by Nicole Dykes
Shane starts toward the door and gestures for me to follow. I oblige, even though I want to run away. I can't believe I'm here.
My heels dig into the gravel as we walk up to the front door. Shane rings the doorbell.
Moments later, Logan pulls the door open and stills. His angry eyes size me up. His gaze scorches my skin as it starts at my feet and slowly moves up my body until his eyes, that were once full of love, meet mine. “Maddie.”
“She goes by Jamie now.” I hear Shane speak next to me, but I can't pry my eyes from Logan.
Sweet Jesus, time has only been good to him. His dark hair is a little longer on top, giving it a rough, shaggy look. His cheeks and chin are covered with a few days of dark, sexy stubble. I’m pretty sure whatever business he and Shane are in, he isn't stuck behind a desk all day because his body is cut and toned. His skin has been kissed by the sun, and the boy I once knew has morphed in a grown-up, gorgeous man.
But the bright smile that was usually on his handsome face is now gone. He looks like Shane with a tight-lipped grimace as he stares at me, years of hurt and anger under the surface.
No question, this version of Logan despises me.
“You changed your name?”
I nod. “I needed a change.”
He's looking at me like he could strangle me, his eyes smoldering with hatred. I knew he would hate me for what I did, but I never thought I'd have to witness it in person.
“I’m not calling you Jamie.”
“Yeah, you’ll always be Maddison James to us.” Shane nudges my shoulder and looks at his brother. “Maddie has something to tell you.”
Logan's gaze fixes on me, and I inhale deeply, ready to spill my guts when a young girl walks to the door.
She's beautiful. Her long, brown hair reaches halfway down her back, and although she’s dressed like a tomboy in jeans and a simple baggy tee, but I notice a hint of makeup on her eyes and smell sweet perfume.
She stands next to Logan, looks at him questioningly and then turns to Shane. “Is this my mother?”
I stare at her in stunned silence while Logan grabs his jacket and brushes past Shane and me, looking back at the girl. “Yes, Claire. This is your mom.”
“Where are you going?” Shane asks while I’m still in shock.
“Leaving the happy family to talk.”
He takes off, and I hear a low growl come from Shane's throat as he gestures for me to walk in with him.
We move to Logan's living room, but I can't stop staring at the girl in front of me. We all take a seat. Shane and I sit on the couch and the girl in an oversized chair.
“Your name’s Claire.”
“Yes. My mom named me after her grandma.”
Her mom.
I’m not sure why that sends pain through my heart, but I keep pushing. “They told me you were going to a great couple.”
Claire nods and plays with a silver necklace with a twisted heart around her neck. “I did. They were the best parents I could have asked for.”
My throat dries up as I ask the next question, my voice cracking, “They died?”
Her eyes darken, but there are no tears. She’s definitely a Keller. “Yes, in a freak accident two years ago.”
I can tell she doesn’t want to discuss it further, and I don’t feel like I have the right to push. “And then you went into foster care?”
“Yes.” She jumps up from her seat, her tone dripping with teenage angst. “I’m not here to play catch up, Maddison. I’m here because I need a place to stay. I can't go back into the foster care system . . .”
“Do they know you’re missing?” I interrupt, and I get an exaggerated sigh and eye roll.
“I doubt it. My foster parents probably won't bother to report I’m gone until their check is in jeopardy. But like I was saying, I just need a place to crash until I can start working and get emancipated.”
Shane and I share a look, and it’s apparent he’s heard this. “Seems fair.”
I look back over at Claire. “I . . . umm.”
“Look, I don't care which one of you I stay with. I don't need much, and believe me, I can take care of myself.” She looks over at Shane. “All though I’d prefer not to go back to Kansas City.”
Shane leans forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. “She wants to live with her father.”
I know what he's getting at as I address the pissed-off teenager who reminds me of a mix of me and my sister Kayleigh. “Claire, Shane isn't your father. Logan is.”
Wow, after fourteen years of keeping that lie tucked deep inside, the confession feels almost empowering.
Fifteen
Logan
I stare out over the wooden fence I built when I first bought this land and look out at the pond.
Maddison James.
Or Jamie, as she goes by now.
Fuck!
The mere sight of her still takes my breath away, even though now I see something completely different under her beautiful exterior.
She looks the same but also more grown-up. Her curves are more apparent under her expensive clothes, and her long legs are still toned and tanned, which tells me she's probably kept up with her daily run.
Seeing my brother and Maddie with their daughter was too fucking much for me, and I couldn’t breathe.
If they decide to be one big happy family, I may lose my shit entirely.
Claire is a cool kid, rough around the edges, but kind of funny.
The day we spent together wasn't awful. Even though we didn’t talk much, she did let me in on a little about her experience with foster care.
Living in an overcrowded house with people that saw her only as a means to a monthly check and someone to clean their house or watch their kids.
And she didn’t say it outright, but I think her last foster father gave her the creeps. If the motherfucker touched her, he's dead. But I didn’t get the impression that he got that far.
