Anger, real, genuine anger filled Julian. “Did he say where to send these kids?” Julian asked. “Did he give you an address?”
She nodded and spouted the information.
The vise in Julian’s chest eased a little. “I’ll take care of it,” he said through gritted teeth.
“What are you going to do?” she asked, wide-eyed and panicked.
He let out a low, ugly laugh. Not what he wanted to, which was to beat the other man senseless.
“I’m going to do some digging.” He hadn’t become a computer genius without picking up some skills. “I’ll find out who Billy’s parole officer is and let them know where they can find him during his daylight hours. With a little luck, he’ll land himself back in jail in no time”
He glanced at Alex, worried she’d be upset he was plotting to send her brother back to jail. Regardless of what Billy had asked of her, they were blood related.
But she merely looked relieved.
“Meanwhile, you send him to me if you have another problem. Okay?” he asked.
“Okay,” she whispered.
* * *
Kendall came home Sunday afternoon and worked with Josie and the Maryland employee to get the dogs settled in their new pens. It always broke her heart, to move dogs from place to place and note their confusion and sad little faces. If she had her way, she’d live in a house with acreage and the ability to take in more than one dog.
Of course, she was afraid she’d become the old dog lady with more dogs than friends. But that wasn’t something she would dwell on.
She was so tired she slept from eleven p.m. on Sunday to eleven a.m. on Monday, as Josie had given her the day off for a job well done. She woke up more rested.
Still not happy.
Still missing Julian.
Still growing more and more annoyed with the silence from her sister and Kade. She planned to corner them both at Blink this afternoon and hear what they had to say. Only then could she begin to make her own choices and decide what to do with Julian.
God, it hurt to even think about breaking things off with him. But she couldn’t imagine not having her sister in her life, either.
“I can’t think about this until I know more.” She dressed, grabbed Waffles, who was always welcome at Blink, and took a taxi downtown.
She showed up to find Lexie in Kade’s office, the door open, so she knocked and walked in.
“Hi,” she said to them both.
“Kendall! I was going to call you after work. Hey, Waffles,” Lexie said, bending down and beckoning to the dog.
Kendall released the leash, and Waffles ran for her cuddles.
“Hi, Kendall,” Kade said in his deep voice.
“Hi.”
“How was Maryland?” Lexie asked, rising from her crouching position.
“Fine. And I don’t want to talk about Maryland or dogs or anything else that’s trivial. You two have my life in your hands, and I haven’t heard from either of you. Now—”
“Kendall, let’s sit,” Kade said in a tone that worried her.
“Let’s just talk right now.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I understand that you have hard feelings with Julian, that you’re angry, that you don’t trust him, and that you have good reason. But I do.” She placed her hands near her heart. “He’s proven himself to me over and over again. All I’m asking is that you give him a chance. Or give me a chance to prove that he’s changed.”
Kade glanced at Lexie. “I say we tell her now.”
Lexie’s face crumbled and tears filled her eyes. “I wanted to wait. I wanted more time…”
Nausea filled Kendall. “What’s going on?”
“Honey, let’s sit,” Kade said. He led her to the sofa in the back of his office and they settled in, her heart pounding hard in her chest.
Lexie sat in a chair across from them.
“You’re scaring me.”
Kade took her hand. “Right after Lexie told me she walked in on you and Julian, I hired a private investigator to tail him and see what he was up to.”
Kendall blinked, barely believing what she was hearing. “You what?”
“Hired a PI.”
“I heard you. I just can’t believe you did that. It’s such a violation of privacy. It shows such incredible disrespect for me—” She jerked her hand back, out of his grasp.
“Kendall, it’s just the opposite,” Lexie said, siding with Kade.
“You knew.” Pain shot through her. “You knew and you didn’t tell me. You let him spy on Julian. I can’t believe this!” She jumped up from her seat.
“Kendall, you need to hear what we found out. It took one short weekend for him to come up with something,” Lexie said, standing and coming to her side.
Kendall narrowed her gaze. She’d been away this weekend, but she couldn’t imagine what they’d discovered that would change how she felt about Julian.
“What? Tell me.”
Kade rose slowly, his gaze on hers. “He’s got an ex-con, ex-drug dealer coming in and out of his apartment. All weekend. His friends were hanging around outside and they aren’t any better than he is.”
Billy, Kendall immediately thought. The man the PI saw had to be Alex’s brother. The joke was on Kade and Lexie, but she wasn’t about to enlighten them.
“That’s it? That’s what you’ve got?”
“Isn’t it enough?” Lexie asked, sounding horrified. “He’s hanging around with a known drug dealer, and Julian is an addict, Kendall. An addict. What do you think this means?”
Of course they’d think the worst. Kendall did wonder why Billy was still coming around after he’d been paid off, but she was sure Julian had a good explanation.
Her sister and her husband, however, had betrayed her faith by hiring someone instead of trusting Kendall’s words and her judgment.
“You had no right,” she said, her voice rising.
Waffles barked at her obvious upset.
“Shh,” she said, gesturing for her to come. She petted the dog’s soft fur, feeling better herself.
