The Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer

by Richard Clynton

  CHAPTER XXIV.

  Arriving on the shores of his nearest neighbour, Madame France, theBuccaneer landed, and as he intended to make a few calls inland, he senthis yacht round to the Golden Horn with orders to await there hisarrival.

  The Buccaneer took off his hat and made his politest bow; but hisreception was by no means as cordial as he had expected. As is wellknown by all those who have experienced it, there is nothing so freezingas the cold politeness of a haughty beauty. It requires more brazeneffrontery than even old Dogvane had, to carry it off with a high handeddignity as if nothing was wrong. That Madame France was beautiful therecould be no doubt, and she would have made the blood quicken in theveins of the most eminent saint, and as for a sinner! well, there is nouse going into particulars.

  It is more than probable that the charms of this lady were not lost uponeither the Buccaneer or his trusty captain William Dogvane. Then, as ifthe devil was in it, Madame had added to her natural beauty, by callingin the assistance of every art. Her figure was neat and most attractive,and her dress left nothing to be desired. In her display of charms shewas generous without being coarse and vulgar, and her short kirtlediscovered the prettiest of ankles, and just enough of a well-shaped legto be peculiarly attractive. Even old Bill felt young again and his eyesglistened with delight, and he was no less inclined to be gallant thanhis master, who for the time forgot the precept taught him by hisreligion about coveting other people's goods.

  Having coldly acknowledged the salutation she turned her back upon hervisitors and pouted her pretty lips. "Master Dogvane," said theBuccaneer addressing that worthy, "there is not much cordiality here."

  "It beats me altogether, sir," the captain replied, "but there is nounderstanding women, and, as everyone knows, Madame here is peculiarlyfickle and uncertain. They all seem to go by the rule of contrary. Sheis an arrant coquette I'll be bound; but, Master, what a pretty foot andwhat a lovely leg."

  "Dogvane!" cried the Buccaneer as he gazed upon the attractions alludedto, "you forget yourself." Then addressing the haughty beauty he said,"Madame, in what have I been so unfortunate as to meet with yourdispleasure? It is many years now since we had any cause for quarrel andall old wounds I trust are healed, and as I bear no malice, Madame, Ihope you bear none. How then have I displeased you?"

  "Monsieur, your memory methinks is short. Was I not set upon and beaten?Was I not hurt and bleeding? Was I not struck down until I bit the dust,and you never held out a hand to help me? Monsieur, my memory is better,I do not forget, I never shall."

  "Oh! damn these violent memories!" exclaimed Dogvane aside.

  "But, Madame, that is now an old old story," the Buccaneer replied. "Isit right to carry resentment so far? Is it acting up to the religionthat we both profess?"

  "Monsieur's reputation for piety is extremely great," said his fairneighbour, while a sneer played round her pretty mouth; she then added,"An injury, Monsieur, is never old."

  "Madame!" cried the Buccaneer still wishing to appease, "you had myextreme sympathy."

  "Sympathy!" cried Madame France, "sympathy! of what avail is thatagainst battalions?"

  "I dressed your wounds, I attended your sick and I sent you money, lint,and plaster."

  "Sent me money!" exclaimed Madame France scornfully. Then suddenlychanging her manner to a tone of polite sarcasm she said, "Pardon,Monsieur! I had forgotten, yes, you sent me money. It must have been agreat sacrifice for you to part with what you love so well. Theshopkeeper does not like to drain his till, even for a friend in need. Ibeg Monsieur's pardon a thousand times. I did not too fully appreciatehis kindness. I have not sufficiently thanked my mercantile neighbour.Permit me, Monsieur," she said with a profound curtsey, "to thank youfor your extravagant consideration and extreme sympathy."

  The Buccaneer was going to reply; but Dogvane, fearing a storm, almostdragged his master away. "But this is not as it should be, Dogvane. Itis not right."

  As they went away Madame France muttered something, but the only wordthat reached the Buccaneer was "perfidious." This was an old retort.

  "This is not right, Master Dogvane!" he cried.

  "Decidedly wrong, sir. The grossest piece of ingratitude I have everexperienced. Ah! we can plainly see, she has not forgiven you forremaining neutral in her last row with her burly neighbour inland. But astale page of history is that."

  "Master Dogvane, even a woman's resentment cannot last too long. Theremust be something else. Have you, Master Dogvane, been doing anything toput her out?"

  "I can tax my memory with nothing, sir; but the other watch, who cantell what they've been up to? Softly, my master, softly. For heaven'ssake come away. Say nothing to increase her anger. The least said,soonest mended. Is she not fair to look upon?" added Dogvane lookingback as did Lot's wife. "What ripe lips!"

