Confidential

by Jack Parker

  "I missed you so much! Please tell me that you dumped that skank." He set me down and I smiled up at his tall form.

  "Nope. Still going strong. Guess it just took a real man to tame the beast." He flexed his muscles and I just shoved him playfully. I was absolutely glowing; I had missed them so much.

  "Hey, where's Dylan?" I asked curiously, trying to look over his shoulder, Marcus stepped in front of my view. I tried to move to the other side and he did it again.

  "Heidi." Marcus said, his devilish grin on his face, I instantly stopped.

  "What…?" I turned my head questioningly, squinting at him. "What did you do?"

  "Nothing! Nothing. Chill out. I'm just asking you, if you would please, keep an open mind." He put out his hands hesitantly.

  "What?" I asked again, I was not understanding him at all. "I don't get this. Can I just see Dylan please?" I stood on my tip toes to look over Marcus's shoulders but he was too damn tall. "Ugh, Marcus! Are you serious? Move." I laughed and had to do a little move to maneuver away from him and looked up to find Dylan and froze.

  Camdon stood a couple feet away from me, watching me with weary, sad eyes.

  Chapter 19

  I was pretty sure the world stopped. My heart definitely did. I was so stunned I couldn't speak.

  "Surprise," Marcus said meekly. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. I was vaguely aware of Dylan coming up next to me, but Marcus pulled him away. "We're going to get something to eat, we're starving."

  Camdon stood in front of me, and it was like I hadn't seen him in years. He looked even better than the way I remembered him, if that was possible. My whole body was jerking, wanting to be near him, and I had to force myself to stay put. I imagined myself doing what I had dreamed of the past weeks, and run up and hug him, being able to feel his arms wrap around me, knowing that we were okay. I blinked, trying to bring myself back to reality. I wasn't sure how long we stood there, but it was past the awkward stage. Camdon, always being the one to smooth things over, cleared his throat, as if he was going to say something, but didn't.

  A man hurriedly walked past me, knocking me to the side, simultaneously taking me out of my trance. My eyes quickly found Camdon again, unable to leave his form, and I took a couple steps forward, hesitantly at first, before we were only a couple inches from each other.

  That was as brave as I seemed to get, that or I was just content at being so close to him again. I was so close, all I had to do was lift my arm, and I would be able to touch him. My body hummed simultaneously with electricity and serenity. For now, just being near him was enough. I saw him gulp as he hesitated at first, before reaching out and taking a strand of my hair into his hands, twirling it around his finger. He stared at it, mesmerized, before turning his gaze towards me.

  "Your hair is different." He said quietly. "Its straight… and not blonde."

  I smiled weakly. "Its my natural color." I had to look away from him, "My hair is normally straight."

  "Did you change it because of the-the-" He couldn't seem to get the words out and I nodded, not wanting to bring anything up.

  We stood there for a little while longer, and it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything else, and I was too flustered to do anything but marvel in our proximity to each other. I was used to him being hundreds of miles away, unreachable. And here he was. I wondered if Dylan and Marcus dragged him here, the thought made an overwhelming amount of sadness move through me. "We should probably get back to the condo-"

  "Right." Camdon nodded, following me as I got Dylan and Marcus.

  I thought the ride back to our place would be more awkward than anything I'd ever experienced, but it wasn't. We just talked about Clarissa the whole time, and I finally realized why Marcus was the one to come out and greet me. Dylan was practically seizing he was fidgeting so badly. It would have been too easy to spot that something was up; I don't even know how he kept this a secret from me. I would have to talk to them later. But as it was I could barely concentrate, with Camdon sitting in the seat in front of me. A part of me felt pathetic, I had a backbone, I knew I was stronger than this. I could survive a malicious drug lord, but when it came to a guy, I crumbled into some type of…girl. But I needed him more than I had ever needed any one. When I was with him I felt whole, he brought out a side in me I didn't know I had. He made me realized what I valued in life, what came to be important to me. I left my shallow life behind; he showed me a new one, with friends and family, even love. It was worse, being near him and not having things right. As if a temptation was in front of me, constantly making my mind think of how we could be, if things went back to normal. How happy we all could be. It was hard for me not to start crying over the fact that he wouldn't even look at me, or that I couldn't ask him how he was doing. I wanted to know how he had been, how Ella was, and Jill and Joe. Just thinking about it all sent me into a tizzy. By the time we got back to the apartment, Dylan definitely noticed my state.

