Steel: (#5 The Beat and the Pulse)

by Amity Cross

  “We’ve got a separate area with free standing and fixed weights,” Ren said, beginning her spiel. “There are bags along the far wall and a bunch of ropes. Over the back is a fully kitted out octagon, which comes in handy since we have a couple of guys who are training for the AUFC. My husband, Ash, is their coach. Are you into fighting?”

  I glanced at her, unsure what to say. “A little.”

  “Well, he’s available for some one-on-one sessions, but his time is pretty taken up by the guys. We do have some other trainers who would love to take you on, though.”

  She ushered me forward, showing me the lockers and change rooms, then the kitchen where they had on-site nutrition and cooking classes. Finally, she guided me through the rows of cardio machines, and that’s when I saw her among the early morning exercisers.

  Charlie Croft.

  Her gaze met mine, and she stood, her expression guarded. What was she doing here? I didn’t know she was in with the Fuller’s. Blinking a few times, I came to the conclusion that it really was her.

  “Charlie?” I asked, staring at her blankly for a moment.

  “Josh,” she said, coming to stand before me.

  “Hey,” Ren said. “I’m just giving him the tour. You guys know each other?”

  “Yeah,” Charlie said. “I know the big lump. I can take over if you like?”

  “Charlie,” she scolded with a wink. “You’re a customer. You don’t have to do that.”

  “Nah, but I haven’t seen this guy in ages.” She thumped me on the arm. “I’ve got to cross-examine the guy.”

  “Great,” I drawled.

  “All right, if you say so.” Ren turned back to me and smiled. “If you’ve got any questions, I’ll be floating around. Oh, and if you’re interested in that free trial, let me know, and I’ll get you hooked up.”

  “Thanks,” I said and she left Charlie and me alone for the cross-examination.

  As soon as we were alone, Charlie grabbed my arm. “What are you doing here?” She glanced over my shoulder in the direction Ren had disappeared.

  I shook myself free. “Looking for a new gym.”

  She didn’t look convinced. “What’s up? You look beat.”

  Glancing across the floor to where Maverick’s wife was talking with a staff member, I frowned. I wonder if she knew what her man had done for me.

  “Leave it,” Charlie said, laying a hand on my shoulder. “No good will come of that.”

  “I know,” I muttered. “I’m not sure why I came here…”

  “Answers.” I turned my attention back to her. “You got them all when he paid for your medical expenses.”

  “So it was Fuller,” I said. I’d suspected he had after what he’d done to me, but it had never been fully explained.

  “I confronted him about it not long after I spoke to you in the hospital,” she confirmed. “He knows you’re okay, and that’s all that needs to be said about it.”

  Shit, she thought I was here to punch on with the guy. “Charlie, I didn’t come here to cause trouble. I don’t hold a grudge. I knew the score when I went into that cage.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  I shrugged, not wanting to tell her that I was hoping to find an answer to the meaning of life…or at least a clue to point me in the right direction.

  “It’s a better gym than the one I was going to,” I replied lamely.

  Charlie rolled her eyes. “Then come train with me a while, smartass.”

  I followed her across the mats where we positioned ourselves among the weights.

  “So, how are things going with that pretty doctor?”

  Narrowing my eyes, I began stretching out my arms, intending to start with some reps on the dumbbells before getting into the heavier stuff. There was a metaphor if I ever saw one.

  “Oh, c’mon, tell Auntie Charlie about it,” she prodded.

  If my head weren’t so full of Sparks, I would’ve been pissed that she was patronizing me.

  “It’s just…” I trailed off with a shrug.

  “She’s a fancy doctor?”

  Glaring at her, I picked up the dumbbells and began some repetitions. Of course it was because she was a fancy doctor and I was a deadshit nobody, but I wasn’t going to admit it to Charlie. Not when she was a fucking cop and just going with the flow where The Underground was concerned.

  “We went out, had a great time all over her apartment, then nothing. After a month, I’d pretty much given up,” I said, mentally scolding myself for sounding like a chick.

