Confidential

by Jack Parker

  "Does it have to come from me?" I asked meekly.

  "You're the one that started this, you have to finish it." Anna always knew what to say. Even if I didn't want to hear it, I knew she had a point. No one should be able to deny someone access to their child, if they wanted it.

  I sighed, knowing Anna was right, and for the next two hours I waited anxiously, because I knew there was no way he would be able to stay away. I eventually heard a knock on the door. I got up and yanked it open.

  "Before you say anything, can I just say, I will do anything, and I mean anything, if you just tell me about my son." Tom stood before me, his eyes red and face drawn; he looked like the last couple hours were complete hell.

  "You look like shit." I told him.

  "I feel like shit." He responded.

  "Good." I opened the door a little bit wider and let him in. "The only reason I am doing this is because I fucked up, and started all of this."

  He didn't say anything, I assume because he didn't want to push his luck. "I'm not going to tell you anything super personal." I told him.

  He gave me a torturous look, "Anything you tell me about him will be personal. He's my son. And I don't know anything about him." He paused, "I literally think about them ever day. I ache to know what they are like now, to know what it would be like to have a family, I wish I would have brought them out here with me."

  Curiosity started to stir in me, and I was interested as to why someone who claimed to have wanted to know his kid so badly, never tried to get a hold of him before. "I'll answer one of your questions, if you answer a question of mine."

  "Okay." The look of happiness that washed over his face was clear. His whole body lit up, and when he smiled, my heart hurt a little, it reminded me so much of Camdon. "Can I go first?" He asked, after my confirmation, he spoke, "What's his name?"

  "Camdon. Camdon Holland."

  "Camdon," He smiled, "Good name, I bet he's a looker huh?"

  I just raised my eyebrows at him, "He looks a lot like Jill, but he has your eyes."

  "Jill, she still as beautiful and brainy as ever?" Tom chuckled to himself, a far away look in his eyes, lost in his own memories.

  "Course. She knows everything. Anyway: my turn. What do you do now?"

  "Do? Like, as in work?" I nodded, "I'm a lawyer for a company based out of San Diego. That's why I live here."

  "You went to law school?" I frowned.

  "I played football at UCSB, got my undergrad there, and went to UCLA for law school. I've been working ever since." He hesitantly sat down on a chair. "Who are you? Are you from Franklin?"

  I slumped into a chair myself. "It's a horribly long story. But I'm not from Franklin. I lived there for a little while. Camdon and I sort of… dated. I guess." He raised his eyebrows at me and I shrugged. "I really love him, a lot." I blushed, "It's hard to explain, he feels like I lied to him, so he's not talking to me right now. And, after all this, he'll probably never talk to me again."

  "Why?"

  "Because he hates your guts." I told him bluntly, and the man visibly flinched. "You walked out on him. You didn't want him. You never bothered to contact them, at all. And in Camdon's eyes, you ruined Jill's life. You know how smart she is, who knows what she can accomplish in life."

  Tom put his head in his hands and shook his head, "I regret that everyday." He started shaking and I realized he was crying. I was a little freaked, because he was still a grown guy and everything, so I just watched him. "Jill was so great, she was the whole reason I could even get into UCSB, they weren't going to let me in because of my test scores." He stared at the ground for a couple moments, swallowing back tears and I'm sure a lifetime of guilt, before wiping his face. "I did ruin her life."

  "Now hold on." I got really defensive, staring at the man in front of me. "You didn't ruin her life." He looked up at me curiously, "You screwed her over, for sure, but Jill has a great life. She has the sweetest husband I have ever met, who adores her. She has two great children; and I mean amazing kids. She has a good job that lets her spend time with them, and allows her to read the thousands of books that take up her whole house. That whole town loves her; she's surrounded by people who care about her." I shook my head, seeing that even though he was broken, he was arrogant. "And look at you. You're alone. You have obnoxious friends, you missed out on knowing and raising one of the greatest people I know, you work at a boring job; the only good thing about your life is you live in California."

  "You are alone." I said again, with finality. He started crying again, a little harder this time, and I felt a little bad but not really.

  "I had a girlfriend for three years." He sniffled, after finally stopping to cry. "She wanted to get married, but all I could think about is Jill." He gulped, and turned his pretty blue eyes onto me, "She has a husband?" He asked, the sadness not hidden from his voice.

  "Yeah. He's amazing. They give me hope for marriage, I swear."

  "Is he as good looking as me?" He asked.

  "What? Are you serious?" I was a little agitated, "You are such a little-"

  He started laughing and put his hands out, "I was joking. Can you tell me about Camdon. Does he play any sports? Theatre? I'm assuming he's quite the charmer if he can get a girl like you to go soft." He grinned.

  I pulled my knees to my chest. I thought about how Camdon told me that people in his town were always waiting for him to screw up, to blame it on growing up without a father, how they always gossiped and speculated about him. "I don't think Camdon would like me sitting here and gossiping about him."