  "What has that to do with it?"

  "Nothing, sir, nothing; what a lovely foot! what an ankle too! what acomely leg!"

  "What the devil, I say again, has that to do with it?" cried theBuccaneer.

  "Nothing, sir, nothing. I merely ventured the remark that she wascomely. No doubt that other watch have been at their handiwork. Master,you are a bit too brusque in your manner. Women don't like it; if youhad flattered more, you would have pleased more. You should have praisedher beauty; gone into an ecstasy of delight over her many charms. Doyou not think, sir, that the kirtle was an inch or two too long?"

  The Buccaneer turned sharply upon his captain and rebuked him, told himplainly that although he was captain of his watch, he had no business tocast eyes upon his fair neighbour. Then he said, "She quarrelled with afriend of mine, and you are for ever telling me that I ought not tointerfere, in things that don't concern me."

  "You acted in that little affair, sir, like an upright, honest,gentleman; but do what you will you cannot please everyone. You did yourbest to prevent a row and you could do no more. But that is not wherethe shoe pinches. The other watch no doubt, the other watch. Let heralone, my master, to cool. When a woman is enraged, there is no arguingwith her. No doubt some domestic trouble has disturbed her. She hasalways something on. Ah! I see it now," exclaimed Dogvane stoppingshort. "Some time ago she went in largely for old china and we all knowthat is an expensive luxury and probably the bill was larger than sheexpected. There are a thousand little things, trifles as light as air,in every household, that though hidden from the eye of the casualobserver, help to ruffle the temper even of the most amiable woman. Didyou notice, sir, her well turned ankle and shapely leg?" The oldBuccaneer either did not hear, or did not approve of Dogvane's continuedallusion to Madame France's charms. The captain, thinking he was stillgrieving over his cold reception, sought to console him by saying, "Whatthough Madame France be cold and turn her back upon you, I feelconfident that the island of Sark is with you to a man."

  "The island of Sark!" exclaimed the Buccaneer in astonishment, "what hasthat to do with it?"

  "Everything, sir," replied Dogvane. "For the island of Sark if notactually France is very near to it; and the moral support of such aplace is not to be despised."

  The Buccaneer seemed lost in meditation, from which he was only arousedby Dogvane exclaiming: "Ah! here we are, sir, at the door of your worthyGerman cousin, with whom you are allied by blood, by the holy bonds ofwedlock, and by religion."

  The mighty Von was sitting outside, in his garden overlooking the watersthat divided him from his beautiful neighbour. He had a tankard by hisside and a pipe in his mouth, for he was a great smoker.

  The Buccaneer found that his reception here was scarcely more cordialthan what it had been elsewhere. "Have I in any way done my worthyfriend an injury?" the Buccaneer asked, turning to Dogvane.

  "God forbid, sir, that you should do any man an injury," was the reply."It has been my constant endeavour to keep you at peace with all men."This perhaps was true, but the result was not satisfactory.

  "Give me an honest grip of thy friendly hand, neighbour," the Buccaneerexclaimed, as he held out his. The
Von held out his but there wasnothing hearty in the shake. "How is this, friend, thy grip used to beharder?" said the Buccaneer.

  "Mein hand is mein own," replied the mighty Von.

  "Tell me in what I have offended thee. If I have done thee an injury Iwill make amends. What, will my old friend not speak?"

  "Mein counsel like mein hand is mein own, mein friend, and I keep themboth."

  "How do you account for this, Master Dogvane?" asked the Buccaneer,somewhat crestfallen.

  "It is passing strange, sir, and I can only think that this is anotherpiece of handiwork of the other watch. Their capacity for bungling isextremely great. But come away, sir. There is an old adage which says,'it is ill to waken sleeping dogs.' It applies here." So saying he ledhis master away; but before they had gone very far Dogvane again stoppedshort. "Stay, I do remember there was some trivial dispute about a patchof barren land. Tut, tut, to think now that so great a friend should beaffronted at such a trifle. The exact merits of the case have nowescaped me; but as I was prepared to give way all round there need beno ill feeling on such a subject; only to think now--but there, somepeople are that touchy that there is no pleasing them." The captain nowbegan to sing to an old well-known song, some words of his own--

  "The Von a mighty man is he with large and sinewy arms."

