The Lunatic at Large

by J. Storer Clouston

  CHAPTER IX.

  Mr Bunker arrived at the Hotel Mayonaise in what, from his appearance, wasan unusually reflective state of mind for him. The other visitors, many ofwhom had begun to regard him and his noble friend with great interest, sawhim pass through the crowd in the hall and about the lifts with athoughtful air. He went straight to the Baron's room. Outside the door hepaused for an instant to set his face in a cheerful smile, and then burstgaily in upon his friend.

  "Well, my dear Baron!" he cried, "what luck in the Park?"

  The Baron was pulling his moustache over an English novel. He laid downhis book and frowned at Mr Bunker.

  "I do not onderstand your English vays," he replied.

  Mr Bunker perceived that something was very much amiss, nor was he withouta suspicion of the cause. He laughed, however, and asked, "What's thematter, old man?"

  "I vent to ze Park," said the Baron, with a solemn deliberation thatevidently came hardly to him. "I entered ze Park. I vas dressed, as youknow, viz taste and appropriety. I vas sober, as you know. I valked underze trees, and I looked agreeably at ze people. Goddam!"

  "My dear Baron!" expostulated Mr Bunker.

  The Baron resumed his intense composure with a great effort.

  "Not long vas ven I see ze Lady Hilton drive past mit ze ozzer Lady Hiltonand vun old lady. I raise my hat--no bow from zem. 'Pairhaps,' I zink, 'zeysee me not.' Zey stop by ze side to speak viz a gentleman. I gomed up andagain I raise my hat and I say, 'How do you do, Lady Hilton? I hope youare regovered from ze dance.' Zat was gorrect, vas it not?"

  "Perfectly," replied Mr Bunker, with great gravity.

  "Zen vy did ze Lady Hilton schream and ze ozzer Lady Hilton cry, 'Ach, zatGerman man!' And vy did ze old lady schream to ze gentleman, 'Send himavay! How dare you? Insolence!' and suchlike vords?"

  "What remarkable conduct, my dear Baron!" said Mr Bunker.

  "Remargable!" roared the justly incensed Baron. "Is it not more zan_remargable?_ Donner und blitzen! Mon Dieu! Blood! I know not ze Englishvord so bad enoff for soch conduct."

  "It must have been a joke," his friend suggested, soothingly.

  "Vun dashed bad joke, zen! Ze gentleman said to me, 'Get out of zis, yourasgal!' 'Vat mean you, sare?' say I. 'You know quite vell,' said he.'Glear out!' So I gave him my card and tell him I would be glad to see hisfrient zat he should send, for zat I vas not used to be called zo. Zen Iraise my hat to ze Lady Hilton and say, 'Adieu, madame, I know now zeEnglish lady,' and I valk on. Himmel!"

  "What a very extraordinary affair, Baron!"

  The Baron grunted with inarticulate indignation and nearly pulled hismoustache out by the roots. Abruptly he broke out again, "English ladies?I do not believe zey are ladies! Never haf I been treated zo! Vat do youmean, Bonker, by taking me among soch peoples?"

  "_I_, my dear Baron? It was not I who introduced you to the Hiltons. Inever saw them before."

  The difficulty of attaching any blame to his friend seemed to haveanything but a soothing effect on the Baron. You could almost fancy thatyou heard his tail lash the floor.

  "Zat vas not all," he continued, after a short struggle with his wrath. "Ivalked on, and soon I see two of ze frients I made last night at supper."

  "Which two?"

  "Ze yong man zat spoke to you ven you rise from ze table, and vun of zeladies. Again I raise my hat and say, 'How do you do? I hope zat you areregovered from ze dance.' Zat is gorrect, you say?"

  "Under most circumstances."

  "Ze man stared at me, and ze voman--I vill not say lady--says to him zo zatI can hear, 'Zat awful German!' Ze man says, 'Zo it is,' and laughed. 'Ihaf ze pleasure of meeting you last night at ze Lady Tollyvoddle,' I said.'I remember,' he said; 'but I haf no vish to meet you again.' I take outmy card to gif him, but he only said, 'Go avay, or I vill call ze police!''Ze police! To me, Baron von Blitzenberg! Teufel!' I replied."

  "And that was all, Baron?" asked Mr Bunker, in what seemed rather like atone of relief.

  "No; suddenly he did turn back and said, 'By ze vay, who vas zat viz youlast night?' To vich I replied, 'If you address me again, my man, I villcall ze police. Go avay!' "

  "Bravo, Baron! Ha, ha, ha! Excellent!" laughed Mr Bunker.

  This applause served to reinstate the Baron a little in his own goodopinion. He laughed too, though rather noisily than heartily, and suddenlybecame grave again.

  "Vat means zis, Bonker? Vat haf I done? Vy should zey treat me zo?"

  "Well, you see, my dear Baron," his friend explained, "I ought to havewarned you that it is not usual in England to address ladies you have metat a dance without some direct invitation on their part. At the same time,it is evident that the Hiltons and the other man, who of course must beconnected with the Foreign Office, are aware of some sudden strain in thediplomatic relations between England and Germany, which as yet is unknownto the public. Your ancient name and your high rank have naturally ledthem to conclude that you are an agent of the German Government, and aninternational significance was of course attached to your presence in thePark. I certainly think they took a most outrageous advantage of atrifling detail of etiquette to repulse you; but then you must remember,Baron, that their families might have been seriously compromised with theGovernment if they had been seen with so prominent a member of the Germanaristocracy in the middle of Hyde Park."

  "Zo?" said the Baron, thoughtfully. "I begin to onderstand. My name, asyou say, is cairtainly distinguished. Bot zen should I remain in London?"

  "Just what I was wondering, Baron. What do you say to a trip down to StEgbert's-on-Sea? It's a very select watering-place, and we might spend aweek or two there very pleasantly."

  "Egxellent!" said the Baron; "ven shall we start?"

  "To-morrow morning."

  "Goot! zo let it be. I am tired of London and of ze English ladies'manners. Police to ze Baron von Blitzenberg! Ve shall go to St Egbert's,Bonker!"

  PART III.