Confidential

by Jack Parker

  Ian came up to my door and knocked on it, like a gentleman, but in vain, because my mom was out looking for new cabinets for our kitchen and my dad was at work. I opened the door and forced a wide smile on my face, looping my arm in his, to go off to dinner. I wore I simple short jean skirt and tank top, showing off my arms and legs. I was comfortable, it was best to wear less clothing, it had begun to be too hot out.

  We sat across from each other in a cute diner, frequented by many people of our school, and Ian talked about going to college the whole time. All I ever thought about whenever Ian talked is how Camdon would never say that, Camdon would never act like that, or do that, or be that way. Camdon and I had conversations, you know, those lovely things involving two people. Ian was basically talking to himself. I just nodded my head and laughed sometimes, said 'totally' or 'yeah', and we were good. It was hard though, Ian didn't seem to distract me from thoughts about Camdon, he only seemed to make them worse.

  When the night ended he pulled into the empty drive way of my house, and leaned over and gave me a kiss. Kissing Ian was almost difficult. I normally just let my body take over when I kissed, but I had to consciously think about what to do, because everything about it seemed so wrong. Those weren't the lips I should be kissing, those aren't the eyes I should see, or the hair I should feel. I often wondered how Camdon found it so easy to kiss Kelly. Those were the things I thought about, while Ian assaulted me with his tongue.

  After several minutes, I pushed him away, "I better go." I gave him another quick kiss and slide out of the car, walking back to my house, my mood now somber.

  * * *

  I pulled out my phone and checked the time once again, and tapped my foot impatiently. "Moooooom!" I yelled up the stairs. "My flight leaves in an hour, and my cab is here. I'm leaving!"

  "Okay honey!" She called back; "Have fun!"

  I dragged my rolling suitcase out of my house as the cab pulled up the driveway. I threw my suitcase into the trunk, and told the cab driver where I wanted to go, and before I knew it we were on our way.

  School couldn't have ended fast enough, and I was going to Mission Beach for a week to stay in a condo my parents had rented. Originally, it was going to be a family trip, but my dad got caught up in a huge deal and my mom wanted to stay back a few days to finish the plans for remodeling the downstairs. So she was going to fly up Thursday, while Dylan and Marcus were coming up for Friday and Saturday. Sucks for them, they still have a month of school.

  I was more than excited to see my best friends, and even more excited to get away from pesky Ian, and my giggly school friends who did nothing but tan all day. I just wanted a couple of days to mope by myself, I haven't been able to in a while, finals kept me too busy. I wanted to drink all the alcohol in the condo, and imagine Camdon's lips on mine, without being bothered about pretending to be happy.

  So San Diego, with its gorgeous sunshine and dirty streets, was calling my name. It would be my safe haven for a whole week. And I had four whole days to myself, to do whatever I pleased.

  The condo was gorgeous-small, but gorgeous. It was a five minute walk from the board walk, and had three rooms, a kitchen, and a living room. There was Smirnoff, Captain Morgan, and Jack Daniels as well, until Marcus and Dylan came here, these would be my new roommates. I smiled appreciatively as I walked through the door, I could see myself having a very, very nice vacation.

  My phone started ringing, and I pulled it out and sighed as I saw the caller id. "What?" I asked annoyingly into the phone.

  "Hey baby." Ian's voice cooed.

  I rolled my eyes, "Please don't hey baby me. I told you we ended. Officially. As in, now I don't want to hear from you."

  Ian had given me the perfect opportunity to break up with him. He cheated on me, with some girl he met at his ASU orientation. I didn't really care, but it was a credible enough excuse to break up, and it gave my friends more drama to dwell on.

  He sighed, "Can't we still hang out? We can still be friends…" I could almost here the "with benefits" at the end of his sentence.

  "No." I said curtly. "I don't really want to talk to you. You're kind of annoying." I snapped my phone shut and turned it on silent. No more pesky messages from that boy.

  I grabbed myself a coke and some jack, making myself a mixed drink and taking delectable sips before slipping into a swim suit and pulling on some shorts. Stepping out of the apartment I closed the door gently, and began walking towards the beach.

  The beach has always held my heart. It's so beautiful, and the sound of the waves are so peaceful at night, and walking down the crowded area at dusk was pleasantly refreshing. It was relaxing, not having to do anything or keep up any appearances.

  I walked barefoot, my toes spreading out in the cool sand. I started humming to myself and walked mindlessly across the beach, until my moment was interrupted by being hit in the head with a frisby.

  This is one of the only faults I have with the beach. On perfectly nice days it's so crowded, with people rollerblading and skateboarding on the boardwalk, while others have pick up volleyball and soccer games in the sand. Balls are everywhere, frisbies are everywhere, and its embarrassing, getting hit in the face by one. And it hurts.

  "Ow." I said, rubbing my head and pouting. I was careful not to spill my drink, or get sand in it. I took a sip, to make sure it wasn't so full that it would spill over the edge when I bent down to pick up the frisby.