  He gave me worried looks, before soothingly squeezing my hand. Dylan tugged on Marcus, being glaringly obvious, "Do you care if we check out the beach? I've never seen the ocean before."

  I wasn't even focusing straight, but I appreciated what they were doing, "Don't get lost," I told them absentmindedly, I wasn't fully paying attention to anything but the person that held my heart, standing right in front of me, I only had eyes for Camdon.

  Camdon sighed heavily as he watched them walk away; it was apparently obvious that they were trying to get us to work things out. I stepped into the condo, Camdon right behind me. I shut the door and turned to face him before bursting into tears.

  He seemed a little surprised, but I didn't care, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself to him tight. I officially lost all control of myself. The last couple weeks had been a hard one, emotionally, and I really had needed him. Being able to feel him only made it worse, I couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Please stop being mad." I sobbed into his shoulder, "Please."

  He tried to gently pull me away from him, which only broke my heart more. I stepped away, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I instantly felt embarrassed, and I tried to breathe to make myself calm down. "You don't have to be here if you don't want-" I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. After a couple moments I, humiliated that I had just sobbed on his shoulder, asked in a small voice, "Will you say something?"

  Camdon's eyes stared at me, and I knew I must have looked pathetic, but honestly, I couldn't have our situation be like this. "You can be with Kelly," I began, attempting to smooth things over, anything was better than this silence, "I won't bother you about it, I just want to be able to talk to you again…I miss you." My lip started trembling, but I bit it, hard, waiting for an answer.

  "I feel like the biggest jackass in the world." I had to blink a couple times to comprehend that he was speaking to me.

  "What?"

  He went over to me, and ran a hand through my hair again, staring at it curiously. "It looks so different." I remained still and silent. "I saw your testimony on T.V. I must have watched it a hundred times." He laughed darkly to himself. "I read every article, every report about that whole case." And finally, what I had been waiting for the whole time we had been apart, was those beautiful, beautiful eyes, staring into mine. The way he looked at me, really looked at me. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I have no idea what that must have been like."

  I started crying again. I honestly can't remember anyone actually saying that. Saying it to me so truly, like they actually cared, and wasn't just interested in some nitty gritty detail I could tell them. He pulled me with him as he sat down on the big chair we had in the front room. I curled up into his lap and closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I ran my hand through his hair, which had gotten longer. I gripped it and let it go, letting my fingers trail down his face lightly. He just watched me, as if I was the only thing he ever wanted to see.

  I never wanted to move, his arms wrapped around me, I fit perfectly, I felt perfect.
But our faces were so close, I missed him so much, and I saw the way his eyes kept drifting to my lips. It was like I was transfixed, in some type of trance, I took both of my hands and roughly ran them through his hair, he closed his eyes and sighed. I let them fall from his head down his neck to his chest, and ran my fingers along his shoulders, down and up his arm, back to his face again, to lightly run my fingers along his lips.

  "Heidi," He breathed, his eyes still closed, seemingly in a haze.

  I was wide-awake though, and I immediately slid off of him and was on the other side of the room. Camdon's eyes fluttered open. "What's wrong?" He sounded concerned, "Did I do something?" Then something dawned on his face.

  "Oh." He mumbled.

  "What?" I asked meekly, I was hugging myself, still frazzled and upset, not quite sure what to make of our situation.

  "Your with that Ian kid right?" I heard a distinct anger in his voice that made part of me really happy.

  "What?" I practically laughed.

  "That guy, Ian, Marcus showed me on Facebook. He looks… older."

