by Nicole Dykes
Seventeen
Logan
Claire stalks into the kitchen in black shorts and a ratty oversized baseball tee, her hair piled on top of her head, looking slightly homicidal. I haven't been around a teenager since I was one, but I think this is fairly typical for early morning.
I was up early, feeding the animals, and am now sitting at the kitchen table as she plops down in one of the chairs.
We didn’t talk much after I came inside last night. She went to the guest room, and I was pissed and fucking stunned.
“You sleep okay?” I shift awkwardly in my seat, suddenly unsure of how to talk to her.
She's my daughter.
“Yeah. It’s a comfortable bed.”
I nod my head, reaching my behind my neck, gripping it awkwardly, struggling for words.
“So, you’re my real father?”
Her question catches me off-guard, and I reply with slight hesitation. “Yes. I guess I am.” I peer over at her sheepishly. “Who told you?”
“Maddison. Last night. She didn’t really go into much detail, though. She seemed kind of frozen.”
I grip the handle of my white coffee mug and pull it to my lips, grumbling, but trying to keep my cool. “Yeah. Guess she's not much for details these days.”
“Did you really not know?”
I take a sip of coffee, looking out the window. I watched Maddie walk away from my property last night and toward the gravel road.
My guess is, she stayed with Shane, but I was too pissed-off to care.
“The last time I saw her, she told me she was seeing someone else and that we were over. She never told me about you.”
I turn to slowly face Claire and see her mind turning over the information. “Wow, that's cold. Why do you think she did that?”
I shrug, uncomfortable with the subject, but feeling obligated to discuss it. “I’m not sure, and I don't really care. But if you want to stay here, as far as I’m concerned, you can. I can fix up one of the guest rooms, and we'll enroll you in school. I’ll do anything I can for you.”
She smiles, and it hurts to see how much she looks like Maddie. “Thank you. I won't be any trouble, and as soon as I can get a job and save a little, I’ll be out of your hair.”
“No.” I look her dead in the eye. “You aren’t any trouble. I don’t know how to be a dad, but I’ll do my damnedest to try. And you just be a kid.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Look, I’m not saying this to make Maddie sound bad or make me seem like a saint, because I’m far from it, but if I would have had a choice fourteen years ago, I would have taken care of you your whole life. No matter what.”
“You loved her though, right?”
Her question rattles me, she’s apparently not one to hold back. I answer it honestly. “I loved her more than anything. She was my world.”
She nods, looking whimsical. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she loved you, too.”
I fight calling bullshit, keeping my cool. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Trust me, I’m really good at reading people.”
I stand up from my seat, the chair legs screeching on the wooden floor. “You want breakfast?”
“You cook?”
I chuckle at her questioning gaze and walk over to the stove, lighting the propane burner. “Yeah. The basics. Bacon, eggs, toast.”
She shrugs. “Sounds good.”
Just as we’re sitting down to my quickly-made breakfast, there’s a knock on the front door.
It’s more than likely Shane or Maddie. I answer it and am slightly relieved when I see it’s the lesser of two evils. “Shane. What do you want?”
He nods a quick hello to Claire as she picks at her food and smacks my shoulder. “Let's go for a walk.”
I grumble, but I close the door behind me as I follow him outside and walk next to him to the fence line.
He, of course, doesn't say a word as he stares out over the pond.
I hate being the first one to say anything, but I give in anyway. “How could you do that to me?”
“It wasn’t easy, but I guess I didn't want you to become me.”
“And what's wrong with that?”
He turns to look at me. “At the time, I thought I'd definitely end up like our dad or hell, like Maddie's, a fucking angry drunk, mad at the world.” He looks saddened by his confession and grabs my shoulders. “I thought about your potential, and I wanted you to leave forever. I wanted you to have a shot at happiness.”
“It wasn't your decision, and you know it. You’re not my father. You’re barely two years older than me.”
“I know, and I'm not going to beg your forgiveness.” Of course, he's not. “All I can do now is make it right.”
I release myself from his grasp and take a step backward. “And how are you going to do that?”
“You want your daughter?”
I nod, even though he already knew my answer.
He nods his head in determination. “As her legal father, I'll make sure that happens.”
I look back up at the house where Claire is eating breakfast in my kitchen.
I hate that I missed out on the first fourteen years of her life, but from this moment on, I’ll do everything I can to make it right.
Eighteen
Maddie
I wake up to the sound of a rooster crowing and sit straight up in the comfortable, although foreign, bed. It takes a moment for it to sink in that I’m back home and not in my cozy two-bedroom condo in the city.
I throw back the comforter and climb out of the bed, padding down the wooden staircase to the kitchen, and a small smile forms on my face when I see Shane standing at the stove. He's not smiling, but he doesn't seem as broody as I remember.
“Coffee's brewing.”
I step off the final stair and walk into the kitchen. The smell of eggs and bacon hitting my nose, bringing me back to the times I snuck out and stayed at Shane and Logan's.
