Tutor Me

by Hope Stillwater

  If only Callum were referring to himself.

  “I suppose not,” I admitted. “I was licking my wounds from a bad break-up and not thinking about guys. I would have said no.”

  “See? That’s my point.” Callum cocked his head to the side. “So, who’s Ben?”

  That came out of nowhere. “My brother. How do you know his name?”

  “Your Spotify account. You’ve got several of his playlists. He’s got good taste in music.”

  After a pause, I spoke again. “Thanks for withholding judgment and listening to me.” I risked putting my right hand lightly on his left forearm as I said this. I saw him stiffen and blink. Seeing his reaction I immediately withdrew my hand. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel my face flush. Callum stared hard at me as if he was struggling with a decision. We held the gaze until he looked away with a sigh.

  “We better wrap up. I’ve got to cover someone’s shift at the gym for a couple hours.”

  At his words I glanced at my phone and was startled to see that it was already 20 minutes past the normal end time of our lesson. I felt guilty for keeping him back with the focus on me all this time.

  The next day in Calc, Callum showed up and gave me a breath-taking smile on the way to his seat. A few minutes into class I felt something land in my lap and glanced down to see a paper airplane. I looked up quickly but Mr. F was writing on the board, his back to the class.

  Opening the airplane I found a note that said: Aced the Spanish quiz! Many thanks. Quiz for you: name the song and band: ‘I’ll build a tunnel, from my window to yours.’

  I looked over my shoulder and Callum winked at me. I thought for a minute but couldn’t get it. I raised my shoulders with palms up, in a gesture of ignorance. Callum looked smug. I turned back in my seat to pay attention. A moment later another paper airplane came my way, this time landing on the floor by my book bag. I had just picked it up when I heard Mr. F clear his throat. I looked up to find him watching me sternly, dry erase marker in his hand.

  “Miss Bartholomew. I am delighted that Mr. Caldwell’s grades have improved significantly under your tutelage, and I am certain that this is no small part due to the development of a rapport between the two of you. However, I must draw the line at paper airplanes in class. Save such antics for your tutoring sessions.”

  The class snickered and I turned bright red. I risked a glance at Callum, who was laughing. I was mortified. Only after class did I open the airplane. Callum had written: Come on, you should know this! Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) by Arcade Fire.

  I listened to Arcade Fire all afternoon.

  Chapter 17

  “Hmm. More eyeliner.” Tina was eyeing me critically, the kohl pencil in her hand, her head tilted to the side in concentration. It was Saturday evening and we were getting ready to go to a party at the house of a Drama club buddy of hers. I was trying to look a little more edgy than usual, to suit the crowd. Tina had approved my outfit of black tank top, jeans, and black ankle boots. Now she was doing my makeup. It wasn’t as if I was going to fool anyone- they would already know I wasn’t one of them- but there was no need to emphasize that further by wearing a pink miniskirt either. As Tina put it, “We’re aiming for a little less Lego Friends, a little more Monster High.”

  After darkening my eyes further, Tina stepped back again and pronounced herself satisfied. “You’re not exactly goth but this outfit will fit right in.” I rolled my eyes. If Lacey could see me now.

  I wasn’t looking forward to this party but I didn’t let on to Tina. Last year in hermit-mode I’d turned down all of Tina’s invitations to these parties, and so here I was going as a virtual stranger. I would much rather have stayed in with her and made popcorn and binge-watched “Girls” like we’d done the night before, but I totally got that she was pumped to see her old friends. I wanted her to have as much fun as possible this weekend. That was why I had insisted on being DD, over her protests.

  “Jenny I want you to feel comfortable around this crowd, and drinking will help.”

  What Tina had avoided saying was that people would be expecting me to be standoffish, and would probably warm to me more if they saw me drinking and cutting loose. We both knew that, but being accepted at the party was a much lower priority for me than making sure she had a good time, so I remained firm. “You think I would trust you driving my car?” Tina knew I was teasing as she’d driven the bug many times. Seeing I wasn’t going to budge she relented.

