymore. As soon as things were settled with Milo and Bobby, I was taking Milo to the club, and we were taking her away. I don’t care if we had to kidnap her; I wasn’t going to just let her die.

  The
house was incredibly subdued. Mae didn’t tend to Bobby. Immediately after he was stable, she returned to her room. Ezra stationed himself in Milo’s room to monitor Bobby, but Jack later confided in me that Ezra had been crashing in the den with him the last few nights. Mae has all but kicked him out of their room.

  Milo didn’t feel right being around Bobby, and he was positive that Bobby would hate him when he woke up. I couldn’t convince him otherwise, but he wanted to bunk with me, and really, I didn’t mind.

  Milo cried in his sleep, but I didn’t say anything. After what he’d been through, I didn’t blame him. I don’t know what I would do if I did anything to Jack, and then I pushed the thought from my mind.

  I would never do anything to him, even if that meant I had to wait months and years to do things with him. Or maybe never do anything with him. I wasn’t going to hurt him, not like that.

  Not like that. I had to amend everything with that now, because I was clearly okay with hurting him other ways, as seen by me making out with Peter.

  That situation didn’t want to resolve itself quite so easily either. When I got up in the morning, I bumped into Peter in the hall. There was this awkward exchange where neither of us knew what to say and just kind of stared at each other.

  It was almost a full day after the transfusion that Bobby started to really come around. He’d had some hazy conversations before that, but he hadn’t been lucid. Milo was too afraid to go in and talk to him, even after Bobby had started asking for him.

  I even went in to talk to him, and Bobby repeatedly assured me that he didn’t blame Milo for what happened, and he still loved him. He was pale and tired, but otherwise, he seemed okay.

  Milo’s plan was to hide away from Bobby, so he went down into Mae’s room with her. Mae was abnormally useless in the situation. Jack and I ended up getting Bobby food and clothes and doing all the maternal/nurse things that Mae usually did, leaving him to survive entirely on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Campbell’s soup.

  He mostly slept at first, so I let it slide, but I wasn’t going to let Milo just hide while I took care of his boyfriend. I gave Milo another night to sleep on it, but the next day I would make him see Bobby.

  When I went to fetch Milo from Mae’s room, I brought Jack along with me. Milo was still pretty fond of Jack, and I thought he might listen to him, even if he wouldn’t listen to me. Stupidly, I thought Mae would encourage Milo to get up and deal with Bobby, but that wasn’t how new sulky Mae rolled. They were curled up in the dark, listening to Norah Jones.

  I flicked on the bedroom light, even though I didn’t really need it to see anything. I just felt like they needed a flash of something to wake them up. They both squinted at me and groaned, and Milo buried himself deeper in the blankets and pillows. “Milo, come on,” I said. “Bobby wants to see you.”

  “He does not!” Milo pulled the blanket entirely over his head, so his protests came out muffled.

  “I’m sure he does, love,” Mae sounded almost like her normal self. I don’t know if it was our presence or the light, but it momentarily snapped her out of her funk. She scooted a bit closer to Milo and pushed back his blanket. “He loves you, and you know he does.”

  “I can’t see him!” Milo said, fighting back tears. “Not ever!”

  “I know it seems major, but it’s really not as bad as you think.” Jack sat at the down at the end of the bed to coax Milo out. “I mean, it would be major for normal people, but he understood what he was getting into when he got involved with a vampire.”

  “Well, maybe I didn’t!” Milo whined, and he almost never did. Mae pushed back his hair from his forehead, and he rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand. “I don’t know how I can ever face him again.”

  “Just face him the same way you did before,” I shrugged. “You haven’t seen him, but if you had, you’d understand. He really doesn’t hold anything against you.”

  “But he should!” Milo pulled himself out from underneath the covers a bit more, but he just stared up at the ceiling. “I nearly killed him. He should hate me. Something should happen. There should be repercussions for my actions.”

  “You don’t think there are?” I asked. “Look at you!”

  “It’s not enough,” Milo said. “I mean, I’m a monster! I should be locked up and kept away from people forever!”

  “You’re not a monster, love.” Mae ran her fingers through his hair. “You’re just young, and you have some things to figure out. That’s all.”

  “The fact that you’re beating yourself up so much about this proves you’re not a monster,” Jack said. Milo looked at him, sniffling, and I thought Jack might have gotten through to him.

  “Have you ever done anything like that?” Milo asked him, sounding hopeful. If Jack had behaved somewhat like this, then it would make it okay that Milo had done this.