That was before Shane and I started dating, and everything was simpler. Their mother would make me breakfast and send me on my way. She was aware of some of the things going on in my home, but when I begged her not to tell, she told me I always had a safe place to go.
The Kellers were my refuge.
“Are you making breakfast?”
He turns the burner off and hands me a plate filled with delicious, completely unhealthy breakfast food. “Don't get used to it.”
I smile and grab a mug of coffee before sitting at the table. Moments later, Shane joins me.
“What's your plan?”
“My plan?”
“Yeah. With Claire? Anything change overnight?”
It’s all I thought about last night. “I don't know how to be a mother. And I don't think that’s what she's looking for.”
“All right. Well, I think Logan wants to step up.”
“Did you talk to him?”
His large shoulders shrug as if it’s no big deal. “We had a chat. And I told him I’ll make sure he gets custody of her.”
I nod, taking a small sip from my coffee mug, letting it sink in. “He'll be an amazing father to her.”
“Yeah, he will.” Shane looks like he's thinking something over as he drinks his coffee, not seeming to mind the hot temperature. “You’d be a good mother to her, too. I’m sure.”
“If she has Logan, she’ll be fine. I don't want to make their lives any harder than they need to be.”
He nods his head, staring out the kitchen window and then letting his gaze land back on me. “Are you thinking about staying a little longer?”
I shake my head as I pick at the scrambled eggs on my plate. “No. I need to get back, and they need to get on with their lives.”
“You going to tell her good-bye?”
My heart speeds up at the thought of going to Logan's house again, but I nod. “Yes.”
After breakfast, I shower and change before walking down the dirt road to Logan's house.
I hate how nervous I am. I’ve closed multi-million-dollar real estate deals. I’ve done business with shrewd billionaires and angry, spoiled trophy-wives and husbands. Still, I’ve never felt this anxious around any of them.
I ring the doorbell and wait until Logan, dressed in simple, yet panty-melting, tight jeans and a midnight blue t-shirt, answers. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m leaving today.”
“Okay.”
I don’t see any trace of the love he once felt, just a cold hatred that tears me apart. “How can you forgive him and not me?”
Damn it. Apparently being near him makes me revert back to the younger version of myself, the one who blurted out everything she was thinking.
His muscular arms fold over his chest. The sleeves of the tee stretch, and I can see he's added a couple of tattoos to his biceps. Shane, too, has added more on his arms. I notice the one that matches his brother’s, a simple “K” and “D,” for Keller Drilling I assume, in an awesome font that's eye-catching but not flashy.
“You want me to hate Shane?”
“No.” I shake my head adamantly. “I’m just curious. That’s all.”
“Shane is my brother. I gave up my relationship with him once.” He raises his hand, silencing me as if he's afraid I’ll try to argue. “Which I take full responsibility for. It was on me, but I did it because I loved you.”
“I loved you. too.”
His eyes are dark as he leans forward. “You betrayed me in every way possible. Out of every Keller curse, you are by far the worst.”
I hold back the threatening tears. I hate all the pain I’ve caused him.
I refuse to argue with him or cause him any more than I already have.
“Can I say good-bye to Claire?”
He looks behind him, his eyes wandering to the stairs leading upstairs before he moves out the doorway and nods his head upward.
I don’t wait for him to say anything else and start up the stairs. The door to the left is open, and I see Claire sitting on the bed, reading.
Strange. So different from other kids I’ve seen her age, who are always on their phones.
I knock on the frame and see her eyes drift upward and take me in. “Maddison?”
“Can I come in for a moment?”
“Sure.”
I nod to the book in her hands. “No cellphone?”
She shrugs and places the book gingerly next to her on the bed. “I have one from the state, but it doesn't have anything good on it.”
“Right. Not like there's service here anyway.”
That pulls a small smile from her. “True.”
“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t stick around to talk much last night.”
“I get it. I’m sure you never expected me to pop up.”
I take a seat on the bed, trying to be near her without freaking her out. “They promised me you would be taken care of, and that you would be safe. I didn't expect ever to get to see you again, but I thought about you every day.”
“Really?” She looks genuinely surprised, which also does a number on my heart.
“Of course.”
She shrugs her small shoulders, and I smile when I see the shirt she's wearing.
I remember it well. Logan used to wear it all the time in junior high. The now-faded maroon t-shirt has a picture of a classic Mustang printed on the front.
“I just figured you said good-riddance a long time ago.”
“No.” I look directly into her eyes, the ones that seem to change colors but are right now a shade of intense green. “Claire, I would have loved to have kept you, but I wanted a better life for you.”
I’m not sure she believes me, but she deflects it and stands up from the bed. “So, I think I’m going to stay with Logan.”
I nod and stand up also, straightening my blouse with my hands. “Shane told me Logan plans to take care of you.”
She looks around the plain guest room. “Yeah, I guess we’re going to buy paint today to fix up the room. I told him we should wait until it’s final, but he said no.”
Sounds like Logan. “You’re in very good hands.”