“Kendall, we love you. We want what’s best for you. And if that means looking out for you in ways that you might not like, so be it,” Kade said.
“I disagree.” Kendall re-hooked Waffles’ leash without meeting Kade’s gaze. “I asked you to do something for me. To take my word for a man I’ve come to know very well. And you went behind my back and had him investigated.”
“Kendall—” Lexie said.
“I’m leaving.” She curled her hand around Waffles’ leash. “And don’t make me choose between you and Julian,” she said, realizing that’s what she’d been doing since Lexie found out. Pushing Julian away. “Because you might not like the result.”
Chapter Thirteen
Julian washed Steve’s dish and poured him fresh water, something he felt like he was doing constantly, rising and adding water to the bowl. His doorbell rang, taking him by surprise. He wasn’t expecting company, and since summer had started and school ended, Alex was at work at the library.
He hoped it wasn’t Billy. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with him right now. Julian had managed to track down his parole officer and give him the information he needed to know about the activities Billy was engaging in and what he’d asked of his sister. The rest was in their hands.
If Billy showed up here again, Julian would make it clear the cops would be waiting if he tried to contact his sister in the future.
He glanced through the peephole, shocked to see Kendall standing there. She wore a pretty summer dress and sandals, but her expression was serious and she didn’t look happy.
His pulse ratcheted up a notch as he opened the door and they came face-to-face.
“Hi.” She bit down on her lower lip, sounding hesitant.
“Hi.”
“Can we talk?” she asked.
He nodded. “Come on in.”
She stepped inside as Steve barreled toward her, excited to see her after s
o long. She took the time to give him the loving attention the dog desired, and he knew how pathetic it was that he was jealous of an animal.
He closed the door behind them. “Let’s go into the family room. Alex is at the library.” So they were alone.
“How was your trip?” he asked after they’d chosen their seats, apart from each other.
It fucking killed him that they’d come to this, because of his past and nothing that he or she had done now.
She wrung her hands, then picked up a tech magazine he’d left on the table in front of the sofa, then placed it back down. “My weekend in Maryland with the dogs was productive. The poor things. They showed me pictures and some were in such bad shape. But they’re good now.”
She smiled but it seemed brittle, as if she was as uncomfortable as he felt at the moment. “But I don’t want to talk about work. I just came from Kade and Lexie’s—well, I dropped Waffles off at home first instead of dragging her all over Manhattan—and… God, I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Was your talk with Kade about my visit?” he asked. Because he could only imagine what Kade had to say about their encounter at his office last week.
She blinked in surprise. “You went to see him?”
Julian rose and walked around the room, pacing because he couldn’t sit still. “I guess he didn’t think it was important enough to mention to you.”
“No, he had other things on his mind,” she said bitterly. “Like the fact that he hired a private investigator to watch you.”
Julian spun around. “Excuse me?” So that’s how Kade opted to mind his own business and let Julian screw things up on his own?
She looked away, as if embarrassed and unable to meet his gaze. But he didn’t blame her for her brother-in-law’s behavior.
“Kade said he called one right after Lexie found us together. I’m furious, Julian. I mean, Lexie knew. My own sister knew and didn’t tell me.”
She rose to her feet, coming up beside him and placing a hand on his shoulder. He welcomed the contact, as innocuous as it happened to be.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I had no idea they’d go to such ridiculous, insulting lengths. They had no right to invade your privacy that way.”
She was correct about that. Anger and disbelief swirled inside him, along with a bone-deep weariness that he had a hunch wouldn’t go away for a long time. Nothing he did, said, or had become made a difference to his one-time friend.
Before he could think things through more, Kendall continued. “I’m so hurt. I told them to trust my judgment. That you’ve proven yourself to me, and by extension, that should be good enough for them.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“No,” she agreed.
And it never would be, he thought. Because if Kade was willing to go so far as to have him spied on, hoping to find something to use against him, he’d never accept him in Kendall’s life. The knife in his back might be deserved after what he’d done to Kade, but at this point, when was penance enough?
Kendall looked at him with sad eyes. “And the irony is they think they have something on you. Something that should convince me you’re toxic and I need to steer clear.”
He let out a harsh, disbelieving laugh since he’d been nothing but a choir boy in the short time since Lexie walked through Kendall’s door and Kade had him watched.
“And what did he find?” Julian asked.
“He said a drug addict and ex-con has been coming by your apartment all weekend. And the fact that you’re hanging around and exposed to that kind of person when you have an addiction makes you bad for me.”
“And destined to use again, is that it?” Fury spun through his veins. “He has no idea how hard I worked to get clean. How determined I am to stay that way.”
“It’s Billy, isn’t it, who’s been coming around?” Kendall asked.
“Yeah.”
“I thought he was pretty clear that he didn’t want to be a brother to Alex?”
He blew out a long breath. “I’m sure Kade would be thrilled to know Billy came by to ask his eighteen-year-old sister to get people at school to come to him for drugs. Isn’t that fucking great?”
