Confidential

by Jack Parker

  "Bye Marcus," I laughed, hanging up.

  "Ready to go?" Anna stuck her head in. "We are allowed to drive ourselves today," Anna's voice held a light, teasing air to it, and dangled the keys in front of her.

  "Ohhh goodie."

  As Anna and I pulled up to the courthouse, we instantly saw the amount of reporters and attendees double from the day before. I looked at Anna and gulped. She turned to me and raised her eyebrows at the scene before us. "It's going to be a long couple months for you."

  * * *

  "Hey Heidi!" My former friend Katie waved to me awkwardly. I briefly looked up and gave her a forced smile. She stood in front of my desk, looking pristine and beautiful as ever. Now, living at my parents again, with no Anna to dress me, my roots needed to be touched up, my hair was straight again, and at best, I wore jeans instead of sweatpants. "Do you want to come sit with us at lunch today?" She asked meekly.

  I stared down at the paper in front of me, contemplating the thought. I had been sitting by myself; it was only my first couple of weeks back. But we only had a month left of school. I often wondered what I was even doing here. "Sure." I shrugged.

  "Okaaay. Um. I'll see you later then?" I just gave her another smile, and twirled my pencil around my fingers.

  The trial was coming to a close, and the press's interest slowly but surely was lost in the never-ending tragedies of the world. I never interviewed, I never gave any information away, and mostly kept to myself. Dylan, Marcus, and I still called each other regularly, but hadn't talked as much as I hoped. They were avoiding me, I could tell. Or more like, avoiding the situation. The only situation I could see was that Camdon and Kelly were becoming official.

  Thinking of this sometimes made it hard to breathe. It made me question everything that ever happened between us. Sometimes in my head, I would think about how he told me he never felt this way with a girl before, or how I was the only one he told about his dad, the only one to become close to his family.

  I wondered if Kelly had met his family, ate dinners over there as I had, or even talked to Ella. I missed Ella, Jill, and Joe. And I ached for Camdon. It was the only way I could even begin to describe the feeling. I thought about him, and my heart literally wrenched a little bit, and began to ache. My mind would wander, and I would imagine explaining everything to him, and then we would all be okay.

  When I wasn't so hurt about everything, I was kinda angry at him. Usually it was a mix, I missed him like crazy, I was hurt by the silent treatment, and I was pissed that he was upset in the first place. I mean, for a little while, fine. But its been what? A month and a half since I've been back? He's had time to think it over. A call would be nice. I tried desperately not to talk too much about it to Dylan and Marcus, because I knew how much it would annoy them. But, like all my relationships after I've moved, they begin to fade. And I go back to hurting again.

  As I shuffled into the cafeteria, a sick sense of dejavu hit me. I remembered being chased out of here by some creep that Mickey sent. I was hoping the school invested in some type of security. I sat between Lauren and Emma, and Katie sat across from me. They all stared at me for a little while before Emma finally was brave enough to speak.

  "So... You're blonde now?" She pushed her salad around with her fork. Quickly putting the lettuce into her mouth when she noticed I wasn't answering right away.

  "Yup. I'm thinking about going back to my natural color." It reminded me too much of what the past year had been, I was ready to move on. Even Dylan and Marcus, I could tell, was tired of answering the constant questions and curiosities of the town that had seen me on TV.

  "I like it blonde. But I kinda miss your reddish hair. Not many people have strawberry blonde. It's so unique." Katie put in, smiling.

  I smiled back. "Thanks. I miss it too. What have you guys been up to?"

  The atmosphere shifted, and it became less tense. They would all three continue to give me a play-by-play of their lives for the next couple days. It made me feel less lonely, but I still felt empty. These people didn't really know me. Eventually, Lauren got this great idea in her head.

  "Okay," She announced, and sat down with an air of authority. "I have an idea of what we should do this weekend."

  I raised my eyebrows. I hadn't officially been able to hang out with them on the weekends yet. Maybe they felt I had finally 'earned' my place back, once I had my hair dyed back to the natural color and started wearing semi-normal clothing again. I couldn't help but scoff at the thought.

  "I was thinking, since you keep moping around the place," She turned and told me, "And you just broke up with Andrew," She then looked at Katie, who flushed, "I contacted a couple super hot seniors that go to that private school, and got us all dates. We are going out Friday night." She beamed.

  I rolled my eyes, but knew I would be dragged into it anyways. "My parents won't be home," I offered.

  "Seriously?" Emma's eyes lit up with joy. She loved planning parties. "We could have a little kick-back!"

  "Fine by me." I mumbled. My mom had my dad move into a different 'safer' neighborhood, and by safer she meant richer. Our house had gained some square footage. And a pool.

  I wasn't too happy about being called mopey. I went out to dinner with Anna one day, and asked her about it.

  "Its not bad, its okay to sulk, and be sad over what you lost. You just need to learn to let go. Or move on." She said comfortingly.