  “It’s a busy job,” Charlie replied, picking up another set of dumbbells and sitting across from me. “Every time I have to go into the hospital for a job, those guys are run off their feet. It’s a big responsibility. And, dude, I don’t want to know how many times you’ve done it with the poor woman. Boundaries.”

  I sighed. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

  She smiled at me and began lifting. “Woman.”

  My lip curled. “Fuck off.”

  “I’ve seen tougher fighters than you going mushy for the right woman,” she went on, ignoring me.

  “Maybe, but Sparks is different. She’s…” I didn’t know how to describe how I saw her.

  “She rescued you,” Charlie said. “Nursed you back to health, stole your heart and—”

  “Don’t finish that,” I interrupted with a roll of my eyes.

  She snorted.

  “She’s this big shot surgeon with a fancy apartment. She’s smart as hell, and I’m just a guy.”

  “She intimidates you?” I glared at her. “Calm down. It’s okay to be intimidated by someone, even a woman. It drives us to want to be better. Unless you’re the jealous type, then you just pout in a corner.”

  “That’s the thing,” I said. “What prospects do I have? I can’t offer her anything. I fight at The Underground. Look how that turned out for me. I don’t have anything else to give her.”

  “It’s not always about stuff, Josh,” she said, shaking her head like I was a moron. “Sometimes, it’s about more than that. The spiritual connection between the souls of two lovers.”

  I rolled my eyes at her new age lingo. “Is that what you call your relationship with Rebel?”

  “Shut it. You know what I mean, so have a think about it.”

  “What spirit do you know that can pay the bills?”

  She glanced at me. “You need a job?”

  “I need a direction.”

  “A career, huh?” She thought for a moment as we lifted our dumbbells in unison. “What about the Police Force?”

  I glanced at her, waiting for the punch line, but she was being totally serious.

  “You’d be good at it,” she went on. “It’s a lot of training straight up, but we could use muscles and a good head like yours.”

  I snorted. “My back’s not what it used to be.”

  She paused what she was doing and glanced at me, her blue eyes narrowing in concern. “I heard you got back in the cage.”

  I shrugged. “I won…”

  “But?”

  I shook my head.

  “Fuck, Josh. I’m a detective, and right now, I detect that you’re not telling me the full story. Give me a little credit.”

  Fucking cops. Couldn’t get anything past them. “They told me it was reckless.”

  Charlie sighed and put the dumbbells down. “They as in Dr. Walsh?”

  I nodded. “There she goes, shrinking my balls yet again.”

  “It’s not emasculating,” she said. “It’s reality, and sometimes, reality fucking sucks. You had tenderness the other night, didn’t you? Back at it too soon?”

  I sighed, remembering the ache in my spine and the unbelievable rage that had driven me into the cage in the first place. I hadn’t cared if I’d paralyzed myself…and I hated my life now. What would it be like having a tube stuck in my cock to piss?

  “Without fighting, I don’t know who I am,” I said truthfully.

  Sile
nce, then she stood and came to sit beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder. “I think I get it now,” she murmured. “You don’t think you’re good enough for her.”

  I was struggling with a lot of things, but having Charlie voice them, made them feel even more daunting. They were a mountain I’d never be able to conquer.

  “You know I’ve seen your file, Josh,” she went on, beginning to walk on dangerous ground. “If this is stemming from what happened—”

  “Shut up,” I hissed, knocking her hand away.

  Charlie edged away slightly and held up her hands. “Fine. Suit yourself. If you need a mate to talk about it with, you can always count on me.” She rose to her feet and began shaking out her limbs. “I’m not going to put up with your temper, though. I get enough of that shit with Kane.”

  That was the thing about Charlie. She was a detective in a man’s world and had to act like one to get through the day. I didn’t envy her, but I understood well enough.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “It’s just a sore spot. I want to forget about it.”

  “Understandable. Listen, I’m going to do some k’s on the bikes if you want to join me?”