Strange how protective I feel over a girl who is essentially a stranger.
I can sense Shane's presence behind me without turning around. “I’m not talking about it.”
His boots crunch the hard grass as he takes the spot next to me, leaning his arms on the fence. “Believe me, the last fucking thing I want is to talk.”
“So, don't.”
“You need to talk to Maddie.”
“Fuck Maddie.” I turn and face my brother. “She told me she was in love with someone else. Never once did your name cross my mind.”
He turns away and looks out at the pond. “I know what happened changed you.”
I scoff. Changed me? It fucking destroyed me.
I wasn’t a naïve optimist, but up until then I still thought there was good in the world. Thought there was a chance to be happy.
Since then, I’ve been drifting aimlessly, never starting a family or falling in love. What’s the point? I thought I was in love with Maddie, and turns out, I was just a fling to her, a cock to ride until she got bored and started fucking my brother.
I grip the fence, my knuckles turning white as rage boils back up. “Get out of here, Shane.”
We both turn as the sound of grass being crushed comes from behind us, and I groan when I see it’s Maddie.
Shane hesitantly pats my shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. “We'll talk later.” His eyes meet Maddie's briefly as he walks past her to his truck.
After he drives off, Maddie and I enter into a stare-down, neither of us moving.
“What do you want, Maddie?” My teeth are clenched as I ask the question.
The wind blows her wavy hair, and she tucks it behind her ear. “I don't know, Logan. I need to tell you the truth, but there's a part of me that knows we can never go back after I do.”
“Go back to what, Maddie? And what the fuck are you talking about?”
“I guess you’re right. There's nothing to go back to.” I’m confused by her rambling and notice her playing with the hem of her silk blouse that was more than
likely tucked in earlier today but has since become loose.
“Logan, I lied to you.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
“No.” She bites her bottom lip, and for a brief moment, I see a flash of the sweet, innocent girl I once knew. “Logan. I’ve never slept with Shane.”
“What?”
She takes a step closer to me, her black, high heels looking almost comical in the dirt and grass of my country backyard. “Shane and I never had sex. Not once.”
I look back up at my house, thinking about the girl inside and then look back at Maddie. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Claire is not Shane's child.”
“His name is on the birth certificate.”
A single tear slides down Maddie's cheek, and she wipes it away, nodding her head. “I begged him to sign it.”
“Who’s her father then?” My jaw ticks, not wanting to hear another lie come from her mouth.
“She’s yours, Logan. Claire is your daughter. I lied when I said there was someone else.”
Fuck, my heart clenches as my stomach sinks and reality hits.
“We always used protection, no matter what.” Even the time we were drunk and fucked against someone’s car, she never lost total control.
“Sometimes condoms don’t work. I hadn’t had sex with anyone else. She is 100 percent yours.”
I walk up to her, so close I can smell her minty breath as she struggles to inhale, my body invading her space. “You were pregnant with my fucking kid, and you didn’t tell me? Instead, you left town and told me you were in love with someone else?”
I’m struggling to keep it together, anger taking over my body, but my hands stay at my sides. I’d never hurt a woman, but I can't stand the sight of her.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Her voice is quiet and shaky, almost unrecognizable. “I didn’t want to ruin you.”
“Ruin me? Are you fucking serious?” My eyes bore into hers with a hatred I’ve never felt, not even after she left, saying she cheated on me. “You ripped my heart out when I was eighteen. I would have given you everything, and you just left like I was nothing. Fourteen years of wondering where you were and who you were with, of never wanting to go through that pain again, never allowing myself to become involved with anyone for more than a quick, meaningless fuck!” I don’t realize it, but with each point, she takes a step back toward the fence, and I followed until her back bumps against it, and her body is trapped. “And now. Now you tell me that you gave my child away without my consent?”
“Logan, I knew that you wouldn’t go to school if you knew.”
“You didn’t give me the chance to make a goddamn decision!”
“I know . . . I just—”
“You did this for you.”
Her eyes look up at me desperately with an anguish I wish I didn’t have the urge to take away. She deserves pain. “I did all of this for you.”
“Bullshit! You knew I would have wanted to keep her, but you didn’t, did you? So fucking scared you would become your mom and that your dreams would be put on hold that you gave our child away to complete strangers.”
More tears fall. My body is too close to her as I glare down at her. “We weren’t ready to be parents. I wanted to give us all a good life.”
I push back, putting significant space between us. “Great fucking job. You should leave. I may have thought I was in love with you at one time, but now all I see is a cold, selfish bitch.”
I turn my back on her and walk up to the house, haunted by her tear-filled eyes.
She stole fourteen years from me.
I won't let her take another second.
Sixteen
Maddie
Shit, what the hell am I going to do now?
I rode here with Shane, and he left. We're miles from town, so walking will take forever, and it’s almost nightfall. I pull my cell phone out of my back pocket, and just as I suspected, there is zero service out here.
Shit!
I stare at the beautiful home in front of me, the house that now contains Logan and our daughter.