  I got a little choked up but breathed deeply to make it go away. "All I've ever done is move on. I just want to stay. And with Camodn… it wasn't like other relationships. I know it was different. It's never been so easy to be around a person as it was with Camdon. It was special, at least, for me it was."

  Anna gave me a sad smile. "Honey, sometimes our first relationships are so intense, so real, that the pain of it ending seems a lot greater than it actually is. It will get easier, and if you want my honest opinion, Camdon's an idiot for not talking to you. You're a good person. You deserve someone who makes you happy, not sad all the time."

  I shook my head, "I'm a good person around Camdon. He makes me better. I can't even understand how he's just dating Kelly," I bitterly said.

  "Have you thought about dating someone new?" She quickly backtracked at my look, "Not anything serious, just to keep your mind off of Camdon. You never know, it might work."

  I frowned at the thought, thinking hard. If I dated someone, maybe it would be a distraction, hopefully it would be. But if Camdon loved me like he said he did, he would care if I started dating someone, he would be interested. And I could totally get Marcus and Dylan to talk about it, maybe make him jealous. That would work.

  Right?

  * * *

  Getting a boy can be easy, getting a quality one is not. But I wasn't really out for quality. I just wanted arm candy. So when Friday night rolled around, I looked decent for the first time since going to the trials. With my hair different, less people recognized me, or it took them much longer. Which was very, very, nice.

  Katie, Emma, and Lauren bounced into my new home, with about 15 or 20 other people I didn't know, and before I knew it, things were getting broken, people were hooking up, and drunks were puking. I didn't really care though. Call it acting out, but I didn't care what got broken. I wasn't cleaning up anyone's puke though. I practically humiliated this one kid to tears, as his sober friend got some towels and a sponge, and got on his hands and knees and cleaned my floor.

  I stood over him with my hands on my hips, "That should teach you to hold your liquor you little-"

  "Heidi!" Emma came and slid her arm through mine, pulling me away from the embarrassed group of friends. "This is Ian." She pinched me lightly, telling me that this was the guy they had picked for me. This was the guy that was supposed to stop me from mopping around.

  "Hey." His eyes grazed over the scene behind us. "You handled that well."

  At first, I got defensive, before I realized he was joking. "I'm definitely not going to clean that up."r />
  "This your house?" He asked. I nodded. "Ah. Nice place you got here."

  I shrugged. "It looks like a museum to me. That's why I invited my friends, maybe my parents will like it now that it's… warn in."

  He laughed at my attitude, and I reminded myself that I had to remember to be nice, a warmer person. I couldn't just shut him off, if I wanted to find out how Camdon felt, this seemed to be the only option I had, with him not answering my phone calls and all.

  Ian looked older than Camdon's boyish charm; he had blonde hair, and light blue eyes, so different from the deep blue of Camdon's. His voice was deeper, he spoke less, and wasn't as friendly. He was kind of nice, but only talked to some people. He was one of those people. Only talked to people of "his kind", the ones he felt were cool enough, where Camdon talked to everybody. I mentally shook my head. I needed to stop comparing them. That would be ridiculous.

  Ian wasn't hard to play though, all I had to do was show him around my house, make myself known to people, and touch his arm a couple times, and I knew he got the picture. I wasn't positive I got him though, until people came up to talk about seeing me on the news.

  "Heidi!" A tipsy guy slinked his arm around my waist, pulling me towards him. I let him get a little close, but pushed away from him after he started stumbling backwards. "I saw you on TV. Why didn't you stay blonde? I like blondes. Wouldn't she look better as a blonde?" He asked Ian, he was the third person to ask about me being on the news, and I could tell it spiked Ian's interest.

  Ian just gave him a blank stare, before shrugging. "I don't know man, I don't really think about hair that much." Making him feel incompetent, and gay. Nice.

  I smirked at his response, and Ian sent me a little wink, putting his arm around my shoulder and steering me away from the too-loud Sophomore behind us. "Why were you on TV?" He asked casually, but I could tell he was impressed that I was recognized.

  "I was helping the police out with a court case. I testified for it, the case got pretty big, so I got some air time."

  "Nice." He said appreciatively. "What are you doing next Saturday?"

  I smiled to myself. "I'm not sure. Why? Have anything interesting planned?"

  He gave me a sly smile, "Maybe." Ian pulled me closer to him so he could bend down and whisper in my ear, "Why don't you join me and find out?"

  I rolled my eyes. "I'll think about it."

  "You'll think about it?" He raised his eyebrows jokingly.

  "Yeah. Call me sometime, and that might help speed along the process." I took a sharpie from the kitchen drawer and wrote my number on his hand. He stared at me for a long while before I raised my eyebrow at him. "What?"

  "That's kind of hot. I always wanted a girl to do that." His gaze was light, and a crooked smile played on his lips.

  I laughed, "I'm glad I could help with that fantasy." I moved a little closer to him and tugged on his shirt. "Maybe… you could help me with some of mine?" I asked quietly, feeling the heat between our bodies.