“Are you kidding me? That poor kid!” Kendall shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself tight.
“She was beside herself. I managed to calm Alex down and get ahold of Billy’s parole officer. I hope the bastard gets himself arrested. He hasn’t been around since she turned him down. It just took him awhile to catch her at home, so he kept coming over, and that’s what Kade’s investigator saw.”
She inclined her head in understanding. “I knew there was an explanation,” she murmured.
He blinked in surprise. “You believed in me?”
“Of course I did!”
Sweet relief coursed through him even as he comprehended the truth. “But that doesn’t matter.” Not to Kade. Not to her sister, the people who mattered most in her life.
She narrowed her gaze. “Why not? I’m telling you that I believe in you. I’m here, aren’t I? If this is because I took some time away from you, I’m sorry but—”
“It’s not about that.”
He stepped forward, took her hand, knowing that what he was about to do next would hurt her as much as it would devastate him. He just didn’t see any way around it.
“Then what is it about? Why doesn’t me believing in you matter?”
“It matters to me, more than you can possibly know.” Nobody had had faith in him for most of his life, except his sister.
Kendall’s belief meant everything. She meant everything to him, and because of that, he’d take care of her the only way he knew how. Even if it meant destroying a part of himself in the process.
“It’s about your sister and Kade—and your relationship with them.” He ran his thumbs over the tops of her hands, the touch so important to him. It would probably be his last. “You explained it to me. How much you need them in your life, and believe me when I tell you, I get it. I’d feel the same way if the situation were reversed and it was my sister. But I also now get there is no pleasing them or earning back trust.”
She opened and closed her mouth before speaking. “You don’t know that for sure. Given time—”
He shook his head. “I know it. Kade proved it. A PI?”
For Julian it was the last straw.
He’d apologized and he was a different person, but he still had his pride, and Julian sure as fuck wouldn’t grovel to Kade. Not that it would matter if he did. Kade would make it his mission to break up him and Kendall and destroy all the good things between them. He’d rather she have some positive memories of him than all shitty ones after Kade got through pitting them against each other and destroying what they shared.
He glanced down at their entwined hands. “I know what your sister, your twin, means to you. I won’t come between you, and I won’t make you choose.”
No decent human being would do that to her. Julian might not be perfect, but he wouldn’t hurt her that way. Better for him to break it off now and let her return to the life, the family she needed.
She blinked, her eyes watery, as comprehension dawned. “Just so I’m not making assumptions, you need to spell out exactly what you are saying.”
“I love you, Kendall, but this can’t work. Us.” He stepped back, putting distance between them because if he didn’t, he’d pull her into his arms and never let her go. “We can’t work,” he said, tearing out his own heart in the process.
Her eyes opened wide. “You tell me you love me while you’re breaking up with me?” Her voice rose, almost shattering his resolve to do what was best for her.
“I have to.” If an apology wasn’t good enough for Kade, if Kendall’s word wasn’t enough of a damned referral, if he was going to continue to look for things to nail Julian with, then he was out of options.
The kindest thing he could do for Kendall was to let her go, because if they stayed together, the family rift would
only breed resentment. “I’m not going to force you to choose me or your family. I know what that will do to you. It isn’t fair of me to ask.”
Tears were in her eyes, then dripping down her face. “So instead you’ll take the choice out of my hands? God!” She stomped toward the door. “What did I do in my life that everyone thinks they can make my choices for me?”
He’d followed her to the entryway. “Kendall—”
“No. Lexie, I understand a little why she’s still making my choices for me. She’s had to clean up my messes for years, but you? I thought you respected me more than that.”
“I do. That’s why I have to do this.” But a little voice in his head asked if that was really true. If maybe he was sending her away not as much for her own good as for his.
Because he was the one afraid of being hurt when she walked away, weeks or even months down the road, when the family pressure became too much for her to bear.
She looked at him, hurt and betrayal in her gaze. “You keep telling yourself you did it for me, but it’s a lie and a cop-out. You’re afraid to face them by my side,” she said, her parting shot hitting hard before she grabbed the knob and stormed out, taking his heart with her.
No sooner had Kendall walked out of Julian’s apartment than he headed for the family room, picked up a glass of water he’d had earlier, and threw it against the wall in frustration and pain.
Before Lexie walked in on them at Kendall’s apartment, he’d been living in a bubble, ignoring the outside world, and happy to do it for too damned long.
Had he really thought he could have everything he wanted? When had life ever worked that way for him?
This thing he was building with Kendall, it was real.
And now it was over.
And he only had himself to blame. Kendall had a valid point. One that had begun to creep in the closer she walked to the door.
He was the coward.
He was the one afraid, while she’d been willing to fight for them. By his side.
Julian hadn’t wanted the high of drugs since he’d quit. He hadn’t needed the escape they offered.
Until now.
He hated feeling powerless, and that’s exactly the situation he was in. He’d given up everything he wanted for his future, let go of the woman he loved, and why? To make life easier? Or because he was afraid? Afraid to believe the world could hold good things for him? Afraid to believe he deserved them.
Going in Deep Page 15