  "Sorry!" I deep voice shouted from afar. I couldn't help but glare at the five figures running my way. They interrupted my moment of peace: I couldn't help but be bitter.

  They were all in their late twenties or early thirties, and all relatively attractive. Three boys and two girls. One girl was beautiful, curvy and cute in her small bikini, the other was rail thin, but stood a little too pompously for me. The guys had nice bodies, and I tried not to stare as I could feel the alcohol starting to set in. I forgot how good looking people in California where, or maybe it was just because they were barely wearing clothes.

  So I was getting a little tipsy. Sue me.

  "Here, I'll take that," One of the guys came up to me and took the frisby, he was decent looking, I noted, but nothing to special. "Yo! Tom! Maybe you should learn how to throw next time."

  I didn't open my mouth, just stared curiously at the Tom figure. The one who was speaking turned to me again and smiled. "So what's a pretty little thing like you doing out and about?"

  I raised an eyebrow at him, trying to get him to stop staring at my chest. "Just out on a walk," I answered lightly, continuing to stare at the Tom character. He was average height, maybe six foot, muscular, with blonde hair trimmed short.

  "Like what you see?" He opened up his arms, making the whole group laugh.

  "You look really familiar…" I squinted at him, trying to place where I recognized him from.

  "What's in your drink there little darlin'?" The third one asked, taking a whiff. "Damnnnnn girlie. Someone's been boozing tonight."

  "How old are you?" Tom asked, laughing.

  I just shrugged at them, "Go back to playing frisbey," I turned and walked away, back to the condo, ignoring their calls and whistles.

  That night I had strange dreams of Camdon, with his arms out wide, saying "Don't you miss me?" In the same voice that Tom had joked with his friends. I restlessly turned back and forth.

  That morning I went running on the beach, enjoying the quiet serenity of the early morning, and after I began exploring shops. By ten my stomach began to interrupt my beach dress fetish, and I switched to looking for good restaurants. Did I want the greasy, amazing hamburgers and french-fries off the boardwalk? Or did I want one of those cute little diner places off the side of the road?

  I passed by a fancy looking place, right on the beach, with its deck open, and people in dress attire dining and chatting with one another. I stopped, and looked ahead as I saw Tom leaving the restaurant. I watched him walk towards me, in khaki pants and a nice oxford shirt, with his sleeves r
olled up. He was holding a business folder in one hand, and talking on the phone with the other, and flashed a smile that revealed a dimple. His face was boyish, looking misplaced with such a professionally dressed body, he laughed on the phone, saying something I couldn't quite here. As he passed by my still form, without even noticing me, I heard him say, "Yeah, I'll be at the bonfire, tonight right? At six? Cool, cool. Yeah, right where were tomorrow. Alright, I'll see you later."

  I froze, maybe it was out of boredom, although I hadn't even been in San Diego for more than a day, but his words haunted me. It was all I could think about, I obsessed over why I was obsessing with this guy. His voice was slightly familiar, his smile too. At first, I thought he may have worked with my father at some point. He was obviously a well to do business guy; that sounded like the type that started out with my dad. But it didn't quite fit. He was practically still a frat boy. I was too intrigued not to make my way down at the beach around six fifteen. It was still light out, the sun shinning pink in the sky. I made my way over towards a group of guys, before stopping and watching Tom walk my way. He was obviously not a very observant guy, because this was the second time today I had gone unnoticed. I wasn't even thinking, in fact, I must have been possessed, because one minute I was watching him walk passed me, and the next, I had stepped in front of him, blocking his way. He knocked me down of course, not quite ready for me to suddenly be in his way.

  "Are you okay? Sorry, I didn't see you there." He bent down to help me up, and when I looked up at his face I almost fainted.

  My sharp intake of breath had startled him much more than his presence surprised me. Those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. I'd know those eyes anywhere. "How old are you?" I blurted out, my voice demanding.

  "Uh…" He chuckled, a little taken aback, "33, I turn 34 next month." He gave me a strange look.

  His eyes were captivating, like Camdon's, but different. Camdon's were inquisitive, and searching, full of kindness. I never understood how his eyes could hold so much emotion to me. Tom's were different. They were pretty, but suspicious, and you could tell by his body position he was a little aggravated.

  "Look, I'm sorry I ran into you, but I really have to go," He stood up to walk away but I sprang up and grabbed his arm.

  I honestly don't know what had come over me, but my whole body was fired at up as I stared at the man in front of me. "Do you have any idea who I am?" I asked him, in a very demanding tone.

  "What?" He stared at me. "No... Why, should I?"

  "Yes." I said, my voice filled with malice. "You should know exactly who I am." I wasn't exactly sure where I was going with this, but I couldn't let this man walk away. I was furious, this man tortured the love of my life, left Jill empty with a son to raise. "But you don't, because you're a selfish prick who doesn't know the first thing about anything."

  "I think you have me confused with someone else."

  "No I don't, you're the bastard that walked out on his kid, and left Jill to raise him all on her own." My words were like ice through his veins. At the mention of Jill his body went completely rigid and he clenched his jaw, as if waiting would make this moment go away.