  "Heidi!" Lauren ran in, "Oh… uh." She couldn't help but smile at us.

  Ian sighed in disappointment, "What?" He asked grumpily.

  "Someone else is puking."

  I took his hand and traced my phone number, "Don't loose this." I stood on my toes and gave him a quick kiss.

  "Trust me, I won't," I heard him mutter as I walked past him, ready to kick out some more idiots.

  Chapter 17

  "And it's finally getting to be perfect weather, no more chill spells, nothing." Dylan took a breath. It had been a couple days since we talked, and he had been talking for ten minutes straight, filling me in on everything that had been going on to his life, including the mundane topic of the weather.

  "Ugh. It's so hot out here. Finals are in two weeks, then school is oh-ver. I am so ready for it to be done. I asked my mom about it, used my begging skills, and pulled out the whole 'I had to go through a traumatic experience this year' card, and she was eager to spend money, so I planted the seed into her head about a vacation. And you and Marcus are totally invited, and I'm sure I can get my mom to pay for tickets out here. I think we'll go to California. I miss the beach."

  "Are you serious?" Dylan stuttered in disbelief. "I can't let her to that."

  "Trust me, she wants to. Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you." I clenched my hands eagerly, trying not to make it sound like too big of a deal.

  "What is it?" Dylan asked, absentmindedly.

  "I met a guy."

  His attention instantly snapped back. "What?"

  "He's really hot. And he's a year older. He's staying instate, if it becomes anything more than a summer fling, but still." I exaggerated a little bit. We had only hung out a couple times. But whatever.

  "Heidi! You can't!"

  "What?" I frowned. "Why not?"

  "You and Camdon belong together!"

  "Obviously Camdon doesn't think so, he's dating Kelly."

  "Yeah," Dylan groaned, "as his play thing. It's not serious at all. And he's still totally whipped over you. Marcus brings you up just to mess with him. You should see the look of pain on his face when he does, it's so depressing."

  "I'm sick of having a broken heart, Dylan." I said softly.

  He sighed, "Some things are worth hurting for."

  * * *

  "Hey there, sweetheart." Ian came and pulled me into a tight hug. "What are you doing tonight?"

  As a second semester senior, I feel like Ian forgets what it feels like to be a second semester Junior. Between SAT's and finals, I was sick of staring at words and numbers. But I didn't want to be in high school any longer than I have too, so passing was kind of important to me.

  "Studying for my math final tomorrow. What are you doing tonight?" I ignored the looks of Emma and Katie who were watching us closely a few lockers down, whispering excitedly. It seems my relationship with Ian was a little more public than I intended, and people tended to over exaggerate it. Ian wasn't one to squash any rumors though; he loved the attention.

  "Waiting for you to finish studying. Afterwards, do you want to grab a bite to eat?" I agreed, only so that I wouldn't have to talk to him any longer than I would have too. Ian was a little annoying. He was pretty good looking, but was an overall snob. He talked to impress, and always had an air about him that others found intimidating but I found ridiculous. Whenever we went out, all Ian tried to do was make everyone around him feel inferior to himself. Half the reason he was with me was because when we went out, people recognized me from being on the news. I couldn't wait to drop him, but it helped, being in a relationship. My parents and friends seemed to think I was back to my old self, I was accepted back into the school more easily, and I was hoping it was bothering Camdon.

  I could have made up the whole relationship to Dylan, but I couldn't lie to him. And being with Ian was easy enough, all I had to do was kiss him a little, and just respond when he spoke, he talked the whole time we hung out anyways. If conversation ever died, I just asked him about himself, and it was back for another couple hours. It didn't distract me from thinking of Camdon, and I felt lonelier than ever. Even with all these people back in my life, no one really noticed or knew me anymore. It just wasn't the same, and I couldn't help but think that this loneliness would only get worse.

  After a solid two hours of studying, I peered at my phone and grumbled to myself, watching it vibrate against my desk. I picked it up and answered, "Hello?"

  "Hey baby," I heard Ian's cocky grin come through the phone.

  I refrained from rolling my eyes, even though he couldn't see, "What's up?"

  "You still up for dinner tonight?" He asked.

  "Sure." An awkward silence ensued, where I waited for him to say something interesting or intelligent, but of course, nothing came. "What time?" I offered a bit to keep the conversation going.

  "Uh… I'll pick you up in a half hour?"

  "Okay." I began looking over more of my notes, thinking about how to convince my mom to let to boys come
with me to California.

  "Sweet." He chuckled, "Make sure you wear something that makes you look good."

  I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at in disbelief. "Right." I told him, before hanging up. A year ago, Ian would have been completely perfect. I would have loved to have an older boyfriend. That guy that was tall and muscular, good looking, and relatively easy to hang around. But now, to me he was just agitating. Wear something that makes me look good? What does that even mean? I suppose, he's kind of funny, except he's only funny when he's making fun of someone else. It's totally unnecessary, and his shallowness was getting on my nerves. He was one of those people I only wanted to see in small doses.