  "Dogvane, cease; this is no time to exercise your vocal powers. I havebeen a good friend to my German relations. I verily believe that Isupport half his army in the bands that are for ever braying out theirdiscordant sounds in my streets. Then are not my own people constantlyat me for employing my foreign relations to the prejudice of my ownchildren? and with some show of justice too, for German bakers make mybread, German tailors make most of my clothes, and German Jews areconstantly draining away my money. Do I not find royal wives for Germanprincelets, and do I not dower them handsomely into the bargain? and yetthey give me the cold shoulder in return. No matter who dances, MasterDogvane, it seems to me it is I who have to pay the piper. To one of myworthy friend's sons, poor fellow, I begrudged nothing, for he was aking of kings and a fine manly fellow, and one who will never die."

  "Marriage, my master, often severs families instead of uniting them.This only bears out what I am constantly telling you, and that is tohave as little as possible to do with your relations. But, master, agood deal of what we call ingratitude in others is due to faults inourselves. We start by expecting more than we deserve, and aredisappointed when we only get our deserts; but, of course, we neverthink of putting the saddle on the right back."

  Our two travellers, weary, thirsty, and dust-stained, now came toAustria, and were in hopes of getting a more friendly reception; such aone, in fact, that would justify them in staying there and breakingbread and drinking a flagon of wine for the sake of good fellowship. Butno, Dogvane had managed to tread upon the toes of Austria, and had gothimself disliked even here. He swore it was a part of that terribleinheritance he had received over from the other watch. According to hisown account, no man was ever so unfortunate.

  Dogvane now entered upon a most lengthy and learned explanation upon thequality of gratitude, and what he said upon such a matter would deservethe greatest consideration, but weightier things still, attended upontheir footsteps.

  A messenger arrived post haste to say, that information had beenreceived through the proper official channel, that the great Bandit ofthe East was behaving himself in an altogether unaccountable and strangemanner. In fact, that he had broken into one Abdur's garden, and wasplaying, what was called in unofficial language general, Old Harry,there.

  "Here is another of your confounded foreign relations cropping up," saidDogvane to himself.

  "How about this, Master Dogvane?" exclaimed the Buccaneer.

  "Why, this sort of thing, sir, has been going on for ages, and it isnothing more nor less than a party trick of the other watch, at thebottom of which, no doubt, is that mischievous young imp, Random Jack. Ihave myself frequently asked the Eastern Bandit about these unsavouryreports, and his smile was childlike and bland as he replied, that ifanything was going on wrong, he knew nothing about it. He is a truthfuland a Christian man and would not tell a lie, not for the whole Empireof India. At least, if he would, I have no official information upon thesubject."

  "Well, Master Dogvane, the readiest way to set the matter at rest is togo and see for ourselves."

  "That would be a most undignified proceeding, sir. You cannot expectforeign nations to respect you if you go and poke your nose into otherpeople's dustbins. Besides, sir, it would be a most unconstitutionalthing; and before undertaking it, we at least ought to retrace our stepshome and set the official mind at work to find out a precedent. Then ifsuch a thing can be found, which I very much doubt, we will at onceproceed to the scene of action, and throw the light of our official eyeupon the Eastern Bandit, who, no doubt, being dazzled and frightened bysuch an unusual occurrence, will fear some revolution of nature, and soretire to his own ground."

  "Master Dogvane, the official coach is far too slow for an occasion likethis. We can walk the distance very much quicker, so set thy face to theEast and march. And on our way we will pay the honest Turk a visit."

  "Oh lord!" exclaimed Dogvane to himself, "here is another kettle offish. Sir, are we not tired, hungry, and thirsty? And the weather ismuch too warm for such a journey. But, if go we must, gallivanting aboutin the East, we shall save a little, sir, if we leave this Turk on ourright hand."

  "Master Dogvane, the Turk is a friend of mine. We have fought side byside against the Eastern Bandit, and may be we shall have to do soagain. I will therefore pay my respects to him."

  "I would kick him bag and baggage out of Europe if I had my way,"muttered old Dogvane.

  The Buccaneer found the head of the Moslem world pensively smoking hischibouck. "Ah!" said he, "you, at least, my honest friend, will not turnyour back upon me. I have at least you to fall back upon."

  "Monsieur, I salute you," said the Turk with extreme politeness. "Whenyou want to get anything out of me you call me friend and honest Turk;when you do not, I am a rogue, a vagabond, and little better than abarbarian. A while since, and your captain was for kicking me, bag andbaggage, out of Europe." Dogvane was a little taken aback at having beenoverheard, but he soon recovered himself and was ready to argue that ifhis words were taken properly they could bear no such signification.