  “Yeah. I need some advice,” I said. I’d been an asshole to her when she was only trying to help, which I fucking needed, and Charlie seemed to be my only ally in the war against myself.

  “More?” She groaned. “It’s been going so well for us today.”

  “I’m seeing Holly tonight,” I admitted. “I’m still pissed at her, and I don’t want to stuff it up if there’s even a slight chance we can work shit out.”

  “You sly dog,” she exclaimed, laughing. “You were holding out on me.”

  “It may be fucking useless…”

  Charlie smiled and wove her arm through mine. Guiding me toward the bikes, she said, “Now, let me tell you a secret about us womenfolk.”

  18

  Holly

  Staring at the boiling pot of pasta, my nose wrinkled. How long was I meant to leave this on for?

  I was currently trying to make good use of my kitchen, but I was making a mess out of everything, no matter how closely I followed the recipe. Like a metaphor with an epic punch line, it was looking exactly like the chaos I’d made of mine and Josh’s fledgling relationship.

  I’d invited him to come around to my place and had fully intended to cook him a nice dinner, drink some fancy wine, and straighten things out. I was going to be calm, apologetic, and real put together. I was not going to allow myself to submit to my base instincts, meaning I wasn’t going to fall to my knees and beg with my mouth at the sight of him. It was some kind of high-class plan for seduction…or something like that.

  The intercom went off, and I flailed, trying to find a place to put the sauce-laden spoon down. Settling for just dumping it on the bench, I ran across the apartment and let Josh in. Flipping open the lock and wedging the door open a crack, I went and checked my reflection. Twirling, the black dress I wore flared at the hem. Pretty good, Holly.

  “Hello?”

  I ventured back out when I heard Josh’s voice filter through the apartment. He was standing just inside the door, his gaze wandering around the boxes I’d finally started to unpack.

  “Hey,” I said, walking forward.

  His gaze turned to me, raking up and down my body, and then his nose wrinkled. ”What’s that smell?”

  Sniffing, the distinct smell of burning pasta filled my nostrils. “Fuck!”

  Running into the kitchen, I yanked the smoking pot off the stove and dumped it into the sink, thankful that I’d had enough intelligence to turn on the exhaust fan. The last thing I needed was to evacuate the entire building over some fucking pasta.

  “Shit, shit, shit,” I wailed, grabbing the spoon off the bench and stirring the Bolognese sauce. It wasn’t looking so hot.

  Josh was standing beside me, looking amused, but I was borderline frazzled. I was trying to impress him, not put a nail into my domestic coffin.

  “You’re not a cook, are you?” he asked, his lips quirking.

  “Fuck it all to hell,” I cursed, extremely frustrated with myself. “I can’t even cook spaghetti right.”

  “Holly,” he said, taking the spoon from my hand. “You don’t have to impress me with fucking spaghetti.”

  “I can operate on a shattered collarbone, but I can’t cook a bunch of fucking tomatoes and pasta.”

  “You want to know a secret?” he asked, dumping the spoon into the sink with the ruined pasta.

  My ears pricked up, and I stared up into his green eyes, my frustration melting into hope that he might reveal something about himself. “Yeah.”

  “I’d much rather a greasy pizza,” he said with a smirk. “Home delivered.”

  Reaching around me, he grabbed the laptop that I’d had sitting open with a recipe I’d found on Google. Opening a page to order pizza online, he asked, “What do you like, Sparks?”

  Sighing, I leaned against the counter and admitted defeat. “Hawaiian. Get some garlic bread, too.”

  “You’ll have garlic breath,” he teased, punching in the order.

  “So will you.”

  “Done,” he declared, snapping the laptop closed. “Thirty minutes.”

  Turning to my mess, I began to clean up, picking up the bin and scraping everything into it. Hopefully, I’d never have to see that shit again.

  “Leave it,” Josh said, moving me out of the way. Turning on the tap, he doused the burnt pasta and began scraping it from the pot.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I complained.

  “It’ll stink up the place if you leave it in there,” he said, emptying out the remains into the bin.