  “OK but at least carry a beer as a prop.”

  I rolled my eyes again. “Geez I know.”

  At the party, in a middle class ranch style house with a big backyard, I stayed close to Tina at first. I saw a few familiar faces from classes and said hi. If people were surprised to see me they hid it well for the most part. I got a few scathing looks from girls but Lacey had taught me to take those as a compliment. Mostly people were thrilled to see Tina and she made her way very slowly across the living room, stopping to talk to someone every few steps. Looking around while she was catching up with people, I was interested to see that besides the usual drinking and talking, there were groups of people playing various games like charades. Apparently this was what drama and band geeks did for fun.

  We were approaching the keg in the kitchen when I heard someone say my name. I glanced up to see Theo standing next to me, a friendly, if surprised, look on his face. “Hey. This is cool.” He didn’t say “What are you doing here?” and I appreciated that.

  Nevertheless I sought to explain quickly. “My best friend Tina used to go to Scottsdale and is back for a visit this weekend. These are her friends.”

  At that moment Tina bounced up, grinning. “Here’s your beer,” she said, handing me a red plastic cup.

  “Tina, this is Theo; Theo, Tina.”

  They nodded at each other with obvious recognition. “Bio, freshman year,” said Theo, chuckling.

  Tina responded animatedly. “We were lab partners! I dared you to lick the fetal pig and you did!”

  Theo looked pleased. “Pretty bad ass, huh?”

  Tina snickered. “Bad ass or insane, I’m not sure which, but certainly memorable.” She glanced up at Theo, all innocent curiosity. “How do you two know each other?” This was sneaky Tina. She knew all about Theo’s and my connection through Callum but wanted to see what Theo said.

  If she was expecting some major revelation she was disappointed. Theo’s eyes flicked to me as he said, “I’m friends with a guy Jenny tutors.” Well that was…accurate. I knew better than to expect Theo to embarrass his friend but one could always hope he’d come out with something like “My best friend is in love with Jenny.” No such luck. I nodded to confirm Theo’s explanation, my disappointment hidden.

  Suddenly Theo looked nervous. “Callum’s here actually. I-uh- better go find him.”

  He darted off, which was just as well as my face had drained of color and I’d almost dropped my beer. Tina gave me a sharp nudge, leaning in to whisper, “Let’s look for him!”

  Coming out of the kitchen we passed through the dining room, where the table and chairs had been moved against a wall. An improv drinking game was under way, which I watched for a moment while Tina caught up with yet another friend. I was impatient to find Callum but got intrigued by the game in spite of that. A tall thin boy with longish sandy brown hair seemed to be in charge, and a group of ten or so were gathered around. Reading from a piece of paper he’d drawn from a pile at random, the boy instructed one spotty kid to pretend to give instructions about something in a foreign language, while a girl was to “translate” them into English. The boy was making humorous grunts in his fabricated language and the girl was using his inflections to turn his nonsense speech into a description of the rules of baseball. When she fell silent trying to think of more baseball rules a bottle of tequila came out and a shot was poured, which she pounded dutifully, ending the round.

  Watching the game brought back memories of my childhood, when my parents had been
in a faculty improv club. They both thought it was a great mental exercise and were egotistical enough to love being on stage. I had participated often over the years when a kid was needed in scenes, and had found it a lot of fun. It was something I would never find at the usual parties I attended.

  The tall sandy haired boy sauntered over to me, a sneer on his face. I recognized him then as a regular in the school plays, one of a handful of brave uncloseted gay boys in the school. With a white button down shirt rolled up to the elbows and an old fashioned tuxedo vest on, he was working a steampunk look. “Will you do some cheers for us at halftime?” Snarky SOB.

  I shot him a filthy look and turned away to head back through the living room to the backyard. Tina caught up with me. “Oh no you don’t, I don’t want to miss this.” Still smarting from drama boy’s comment, I stepped through the sliding glass door with Tina following close behind.