  The Buccaneer was so taken by surprise that he could not speak, whileDogvane, shading his eyes with his hand, cast a look towards thebeautiful Golden Horn, to see if the yacht was there, for he was wearyof travelling, and had become what is called home-sick, and had he neverhad to consider things abroad, the chances are it would have been verymuch better for his reputation, and for that of his master. He said,"What is the use of your meandering in foreign parts, sir, you have anice, snug, well-feathered little nest in the Western Ocean, whereeverything smiles upon you. There lies your yacht; then let us aboard:weigh anchor, and make for the rosy bed of the setting sun."

  The Turk interrupted: "It suits your purpose, mon ami," he said,addressing the Buccaneer, "to seek my friendship now. But the honestTurk was not born yesterday, and he is very much more than seven, so heallies himself with those who will not cast him off when they have nofurther need of him."

  This roused the suspicions of the Buccaneer. "Whatever you do," hecried, "do not ally yourself with the Eastern Bandit. Give him a wideberth or he will pluck you to your last feather."

  "An open enemy," replied the Turk, "is better than a treacherous friend.Pat my back to-day; kick--but no matter, Allah is good! There is but oneGod, and Mohammed is his prophet."

  "Treacherous friend," ejaculated the Buccaneer, turning to the captain."Does the Turk call me treacherous, Master Dogvane?"

  "Heaven forbid such a thing, sir! The Turk merely made a general remark,which in the abstract no doubt is true. But, master, leave the Turkalone. If you do not come speedily away he will borrow of you for acertainty."

  "But he has been my
friend, Master Dogvane, for these many years."

  "True, sir; and you have treated him more kindly than you usually doyour friends, whom you occasionally fall out with; even coming to blowsat times. But the Turk's friendship, good master, is of a costly kind.He is a ready borrower, but a tardy payer. Look at the money he hasspent in riotous living? Honest enough, no doubt; but as he is alwaysout at elbows he cannot afford to indulge in such a luxury. A needyfriend, good master, is a constant source of annoyance; for when povertycomes, pride goes, and your friend soon sinks into the degraded positionof a most importunate and shameless beggar."

  "I do not like to turn my back upon a friend just because he is down inthe world, Master Dogvane."

  "The feeling does you credit; it is noble; but, good sir, we must drawa line, lest at any time we give countenance to vice. We often deceiveourselves, and act as we think, generously, either out of idleness orfear, lest the babbling world should condemn us for want of kindness tothose in need. God forbid that you should forsake a friend because he isdown! But when a man has brought his suffering and misfortunes uponhimself, then, good master, sympathy is bestowed upon a worthlessobject. Why should you assist one who will not help himself? Who so longas he can borrow will spend? The Turk will not live within his means,and you have found, sir, that you cannot enjoy his friendship withoutpaying heavily for it." With reflections like these Dogvane led hismaster away, and the Turk watched their retreating steps withhalf-closed eyes; but yet he was not asleep; but the precise nature ofhis thoughts cannot, for obvious reasons, be disclosed.

  "Oh for a sniff of the fresh sea air!" cried Dogvane, as he lookedwistfully towards the ocean. "To feel yourself once more afloat, master,with your empire beneath your feet, and your good little ship dancingmerrily to the music of the waves, would make a different man of you."

  "Aye, aye, Master Dogvane, perhaps it would; but I have other fish tofry just at present. Those were merry days when I ploughed the seas insearch of adventure, and it all comes back to me like a dream. I fancy Ihear now the clack, clack of my many windlasses; the yo! heave-ho! of mymerry men, as they sheeted home their sails, and mast-headed theiryards. The brave sea fights; the brilliant actions of my lads; thesinking of the enemy's ships, all, all comes back upon me. I fancy I cansee my merry men, pike in hand, swarming over the ship's sides, while wepoured in broadsides muzzle to muzzle. I almost hear their shouts. Theystrike, they strike, Dogvane, while our colours still fly proudly overus, nailed to the mast. See the ocean blurred with their life's blood.Ah! it is past, Dogvane, it is past. Lend me thy shoulder, man, lend methy shoulder, for my eyes are dim. Alas! they are clouded by memory. Arethose good old days gone, never, never to return?"

  Dogvane had learned from experience that when his master had on him oneof these fits of despondency, the best thing to be done was to let himalone. He contented himself with saying, "Every age, my master, has itsadvantages. We cannot say that the spring is more beautiful than thesummer, nor yet the summer than the autumn, while hoary-headed winter isnot free from charms."