My mind momentarily drifts to a fantasy world where instead of running away, I told Logan I was pregnant. Would we be in that house? A happily married couple with a teenager full of angst, but who secretly loves us and rolls her eyes at our cheesy parent jokes but can't hold back the grin on her face.
I shake it off as I walk from the back of the house and stand in the gravel drive, staring at his home.
If I had told him, we would likely be struggling for everything we had, and there's no way he'd have this beautiful house and land. He probably wouldn’t be home at this time of night either. He’s be working crazy hours for a terrible wage.
I sigh and start walking along the dirt road. There's no way I’m asking him for anything.
I don't get very far before I reach the next house and recognize the truck in the drive.
They’re neighbors?
Sure enough, Shane is sitting on the top step of the beautiful wooden porch of a house similar to Logan's.
“Figured that wouldn’t go well.” He stands up and gestures for me to follow him.
It’s getting chilly, the evening breeze cooling my bare arms, so I follow him inside and through a simple, yet nice living room and then into the kitchen.
He walks to the fridge and grabs a beer, offering it to me. I shake my head. “No, thanks.”
He shrugs and closes the door, popping the top on the beer and taking a seat at the kitchen table. “You’re not knocked up again, are you?”
“Is that an actual joke from Shane Keller?”
I take a seat, and there's a brief smile on his handsome face. “Nah, I’m dead serious.”
“No, I’m not.” I rest my elbows on the table, my fingers running through my hair. “I told him everything. The whole truth. He hates me.”
He raises the beer to his lips. “He should, after what we did.”
He takes a drink, and I roll my eyes. “That's encouraging.”
He shrugs his shoulders unapologetically. “I mean, now I get it, not that I agree with it. But I do understand where you were coming from. Your old man was ruthless. Your mom wasn't much help. You had no support, except for Logan.”
“He would have given everything up, Shane.” I gesture to our surroundings. “You guys wouldn’t have all this.”
“Yeah well, the Kellers weren’t ever really about material shit.” He takes another sip of beer. “But it has been pretty fucking nice.”
I laugh, happy for Shane's lighter mood this evening, especially after my brutal encounter with Logan. “So, you and Logan have beautiful houses. I’m assuming you guys at least fixed up your mom's house. Please tell me you at least bought that poor, sweet woman a dishwasher.”
Suddenly, the good mood is gone as he straightens up in his wooden chair. “We would have, but she died.”
I study his face and see the sorrow playing in his blue eyes. “When?”
“A couple of months after you left.”
When I drove away the night of graduation, I made a promise I would not look back. I received an email from my aunt that my sisters were with her, and then I deleted the account. I called Misty to make sure Logan went to college, but after that, I had no further contact.
The town just went on without me, never missing a beat, and I lived in denial about missing anyone from it.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. You didn’t say anything when Claire was born.”
“Yeah, it didn’t really seem like the time to play catch-up.”
I guess I didn’t ask him any questions either. I was afraid to get any details from home.
“I was a terrible son and brother. All I worried about was my own shit. She didn’t tell anyone she was sick, and I barely checked in. I got a call she was in the hospital and barely made it to her bedside before she died.”
I rest my chin on my hands as I stare over at a man who is now
a stranger but was once a friend. Shane may be a man of few words, but we used to talk a lot before our breakup. “That’s awful.”
“I was so pissed that Logan wasn’t there, but when I saw you and you told me he went to school, I realized he probably didn’t have time to make it there since it was a five-hour drive. And we didn’t talk at the funeral.”
“So then, how did you get here?”
“He came to me right after he graduated from college with a fucking crazy idea.”
“Which was?”
He grins, and it’s nice to see. “Keller Drilling.”
I stare at him. “Oil? You two work in fucking oil?”
“Yup. Tons of it here.”
I stand up from the table, irritated beyond belief. “You've got to be kidding me? So, what? Instead of working out on the rig, you pay someone else a shitty wage to do it?”
“Hey, calm down. Logan uses his three business degrees to negotiate some huge fucking contracts. I’ve worked in tons of shitty conditions. So, our guys are paid a really fucking nice wage, and I make sure they’re well-trained and the rig is as safe as possible.”
I sit back down at the table. Of course, they’ve improved the drilling around here. I should have known better. “Sorry. That’s incredible.”
He shakes his head and takes another drink of his beer. “No problem."
“You’re different. You seem happy.”
“I was. As happy as I get.”
“I’m sorry. God, I really am a curse on the Kellers.” I stand up again, this time slower. “Can you give me a ride? I think I can get a bus to Kansas City if we go about an hour from here.”
He stands up too, leaving the beer can on the table. “Stay, at least tonight.” I examine his eyes suspiciously, for a second wondering if he's propositioning me. He his rolls his eyes in irritation. “I have two guest bedrooms and never had a guest. Stay. Get to know Claire.”
“I’m not sure she wants that.”
“Well, you should at least give her a proper good-bye.”
That I agree with.
I owe her at least that.