  I immediately spotted Callum, on a chaise lounge with a girl on his lap, a petite punk with spiky pink hair and a pvc miniskirt. He was leaning back, his legs stretched out on the lounge, feet crossed, and he had a beer in one hand while his other hand was resting on the edge of the chair. She was sitting sideways on his lap with one heavily tatted arm draped over his shoulder. I took all this in, feeling like I’d been kicked in the gut. I heard Tina catch her breath next to me, seeing the same thing I did.

  Just then Callum looked over and spotted me, and his face registered shock. His body tensed and then his hands were on punk girl’s waist, lifting her off him unceremoniously, so that she stumbled as she tried standing. He sprang up, his eyes never leaving my face, which must have been a picture of fury. What was on the surface, thankfully, was the anger not the pain. I turned on my heels and with all the will power I possessed, forced myself to walk slowly back inside, Tina already springing back to let me through. I darted down a hallway to avoid him.

  Tina grabbed me by the arm once we were back in the house. “Jenny we can totally go. I know that was awful to see.”

  I shook my head hard. “I’m not giving that jerk the satisfaction. I want to stay.”

  Tina was unconvinced. “Are you sure? We could make something up, something unrelated.”

  But I was firm. “No, we’re staying. I’m so pissed off right now I shouldn’t drive anyway.”

  “Okay, we can stay, but I think you should drink something. Forget about being DD. I see Raymond over there. He doesn’t drink and can drive us home. We’ll pick up your car tomorrow.” She waggled her fingers at a rather gawky looking guy with thick curly hair whose face lit up at the attention from her.

  “Let me confirm that and then go ahead and get loaded.” She strode purposefully toward the happy Raymond. We had been talking on the edge of the living room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Callum come into the room and I slipped into the dining room. The improv game was in full swing.

  I strode up to Sandy Steampunk. “I want in on this game.” I had all this nervous angry energy that needed release, and either I did this or I punched Callum or punk girl in the face.

  Sandy Steampunk looked skeptical, his left eyebrow shooting up in an affectation I’m sure he’d practiced in the mirror. “You think you can handle it?”

  I shot him a bored look. “This is not my first rodeo.” Turning my hand so the palm was up, I gave him a ‘come on’ gesture. “Bring it.” I said icily.

  His eyes gleamed. “Ooh this will be fun.”

  A couple kids were doing shots so clearly the most recent round was over. Sandy SP rifled through the pile. “I’m going to go myself this time folks, with the very talented Jenny.”

  I ignored his sarcasm and moved to stand next to him in front of the group. Since SSP was performing, another kid pulled out the card for us. Sandy explained to me that if either of us didn’t like the improv prompt we could choose another card, but we would have to select one of the two prompts. I nodded curtly. The boy with the card started reading it. “World’s worst hairdresser and their client”. The boy with the card looked at me pointedly.

  “You’re the hairdresser, Jamie’s the client.”

  Jamie, aka SSP, and I glanced at each other, our antagonism fading as we adjusted to the realities of doing this together. I stepped toward him, going into character.

  In a thick central European accent I said “Velcome sir. So ve have you booked for a perm and highlights today?” I rubbed my hands together and fawned over him.

  “No, I booked a simple trim.” His face wore a look of exaggerated concern.

  I laughed dismissively. “Of course of course, nothing to vorry about. Let’s get that greasy mop of yours vashed up” I yanked him by the arm exaggeratedly and Jamie obediently tripped comically as if falling. I could hear laughter but was too focused on the sketch to pay much attention.

  We carried on for a good ten minutes until Jamie laughed out of character when I informed him I’d just woven afghan dog hair into his natural hair to cover a bald spot. There was applause and whistles so I guess it had gone well. In the crowd I saw Tina clapping loudly and wolf whistling, and beyond, Callum leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed. I didn’t make eye contact so couldn’t judge his expression.

  I looked back to Jamie, who was still standing next to me. He was smirking at me, his eyes now friendly.

  “I owe you an apology. You are actually quite good at this.”

  “I had a great partner.” I did the shot with him in solidarity, drinking the tequila down through our linked arms in an awkward but funny manner.