  "Please. Just tell me anything."

  "Okay…" I thought for along time on what to say, something that Camdon wouldn't be mad about me telling. "He's the president of the student body, as a junior. Which never, ever happens. I don't know if you remember, but only seniors get to run for executive board, because they monitor all the other class officers. But because he's Camdon," I rolled my eyes and shook my head smiling, "They let him run, and he won of course." I laughed, remembering the day before I had to leave, "He was having a hard time figuring out what to do for prom, because he had never been before, and he has to plan it."

  "People like him that much?" Tom's face was delighted; his smile was wide and bright.

  "Yeah. It's annoying actually. Everyone loves him," I laughed to myself, "I don't like to share. But, he's the most genuine person I know. Honestly, I don't know how he got to be so nice. And I mean, he's sweet to everybody, no matter who they are or how they act. I've almost never seen him angry…" My lip started trembling slightly and held my self a little tighter, hoping I would stop thinking about that night. I left, and he didn't stop me, he wanted me to go…

  "He doesn't play football?" Tom asked, a little disappointed.

  "No." I said sternly. "He doesn't like to be associated with you at all, I think that's why he's so nice." I wish I could have taken back the last couple of words but it was too late, I was already crushing this man's heart into bits. "He plays lacrosse, and does baseball sometimes, and I think he does track, I can't remember. He didn't do baseball this year because student council kept him too busy."

  "Is he smart?" Tom was hanging on to my every word.

  "Yeah, he's pretty smart. Not Jill smart, but he does his homework and stuff." I was starting to get a little bit uncomfortable, questioning whether or not I should stop talking. I don't think Camdon would like me sitting here and telling Tom all of this. He would either want to do it himself, or not tell him anything at all.

  "What about colleges?" Tom looked at me eagerly, his vibrant blue lighting up. "Maybe he could come out here, and I could get to know him."

  "I don't know," I spoke softly, "We never got to talk about it."

  He just sat there, as if he was absorbing all that I had told him. "Thank you so much. I have so many questions… What about Jill's family? You said she had two kids?"

  "Camdon and Ella." Talking about their family was not part of the deal. Camdon was very pro
tective about Ella. That I would not do.

  "How old is she?" Seeing that I remained silent when he asked, he brought it up again, "Do you think I could go see them?"

  I froze. "I- I- don't know." Camdon was going to kill me. He resented his father way too much. I don't know how he's not dying of curiosity though. I would want to know my father. Maybe it's the part of me that wants to be a long-lost princess or something, but I would at least want to know who they were.

  I asked him about it once, to which he replied, "Why would I want to know somebody, who didn't want to know me?"

  Oh if only he knew. "What changed?" I asked him, "Why are you now interested in Camdon, or haven't contacted them before."

  "I have. I called her old house phone, but they moved out my sophomore year, which was when I realized what a mistake I made. And after that, I was never brave enough to just show up there and look for them." He looked up at me hopefully, "But maybe I will be now."

  "Oh no no no no," I put my hand out, "Look, you could have looked for them, gotten their number somehow, you just didn't try hard enough. Don't try to play this off as one big misunderstanding. Because it's not. And they're living a good life. They won't necessarily want you to just show up and say 'Hey! I'm ready to be a dad now!'"

  "But I need this." He pleaded.

  "Isn't that what got you in this situation in the first place? You're only thinking about what you want, what YOU need. I can't speak for Camdon's family, but I don't exactly think that this is a good idea."

  "Just give me their phone number, or address, or something." He begged again.

  "No! That is not up to me-"

  "I won't tell them where I got it, I swear I won't, I'll say I got it from a private investigator or something."

  "I'm not going to lie to Camdon! I'm done doing that." I put my head in my hands, what a mess. "If you really think you should do this, you're doing it on your own. You show up to Franklin. Ask around about them, or contact one of your old highschool friends or something. But I can't be apart of this. I'm not going to help you turn that families life around."

  "You already did," Tom looked at me, shrugging, "What's done is done."

  I felt the blood drain from my face. I wasn't sure how Camdon would take this. As betrayal? Would he ever even call me again? Not to mention the distance between us. I felt an ache in my heart as it broke again. I wonder if I'll even be able to feel after this whole thing.

  "I think I need some time to myself." I spoke quietly, already regretting the whole day.

  Tom just stared at me for a little while before nodding. "Can I come back tomorrow? I'll take you to lunch or something. As a thank you,"

  I shrugged, "Sure."

  "I never got your name by the way."

  "Heidi." I mumbled curling up on the couch, waiting for him to leave so I could drift off to a sleep, where hopefully my heart would stop hurting so badly, and maybe the guilt would be gone when I would wake.

  "Well thank you Heidi. You did a lot for me, and if my son can't see what a true person you are, then maybe I should have stayed around to knock some sense into him."

  I smiled to myself, but didn't respond, curling up into ball and sinking into a deep sleep.