  “Well… no,” Jack replied hesitantly.

  “And you haven’t even bit anyone, so you have no idea what I’m going through,” Milo said to me, making me feel like an idiot and a loser.

  I really hated that he had more experience in all of this than I did. I wanted to be able to advise him and comfort him through this, but like everything else in life, he knew more about it than I did. I was completely useless to him as an older sister.

  “I have,” Mae said reluctantly. Milo and Jack looked at her with surprise, and she gave Jack a weird look out of the corner of her eye. “It was a long time ago, but I remember it very clearly. I know how terrible it feels, knowing that you almost took a life. But I also know that it’s something you can get past.”

  “So what happened?” Milo asked. The tears were drying under his eyes, and at least Mae had been able to distract him from his misery. “Was it with Ezra?”

  “No, he was a human, but he didn’t die, and that’s what matters.” Mae forced a smile, but there was something pained about it.

  “How come I’ve never heard about this before?” Jack looked confused. They had been very close, and Mae loved sharing things. “Was it before I turned?”

  “Yes, it was.” Mae shifted in the bed and tucked a curl back behind her ears.

  She sat up more and refused to look at Jack. Right now, he only felt bewildered and intrigued, but I got the impression that there was something that she wasn’t telling us, and it made me nervous.

  “Did he need a blood transfusion too?” Milo asked.

  “No, but it doesn’t matter how he survived. The point is that it doesn’t make you a monster for drinking too much.” Mae purposely turned more towards Milo, so her back was more to Jack. “It’s easy to forget how fragile humans can be, and that’s why it’s important to always be careful.”

  “Well, how bad was he?” Milo started to doubt her story since she couldn’t provide any details, but I knew she told the truth. She just left something out. “Did he lose a lot of blood?”

  “Yes, he was almost dead.” She closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead. “His heart had completely stopped beating.”

  “So what did you do?” Milo sat up straighter, and Jack looked very interested in her story.

  “We were… gone, and Ezra wasn’t there.” Mae sighed and shook her head. “It was a long time ago. I don’t know why all of this matters so much to you.”

  “I just don’t understand what happened. If he was that bad, how did he live? Did you take him to a hospital or something?” Milo asked.

  “No, there wasn’t enough time.” Mae opened her eyes, but she stared intently at the bedspread instead of looking at any of us. “It’s so easy to lose control, and that’s why I only drink bag blood anymore. I never want to feel that way again.”

  “Mae, what happened?” I demanded as gently as I could. A sick feeling was building up in my stomach.

  “We…” Mae exhaled shakily. “Peter turned him.”

  - 23 –

  Mae closed her eyes tightly, and for a second, nobody said anything. It felt like all the air had been sucked
out of the room. Milo’s brown eyes were even larger than normal, and he looked back and forth between Mae and Jack.

  Jack didn’t seem to feel anything. Then this shocked, nauseated panic spread out over him. His heart hammered in his chest.

  “What are you talking about?” Jack demanded, his voice quavering.

  “Jack, love.” Mae reached out for his hand, but he leapt up off the bed before she could touch him. Tears formed in her eyes. “It was a long time ago.”

  “No,” Jack shook his head, refusing to believe or understand what she said. “I followed two girls into the club, and then…” He ran a hand through his hair and stared off, trying to think. He’d never really remembered much about turning. “You told me that you found me in the alley, that they left me for dead.”

  “Nobody left you for dead, love.” She got up off the bed and took a step towards him, and he took a step back.

  “What really happened to me?” Jack shouted. She flinched at the anger in his voice.

  “You were at the club, and…” She trailed off. “You know how these things happen.”

  “No, I want you to tell me exactly what happened,” Jack glared at her. “I deserve to know what you really did to me!”

  “You were at the club, and I was hungry. I picked up people there a few times before, and I didn’t think anything of it. So I took you to one of the back rooms,” Mae said hurriedly, and Jack closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, Jack! Honestly! I never meant to hurt you! I didn’t even realize what I had done until it was too late! You weren’t breathing and your heart had stopped!”

  “I thought you couldn’t turn if you were dead,” he said but didn’t open his eyes.

  “I don’t know why it worked, but it did.” Mae walked closer to him, and he didn’t move. “I called for Peter, and he said the only thing we could do was turn you, so he did. And then we took you back home and took care of you and loved you.”

  She put her hand on his chest, and he let her, but he was visibly shaken. His heart beat erratically, and the color drained from his face.