“Yeah, he seems pretty cool, but it seems weird thinking of him as a dad.”
I laugh. “He's a good man. And he’ll be a great father.” I start toward the door, assuming a hug would be too much, but then turn around and walk back to stand in front of her. I pull a card out of my back pocket. “This has all my numbers on it. And, if for some reason, I don’t answer, leave me a message. I check them often. Or text.”
She takes the card in her small hands, looking it over. “Thanks, Maddison.”
“I know you’ll be taken care of. I just want you to know, I’m here too.”
She smiles and nods her head sweetly. My arms are itching to wrap around her, but I fight it.
I lost that right when I gave her up.
Nineteen
Maddie
Leaving Claire three days ago to board a bus back to Kansas City was even harder than watching her being carried out of that hospital room fourteen years ago. Now, she's this full-blown little human who comprehends that I am her mother but gave away the right to be called her mom.
My heart aches as I finalize the closing with the Beaumonts.
I congratulate them, shaking their hands as we leave the title agency's office. I grab my ringing phone and answer it on the way out to my car.
“Jamie Maddison.”
“Maddie?” I nearly drop my car keys as Shane's deep voice flows through my phone.
“Shane? Is Claire okay?”
My chest physically hurts as I wait for his answer. “Yeah, she's fine. We’re in Kansas City getting everything sorted, but the lawyer and caseworker think it will go smoother in court if you’re there.”
“Court?”
“Yes. To change guardianship to Logan.” They’re all here? “Maddie?”
“I’m here. When is court?”
“A few hours. It all happened pretty fast. Can you meet us at the Department of Social Services in about an hour?”
I nod aimlessly, knowing he can't see me. “Yes. I’ll be there.”
I float through the next hour on auto-pilot and then make my way into the Social Services building. Stopping dead in my tracks when I see Shane and Logan both sharply dressed in honest-to-God suits. Something I never thought I’d see.
These are small-town men, usually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with mud caking their boots, grime under their fingernails, and oil and dirt on their faces.
Now, they’re both clean-shaven and dapper, and it takes me a moment to adjust before I make my way to where they’re standing with Claire, who looks pretty in what I imagine is a new lavender dress. They are talking to a stunning brunette who seems to be around my age.
Her bright smile is comforting as she holds out her hand to greet me. “You must be Maddison?”
I nod as I shake her hand. “I am.”
“I’m Brooke. It’s nice to meet you. I'm filling in for Claire's usual caseworker today.”
“Okay. Will you be there in court?”
She shakes her head and pulls out a manila folder. “No, as I was telling Shane, Logan, and Claire, this should actually be fairly simple.” She laughs effortlessly. “Well, there's a lot of paperwork, since Claire left the foster home where she was placed. She’s filed a statement that she didn’t feel safe, and I have effectively removed her and flagged the home for immediate investigation.”
I turn to Claire, horrified she was placed somewhere she didn’t feel safe. “Are you okay?”
She nods. “It’s fine. They just didn’t like me much.”
The social worker leans down slightly to look at Claire. “After today, they’ll likely assign a new caseworker to you in the county where you’re going to reside.” She slips her a card. “But if things aren't working out, and you don't want to talk to your new caseworker for whatever reason, call me. Never run. It’s dangerous.”
<
br /> Claire nods, seeming to trust this woman already as the caseworker pulls her into a quick hug that makes me utterly envious.
Brooke turns her attention back to me. “I’m writing a recommendation that she be placed with her Uncle Logan, and all we need is Shane and you to sign. After that, court is pretty much a formality.”
I’m confused. Did they not tell her the whole story? “But Logan . . .”
Shane hushes me as he walks to my side. His words seem to be directed at the social worker, but really for my benefit. “I’m grateful to my brother for raising my daughter as his own. I wouldn't know the first thing about fatherhood.” He looks at me. “You ready to sign?”
I nod my head and look over at Logan, who is talking with Brooke and looking over paperwork.
Shane leans in to whisper in my ear. “Technically, what we did was fraud. This way, we don't go to jail, and Logan will be her legal guardian.”
I nod my head, finally understanding, and my eyes meet Logan's. If he wanted to, he could bring me a world of hurt. But that’s still not him no matter how angry he is.
After going through a massive amount of paperwork and barely making it to our court appearance, Logan is granted temporary guardianship of Claire to be evaluated in six months where, if all goes well, he will receive permanent custody.
We walk out to the car. Claire shyly thanks me and waves a quick goodbye as she climbs into the cab of Logan's truck.
Logan doesn't say a word as he gets behind the wheel, and I’m left there with Shane.
“Thanks, Maddie.”
“No need to thank me. I’m happy it worked out.”
His eyes move to the truck and then meet mine. “Fall Festival is in two weeks.”
The Fall Festival is a big deal back home. Four days of fall-based activities, a corn maze, pumpkin patches, and a fair. We never missed it.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I think you should take a few days off and go. I’ll even let you stay with me.”
I look back at Logan, who is turned backward speaking to Claire. “Why?”