  * * *

  Tom and I walked into a nice restaurant and the hostess lead us to the best seat in the place, perfect view of the beach, outside, but not too close to the boardwalk.

  The pretty hostess smiled deviously at Tom, "It's good to see you again Tom," She set down our menu's suggestively, something I didn't even know was possible, and sauntered away from us, looking back at the good looking guy sitting across from me.

  I raised an eyebrow at him, he looked at me, "What?"

  I smirked but didn't answer, looking at a menu. I immediately found the most expensive thing on it, and decided to order that, a smoothie, and a sprite. I was going all out.

  "So, Where are your parents? Where are you from again?" Tom looked a little bit like a frat boy, an older one that was still in his law school days filled with keggers and whatever it is they do. He currently was at ease, and he was radiating joyfulness. It was gross. He was so happy, he was obsessing over what to do and say, he had officially made up his mind that he was going to see his son.

  "I'm from Phoenix." I watched as he captured the attention of a lot of the younger ladies in the room. "And my parents are busy."

  He sighed. "Come on, there's no need to be so frosty towards me. I'm trying to make conversation, get to know the girl who's in love with my son."

  My Son. He needed to stop referring to Camdon as his son. I don't know if Camdon would like it. Joe's a good guy; I don't think he would like it either. "My mom comes up in a couple days, and so do some of my friends. I get some time to myself, which is really nice, I've had a pretty hectic year."

  Tom nodded knowingly, "Yeah, junior year is a tough one."

  I didn't respond, and instead talked to the waitress who appeared in front of us. "Would you guys like some drinks?"

  "Yes, I'll have a glass of wine, thanks." Tom smiled at the young woman, who flushed and continued to eye him suggestively.

  "I'll have a mango smoothie, with whip cream, and a sprite please." I looked at the menu, "Oh! And an appetizer would be good, we'll have the brie cheese and apple biscotti."

  The waitress scrambled to write everything I had to say down, and I flashed Tom a snide grin.

  He shook his head and laughed, not saying anything, until the waitress came back to take our order and I asked for the lobster, and the scallops.

  "You literally ordered the two most expensive things on this menu."

  "You literally abandoned the love of my life."

  Tom chuckled a little bit before realizing that I wasn't joking. "The love of your life? Really? You don't think you're being a bit dramatic?"

  I glared at him over the apple and brie cheese biscotti I was eating. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."

  "I'm not trying to insult you." Tom took one and began eating it too. "I'm trying to explain that you're young. Really young. You have no idea who else you might meet, when you go to college, your whole world changes." He shrugged, "And, you're in high school in Arizona, he lives in Iowa, and even though you love him, I don't doubt that… but the love of your life?" Shaking his head, he said, "It's a bit unrealistic."

  I thought for a couple moments about what he said. "I'm not going to say that I'll never meet anyone that I like as much as Camdon, but I have never met anyone who makes me such a better person. And I know that some people say it's just a phase, first love or whatever, but I don't think so. Camdon's someone whose going to be in my life forever, I can feel it." I stared at Tom, "I don't know if we'll still be together, but we'll always be drawn to each other, its weird." I shrugged.

  "Okay, if that's what you really believe."

  Tom continued to pester me. But he would take me out to really nice restaurants, for almost every meal, lunch, dinner, ice cream, whatever. I was probably gaining weight. But I knew it would be awkward, to explain to my mom why a thirty-something-year old man was taking me out to eat. It did come off as a little weird, but I got it. He thrived on anything and everything I said about Camdon or Jill, even Ella or Joe. I was really careful not to say anything, I never did give him more information after that night, but I would mention Jill teaching me about Dante, or Camdon during a lacrosse game, and it had an immediate affect on Tom.

  He was nice to me, but I still felt a little bitter towards him, but I couldn't stop his plan of coming to Franklin, and I didn't want to tell Camdon he was, because Camdon never called, and I assumed he didn't want to talk. Dylan and Marcus were coming soon, and I was trying desperately for Tom to leave me alone.

  Its not that I didn't like him, he was fine, I just didn't want him coming by. They weren't idiots; they could put two and two together, and I'm sure they would notice Tom's eyes. It was causing a lot of anxiety on my part. I told Tom that he wasn't allowed to be around Marcus and Dylan, be
cause I didn't want them recognizing him, but he didn't think they would. I finally told him I would pretend like I had no idea who he was, and tell them he was a stalker or something, before he agreed to stay very, very, far away from the condo. After that was cleared up, my mom had called to let me know she wouldn't be there at all. The bamboo wood she imported was the wrong color. It was causing quite the disaster. So the morning Marcus and Dylan came in, I cleaned up the house and proudly set up the guest rooms for them, excited that we had the weekend to ourselves.

  I took a taxi out to meet them at the airport, and walked down to the front gate, waiting impatiently.

  The first person I saw was Marcus, and I couldn't help but break out into a big grin and run full speed at him, jumping into his open arms. He lifted me up and spun me around and hugged me tight. I sighed and relaxed into my friends hug, already feeling better.