  I was walking away to give someone else a turn when Jamie called out, “Not so fast. You won the round so technically you are still on.” This was a good way to get my mind off Callum so I nodded OK.

  A voice to my right called out. “I want a turn.” Callum. Oh shit.

  Jamie had resumed his emcee role and now turned to Callum. “OK you’re on.”

  I glared at Callum. “Really? I thought others had been waiting before him.”

  Jamie glanced around. “Did I skip anyone?”

  No one stepped up. Jamie spoke up. “Callum it is, then.”

  I looked over at Callum as he moved forward, because it would have appeared odd to everyone not to do so. His eyes were on me, a look of pleading, or frustration, on his face, I couldn’t tell which. I was going to come unraveled if I kept looking at him so I turned away, facing Jamie expectantly.

  Jamie pulled a card out of the deck, read it to himself and chuckled.

  “Well how cute. A, a student, has a crush on B, his/her teacher.”

  Callum and I both blurted out “Pass” to that option so fast that Jamie looked stunned.

  “OK that means you have to do the next one. And the scene is”- he pulled a card out of the middle of the stack with a flourish- “two cowboys herding cattle. Each has an important thing to tell the other.” Good. Nice and safe.

  Without looking at Callum I started trotting along on an invisible horse, holding the reins. I would play this broadly, for laughs. “Tex, looks like we’ve got about an hour to get these cows back to the ranch before sundown.”

  I looked over at Callum, willing myself to focus on the skit. Callum was trotting along also, making the sounds of the horses’ hooves. “Yup, Seymour, it ain’t gonna be easy.” Callum’s country drawl was strong. I heard chuckles from the audience at the name he’d given me.

  “Darnit, Tex, I told you a hundred times, I go by ‘Boots’.” More laughter.

  “Oh yeh Boots, sorry ‘bout that. Woah look out, one of the calves is headin’ thataway.”

  We both galloped over to one side of the dining room to round up the calf and bring it back to the herd. I was trotting back when I noticed Callum lagging behind, going very slowly.

  “You OK, Tex?” I looked over my shoulder as if looking over the back of my horse.

  “Hold up, Boots. It’s my horse. She needs a rest. Don’t ya, Brownie?” He made a patting motion in the air and then swung his leg up as if hopping off the horse. />
  I nodded. “She does look a bit tired. Hey what the heck are you doin’?” Callum was miming climbing onto my horse behind me. He was standing right up against my back, and he put his hands on my waist as if to hold on. There were hoots and hollers from the crowd now. Luckily I could channel being flustered into my act.

  Callum shrugged. “I told ya, Brownie needs a rest.”

  “How we gonna herd these cattle on just one horse?” I said with exaggerated exasperation. “Besides, Spot is going to be tired too.”

  “Spot’s a beauty, ain’t ya, girl? She can handle it. If we lead the doggies through the narrow gulch they’ll be wedged in on both sides.”

  We were trotting along together like a conga line at a wedding now. Callum was making a stroking motion in the air close to my right thigh, his left hand still firmly on my waist. The audience, which had grown, was now laughing loudly. My waist was tingling under his fingers but I tried to channel my inner Boots and not get aroused.

  “Tex, I have something I want to talk to you about.” I had thought up my revelation as soon as Jamie read the prompt.

  “OK Boots, shoot.” Now both his hands were back on my waist.

  “See those two cows right there?” I pointed with my right index finger to where cows would presumably have been.

  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Callum peering hard at the same spot. “Yup. They look fine to me.”

  “Exactly. It ain’t natural. Remember when you had to go into Wichita for supplies and I stayed out here by myself one night last month?”

  Callum answered behind me. “Yup. You looked kinda funny when I came back the next afternoon.” He was helping me out. Too bad I was too pissed off at him to appreciate it.

  “Well that night I was lyin’ on the ground lookin’ at the stars when one of the stars got bigger and bigger and bigger until it was right over my head, this big silver saucer. It came right down here to me and the cows, and in a beam of light, two cows were sucked up into the ship.”