  I let him go, and he cleaned up my mess without complaint. When he was done, he turned toward me.

  Now that I didn’t have anything to occupy myself with, silence descended on the apartment like an unwelcome weight. It was just me and Josh, and I didn’t know what was going to happen. He’d been nice enough since he’d arrived, but we hadn’t started airing our grievances yet. I desperately wanted us to work despite the fear in my heart.

  “Holly…” he began, his gaze dropping to the floor.

  “Call me Sparks,” I said, my heart feeling heavy. “Please.” At least he was going to stay for pizza. That’d give me an hour, minimum.

  His gaze met mine, and his emerald eyes were alive with things I couldn’t understand. I did facts and figures. Living in the moment had always been something that was alien to me. That was until the night Josh took me out to that concert. He’d shown me that I could let it all go and just be…and it led me straight into bed with him.

  Automatically, my gaze dropped to his lips, and I licked mine with the tip of my tongue.

  “Sparks.”

  The air seemed to thicken, and I squeezed my thighs together as the familiar ache of want began to bloom. We were meant to talk and make things right. We were meant to—

  Josh strode forward and smashed against me, his lips meeting mine forcefully. Winding my arms around his neck, I buried my fingers in his hair and swiped my tongue into his mouth, trying to sate the desperate need that had arisen in my body. The need that had always been there, simmering underneath the surface.

  His hands caressed my back, holding my body against his, and I felt his cock begin to harden against my belly. I took heaving gulps of air between kisses, not wanting this to stop. I could kiss him for days and indulge in his heady taste and his overwhelming touch. His body fit against mine like it was meant to be.

  Deep down, a little voice was screaming at me. What was physical passion without love and trust? Is sex worth that much to you?

  I pulled away, doubt beginning to cloud my mind and override my body.

  “We don’t have to do anything,” Josh murmured against my lips.

  Kissing him softly, I ran my hands underneath his T-shirt, rubbing along the muscles in his back. I felt the ridges of his spine, the vertebrae that had become compress
ed due to swelling from the injuries that had brought him to me.

  “I can’t help it,” I whispered. “I want you.”

  Lifting me up onto the bench, he tugged at my dress and pulled the entire thing up and over my head. My hair spilled down my back, and I was immensely grateful that I’d worn the black underwear with the leather and lace inserts.

  Josh’s eyes lit up. “Fuck.”

  “But the pizza—”I began as he flipped open the clasp of my bra.

  “We have enough time.”

  “But—”He tugged an erect nipple into his mouth and sucked, silencing my complaints.

  Fisting my hands into his hair, he stood between my legs, biting my skin as his hands pulled at my underwear.

  “We’re going to do this fast, Sparks,” he said, his voice rumbling against my neck. “How would you like to get there? Hand, mouth, or cock?”

  “Watch your language,” I said, gasping as his fingers pinched my clit.

  A sly smile tugged at his lips as he guided the underwear down my legs. This couldn’t be hygienic for the bench.

  “Lay back,” he commanded.

  Lowering my body as he wanted me to, the cool marble pressed hard against my back, and I shivered. Not knowing where he was or what he was doing was making me tingle all over. Then his hands curled around my ankles, prizing my legs apart, and I gasped.

  He caressed his palms between my thighs, his fingers spreading me wide, and I arched my back at the abrupt sensation of his tongue licking my entire length. Once, then twice, before his fingers dove into my wetness.

  “Always ready,” he murmured from someplace far away.

  His lips grazed my clit, and then his tongue flicked the sensitive bud, sending a tremor through my entire body.

  I squirmed, my palms coming to rest over my breasts. “Josh.”

  His fingers pumped faster and faster, his tongue and mouth working my clit with expert precision. Heat rose hard and fast as an orgasm threatened to explode and take me away. Too soon, I wanted to feel this…

  “Quick, Sparks.” Josh’s voice rumbled against my clit. “Dinner will be here soon.”

  Shit. I pushed myself against his lips, and a hand came down onto my abdomen, holding me in place.