  "What?" He hissed. "Who are you?"

  "You have the same colored eyes as him you know. Your son." I folded my arms across my chest, shaking my head. "I knew you looked familiar."

  "You're crazy." His voice was not convincing, and he started to walk away. "I've never met you before."

  "So you didn't grow up in Franklin, Iowa? You didn't bolt out on your girlfriend, leaving her there to give up all of her dreams, just so you could chase your own? Did you ever think of calling? Huh?" I practically yelled. A part of me realized that if I was wrong, I would be locked away in a psych ward because of my crazy behavior, but I knew the color of Camdon's eyes better than I knew my own. I had been dreaming of them every night since I left.

  Tom angrily stalked towards me and started yelling in my face, "You don't have any idea what you're talking about. You don't know anything about why I did what I did."

  "I don't need to know. In fact, I don't want too. Because there is no justifiable reason to leave a child without a father."

  "I was seventeen! How was I supposed to be a father to him?" His face was heated and flushed, and I stared at him in disbelief.

  "He would have loved you either way, you idiot."

  His face contorted into several different emotions I couldn't read before his shoulders slumped. "It was a boy?" His voice cracked.

  I stayed silent, before my anger slightly subsided and reality started to sink in. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe Jill wanted to keep him in the dark after he left. I didn't know too much about the history there.

  "What's his name?" He asked again, pitifully.

  I still didn't respond, I was suddenly very aware that this was an extremely personal situation between people. Camdon would kill me if he saw me doing this. I stared at the man and assessed him one more time. I always thought it was the color of Camdon's eyes that had me so transfixed, but maybe it was just Camdon himself. As I stared into Tom's eyes, I admired them, sure, their color was so different, but it wasn't nearly as captivating as I found Camdon's. He was tan, and healthy. He obviously had a nice life here, living out and acting so youthful. Jill's life in comparison was so different. She acted middle-aged, never had a chance to have these experiences. This was a mistake. I didn't want him trying to contact them; that would only disrupt the serenity their little family unit now had.

  "I'm sorry to bother you-" I got out slowly, walking backwards, back to the Condo, "You're right, I don't know anything about this, it isn't my business." I turned and began hurrying down the boardwalk.

  "Wait! Don't leave!" He came after me and I started to run back to the condo, not wanting to deal with this any longer. Tom followed me all the way back to the condo, and I refused to answer any of his questions. I got to the front door and hesitated, deciding to pass it, not wanting him to know where I live, but it was too late, he had caught on. "This is where you're staying?" He gestured towards my door.

  "No." I said curtly. I knew he was harmless, I didn't feel threatened by him at all, but that didn't mean I wanted him to know where I lived.

  "Please." He begged, for the hundredth time. "I just want to find out about my son, and about Jill."

  "No!" I shouted at him, "You screwed up! You left! You chose not to find out about him. I'm sorry I did this to you, you just surprised me." I looked at him guiltily, "I should have controlled my temper better. It wasn't my place…"

  He gave me the stare of a man filled with pain; torturous, horrible pain. After several moments of silence, he finally turned and left, walking back towards the beach, his head down, as if in mourning.

  Chapter 18

  I went back into the condo and restlessly moved around, until I broke and called Anna.

  "Heidi! How's San Diego? I miss you already." Anna's sweet voice was at one end, and I heard a distinct male murmur on the other line.

  "Is that dear Patrick?" I asked teasingly, my moment of distress slightly forgotten, "Damn Anna! Get it girl!" I laughed at the thought of her hushing the man beside her.

  I could practically see her blush; there was a rustling movement, then I could no longer hear the detectives voice. "Don't be silly," She said to me, "What's up?"

  "I did something bad," I blurted out, nervously picking at my nail polish. Guilt over confronting Camdon's father beginning to eat at me.

  Anna was silent for several moments "Like…"

  "Like, found Camdon's dad in San Diego on accident and bitched him out on the beach."

  "Heidi you didn't!" She gasped.

  "I know! I was caught off guard! You know how Camdon looks like Jill? Yeah well, I kind of changed my mind. He looks like him. He's like, exact same height, build, eyes… and his name! I remember you telling me his name, that one time, when those people in your office were gossiping."

  "You shouldn't have done that!" She sighed, "His
dad? Really? How does that even happen?"

  "I know! I feel like the universe just shrunk a little bit." I banged my head lightly on the wall in front of me repeatedly, as if it would make the whole situation go away. "That's not even the worse part," I groaned, "I realized what I was getting into a little too late, and stopped talking, but now he's obsessed. He wants to know all about Camdon, but I don't know if Jill or Camdon wants him to know…" I looked up to the ceiling, "Ughh, Anna, what do I do?"

  "You can't deny that man information about his family... He obviously cares now, and regrets his decision. He has to be miserable, imagine how shocked he was. Its up to Camdon if he wants to forgive him, but his father has a right to know." Anna sighed, "He has a son, he should at least have a chance to know who he his."