  "No." I rolled my eyes at the "fond" memories I had of Ian, "We're not together anymore. He cheated on me."

  "What?" Camdon stood up from the chair, his face getting a little red. "Are you kidding me? Tell me you kicked this guy in the balls, Heidi," He looked totally distraught, he opened his mouth to speak, but ended up letting out a huff of anger, he was so mad he couldn't get anything out.

  "Its okay-" I began, but was interrupted by a raging Camdon.

  "It is not okay!" He practically yelled. "Cheating on you is definitely not okay!"

  "I didn't like him anyway. Like, at all. I just did it to get back at you for hooking up with Kelly."

  "You-, you-," He was clearly flustered as he comprehended my words," You WHAT?" He glared at me. "Oh Jesus, that asshole actually kissed you," His voice was revolted, protective, "I think I'm going to be sick." He propped himself up against the wall, facing away from me.

  I had never seen him like this, never seen him get mad like this, except when I told him I had to leave. This was different though; he was just pissed off. And Camdon never got mad at people. "Hey! I would never have done it if you didn't start hooking up with Kelly. Do you know how shitty that made me feel?" I stood by his side so he would have to look at me. "Do you?" I asked again, to let him know I was expecting an answer.

  He shook his head slowly, his eyes growing sad. I hope he didn't think that just because I had been a blubbering mess, I was going to forget what he did, "It made me think I was interesting to you because I was someone new. That you were tired of me and moving on to another girl like you always do."

  "It wasn't like that." He put his hands on either side of my face.

  It felt so good that I didn't pull away. "Really? Then what was it like?"

  "I just wanted to stop thinking about you." He whispered, "Because you hurt me so badly."

  At this I did pull away, ready to argue, but he took my hand, "I know you didn't meant to. I know I shouldn't have gotten angry, but I couldn't help it. And I kissed her a couple times, but it never went further. I ended it… but Dylan and Marcus started telling me you were with that guy, and I figured I missed my chance."

  I scoffed, "You'll always have a chance." I looked right into his eyes, "Forever. And that scares me."

  "You mean that?" He asked. I started to nod my head in confirmation, but Camdon had already started kissing me.

  He picked me up and pressed me against the wall. His kisses were all over, first my mouth, then my neck, my temple, my forehead. I was starting to get dizzy, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling us closer.

  He kept sighing contently between our kisses, and clutched my thighs, gripping them tight. "I've missed you so much." He mumbled into my lips, "I'm sorry." Our kisses were more intense than anything I had experienced, our bodies slowly starting to move against each other.

  "I'm glad you guys patched things up." My eyes snapped open and Camdon set me down on my feet like I was a hot potato.

  I usually don't blush, but my face was as red as it would ever be. Marcus and Dylan stood in front of us, Dylan smiling in relief and Marcus laughing. "You left the door unlocked, nice going champ."

  "Shut up," I mumbled, but I felt Camdon's hand grab mine, I looked up at him and he pulled me back for one more long kiss.

  "Okay stop." Dylan said, "If I knew it was going to be like this, we would have never agreed to let Camdon come along."

  "You asked to come?" I asked, surprised.

  He nodded, burying his head into my neck, mumbling, "I was going to convince you to leave that bastard and come back to me." I grinned at his words.

  "So, what do we do in dear old California?" Marcus stretched. "I'm ready to go out."

  I dragged Camdon with me, as I showed them the guest rooms, glad my mom wasn't going to be coming. She would freak if she knew that there was three guys staying at the Condo.

  "Uh… when does your mom come?" Dylan asked nervously.

  "She's not. Good thing too." I squeezed Camdon's hand.

  "How is she cool with you chilling with a couple guys?" Marcus wondered, checking out the rest of the place. "You're parents can't be that neglectful."

  "I told her that you were gay, and said Dylan was a girl." I said, totally nonchalant, as an outburst of anger came from Dylan and Marcus, I ignored them, and went to bribe them with drinks.

  Camdon chose not to have any, and I didn't either, but Dylan and Marcus took a couple shots and brought a mixed drink on the way. We all walked down to the beach together, splashing into the water, and I dragged them to beach shops, as corny as they were, they were kind of a right of passage. We also got Henna tattoos, and rode some rides at a local theme park.

  When it was apparent that Dylan was a light weight, and Marcus finished off the rest of Dylan's drink and his own, Camdon and I were practically dragging them up the stairs of my Condo.

  "Heidi. Your lucky you have me and Dylan as best friends." Marcus slurred, throwing his heavy arm across my shoulder. I bent a little from the weight of it, and laughed, "Yeah, I know." I shoved him on the bed, "Now go to sleep already."

  Dylan was already out, Camdon was literally keeping him upright, we took him to the next room and set him down gently. I kissed Dylan's head, "Night Dylan," I whispered into the room shutting the door.

  I shook my head, laughing lightly at my friends. I looked at Camdon, who was frowning, staring at Marcus's door.

  "What?" I asked him.

  Camdon shrugged. "You guys just seem pretty close that's all."

  "Oh come on." I said.

  "I'm only saying, you were really happy to see him at the airport, but when you saw me-"

  I pressed my lips to his to make him stop talking. I kissed him roughly, pulling him to my room. Camdon closed the door with his foot, and then pushed us back on the bed. He settled himself on top of me, and gave me a wicked grin, his hands slowly slipped inside my jeans and a moan escaped from my mouth.

  He smiled, and continued to unbutton my jeans, gradually pulling them off, kissing down my legs as the skin became exposed. I wasn't nearly as patient as he was, and ripped off his shirt and pulled off mine. He laughed before coming back to lean over me, and I wrapped my legs around him, moving them up and down his own leg as he kissed me. His breathing was getting heavier and heavier as I continued to move under him, and I gripped his shoulders tight as his body grinded into mine.

  Out breathes hitched as he stopped kissing me, repeating his movements, keeping his eyes locked on mine. Our grinding became faster, his hips dug deeper, and I started breathing heavily, gripping his arms tightly.

  "Mmmmm." I couldn't help the noises I made, and neither could he.

  "Holy shit." He panted. "We need to stop."

  I shook my head, wanting more, I met his movements this time, and I wanted so badly to take away all that was keeping us apart. I began pulling down his boxers but he put his hand over mine, bringin
g it behind his neck.

  He pressed himself to me one last time, and put his mouth over mine to quiet our soft groans. "We can't do this here," He whispered, still panting.

  "Yes we can," I moved my hand down his stomach and slipped it into his boxers, running my hand over him, "You can't be this hard and not-"

  He groaned and started kissing me with so much force, I forgot where I was. He pressed his body even closer to mine and pulled my hand away again. "Seriously." Camdon pleaded. "I don't want us to end up in a situation…like my mom." He kissed my neck gently, not trying to untangle himself from me, but still making a safe distance. I stayed there wide-eyed, and I felt dread creep up through me. Camdon's presence was so distracting I practically forgot about Tom.

  How could that slip my mind? How, the moment I saw him, did I not think to tell him I met his father the other day?

  "You okay?" He asked worriedly. I traced circles on his back mindlessly, as he tried to roll off from on top of me, but I shook my head. "I just want to stay like this." Enjoy your company while I can.

  "Okay." We stayed like that for a long time, him continuing to kissing me lightly, filling my heart while hurting it at the same time. My eyelids became heavy, and my breathing even, as he laid beside me, pulling me into his side. I curled up happily, "I missed you." He whispered in my ear.

  "I love you." I whispered back, not even realizing what I was saying. I was sleepy, and sad, and it wasn't meant to slip out, but I didn't regret it, even when I felt him tense beside me.

  "Really?" He asked.

  I turned to look into the depth of his eyes. "Of course. Always."

  He started kissing me again, and things were starting to get heated, my tiredness forgotten, and just as I was sure I would be able to make Camdon cave, my phone started going off. It startled us both and I turned to look at it, glaring. It was Anna.